Backinthesaddleagain Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 19 minutes ago, Juha said: Update on this: My date contacted me and apologized for doing what she did. Told me she knew she should not just disappear, was having a really rough time while calling her kids the father was giving her a hard time and causing issues on the call. She could not deal with it so left. I do not know the details on why she does not have them, know she left the house because he is abusive. Why she did not take the kids with her or kick him out I do not know. She apologized and wants to meet up again. I told her I would let her know. I am thinking if I want something serious not to bother, if I want something casual then maybe. We did get along and had good chemistry but lots of baggage here, that is for sure. Oh hell no. Beware of people who trash talk their ex. It is a HUGE red flag. Also, she lacks the emotional maturity to handle situations like an adult. RUN, don't walk. 3 1
mortensorchid Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 That's terrible that she did that, truly. We wonder why it is that people are so vain, narcissistic and cowardly nowadays and this is the reason : no class, no courage, and people have no courtesy for others. Once many years ago I had an OLD with some guy who showed up an hour late, looked like he just rolled out of bed, and was high as a kite and nodded off. I walked away from him. But this woman I think was going to use her kids as leverage to get out of seeing you anyway, so don't worry about it. Just move on and realize that you dodged a bullet. 2 1
Watercolors Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 Nooo don't meet up with her again, Juha! Save yourself! Seriously, she is in no condition to be dating you or any man right now. Do you really want to attach yourself to someone who at best, will treat you as an option since her 3 children are her first priority, and her ex-husband is her next one, after keeping her job to keep a roof over her family's head while she battles for custody. Time to follow Kenny Rogers advice, "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk way, know when to run." Walk away or run, but do not hold on to this woman. She clearly has demonstrated to you that you are not even a priority to her on your first date, where she was late 35 minutes, yada, yada, yada. If you don't mind constantly being given excuses to explain her flaky behavior, then by all means, pursue this connection. But you know that you deserve better than this. So, don't settle and pass on her offer to meetup again. That's my advice. 1
Silver_star Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) Her leaving the date on you without a word was a huge red flag, and now you seem to be considering disregarding the red flag based on her excuse about her kids. A lot of people over look red flags but usually later on in dating when they are already invested. Seems like you have some strong attraction to her if even the way she treated you left you "wishing her well" at the end of the date you got ditched on. If you choose to go out with her again "casually" you are in for more of the same treatment and drama or worse really. You teach people how to treat you, and if that was acceptable to you on the first meeting when people should be on their best behaviour, expect it to go downhill from here.= Edited March 5, 2020 by Silver_star 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 On 2/26/2020 at 12:38 AM, Juha said: So, I do not post much here about what goes on in my life but after tonight just need to get this out. Met this woman online she is 37, divorced, 3 kids, ex is an ahole, fighting for custody, lots of lying, etc.... Met her online, messaged some then talked on phone day before. Good conversation, made plans to meet tonight grab a drink and something to nibble on. We meet, things seem to be going well, good conversation back and forth about a myriad of subjects, travel, activities, food, etc. Anyway, having a drink order another drink each, looking at menu, I was not really hungry, she wanted to get something so I said sure. Whatever is fine, I am not really hungry. She says she needs to call her kids in a few minutes as they will be going to bed soon at 8 PM. Said no problem. She said to order the thing she was talking about and goes to call her kids as it was loud in the restaurant/bar. 10 minutes goes by, she texts that she is almost done. the food comes and it has been 15 minutes and staring to think she took off. Then I get another text saying she will be back in a minute. Guess what??? Yup she left So I call her, goes to vm, I text, no response and still have not heard from her. Ok, I get it if you are not having a good time or not interested just say so. I am not some psycho who gets mad. Finish our drinks, eat and wish each other the best. Nope, not her. Even stuck me with paying for a snack that she wanted and told me to order when she went to call her kids... What kind of person does that? Knowingly tells someone to order food when they know they are taking off on them and knowingly sticking it to them on the bill to pay for said food. I have never had this happen to me. So here I am thinking what did I do wrong here? Did I insult her, bore her to death, something else? I always critique the date and how how I did or could have done better. I am perplexed on this one, have no idea what happened or what I did to have this happen.. Think I am sick of dating, again. Online is a complete waste, LOL - what you describe has zero to do with online dating. For that story, you could have acquired her number from the stall door in a public bathroom.
Author Juha Posted March 5, 2020 Author Posted March 5, 2020 I did not say I was going to see her. I told her I would let her know. Meaning I did not make plans to see her, not really contemplating seeing her I just gave the scenario and thoughts on the situation. Obviously she has issues and threw giant red flag(s)
Erik30 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) Don't do it, way too much drama.(And it's only been one date) It also wouldn't shock me if she was the abusive one in the relationship since her ex has the kids... or he really is an aggressive ahole who will come looking for you... Besides, leaving you like that on the date is one worst things you can do to someone in dating. That should tell you enough Edited March 5, 2020 by Erik30
Twizzlestick Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 I wouldn’t even tell her I would let her Kniw. Just type “no”. After what she did on a date. If a guy did that to a girl and saddled her with the tab then asked for another go? Those excuses she gave you are BS btw, can’t stand people doing that. They think if they sing enough pitiful mouth music it’ll pull the wool over your eyes. She’s an adult, she bailed because she has her head firmly up her own bottom and doesn’t mind treating others like dirt. She’s a bad ‘un. run dude.
nospam99 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 I'd give her a second chance. My divorce took five years to 'negotiate' and the kids are still suing my ex for 'stuff' she did while they were minors that was out of line. So I know fully how an ex can disrupt one's life even years after they are out of it. Being sexist, in my now long life, I have observed that women simply have more trouble than men handling those disruptions. 'Traditional' men like me just can handle a higher level of acute stress before they panic. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) You wrote in another thread you’d lose interest in a second date with a woman for not texting for 17hours. Now you are considering going on a date with a woman who ditched you on the date,leaving you with the bill and no explanation, not even so much as a text on the dating app. You can say “oh yea, I’ll just keep her for casual” but if you go on a second date with her, you’re playing yourself. Edited March 5, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Miss Spider Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 (edited) Oh and btw. The guy I snuck out on. We matched again on another app later. I apologized to him sincerely. I felt bad about it. He was like “oh it’s no problem. I actually respected what you did” (??? Lol) we started talking again, but there was just not enough interest there for me. It seemed strange how he let it go and didn’t respect himself enough. Even if he was just saying that to get a hookup, it seemed desperate... Edited March 5, 2020 by Cookiesandough
introverted1 Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 19 hours ago, Juha said: I do not know the details on why she does not have them, know she left the house because he is abusive. She left her kids with an abusive parent? Makes walking out on your date pretty minor in comparison. This lady has big problems. Bullet dodged.
simpycurious Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 3 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: Run Forrest, run! This DOES NOT seem like a situation that you need to be involved with.
Watercolors Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 14 hours ago, Juha said: I told her I would let her know. Meaning I did not make plans to see her, not really contemplating seeing her Why not just give her a direct answer? If you don't want to see her again you just say that, "I don't want to see you again." Do you plan to see her again? 2
rightondude Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 dude, No. Hell no. Don't even consider it. Unless she's crazy hot. then bed her and then you be the one to leave brother. In all seriousness, if she wasn't the one to reach out to you and apologize, you want nothing to do with that. I would have serious doubts as to whether that phone call was to her kids' dad and not to some other dude after she got her buzz on with you. 1
simpycurious Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 On 3/5/2020 at 9:40 PM, rightondude said: dude, No. Hell no. Don't even consider it. Unless she's crazy hot. then bed her and then you be the one to leave brother. In all seriousness, if she wasn't the one to reach out to you and apologize, you want nothing to do with that. I would have serious doubts as to whether that phone call was to her kids' dad and not to some other dude after she got her buzz on with you. Crazy hot does not trump CRAZY. Sorry, I wish that it did sometimes but it just DOESN'T. I am guessing it was to another dude.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 Another vote for RUN. What she did was terrible. There's no excuse for it. Move on and find someone more stable.
OnlyHonesty Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 On 2/26/2020 at 8:41 AM, Juha said: Forgot to add that she was 35 minutes late to the date, she was keeping me updated and was very apologetic about it. She apologized many times. I was slightly annoyed as you know there will be traffic and need to leave early to make it on time. Pet peeve of mine is someone being late, shows how the person is if they are late for a meet or first date. Anyway just getting it out there Why would anyone wait 35 mins for someone to turn up to a date? Although this woman acted badly, it sounds like you need to set and enforce better boundaries, and have better quality control. If a woman is talking badly about an ex, I wouldn't even waste my time with her. If she's over 8 minutes late without a good reason, I'd be gone. I also wouldn't wait 15minutes while she's on the phone. I get the feeling that you are underestimating your own value too. Just take solace in the fact that she's not your problem. I want to divorce her already too. 2
preraph Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 I think what might have happened on this date is you asked her for a date and something to nibble on but then when she said she did want something to nibble on you said you really werent hungry, which wasn't very sociable and kind of sound like you trying to get out of the date yourself. because then it makes her look funny if she goes ahead and order something to eat when all along there was supposed to be food on the date. So I think she might have purposely ordered something and left because of that.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 8, 2020 Posted March 8, 2020 On 3/5/2020 at 2:26 AM, Juha said: I did not say I was going to see her. I told her I would let her know. Meaning I did not make plans to see her, not really contemplating seeing her I just gave the scenario and thoughts on the situation. Obviously she has issues and threw giant red flag(s) This all means you ARE contemplating seeing her. Like others, she’s really in no condition to be dating. Things will not be smooth and sound like the drama will be at your front door if you get involved.
Malin889 Posted March 29, 2020 Posted March 29, 2020 On 3/4/2020 at 9:42 PM, Backinthesaddleagain said: Oh hell no. Beware of people who trash talk their ex. It is a HUGE red flag. Also, she lacks the emotional maturity to handle situations like an adult. RUN, don't walk. Agree! I have a bad, abusive ex, but I never mention him to a new date, ever! I figure, eventually it will come up, but not when I'm getting to know someone. I was on a few dates throughout the years where a guy trash talks their ex. I remember one where the guy was trash talking his mom and his sister on our second date. I didn't know what to say to him, but I knew I didn't want to talk to him again after that. I can't believe she had the audacity to write you that text after leaving. Yikes, what a creep!
Kballer Posted March 30, 2020 Posted March 30, 2020 Cookiesanddough is correct.. If you even consider giving this person a 2nd chance-you are only playing yourself. To even consider giving this person a 2nd chance tells me that maybe, on some level, you lack personal respect. I can't begin to imagine, or understand, allowing a person into my life that had left me sitting at a dinner table expecting her to come back in, and then bailing on me.. There is NO EXCUSE that would rectify that situation for me. Turn the page. Close the book. Block her number. NEVER, EVER have any contact with her again. She is a train-wreck searching for her next accident site. The problem is not just her.. Though she seems to be the biggest part of the equation.. You can't control her. You can only control YOURSELF. Figure out what is going on with you that you would consider allowing her another chance to harm you. Once you have figured that out-fix it. Life is short. You can't live it allowing other people to take advantage of you, or intentionally hurting you emotionally, or physically. We, as partners in a loving committed relationship, are here to support, love, nurture, hold up, and be faithful to, our partners. Anything less than that is unacceptable. I'm still looking for the "one". I hope you find your "one" too. Enjoy the journey. Don't let the focus of finding the "one" blind you to all the beauty you will encounter along the way. 1 1
Zippy2000 Posted March 30, 2020 Posted March 30, 2020 On 3/5/2020 at 2:21 AM, Juha said: Update on this: My date contacted me and apologized for doing what she did. Told me she knew she should not just disappear, was having a really rough time while calling her kids the father was giving her a hard time and causing issues on the call. She could not deal with it so left. I do not know the details on why she does not have them, know she left the house because he is abusive. Why she did not take the kids with her or kick him out I do not know. She apologized and wants to meet up again. I told her I would let her know. I am thinking if I want something serious not to bother, if I want something casual then maybe. We did get along and had good chemistry but lots of baggage here, that is for sure. You did the right thing here by you would think about it and giving you space by saying you would let her know. I don't know all the facts but think about what you want. She already abandoned you on a date, and has kids that will always come first and a nutty ex. Would you want this to happen in the future? This was a huge red flag at the beginning and what about the future. What other surprises will come up in the future.
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