Author Trail Blazer Posted March 6, 2020 Author Posted March 6, 2020 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: Trail Blazer: You have 6 pages of women and men telling you to unfriend a few of those contacts, what have you decided to do? You think we are all wrong? Nothing... yet.
preraph Posted March 6, 2020 Posted March 6, 2020 I ride the fence on this topic. I'm a person who was always going to run into exes, whether serious ones or frivolous ones, being in the same crowd and people all knew each other. So much depends on lifestyle. In the end, it's up to each person in this couple to decide how they want to live their life. Giving up friends or friendly acquaintances isn't much fun, but only each person knows if that person is after them or they are hoping for more with them, and it's painful for the other side of the couple to deal with. When it's all just friends, then it seems unreasonable to give that up, and truth is isolating people from their friends is something abusers do right away if they can. On the other hand, often these friendships are more than that on one side or the other. The only real answer is to find security within yourself and try not to fear if the worst happens (cheating) and accept that life will go on if that happens, but that is beyond most of our capabilities, so that leaves it down to how much worry can one take. If one person is convinced it's just not a threat but the other can't see it any other way, well, you are just incompatible. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 TB, You sound like a good guy ... You do ... and you do have to keep an eye on your gf's insecurities. But here's the test. A woman comes on this forum ... says she's dating this wonderful guy ... but the guy has pics of his exes on his social media. These exes aren't his kids posing with his ex wife ... These are various relationships and flings. Without a doubt, I'd tell this woman, red flag. Insist that he remove those photos. Be ready to walk. 2
Author Trail Blazer Posted March 7, 2020 Author Posted March 7, 2020 46 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: TB, You sound like a good guy ... You do ... and you do have to keep an eye on your gf's insecurities. But here's the test. A woman comes on this forum ... says she's dating this wonderful guy ... but the guy has pics of his exes on his social media. These exes aren't his kids posing with his ex wife ... These are various relationships and flings. Without a doubt, I'd tell this woman, red flag. Insist that he remove those photos. Be ready to walk. Let me clarify something which I think has been lost on the way. Firstly, I only have photos of one ex on social media. Two on Instagram and a couple on Facebook which she tagged me in. I unfriended my ex-wife from facebook as she was being a pain, and deleted the one selfie profile picture I had with her when we separated. I do not have pictures of any other female I've been with. I do have females I've had brief encounters with whom have added me on social media. It is these women who've liked or commented on my content which have come into the fray. My girlfriend has seemingly viewed the peoplw who've liked or commented and she's stalked their profile. Along with my ex-girlfriend, who is seperate from "the rest", it was only one other girl who I dated briefly and also paid her to bake a cake for my daughter's birthday (as she has a legitimate cake business), who my girlfriend commented about being "really pretty." If I cared to trawl through the likes/comments of my girlfriend's post, where to then? Check how many males liked her posts? Check out their profile and wonder who they are and what they mean to my girlfriend? What if some of those likers are a) male and b) handsome? What then? When you break it down, it seems like a fair amount of effort to even get to the point of where she's even 'uncovered' who these people are to me. Hence, it's patently absurd that anyone would suggest I have these women on social media to "collect" or any such term. I could not give a damn who likes or comments on my girlfriend's FB status or Instagram uploads. I'I'd never even think to go through the people who've liked her stuff. Why would I? I know people do, but I don't. It would be interesting if I did, though. What would everyone suggest I do if a handsome male friend of hers on social media likes or comments? Do I tell her I think he's handsome and I don't compare? Or is that only a female thing, like my girlfriend seems to suggest (exact quote; it's a female insecurity thing)? I literally have four girls I've met in the last six months, only one of whom I've slept with in that period, on my social media. Plus an ex, whom obviously I've slept with. That's it. We didn't continue dating for various reasons, but they were still quality people who I've become social media friends with. I don't know... I'm still struggling with the notion that I've done something wrong here. My girlfriend, with her wild insecurities, trawled through my likers list on a few posts and stalked the "pretty girl's" profiles and became insecure about it. I'm not upset with her at all, but it seems bizarre, to me. Or is that something that everyone does?
Gaeta Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) You are again applying a lot of male psychology to women. Yes women have a habit of checking their man's social media. It's something ingrained in us, call it a survival instinct. For thousands of years a woman's survival depended on her man. We told you, it's not a right or wrong situation. Men and women are wired differently and it's not your doing. I don't want to generalize but most women yes will raid their bf's social media to look out for something unusual. Personally I only have FB and my bf is not on social media at all. I told him the day he's on FB I will delete mine as I don't want to deal of this BS, I know I would be checking every like and new contact and wonder from where he knows these women. I don't know a woman that doesn't do it. Edited March 7, 2020 by Gaeta
Kitty Tantrum Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: I literally have four girls I've met in the last six months, only one of whom I've slept with in that period, on my social media. Plus an ex, whom obviously I've slept with. That's it. We didn't continue dating for various reasons, but they were still quality people who I've become social media friends with. You are keeping orbiters around as potential options if things don't work out with your girlfriend. Or at least that's how it looks. We can maybe eliminate the ex and the previous fling - since you already had sex with them, and chose not to be with them/not to pursue relationships with them. Although one only has to open their eyes just a little bit to see how often people hook up with exes. But the three others you haven't "tried" yet? There is no way your girlfriend doesn't feel threatened by them - and rightfully so. She's one of four potential options. You're obviously not HERS, it's just her TURN. Edited March 7, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4
elaine567 Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 You; My neighbour is getting upset as I am riding my bike all over his grass and he doesn't like it I don't know why he is getting upset as he could ride his bike over my grass and it wouldn't bother me. He is just being crazy. Us: Stop riding your bike over his grass, problem solved. You: But I like riding my bike over his grass, it is his problem, is it not? Us: NO, stop riding your bike over his grass. 3 1
Author Trail Blazer Posted March 7, 2020 Author Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said: You are keeping orbiters around as potential options if things don't work out with your girlfriend. Or at least that's how it looks. We can maybe eliminate the ex and the previous fling - since you already had sex with them, and chose not to be with them/not to pursue relationships with them. Although one only has to open their eyes just a little bit to see how often people hook up with exes. But the three others you haven't "tried" yet? There is no way your girlfriend doesn't feel threatened by them - and rightfully so. She's one of four potential options. You're obviously not HERS, it's just her TURN. No, I'm not "keeping orbiters around as potential options." I'm not with those "orbiters" as, if I saw relationship potential I would have already been with them before my girlfriend. I'll go back to OLD if this relationship doesn't work out. My girlfriend shouldn't feel threatened by them as she doesn't know who they are. I haven't told her about all of them. She only knows about my ex, and the cake girl, J, who I did not sleep with. She knows about my FWB, but she's not even on my social media. I've told her why J and I are not together, despite J really pursuing a relationship with me at the time. J was a little too "out there" and she herself had many orbiters out there, which, admittedly I did look to see how many guys reacted to a particular video she posted up on Insta, because, well... it was pretty out there. If my girlfriend trusts me then she has nothing to worry about. I know it's "different" for women, but that is the reality. I trust her, hence I don't feel I've got anything to worry about and, beyond looking at some pictures on her FB when she first added me, have never felt the need to look at who liked any of her posts. Edited March 7, 2020 by Trail Blazer
Miss Spider Posted March 7, 2020 Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said: You are keeping orbiters around as potential options if things don't work out with your girlfriend. Or at least that's how it looks. We can maybe eliminate the ex and the previous fling - since you already had sex with them, and chose not to be with them/not to pursue relationships with them. Although one only has to open their eyes just a little bit to see how often people hook up with exes. But the three others you haven't "tried" yet? There is no way your girlfriend doesn't feel threatened by them - and rightfully so. She's one of four potential options. You're obviously not HERS, it's just her TURN. This post actually made me come around to TB’s POV. I mean, I’ve never dated a guy who had a bunch of hot women he used to talk to on his social media(to my knowledge, at least), so I can’t say anything definitively, but I don’t think I would feel threatened. I don’t think it’s true that if they’re on there and it means that they are potential options and it’s just a matter of time. A lot of people add people on social media and for one reason or another forget to go back and delete them, which is specifically why I am opposed to adding everyone and their cousin that you match with on there, and tell guys I won’t until we are in a rship. It would actually be a bit weirder to me if he did go in to delete them, because that would make it a little more likely they were potential options for him, not just forgotten random connections from the past. It does seem like an extreme insecurity on her part now that I consider it. If my bf told me that he felt threatened by attractive men on my social media, I would be a bit disappointed he felt that way. People here are saying it’s different for women. I can’t agree. However, like introverted1 and Elaine said, choose your battles Edited March 7, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Author Trail Blazer Posted March 7, 2020 Author Posted March 7, 2020 5 hours ago, elaine567 said: You; My neighbour is getting upset as I am riding my bike all over his grass and he doesn't like it I don't know why he is getting upset as he could ride his bike over my grass and it wouldn't bother me. He is just being crazy. Us: Stop riding your bike over his grass, problem solved. You: But I like riding my bike over his grass, it is his problem, is it not? Us: NO, stop riding your bike over his grass. Oh, but elaine, his grass was just so inviting! Shouldn't he have felt privelged that I felt his grass worthy of riding on? It was a flattering gesture, me thinks...
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