rjc149 Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 I get that you feel slighted, and while giving you transparency about his on/off gf that he still has feelings for would have been nice, he really didn’t owe you anything. You guys didn’t hook up or even go on a date, yet you’re going on the impression that there was emotional investment when clearly, there was nothing near that. Even when you are dating and sleeping with someone before exclusivity, you never truly know what’s going on in the background with them— if there’s an ex lurking in the woodwork, if they’re multi-dating, if they’re just rebounding— hence it’s always good to guard your heart until there’s a clear mutual expectation for exclusivity. Whether that’s verbal and explicit or strongly implied, is up to the couple and their communication styles. This isn’t on your friends, OP. They had reason to believe this guy was “off” with the gf and was open to going on a date with you.
lurker74 Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 It depends what is meant by on again / off again. If he was off again when he asked you for a drink, I don't see much of a problem. Sure, you don't want to date someone on rebound but nearly everyone is on rebound and yet we all go out on dates, so I call BS on that rule. And if he was on again, it was clear that he was brushing you off. I do agree he should have said, "Hey, I'd love hanging out with you but I've recently gotten back together with an ex to give it another go, so best of luck to you!" But the fact that he is not an evolved human being doesn't mean that he and everyone else are not redeemable people.
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