stillafool Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Fletch Lives said: Well, it's a sad thing to say but people with mental issues (depression, others?) are sometimes not the best catches. This^^^^! It's definitely sad but true.
dramallama Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 On 2/26/2020 at 11:46 AM, elaine567 said: Whatever you say now is moot, she knows about your harem, a harem that is still following you on Insta... She is not happy. On 2/26/2020 at 4:35 PM, Ruby Slippers said: Yes. No offense, but a lot of people these days seem attached to their long string of exes and like to keep them in their orbit. For what? It's so teenagery. In my view, if you value your relationship, you keep your exes where they belong, in the past, off your social media, out of your thoughts, speech, and life. 20 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: I don't get why everyone thinks having an ex or two following you on Instagram is a problem? My girlfriend also has a couple of ex's that are followers. How is it any different? I'm just not insecure about them at all. Why is it different for a woman than a man? The answer to this one ^ is below. 20 hours ago, Emery1623 said: She sounds a lot like me... my guess is she is now starting to develop feelings for you which is causing her to feel more insecure right now and scared to get hurt. Be gentle and reassuring and, hopefully, she’ll realize you legitimately care about her and can settle into a more secure relationship. In my case at least I feel the insecurity tapers off as the relationship progresses. There is sometimes a weird period between developing feelings and feeling safe within a new relationship. These comments all stuck out to me, as my guy had a large harem of attractive ladies following him on instagram when we met, and as feelings started to deepen it started making me feel a bit insecure - however I had my own 'hangers on' and orbiters so held my tongue. Over time he's proactively got rid of them - practically halved his follower list - as we've become more serious and so I also got rid of my orbiters. I'm glad he did it without asking, but then I've also talked to him about things that can trigger my anxiety so he may have figured out that it was a good thing to do It's just about showing the person that you're invested in THEM and not open to distractions or competition. And it might feel silly to you, but part of being in a relationship is understanding your partner's point of view and making them feel safe in the relationship. 8
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 Keeping past flings around on your social media is trashy - and the prevalence of this behavior is a huge part of why social media in general is just plain trashy. Until you've stuck your dick in every single other person who follows you on social media, you can't pretend that your "connection" to the past flings/FWBs/ONSs you keep around for social validation and related ego-gratifying purposes are in the same "just people" category as your friends, family members, non-sexual acquaintances, etc. That's a silly and misguided rationalization. The fact that she ALSO engages in this ego-centric behavior of maintaining social connections to past sexual partners - and the fact that you are seemingly OKAY with this - is only exacerbating her insecurity. It's making her question whether there is any future for your relationship, or whether it's her fate to end up just another one of your pumped-and-dumped orbiters. Exes with whom you have a long and substantially intermingled social history are the only people it makes sense to keep around on social media. I'm not offended that my husband has a couple ex-girlfriends he's still friends with on FB; these were years-long relationships wherein their respective families, friends, and social circles became somewhat blended. The relationships obviously didn't end poorly enough to blow up all of those social connections - so it would be weirder if he cut those exes out of the picture entirely (while his family remains friends with her, etc.) rather than maintaining a token friendship. But hotties you banged a few times? Nahhhhh. Come on, man. EVERYONE KNOWS WHY YOU KEEP THOSE AROUND. You can say whatever you like on the matter, but everyone still understands, on a gut level, no matter how much you deny it, that this is the sort of behavior people engage in when they want to have a lot of fallback options - OR when they're addicted to ego-gratification. And neither of those things is good for real relationships. 7
Lotsgoingon Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 Look, if she is bothered by the exes on social media, she needs to say that and make a request ... Could you please remove some of these people? ... Or ... look, I need to check to make sure you're not involved with these people. She's expressing insecurities but not asking for any specific action ... that's a no-go. Oh and OP, definitely quiet your trap when she's driving ... the only exception being she's about to crash into a car or person. Otherwise, quiet that trap. Totally annoying ... but that's fixable from you ... Her stuff seems deeper ...
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 28, 2020 Author Posted February 28, 2020 8 hours ago, elaine567 said: The only ex she needs to know about is your ex wife as you are a co parent. That in itself was hard enough for V to stomach, so adding in a load of "friendly" hot exes is too much for any woman to put up with. I get it, it is a huge ego boost for you to display and keep around the pretty women who thought you sexy, and she should just be sooooo glad to have you, but that works for you, not her... I have no idea about your dating history, your age, or whatever like that, but surely, surely you have history in that regard, and have discussed your past with current people you're seeing? Every person I've dated has, to some degree, told me about their past. Even J, who I only went on three dates with, disclosed a bit about her past, and vice versa, in the process of getting to know each other. To me, I feel it strange to delete people from social media if there isn't bad blood. I did unfriend my ex-wife from Facebook as, for a period of time within our first year of seperation, things were very strained.
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 28, 2020 Author Posted February 28, 2020 8 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Well, it's a sad thing to say but people with mental issues (depression, others?) are sometimes not the best catches. That said, stop talking about your ex's/previous dates, and stop criticizing her driving - it's controlling behavior. Agreed. All things being equal, you'd rather your partner not have it as it's an additional challenge you could do without having to manage. My girlfriend, S, was very open about it from early on. She doesn't have it "bad" and only takes low-dose meds. She said she went through depression after her dad died in a car accident in 2014 (she was very close to her dad but not so much her mom).
RecentChange Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 4 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: To me, I feel it strange to delete people from social media if there isn't bad blood. I did unfriend my ex-wife from Facebook as, for a period of time within our first year of seperation, things were very strained. I have never gone into much detail at all about my ex's and I know hardly anything about my husband's ex. I know he lived with her, and that they had a falling out. I don't know what she looks like etc. Why would you keep people you briefly dated as friends on social media? What's the point? I mean they are women you dated, not your friends. Keep them around in case you want to date them again? Follow their lives even if you have no intention of seeing them again? It would make me very uncomfortable if the guy I wanted to get serious about had the women he dated before me still connected on his social media. 6
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 28, 2020 Author Posted February 28, 2020 5 hours ago, dramallama said: These comments all stuck out to me, as my guy had a large harem of attractive ladies following him on instagram when we met, and as feelings started to deepen it started making me feel a bit insecure - however I had my own 'hangers on' and orbiters so held my tongue. Over time he's proactively got rid of them - practically halved his follower list - as we've become more serious and so I also got rid of my orbiters. I'm glad he did it without asking, but then I've also talked to him about things that can trigger my anxiety so he may have figured out that it was a good thing to do It's just about showing the person that you're invested in THEM and not open to distractions or competition. And it might feel silly to you, but part of being in a relationship is understanding your partner's point of view and making them feel safe in the relationship. What's been said can't be unsaid and what's been seen can't be unseen. Having said that, sure, I could just quietly remove some of those girls as followers. Would my girlfriend even notice without me mentioning it? Since she's already stalked their profiles, she has no reason to do so again. She may notice over time that they're no longer reacting to my content, but even then, I doubt that, as I only put content up on Instagram once a month or so. I am by no means a huge user of it, or any social media platform for that matter. Do you suggest that I broach this topic with her, tell her I understand how she's feeling and tell her that I have removed them as followers? I am open to doing whatever, within reason, to assure her that I am devoted to her and her only, but removing people for no apparent reason seems a little drastic. 1
ChatroomHero Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 5 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: Agreed. All things being equal, you'd rather your partner not have it as it's an additional challenge you could do without having to manage. My girlfriend, S, was very open about it from early on. She doesn't have it "bad" and only takes low-dose meds. She said she went through depression after her dad died in a car accident in 2014 (she was very close to her dad but not so much her mom). I think the cutoff for me is if she is needy or asking for compliments or self doubting, does she ever actually take a compliment or not? If I compliment her and she accepts it and then 3 days later kind of fishes for one again as reassurance, I don't mind. If I have to argue with her just for her to accept a compliment, she's not for me. It's when someone says something flattering to them. hard to be with someone always in crisis and not able to be happy As far as previous dating history and my "list", I can honestly say any woman I was really interested has not and will not in the future know my number. Her: "How many women have you been with?" Me: "I have no idea". Her: "So you mean many, many women?". Me: "Nope. I don't count or pay attention to that much. I really don't just go around and sleep with anyone". That's it. I know if I give the number, no good will come of it. If she asks me, "Who's the really attractive girl, XXX in your FB friends?" My answer, "Oh. She's friends with YYY group, I know her through all of them". If she asks who I have dated in my friend list, my pat answer is who cares? I'm with you now. I don't stay friends with most women I have dated...and I leave it at that. If she is open about her past, great. If she asks me, absolutely no good comes from telling her any more than the basics. In fact, the only reason to ever really discuss your past with anyone is to impress your friends. Even then they label you a dog and word gets around making things more difficult. Just my 2 cents, when she tells you all about her past and asks about yours, just tell her your past is in the past for a reason and there is not much to tell. I have never seen having a storied sexual past ever help anyone out, only hurt them. 1
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 28, 2020 Author Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said: Keeping past flings around on your social media is trashy - and the prevalence of this behavior is a huge part of why social media in general is just plain trashy. But hotties you banged a few times? Nahhhhh. Come on, man. EVERYONE KNOWS WHY YOU KEEP THOSE AROUND. You can say whatever you like on the matter, but everyone still understands, on a gut level, no matter how much you deny it, that this is the sort of behavior people engage in when they want to have a lot of fallback options - OR when they're addicted to ego-gratification. And neither of those things is good for real relationships. I've snipped part of your post, but I'll try to answer it all anyway. Firstly, my girlfriend said she's only got one ex who follows her on Insta, and the same one and one other ex are friends with her on Facebook. She's just never unfriended them. I see nothing wrong there. I have actually removed one girl I had a fling for a few months with, as she was a little nutty and I didn't wish for her to know where I was or what I was doing in the future. Of the other girls, two I've had sex with, one being my previous ex. The other few are girls I've dated briefly, with whom I have not had sex with. I called time on these as I didn't wish to pursue a relationship with them. One of the girls I dated bakes cakes from home as a second job. I actually had her bake a birthday cake (and paid her accordingly) through her business, for my nine-year-old daughter's birthday. She follows me and I follow both her and and her business's Insta page. You know, I'm just not the kind of person to do "friend culls" or the like. If someone specifically does me wrong, I will delete them. Other than that, I have friends on FB, followers on Insta, and I don't really think much of it either way. Girls I've previously dated? Well, I've told them I'm not interested in pursuing anything further. I'm not going to turn around one day, if, for example, this relationship ended, and go for them again. I wasn't feeling it back then and I won't feel it in the future. Believe it or not, sleeping around isn't actually my thing! I did do it for a bit, but I found it to be hollow and ultimately unfulfiling. I'd much rather have sex with one woman with whom I am exclusive with. Edited February 28, 2020 by Trail Blazer
Gaeta Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 You're turning something very simple into something complicated. When I met my boyfriend and things were getting serious I cut contact and deleted all the fwb-exs turned friends. Some of them I had friendships with for years, not only social media friendship but real life friendship as well. To me it was a no brainer. My boyfriend has never ever spoken to me about those friends, I took upon myself to clean my contacts. I respect my boyfriend so much that I didn't want to be 'that type of gf' the type of gf that keeps contacts with other men she had sex with. 2
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 You don't have to "sleep around" (or to have slept around) to engage in the sorts of behaviors that effectively weaken your present attachment and imperil your future attachment for the sake of maintaining access to your past attachments - or for the sake of gratifying your ego. And whether you FEEL that way or not, it makes it seem like you're keeping a foot out the door. Social media is generally pretty toxic anyway, and this is a great example. I mean, for the example of the woman who baked the cake - okay. I wouldn't say you should NOT patronize a local business just because the owner is an ex. But you can support that person's business while keeping them at a professional distance (which for me wouldn't involve being connected to their PERSONAL social media at all). 3
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 28, 2020 Author Posted February 28, 2020 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You're turning something very simple into something complicated. Right. Well, I have to say that I just never really thought about it at all either way. I am committed to my girlfriend and wish to make it work with her long-term. The symbolism you're implying from such a gesture is not something that even entered my head.
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 28, 2020 Author Posted February 28, 2020 1 hour ago, RecentChange said: I have never gone into much detail at all about my ex's and I know hardly anything about my husband's ex. I know he lived with her, and that they had a falling out. I don't know what she looks like etc. Why would you keep people you briefly dated as friends on social media? What's the point? I mean they are women you dated, not your friends. Keep them around in case you want to date them again? Follow their lives even if you have no intention of seeing them again? It would make me very uncomfortable if the guy I wanted to get serious about had the women he dated before me still connected on his social media. If I remember correctly, you have been with your husband for quite a number of years? If so, whoever he dated prior to you probably predates social media altogether. My ex-wife and ex-girlfriend are both people I was with while social media was prevalent. Yes, if you trawl through my FB/Insta, there are some photos of myself with them. What's your view on keeping pictures on social media of exes? And by "keeping", I don't mean any deliberate. I mean, do you think that one should make a concerted effort to delete all photos of their ex as soon as a relationship ends?
Piddy Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) I remember your original thread. She's the Vet. Glad you're still together. I don't get keeping the exes in your circle of social media friends etc.. I wouldn't bring up exes at all in any capacity. They're exes. Keep whatever you think of them to yourself. I think you're over thinking everything. She sounds a little insecure, but the exes being brought up isn't helping matters. Dump the exes and concentrate on her alone. No need to make her feel any more insecure than she already does. Edited February 28, 2020 by Piddy 2
fiskadoro Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 First, let me say "Get Healthy Dame and Go Portland!" Now, I gotta say that I kinda feel you. I am not a guy who likes to talk a lot of ish, but I do like to tease the women I date... or at least I used to like doing it. I found that many of them weren't always on board with it, and I couldn't figure out why. Insecurity? Different sense of humor? Then one day I had a talk with an ex who told me "you don't need to understand why, you just need to understand that it exists and you have to acknowledge it". Since then I have cut back, and I have worked on getting my need to "keep things light" with humor by expressing it in other ways. I have since come to realize that I use joking/teasing/light mocking as a way to cover my own insecurities... but again, everything doesn't have to be a voyage of self-discovery. Just know that she doesn't dig it, and cut it out. If for nothing else, do it for the most selfish of reasons - the absolute best sex is with women who are head over heels madly (and securely) in love with you. As far as the other women on your social media, man that's an own goal of the worst sort. Honestly, what of any true value do you get by having constant, visible reminders of your glorious past around? It would take someone with weapons grade self-esteem to constantly put up with that, really. If you want to show that you are serious, you gotta be in it to win it... and leave the exes in the past. I dunno, maybe you want a little insurance just in case things go all pear shaped? Nah fam... if you value her as much as you say you do (give it some thought as to why you are in any way comfortable with her being so uncomfortable) then you gotta leave the social media stuff alone. It always comes back to bite you, trust me! 2
SumGuy Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 On 2/26/2020 at 9:19 AM, Gaeta said: If she is important to you then stop the teasing and get rid of the exs following you. it's social media, it's not life, you pick which one is more important. This, but I don't have any social media so it is easy for me to say. 1
dramallama Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 7 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: What's been said can't be unsaid and what's been seen can't be unseen. Having said that, sure, I could just quietly remove some of those girls as followers. Would my girlfriend even notice without me mentioning it? Since she's already stalked their profiles, she has no reason to do so again. She may notice over time that they're no longer reacting to my content, but even then, I doubt that, as I only put content up on Instagram once a month or so. I am by no means a huge user of it, or any social media platform for that matter. Do you suggest that I broach this topic with her, tell her I understand how she's feeling and tell her that I have removed them as followers? I am open to doing whatever, within reason, to assure her that I am devoted to her and her only, but removing people for no apparent reason seems a little drastic. Hahahaha this is where you don't understand anxiety. Since she's already stalked their profiles, she may again when her resilience is low or she's feeling anxious / insecure - it's not a once and done activity at all! I liked the way my guy handled it - anyone who was overly 'present' i.e. liking / commenting on all his pics but not a true / close / longstanding friend gradually disappeared. I did the same - anyone who looked too much of a 'fanboi' was deleted. I had a word with one male friend who put kisses on comments - I didn't feel it appropriate and told him so. So I'd do that, and if she comments, you were just having a clear out / thought someone was too nosy / realised you had no interest in their life / whatever.
BrennaR Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 I think there is a time and place for teasing (calm environment, not a stressful situation to begin with) and for me it has to be funny. It can’t be just a jab at me. If you have a sense of humor and tease with that part of you in it, I will laugh out loud. But if I’m driving and I’m a little tired and I have both of our lives in my hands I may not be as receptive. Basically I would leave the teasing to non stressful situations. And be mindful of the mood of the moment with the person.
Lotsgoingon Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 I think you have two issues. Your social media presence with exes and former partners and flings. & Your gf's insecurities. I would if you feel ok (don't do so if you're resentful) remove the former and yes, tell her. That's the whole point! So to back up a second, you need to talk to her about these insecurities, if only to say, I'm into you, not them. You! And yes, you tell her that you removed certain people. You want her to feel heard and acknowledged and you want "credit" for doing so. But ... at the same ... do not assume that your social media is the cause of her insecurities ... or that removing your old flings will magically clear up her insecurities. There's a good chance, she'll still hang on to the memories of these women she saw on your pages. And be on the lookout of running into a coworker in public (a coworker who is friendly and good looking) and your gf reacts again with insecurities. But you do NOT want to assume that your social media is the cause of her insecurities. A more confident person have directly asked you to remove those folks ... and definitely would not have stalked those pages. Oh ... as someone with depression running in my family ... I will say this: there is no way that she got depressed only when her father died. No way ... She's got problems going back deeper than then. Maybe that's when she went on meds ... and btw: there is no virtue in being on a low dose of meds if you need a higher dose to be at your best. I had an ex who wouldn't increase her dose even those she clearly needed to do so--out of insecurities. Again ... I would not give insecurities like this a pass. What strikes me is that you are here getting ideas and not discussing this directly with her. Why can't you talk directly and bluntly to her? Might be a red flag in that.
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 28, 2020 Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) I can speak to my own experience: when my now-husband (then fiance) axed his most recent "acquaintance-turned-ONS" from Facebook after I expressed how uncomfortable it made me that this girl was STILL (like a year... or two??? after the ONE TIME they hooked up) habitually stalking/liking/commenting on his posts and pictures... yeah, it helped a LOT, in terms of my peace of mind, not to have that woman all up in my face every time I saw one of his posts - or just any time I logged into Facebook, period; she had even started liking/reacting/commenting on posts of MINE that he was tagged in. She even went BACK and was reacting to old stuff (like she had to get onto HIS timeline specifically and do a whole lot of scrolling), and even though some of it was "liking" posts having to do with our relationship (ostensibly in an "I'm happy for you" sort of way), it came across very much as "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME GIVE ME ATTENTION I AM HUNG UP ON YOU." If you're setting your woman up in a position where she has to watch other women (esp. ones you've been intimate with) make bids for your attention, you're going to have some friction... Bottom line. Edited February 28, 2020 by Kitty Tantrum 1
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 29, 2020 Author Posted February 29, 2020 On 2/28/2020 at 1:10 PM, fiskadoro said: First, let me say "Get Healthy Dame and Go Portland!" Now, I gotta say that I kinda feel you. I am not a guy who likes to talk a lot of ish, but I do like to tease the women I date... or at least I used to like doing it. I found that many of them weren't always on board with it, and I couldn't figure out why. Insecurity? Different sense of humor? Then one day I had a talk with an ex who told me "you don't need to understand why, you just need to understand that it exists and you have to acknowledge it". Not a truer word has been spoken on on this forum re the emboldened. Amen to that, bro! As for the rest, are you saying that women don't have a sense or humor or can't take a joke? With men and women being wired so differently, there will never be equality in the true sense of the word. Treat women the same as a dude, you're an a-hole. Treat them different, you're an a-hole. There's really no winning. I've just learnt that you've got to know when to treat them like women, and when to treat them equally.
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 29, 2020 Author Posted February 29, 2020 13 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said: I can speak to my own experience: when my now-husband (then fiance) axed his most recent "acquaintance-turned-ONS" from Facebook after I expressed how uncomfortable it made me that this girl was STILL (like a year... or two??? after the ONE TIME they hooked up) habitually stalking/liking/commenting on his posts and pictures... yeah, it helped a LOT, in terms of my peace of mind, not to have that woman all up in my face every time I saw one of his posts - or just any time I logged into Facebook, period; she had even started liking/reacting/commenting on posts of MINE that he was tagged in. She even went BACK and was reacting to old stuff (like she had to get onto HIS timeline specifically and do a whole lot of scrolling), and even though some of it was "liking" posts having to do with our relationship (ostensibly in an "I'm happy for you" sort of way), it came across very much as "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME GIVE ME ATTENTION I AM HUNG UP ON YOU." If you're setting your woman up in a position where she has to watch other women (esp. ones you've been intimate with) make bids for your attention, you're going to have some friction... Bottom line. The one woman who I feared would be like that is the one woman I ensured had no ability to contact me once I ditched the fling. I didn't need the presence of a new S.O. in my life to do so. I did it because she was seemingly an obsessive nutter. The rest of them I have no feelings for and nor do they have for me. One girl I went on one date and knew that there was no chemistry. However, she was a great chick who loves sports, is funny and can banter. We kept in contact and added each other on social media for that reason. I told my girlfriend who those girls were and why they would never be women with whom I'd want a relationship. She said she had no issue at all about that. All she said was she though some of them were "really pretty" and didn't think she compared to some of them. If I tell you something, and you believe me, like genuinely believe me, what's the problem? I don't give a f*#% who my girlfriend slept with in the past, who her exes are etc. I don't feel inadequate by any other dude out there, even if he earned more money/was objectively more handsome or whatever. My ex-girlfriend had pics of her with her ex on Facebook and Insta. He was about 6'3" and a gym junkie. I'm 5'10" and, not exactly a gym junkie... but frequent the gym and I'm in great shape. I admit that back then I did have a fleeting moment of thought, before concluding that I'm a condident and secure guy with a lot to offer. He was the past and clearly I've got a lot going for me as evidenced by the fact that she entered into a committed relationship with me. I guess that is the difference, though? If my current girlfriend suffers from low self-esteem, even if I reassure her that I'm with her and not them because I see more of what I'm after in her than them, she's still going to compare herself negatively, for some reason. I do find it strange, though. I've always found it strange with girls who "hate the way they look" or think "I'm fat" when they're actually gorgeous and not fat at all. My girlfriend is gorgeous and would get no sympathy from the majority of the female population if she were to verbalize any discontent about her physical appearance.
Acacia98 Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 (edited) OP, I don't know enough about you and your girlfriend to make assumptions about her insecurities. But I will share a bit of wisdom I've acquired over the years. Basically, it's that we all have insecurities, but some people have insecurities of the kind that will destroy a decent relationship. If your girlfriend falls in the latter category, the insecurities will always be hanging like a cloud above your heads regardless of what you do. So your best bet is to figure out whether, objectively speaking, she falls in that category. Ask yourself if you are doing something to trigger her insecurities. If yes, stop doing it. Do your best to be a good boyfriend. And try to make sure that you're both living up to the same relationship standards. I have a problem with the idea that one person must delete all their exes while the other gets to remain connected to theirs. That kind of inequality is never a good thing in a relationship. Once you've done what you reasonably can on your side of things, let some time elapse. You will eventually know if your relationship has a chance of working out. Edited February 29, 2020 by Acacia98
Author Trail Blazer Posted February 29, 2020 Author Posted February 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Acacia98 said: OP, I don't know enough about you and your girlfriend to make assumptions about her insecurities. But I will share a bit of wisdom I've acquired over the years. Basically, it's that we all have insecurities, but some people have insecurities of the kind that will destroy a decent relationship. If your girlfriend falls in the latter category, the insecurities will always be hanging like a cloud above your heads regardless of what you do. So your best bet is to figure out whether, objectively speaking, she falls in that category. Ask yourself if you are doing something to trigger her insecurities. If yes, stop doing it. Do your best to be a good boyfriend. And try to make sure that you're both living up to the same relationship standards. I have a problem with the idea that one person must delete all their exes while the other gets to remain connected to theirs. That kind of inequality is never a good thing in a relationship. Once you've done what you reasonably can on your side of things, let some time elapse. You will eventually know if your relationship has a chance of working out. That's the thing, she doesn't seem to object at all to having exes in the social media frame. She has her last two exes still as friends on FB and Insta (she told me - I didn't figure it out by stalking). Her issue seems purely about her own perception of inadequacy compared to some of these girls I've dated. Since I think she's every bit as attractive as the girls she's feeling inadequate compared to, I couldn't have reasonably predicted she'd feel that way. As for any other insecurities - I guess there's been one other situation where I've jestfully ribbed her, which is a seemingly recurring habit of hers to always leave one item (generally clothing) behind every time she stays over at my house. It first happened early on when she left her dress behind when she left the next day. We both left my house at the same time. It was a Saturday morning and I picked my kids up from their mother's place and brought them back to my house. When we got back, my daughter went into my bedroom to grab the charger for her iPad and the dress was on my bed. Thankfully she didn't see the dress. I quickly kicked it under my bed when I noticed it. I don't want my kids to know that I'm seeing someone new yet, nor do I need my 10-year-old telling her mother that daddy has a friend sleeping over who leaves her dress on my bed. So, anyway, when I'd mentioned it to my girlfriend she was very apologetic. However, since then, she's left all sorts of things behind, accidentally. From her wrist watch, to her thong to a pair of earrings - you name it, if it's something she's worn then she's probably left it behind at least once. I'm not particularly bothered by it, but I have emphasized why I'd prefer that she didn't do it. Each time I've informed her of something she's left behind, and each time she's apologized and called herself "stupid" or "I'm such an idiot". I always try to make light of it. For example, I took a photo of her thong and sent it to her on Snapchat with the caption: "I think I'd look really cute in this!" She responded by saying, "OMG... again! Kill me now! I'm sooooo sorry!" I'm really trying not to make her feel bad about anything, but sometimes I might say something that makes her feel insecure, who knows? It's a balancing act, as I don't think anything I say is unreasonable. Then again, if someone has anxiety, is it unreasonable to expect them to not take it to heart? Therefore, it's a no go zone?
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