sothereiwas Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: It's not about live and let live. I am 100% live and let live, I don't care if my neighbor is married to a goat, it's his life but I wouldn't be impressed if he invited me over to discuss something and right before I arrive he serves himself coffee and cake, doesn't get up to welcome me, and talks to me with a full mouth without ever offering me something. Not seeing it as the same thing, but I'm really thrilled that this guy got his comeuppance on a website he's never heard of. Pretty sure that showed him a thing or two. Edited February 25, 2020 by sothereiwas Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: That was a very passive defense lol, I understand from you that it's no ones place to judge him and put this on lack of compatibility. I'll translate that as you too wouldn't go on a 2nd date 😉 but you're not judging him. Why was it passive? Because I don't use strong emotive language and don't get overly worked up on something I have no personal part in? Anyway. I find it particularly easy to make my decisions based on my own standards without having to bring someone down, for sure. No second date + no need to turn anyone into a villain. I guess I prefer not to dwell on the negative. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 1 minute ago, sothereiwas said: but I'm really thrilled that this guy got his comeuppance on a website he's never heard of. OP is just letting out some steam, it's hard out there in the dating world. She shared a story and she found support in people who understand how it made her feel. That's all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 I guess its not super gentlemanly, but tbh I don't think I would be too bothered. But that's because I don't expect first dates to pay for my coffee, especially if we met online. Or really go out of their way in any way, because lets be honest, you're complete strangers. I don't know if you actually liked him, but if you go on a second date he might actually surprise you by upping his game. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: OP is just letting out some steam, it's hard out there in the dating world. She shared a story and she found support in people who understand how it made her feel. That's all. Ah, so you're saying this was about getting some attention then? Alien concept but if you say so I'll have to shrug and take it as a possibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, littleblackheart said: Why was it passive? Because I don't use strong emotive language and don't get overly worked up on something I have no personal part in? I have been in OP's shoes, that's why I take it at heart. It usually takes a lot to offend me and I am big on 'letting go' of things I don't control but that day it happened to me, it's hard to explain what button it pushed in me but I let it all out at the guy right there in the coffee shop. OH and I almost forgot!! after I let it all out at him, he text me that I was a nut case! but sexier than my pictures so I could call him anytime....gives you an insight of how he viewed women and why he treated them in such a poor manner. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 42 minutes ago, sothereiwas said: Oh - I was most concerned with eating cake at 10am, but I see your point. And it was a chocolate muffin! lol Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 I'm not judging you, Gaeta :). I guess we can show support in different ways? Mine (and others on that thread too) is more about trying to keep things in perspective. Hopefully miss2017 will have gained from it all :). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 2 minutes ago, sothereiwas said: Ah, so you're saying this was about getting some attention then? No, you are taking my words and twisting them 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 2 minutes ago, miss2017 said: And it was a chocolate muffin! lol Oh well in that case I would have went and got my coffee and thought nothing more of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, contel3 said: I guess its not super gentlemanly, but tbh I don't think I would be too bothered. But that's because I don't expect first dates to pay for my coffee, especially if we met online. Or really go out of their way in any way, because lets be honest, you're complete strangers. I don't know if you actually liked him, but if you go on a second date he might actually surprise you by upping his game. EVERYONE starts as strangers. So that's not an excuse not to have manners. Edited February 25, 2020 by miss2017 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: No, you are taking my words and twisting them His favorite pastime. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 27 minutes ago, miss2017 said: EVERYONE starts as strangers. So that's not an excuse not to have manners. Manners in your opinion. The manners you want. Maybe he thought he had manners because he didn't treat you as a disabled child who can't even get AND pay for their coffee lol. I think he dodged a bullet to be honest. Your expectations are way too high for real life. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, SummerDreams said: Manners in your opinion. The manners you want. Maybe he thought he had manners because he didn't treat you as a disabled child who can't even get AND pay for their coffee lol. I think he dodged a bullet to be honest. Your expectations are way too high for real life. In the past my low expectations led me to date horrible man and have bad experiences. So yeah now I know better I'm gonna keep my expectations way too high for real life and expect to meet someone who has them too and we are compatible. Edited February 25, 2020 by miss2017 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 37 minutes ago, miss2017 said: EVERYONE starts as strangers. So that's not an excuse not to have manners. That's true. I imagine he too will venting to his friends about how he went on a date with someone who acted all nice on the date, continued communicating absent mindedly after the date, then blocked him for daring to eat cake before she got there. Imo, you can call it square on the 'manners' angle. See - perspective 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 13 minutes ago, SummerDreams said: Manners in your opinion. So it's ok that when this man saw OP he did not get up and continued eating his cake and not put it aside for a moment to introduce himself? Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: So it's ok that when this man saw OP he did not get up and continued eating his cake and not put it aside for a moment to introduce himself? I would say it's situational but overall I think it's a very minor thing he could have done better, probably. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, littleblackheart said: That's true. I imagine he too will venting to his friends about how he went on a date with someone who acted all nice on the date, continued communicating absent mindedly after the date, then blocked him for daring to eat cake before she got there. Imo, you can call it square on the 'manners' angle. See - perspective Yeah maybe he is doing that. Maybe his friends can help him figure it out when he mentions he didn't get up when I arrived and continued eating his cake... Edited February 25, 2020 by miss2017 1 Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Seriously, give it a thought for a moment. You get in the coffee shop, you find the guy sitting at a table with his coffee and mouth full of cake and he doesn't even get up to greet you or to introduce himself, that's the man you'll want a 2nd date with? He could be the man of your dreams you literally know nothing more at that point! strewth it’s no wonder there are so many singles on here if dates only last 5 seconds because of a mouthful of bloody cake. Jesus 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 Miss2017: I was online 3,5 years and met close to 200 men. If this behavior was normal it would have happened to me more often. In all these meetings only ONCE this happened to me!! Men have always waited for me, or me wait for them. When I arrived in the coffee shop they always got up to greet me or came outside to welcome me. Same for me! when my date came in I got up to introduce myself! It's not a gender thing. It's basic courtesy. Don't let anyone tell you this man behaved normally and you're the one with too high expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 Just now, Gaeta said: Miss2017: I was online 3,5 years and met close to 200 men. If this behavior was normal it would have happened to me more often. In all these meetings only ONCE this happened to me!! Men have always waited for me, or me wait for them. When I arrived in the coffee shop they always got up to greet me or came outside to welcome me. Same for me! when my date came in I got up to introduce myself! It's not a gender thing. It's basic courtesy. Don't let anyone tell you this man behaved normally and you're the one with too high expectations. Thank you! And don't worry I won't because fortunately I know how good manners and courtesy works. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 8 minutes ago, miss2017 said: Yeah maybe he is doing that. Maybe his friends can help him figure it out when he mentions he didn't get up when I arrived and continued eating his cake... Absolutely! Two sides to every story 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 25, 2020 Author Share Posted February 25, 2020 5 minutes ago, some_username1 said: He could be the man of your dreams you literally know nothing more at that point! strewth it’s no wonder there are so many singles on here if dates only last 5 seconds because of a mouthful of bloody cake. Jesus I don't believe the man of my dreams would behave like that. The man of my nightmares yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, littleblackheart said: I was actually defending the OP in that post, Gaeta :). in any event, what I 'see' is this that he too is entitled to his own criteria, and I'm not about to bear judgement this guy. The bottom line is, there won't be a second date; I see nothing to be gained in character assassinating this guy based on not much. It’s mad isn’t it? He crushed her under his boot heel, he’s a bum etc, and all he did was not buy her a coffee The hyperbole and histrionics based around two things (that I’m not even convinced he was doing intentionally to hurt someone) are off the scale. It’s actually worrying the level of judgement and insinuation being aimed at someone when we know so little about his actual character and how he treats his mother etc. Although I suspect we’ll hear stories soon about how he “probably gives his mother a slap and tells her to make his dinner while he sits in her basement feverishly playing video games”. All this supposition from a mouthful of bloody cake! Edited February 25, 2020 by some_username1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted February 25, 2020 Share Posted February 25, 2020 13 minutes ago, miss2017 said: In the past my low expectations led me to date horrible man and have bad experiences. The only common thing these men had was you. You didnt attract horrible men because they were horrible necessarily, it may very well have been that YOU were the one doing something wrong or giving them the wrong vibe or whatever. When we have bad experiences with people all the time, we should start thinking that maybe WE are the ones who are doing something wrong and change that. But yeah anyway, you can have high expectations all you want but you should have in mind that maybe men have high expectations as well. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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