Author Juha Posted March 30, 2020 Author Posted March 30, 2020 HI everyone, when I said to her that I would let her know, I meant it. I needed time, space to think about what went on. We have texted a little. I am all for giving people a 2nd chance, if it is deserved. Told her that what she did was not acceptable and I do not stand for it. She explained things, really opened up about things which was unexpected since we do not know each other. I am not going to get into the whole thing about what she told me but it is messed up, if it is 100% what went on. One thing I will say to elaborate a little about the situation is she told me he put a tracking device on her vehicle to keep tabs on her. This is after they separated. She figured it out from comments he would make about what she was doing. I do feel empathy for her and her situation. No I do not know if we will meet again, with how things are right now not really on the table anyway. I do appreciate the responses, no I am not weak or doing disservice to myself. I understand everyone's point of view here.
dangerous Posted March 30, 2020 Posted March 30, 2020 Putting everything else she has told you, you don't know if it is true or not. THE most important fact here is that she walked out on your date without a word. if she was half-genuine she would have said "I am sorry, I have stuff going on at home which I have to deal with, I am not good for a date tonight, so I need to leave. Again I am sorry and I will be in touch when things have settled". At the very least, she has no backbone and is unreliable, I would NOT give her any more time. Delete her and move on.
notthatintome Posted March 30, 2020 Posted March 30, 2020 When I read your first installment I felt that she left because of an argument that she was having on the phone with someone. Reading you subsequent updates confirmed this. She does sound to me like she is a genuine woman and it is unfortunate that she cannot shake that ex of hers. However it does appear as though she does play her part in this toxic relationship. I guess it is up to you whether you want to walk in and make yourself part of that scenario. The first time did not end well with you ending up losing out in this exchange. I would walk away from this drama while you still can, when emotions become involved, this whole thing will be ten times worse. Online dating is rubbish, believe me I have had my fair share, but hold out for someone who is right and is easy to be around.
mortensorchid Posted April 4, 2020 Posted April 4, 2020 That's terrible. I'm sorry that people act that way towards one another, both on the job and personally. If it makes you feel any better, similar things have happened to me on OLDs - I've had guys literally walk away from me after it's over, or they say they're not getting anything when we walk into a bar, restaurant or coffee shop. I asked some of them why, they said they're not interested or they ate already. Looking back I should have just walked out on them then and there which I will do from now on, but I digress... Don't spend a lot of time analyzing this when someone does something like this - they are the losers for not treating others with simple courtesy. I mean, even bumping into someone and saying "excuse me" is almost lost. But I feel you in terms of depression and feeling as if you are s***. You feel stupid for even showing up for this. I feel stupid over this rejection I had 6years ago which shattered me and I haven't recovered completely. Why? I don't know why, it just did. We're on lockdown for the virus now. Take time out to let the time serve you then reevaluate yourself. I am 45 and never been married either, it's been almost 10 years since my last real relationship and I feel like I am too old to attract anyone anymore. You'll be okay. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 4, 2020 Posted April 4, 2020 9 hours ago, mortensorchid said: That's terrible. I'm sorry that people act that way towards one another, both on the job and personally. If it makes you feel any better, similar things have happened to me on OLDs - I've had guys literally walk away from me after it's over, or they say they're not getting anything when we walk into a bar, restaurant or coffee shop. I asked some of them why, they said they're not interested or they ate already. Looking back I should have just walked out on them then and there which I will do from now on, but I digress... Don't spend a lot of time analyzing this when someone does something like this - they are the losers for not treating others with simple courtesy. I mean, even bumping into someone and saying "excuse me" is almost lost. But I feel you in terms of depression and feeling as if you are s***. You feel stupid for even showing up for this. I feel stupid over this rejection I had 6years ago which shattered me and I haven't recovered completely. Why? I don't know why, it just did. We're on lockdown for the virus now. Take time out to let the time serve you then reevaluate yourself. I am 45 and never been married either, it's been almost 10 years since my last real relationship and I feel like I am too old to attract anyone anymore. You'll be okay. You are 45. You are not too old. I am looking for women between 45-55. It's about you, what you have to offer...seriously, if you want to brood over things, don't use your age as an excuse. Do a serious accounting of yourself and ask yourself, OBJECTIVELY, why am I having a tough time finding/staying in a relationship. What and how was the relationship 10 years ago. The last serious one. Why was it serious? What made it work when it did and what happened? What about the one 5 years ago. You say you don't know, but are you certain? It can drive people nuts going back and trying to understand, but the answers are there somewhere...
SummerDreams Posted April 4, 2020 Posted April 4, 2020 On 3/30/2020 at 10:44 PM, Juha said: I am all for giving people a 2nd chance, if it is deserved. Sorry to say but giving second chances to people may be the reason you are single for so long. Stop wasting time and energy to people who don't deserve it. First red flag, leave. It's so simple to me. 2 1
FMW Posted April 4, 2020 Posted April 4, 2020 On 3/30/2020 at 2:44 PM, Juha said: Told her that what she did was not acceptable and I do not stand for it. Giving her a "second chance" IS standing for it. She sounds like she has a lot of problems, it's understandable that you would feel bad for her. But that doesn't mean you have to make it YOUR problem. Some of the things you wrote about weren't just red flags, they were full on STOP signs. Ditching you with no explanation because she couldn't deal with her stress at the moment is absolutely not acceptable. It gives you great insight to how she will deal with any perceived stress in the future. You of course have to make your own decisions, but if you choose to stay in contact with her, much less actually agree to see her again, you will be knowingly signing up for more frustration. It's certainly not going to help your "I am done with dating" frame of mind. 1 1
rjc149 Posted April 4, 2020 Posted April 4, 2020 (edited) On 3/30/2020 at 3:44 PM, Juha said: I am not going to get into the whole thing about what she told me but it is messed up, if it is 100% what went on. One thing is 100% certain: what she told you is 100% **NOT** what went on. This is likely an elaborate excuse to assuage her guilt for doing something that she knows is totally unacceptable. If she suggests another date, you tell her where to meet you. A place not more than a block or two from your apartment. Tell her to let you know when she is 5 minutes away. Don't ask. Instruct. Make this 100% on your terms. If she pushes back, suggests an alternative, asks to meet someplace halfway, politely decline. When she's 5 minutes away, decide if you want to go meet her again or not. Personally I would support you standing her up, but maybe you can get some nookie out of this. If you don't want to go through any of that trouble, if she reaches out to suggest a date, tell her to lose your number. No matter her reasoning or excuses, there is absolutely no forgiving this level of disrespect from *anyone* let alone a woman you barely know with this amount of baggage. Going from an earlier reply to me on another thread you started, I can see why you'd be bitter and jaded after some BS like this. I would be too. I would be seeing red. You've mentioned having slim pickings, and I think this is why you'd even consider responding to this woman's texts. I guess, it's important, first and foremost, to respect yourself and put yourself first. If you decide to give her another chance, just make sure it's clear that it's on your terms and your terms alone. Edited April 4, 2020 by rjc149 2 1
Miss Spider Posted April 4, 2020 Posted April 4, 2020 (edited) SMH, juha. Edited April 4, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Author Juha Posted April 4, 2020 Author Posted April 4, 2020 4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: SMH, juha. What's up Cookie? Why smh? feel free to say whatever is on your mind, will not bother me. I like when people speak their mind pm if you would rather say it that way
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