savannahtree Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 Helloo, Me and the girl I've had a few dates with recently were supposed to hang out yesterday evening but she made a last minute bail. In her defence, when we planned it she said she didn't want to commit to a time because she would be catching up with friends, so she said not to plan around her, but that she wanted to stop by mine afterwards. I said we'd play it by ear and for her to just let me know. At about 9pm she texts to say she doesn't think she'll make it at a reasonable time and hopes that I don't mind. I say no probs at all and to enjoy her evening. From my perspective, it's on her to suggest a new date now. In my opinion if you cancel, you rearrange, or else it looks like you've lost interest. She hasn't got in touch yet but I'm fairly confident she will. It's been going real well, last night was just a bit of a low blow, even if she did warn me ahead of it..! Views?
introverted1 Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 This is the problem with hanging out versus going on a proper date. You agreed to a non-committed date, so there was nothing for her to cancel. She let you know you weren't going to fit into her plans, and you'd previously agreed that this was ok to do. You are setting the bar very low for her interactions with you. Next time, set a specific time and place and get a firm yes or no. 4 1
PegNosePete Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 2 hours ago, savannahtree said: I say no probs at all and to enjoy her evening. From my perspective, it's on her to suggest a new date now. In my opinion if you cancel, you rearrange, or else it looks like you've lost interest. Does she know that this is your perspective and your opinion, or do you expect her to be a mind reader? Maybe she thinks no probs means no probs. 1 hour ago, introverted1 said: Next time, set a specific time and place and get a firm yes or no. Yep, hard to disagree with that! If she knew she might be busy on the day you suggested then you should have suggested a different date, that she was able to commit to. 3
Gaeta Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) I see nothing wrong as she made it clear to you that she wasn't sure she could make it and on top of that she had the courtesy to warn you again at 9h. She had a get together with her friends and we never know when these end. Now, if you don't like these types of arrangements then next time she offers to 'maybe drop by' tell her it's ok to enjoy her evening and you'll see her on your next date. Edited February 28, 2020 by Gaeta 3
Fletch Lives Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 2 hours ago, savannahtree said: From my perspective, it's on her to suggest a new date now. In my opinion if you cancel, you rearrange, or else it looks like you've lost interest. - I agree.
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 This "date" was never set in stone. It was always if it was going to be convenient & she told you in advance it might not work She probably has no idea that you think the ball is in her court. Because it's early on, she most likely will wait for you to arrange a new date. Since you will be waiting for her I suspect nothing will happen & you may never see each other again. Tit for tat & implied turns based on unspoken expectations cause problems in early dating. 2
rjc149 Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 There was no agreement to a definite time and place, so it wasn’t a date. She didn’t bail on you. She told you that she had other plans that night and set clear expectations that meeting up with you would be iffy at best. Your reaction was good, though. And no, it’s up to you to suggest, plan and schedule dates at this early stage. If you go silent on her waiting for her to set up the next date, you’re not only unassertive and not confident, you’re butthurt too. Not a good look. 4
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, savannahtree said: Helloo, Me and the girl I've had a few dates with recently were supposed to hang out yesterday evening but she made a last minute bail. In her defence, when we planned it she said she didn't want to commit to a time because she would be catching up with friends, so she said not to plan around her, but that she wanted to stop by mine afterwards. I said we'd play it by ear and for her to just let me know. At about 9pm she texts to say she doesn't think she'll make it at a reasonable time and hopes that I don't mind. I say no probs at all and to enjoy her evening. From my perspective, it's on her to suggest a new date now. In my opinion if you cancel, you rearrange, or else it looks like you've lost interest. She hasn't got in touch yet but I'm fairly confident she will. It's been going real well, last night was just a bit of a low blow, even if she did warn me ahead of it..! Views? Well, you asked... Why don't you give her time or JUST reschedule yourself. Why does she have to reschedule something that was amorphous at best? Everything you shared does not indicate any obligation on her part. You planned something when you knew that there was a very reasonable expectation that it would not happen. She may have informed you 'last minute' that she would not make it, but it really was not a 'bail.' Plan something concrete and when she can say yes to. Edited February 28, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
Author savannahtree Posted February 28, 2020 Author Posted February 28, 2020 People are right, it wasn't confirmed and it wasn't a bail per se. On the points around who should rearrange - I'm not saying I won't take the initiative, but I stand by my perspective. Even if it wasn't set in stone, I think if someone can't make the plans (doesn't really matter how loose they are), then it's fair for them to take the initiative to rearrange. I don't buy the expectation that males should be the one to plan in the early days. Sure maybe for the very first date.. but it's 2020, and we're in our mid-late twenties, it doesn't matter who does the planning. She knows I want to see her. Anyway, I'm not going silent on her!
rjc149 Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 2 hours ago, savannahtree said: I don't buy the expectation that males should be the one to plan in the early days. Sure maybe for the very first date.. but it's 2020, and we're in our mid-late twenties, it doesn't matter who does the planning. If this is not yet a sexual relationship, you're expected to be taking the reigns on activity-planning and pursuing up until that point. But if you are taking a progressive gender-symmetric approach to dating and romance, make sure this girl is in the 20% who is into that. The other 80% of women want men who take initiative to plan dates and ask her out. It's 2020, but women still want men to act like men. 3
Miss Spider Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 She doesn’t sound all that interested to me sorry. I have done the same thing, wasn’t that interested in the guy. I know that doesn’t mean she is the same, but I will be surprised if she contacts you for another date. I hope she does though 1
Author savannahtree Posted February 29, 2020 Author Posted February 29, 2020 10 hours ago, rjc149 said: If this is not yet a sexual relationship, you're expected to be taking the reigns on activity-planning and pursuing up until that point. It became sexual as of our last date. I wouldn't class it as a 'sexual relationship' yet, but we've slept with each other. 9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: She doesn’t sound all that interested to me sorry. I have done the same thing, wasn’t that interested in the guy. I know that doesn’t mean she is the same, but I will be surprised if she contacts you for another date. I hope she does though Yeah who knows. I'd say she's still interested - we're still having fun messaging and she asks a lot of questions, I just thought it was a bad sign that she didn't suggest an alternative when she said she couldn't make it the other evening. Time will tell
rjc149 Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 I'd say she's still interested. She didn't blow you off, and probably figures you'll reach out to set the next meetup. Which is up to you to do. Not her.
smackie9 Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 Only time will tel won't it....it's the weekend, if she doesn't want to see you, then you know where you stand.
Author savannahtree Posted March 2, 2020 Author Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) Bumping this back as I'm now feeling pretty anxious that she's trying to fizzle it. We've kept the messaging going since Thur evening and I haven't acted differently, still keeping it fun and positive. I asked her if she was around Friday evening as we didn't manage to meet up on Thursday but she had plans and didn't suggest an alternative but kept the conversation going, still asking lots of questions. I said to let me know when the next best date for her would be, but in her reply she avoided letting me know, but still replied to the rest of the conversation and asked how my day was etc... Her past 2 replies have taken a day to come, which normally isn't a problem, but it just feels like everything's adding up for this to fizzle out and it's getting a bit confusing. When (or if) she replies then I'll suggest the next date again, and if still no good then I guess I can tick it off the list of worries..! Views? Edited March 2, 2020 by savannahtree
Gaeta Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Unfortunately, with your new post, I think she came across someone else, or maybe an ex popped back, who knows. You had her interest but not anymore. Keep searching.
Author savannahtree Posted March 2, 2020 Author Posted March 2, 2020 23 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Unfortunately, with your new post, I think she came across someone else, or maybe an ex popped back, who knows. You had her interest but not anymore. Keep searching. I'm beginning to think that too. I felt that something wasn't quite right when she cancelled on Thursday, hence me making this post in the first place. We haven't exactly been back and forth messaging at all, but normally two or three a day. The long 24 hour wait was only new as of the weekend. It's mainly that she's avoided talking about a next date which is making me so pessimistic. Bu yeah, something's changed. Who knows.
manfrombelow2 Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 On 2/29/2020 at 11:13 PM, rjc149 said: I'd say she's still interested. She didn't blow you off, and probably figures you'll reach out to set the next meetup. Which is up to you to do. Not her. Totally wrong. Women who like you romantically will make time for you and don't blow you off. She blew him off, that says everything about her interest level in him, which is low.
ChatroomHero Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 Yeah, she is slowly fading. On the initial date she cancelled, even though you didn't have a scheduled time or confirmed time, if I am really interested in someone and I meet up with friends I'll cut it off at a certain time because I can't wait to see the girl I am seeing. In a way, you might not expect it but you want her to choose to make time with you over friends. You want her to want to see you and spend time with you as much as she wants to spend time with friends. If she hadn't planned to go somewhere with friends where she knew she would be out with them until midnight, there is really nothing saying that she wouldn't just set like a 9 pm limit and say at 9 pm she will leave to see you. If I am really interested in someone I can hang out with friends and also be excited to leave a bit early to see my SO. Her delaying texting and avoiding setting a date now says it all. I've found 100% of the time if you don't get a response the same day, it's over (unless it's a late night text). She saw your text, knew it was there, determined you weren't worth responding to for a long time. She is passively trying to let you know she lost interest without her having to say it. If you ask to meet straight up and get any answer other than a Yes or a No with another suggested date, it's a no. If I were you I would send a last text and ask her out for a specific date and specific time. If she answers anything but yes or a firm commitment, I'd let it go and frankly, I'd basically ignore any of the preceding "how is your day" texts. When I get slow texted and blown off trying to even just set a time to meet up, I literally delete her number and move on. If she texts again and I recognize the number, I might respond but I put very little effort into it. I don't do it out of spite or to 'get her back', I do it because I don't have time for people that act like they are interested but really are not. 2
smackie9 Posted March 10, 2020 Posted March 10, 2020 Always keep your dance card full, and stop hinging your bets on lukewarm texting.
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