NOTSUREHECHEATS05 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Hi everyone, I am new here and as my name says it i am not sure my hubby is cheating but i think he is talking to someone, Firstof all we had a long talk his problems with me is that he feels i don't give him enough attention, we should go out more often etc...... Ihave made it a priority to do so, but i am monitoring him there is a particular name is saw on his phone a woman's name of course that i don't know , and secondly i see he once called that # just before coming home, i have been monitoring one of his cells cause he has two he is a business man the one that is unlocked i check it in the mornings when he is inthe bathroom this morning i think he heard me cause he came out and he locked his phone i pretended to be doing something else i noticed he had called that # last night arond almost 8 p.m and i heard him inthe batroom making a call when he got home u know secretly..... then i took the phone and pressed redial but he had already pressed some crazy # that did not exist anyway....... i cannot monitor the cell for a while now...... I am not sure if he is cheating or if he did already but he is speaking to a woman, and i think it is odd having to call late at night secretly....... So what do u all suggest i do, i want to work on my marriage of course but i will not be screwed by no Man, u know cheating on me i would rather leave and i just have to know what is going on, I am going to have the phone company give me a print out of the #s that were called and i will be able to see if they match but they can only give it to me mid October cause they are late or something. I am keeping my cool and being a good wife loving he is very loving towards me too, the sex is good u know but if he is talking to someone on the side i need to know, Do u all think he is definately cheating? or on his way to? or did already also i need to mention he has this guy's night out on Friday's when he hangs with the guys without me of course i am not the party goer too much so that works out well for him this friday without telling him i have made arrangements to leave my little girl with my mom and i will tell him surprise i am joining the guy's night out, lol...... well give me ur honnest opinion i just need to talk to someone about this and i think this is the perfect place i will not say anything to anyone until i am sure i don't want him to know i suspect him well come to think of it if he could lock his cell then he knows that my attena's are up.
Author NOTSUREHECHEATS05 Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 THANKS for taking time out to answer me, yes u are right it all points to cheating all though i would rather it not be, i don't want to confront him without proof and let him talk his way out of it, so i am gathering information, i also do not want to invade his privacy too much cause i too have guy friends that i would hate for him to be snooping you know and getting the wrong idea so I am not in denial and I do want the truth no matter what it may be just need proof so since he locked his phone , well i lock my phone too and i am not cheating you know , i will not get the log of the cell phone cause if the company gives it to me i think he can sue them and i don't want him to know i am snooping until i catch him ...... SO there it is i spent the whole day wondering about it and what i am going to do if it is that, I sure hope he was onhis way to and not actually did it U know. Thanks Pixie for you imput, are u going through something similar?
Art_Critic Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Just get the cell log online.. and no he can't sue them if you call and get the records.. you are his wife.. there is away of unlocking the phone if you don't have the code.. Try googling it..
Author NOTSUREHECHEATS05 Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Thanks Art Critic, I will try, I will give me him some days, just so he can think i forgot cause he will be on his guard these days, But when you don't have a lot of time to check the #s it is kind of stressful he would have to be out of the house or something but usually i do it when he is in the bathroom before he goes to work but i am in the bedroom and the bathroom is so close..... so it is hard to juggle everything..... Have you caught a cheater and how did you do it?
Art_Critic Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I've never been cheated on or donme any cheating but I will say that you are on the right track. Every one I know catches 'em with the cell phone.
Author NOTSUREHECHEATS05 Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Art Critic, Calling someone is that proof enough, well i guess if it is at midnight ...or at least proof enough to confront the person.YES Well I am going to continue observing and waiting patiently. Or the next time i hear him on the phone whisper i will pick up the other one, and listen to the conversation..... what do u think? You are very luck to have never been cheated on the feeling of anxiety and fighting to stay calm is so so hard...... Especially when you love your mate, you look at him and wonder would he do that? after a loving touch, you just wonder can he touch me with so much love and turn around and call someone else? Well I don't know but it is eating me up inside ......
Mz. Pixie Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 No, but I was the cheater in my first marriage. Not proud of it but I now I come here and post to help others. My exhusband busted through my cell phone records on line. It's not illegal! Sure, you'd rather it not be cheating. Who wouldn't? I can't believe that you lock your cell phone too. I see where you said on another thread that this is a perfect relationship. Well, um, no it's not if he's complaining about he's not getting enough attention. DO NOT have another child with this man right now!!! If he's cheating there are issues somewhere that are not being addressed, unless he's just a crappy cheater- which is usually not the case. It's not invading his privacy if you have reason to be suspicious. Do not let him pull that one on you. That is the first thing they do when you catch them talking to someone etc. Trust me, since I've been here I've seen tons of stories just like this- act on your gut!
Author NOTSUREHECHEATS05 Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Thanks Mz Pixie. Well as for the perfect relationship that is relative, he was complaining that i spent too much time with the baby he had asked me to let her stay with her grand parents every two weekends so we can go out and i had refused so i ended up always being with her, that would not excuse him cheating...... As you said it always starts with talking that is true, and i am acting on my gutt there is another woman in the picture i just pray he is not sleeping with her....... If he is tempted i think i can get over that but the actual act how can you ever trust again some part of me if i find out that this is true would want to no say anything and find some one to screw also but that is not me i know that is the way to hurt him he would be extremely hurt if i screwed someone else........ I just want to find out the truth but it takes time cause i need to establish a pattern....... Why did you cheat? if you don't mind me asking ...... i beleive cheaters have a reason.
New_Wife Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 There is never a good reason to cheat. A lot of excuses, but no reasons. That being said, if your husband has begged you to carve out some time for just the two of you, and you shot him down - I can understand where he'd feel neglected. Yes, you have a new baby who needs you, but you also have a marriage that needs nurturing. He's probably going through a lot of fears and insecurities as a new parent too, but the father often gets pushed to the side because of his perceived limited role in the pregnancy and rearing. I suggest you RUN, don't walk, to a marriage counselor.
Mz. Pixie Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I was married for over 10 years. For the last several I'd ask my now exhusband to work on our marriage but he never had time. He spent every weekend pursuing his hobbies and I was a housekeeper, bookkeeper, nanny, for him and then he wanted to come home and have sex. I brought home books which he would not read, cut out articles out of magazines and brought home an emotional needs questionare, which he threw away. I asked for counseling for years and he refused, he didn't have a problem. I even point blank said I would cheat or leave him if he didn't start treating me better. It IS possible for your love bank to get so empty that you can be tempted to cheat. My needs had not been met for a long time and unfortunately someone came along that wanted to meet them. Ultimately it was my decision to follow through on the cheating but I know without a doubt if he would have been doing his job in our marriage I would not have ever gone there. It's not an excuse- it's just fact. You can never judge a situation until you've walked in that persons shoes. Was it wrong? Yes, it was but I had been lonely for a long time and my exh knew it, he just didn't care. It was a wake up call for me that i needed to get out and I did. Your H has valid needs just like you do. Cheating to pay him back would be childish. If he is involved with this person, he has no concept of caring what that will do to you right now- all he knows is that this person is meeting the need he has. It's like being on a drug. It took a full year after my short fling (two times) to see clearly again. It's a great idea for couples to continue to spend time together after the children are born. Alot of times mothers are guilty of putting their kids first, you are not the only one. That doesn't mean this is all your fault. Yes, that may have played a part in it- and each party has to recognize that it takes two people to make a marriage or break it. Please consider getting to counseling.
Author NOTSUREHECHEATS05 Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 Thanks for your advice it made me understand a little more. I will still be keeping tabs on him and I realized i was wrong he did not lock his phone, LOL LOL...... he has one that he does not lock at allthat is the one i view, and one that has a keep pad lock on but the life of me i cannot get it ..... his phone is different from mine as for he log i am working on it now..... it is such a hassle though.
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