He asked me for a coffee date but then didn't pay for the coffee?

[miss2017]

53 minutes ago, JTSW said:

Common courtesy would be arriving on time. 

You didn't. 

I did! Then he texted saying he would be late and I texted back saying in that case I’m gonna go for a walk at the nearby beach. Then he texted again later saying he has arrived and I said I’ll be there in 5 or less. I waited for him longer than he waited for me at the coffee shop.

[miss2017]

Well guys just an update: he messaged me on the dating site asking what happened and I told him how I felt about how he behaved at the date.

Not angry or anything, just pointing out the facts and saying I feel we’re not a match.

He apologised for his behaviour, saying he didn’t mean to make me feel bad but he understands he might have come across aloof and uninterested. 

He also said he would still like to see me again if I want to but I’m good thank you.

Edited February 26, 2020 by miss2017

[Gaeta]

21 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

What if the rolls were turned around....would there be a 12 page thread about it?

There is nothing attractive in a woman sitting in a coffee shop stuffing her face in cake that won't even get up to greet her guest or introduce herself. It's not gender related. 

[preraph]

Well done. Maybe since his mother didn't teach him any manners, this will give him a clue.

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, miss2017 said:

He apologised for his behaviour, saying he didn’t mean to make me feel bad but he understands he might have come across aloof and uninterested. 

There ya go! He won't make that mistake again. 

You did a good thing in telling him. 

[SummerDreams]

Please please show him this thread and tell him to sign up and tell us his side of the story!

[littleblackheart]

So basically he didn't deserve any of the badmouthing he got after all. Shocker.

 

He had the good grace to make contact again and apologise - sounds like courtesy and good manners, to me.

 

 

 

 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, littleblackheart said:

He had the good grace to make contact again and apologise - sounds like courtesy and good manners, to me.

 

No, he apologized when she told him about his behavior. And he agreed his behavior wasn't the best. 

Edited February 26, 2020 by Gaeta

[littleblackheart]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

No, he apologize when she told him about his behavior. And he agreed his behavior wasn't the best. 

He made contact himself, she had him blocked. He recognised his behaviour was off - that's a good move.

 

Honestly, I find the lack of self-reflection astounding. I get not getting along with someone and having whatever criteria you want for not seeing them again, but this self-centeredness is not classy at all.

 

Sorry Gaeta - from reading you, I have a feeling you would have told him straight up on the day and moved on. Clearly, that's not what happened here.

 

 

 

Edited February 26, 2020 by littleblackheart

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, littleblackheart said:

Sorry Gaeta - from reading you, I have a feeling you would have told him straight up on the day and moved on.

Check first page of this thread, I posted it did happened to me and I told him right there his behavior was unacceptable and I left. 

I am older and pretty confident in who I am that's why I chew his head off on the spot. I understand not all women can do that.

[littleblackheart]

Not being pro-active is no excuse for trash-talking this man, based on not much but a serious case of passive aggressivity. That was entirely unnecessary, as many of us pointed out.

[sothereiwas]

39 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

There is nothing attractive in a woman sitting in a coffee shop stuffing her face in cake that won't even get up to greet her guest or introduce herself.

I can't imagine a guy would make a fuss about it if he found her otherwise attractive though, and if he didn't find her attractive, I doubt most guys would have to come to a message board to validate their decision. So no, I'm going with "no, there would not be a 12 page thread" on this one.

[SummerDreams]

12 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I am older and pretty confident in who I am that's why I chew his head off on the spot. I understand not all women can do that.

From my point of view getting older makes (or should make) someone being less judgemental and more forgiving. It seems that the people who started doing the opposite, being forgiving and putting up with s@#$, end up being the most strict people when they grow up.

[miss2017]

3 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

From my point of view getting older makes (or should make) someone being less judgemental and more forgiving. It seems that the people who started doing the opposite, being forgiving and putting up with s@#$, end up being the most strict people when they grow up.

Yes, it’s called boundaries.

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

I can't imagine a guy would make a fuss about it if he found her otherwise attractive though, and if he didn't find her attractive

I agree, the man I told off in the coffee shop and probably humiliated in front of 10s of people text me afterward to offer me sex. Men are a different species than women. We don't get offended for the same reasons and we experience things differently as we women are usually more sensitive. Do I really need to explain this difference ....

Edited February 26, 2020 by Gaeta

[miss2017]

16 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Check first page of this thread, I posted it did happened to me and I told him right there his behavior was unacceptable and I left. 

I am older and pretty confident in who I am that's why I chew his head off on the spot. I understand not all women can do that.

I am working in getting to that place, although I hate confrontations with people I don’t even know, so next time (fingers cross that doesn’t happen again with anyone), I’ll just go get my coffee and leave.

Edited February 26, 2020 by miss2017

[SummerDreams]

2 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

I am working in getting to that place. 

Haha yeah, more aggressive women, more men for the normal single women!

[SumGuy]

Don't know about that SummerDreams. 

There is a difference between putting up with s@#$ because one is forgiving versus just insecure and dysfunctional.   As there are, to me, gracious ways to stand up for oneself, there are  also ways that are overreactions and rude in themselves.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  I know I'm swimming against the tide of outrage culture.

The forgiving, "turn the other cheek", "judge not lest ye be judged", "there but for the grace of god go I" people I know that were that way when young, are still that way when older....even if a bit saddened that few others share their view in practice.  I do agree that in general people tend to mellow with age or at least have experienced some really bad s@#$ so that what sent them over the edge when young  they see as trivial and not worth a second breath when older. 

[justwhoiam]

13 pages on the subject

I guess I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, but not letting it go. Suppose his name were Matt, I'd say:

"Oh, a Matt's date?"

He would then ask what a Matt's date is... and I'd tell him: one where he invites you out, starts eating and drinking alone, and doesn't even offer to pay for s - - t!

If he gets offended, his loss, and you established the right world balance between and man and a woman. If he's embarassed, you win

It's a win win situation!

And I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, because you said he has a daughter, and I don't know his situation. He might be widowed, like in Sleepless in Seattle, or who knows. So I wouldn't be so quick to judge a man. Something that would be much more interesting to me is how many of these dates he has.

Edited February 26, 2020 by justwhoiam

[sothereiwas]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Men are a different species than women.

That's actually not true; it turns out men and women actually successfully breed quite often. Pet peeve. 

As for the rest, I see quite a few ladies here disagreeing w/ your assertion so I'll just leave it at that, hoping I don't have to explain it. 

[Allupinnit]

No matter what anyone says here or what excuses they make for his thoughtless behavior, you DON'T have to accept it.  I met my H online and he would never have done that.  I walked away from lots of men who acted like yours did.  

[sothereiwas]

10 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

so next time (fingers cross that doesn’t happen again with anyone), I’ll just go get my coffee and leave.

I think that would be impolite as well. FOr whatever it might be worth, if it bothered me that much I'd use the truth but not the whole truth. "Sorry, I'm running late, nice to meet you, I have to go." Then get the overpriced coffee (optional) and walk off. But I've tried to live my life by avoiding unneeded confrontation, not everyone dislikes drama as much as I do. 

Have a good one, good luck in your ongoing search. 

[miss2017]

5 minutes ago, justwhoiam said:

13 pages on the subject

I guess I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, but not letting it go. Suppose his name were Matt, I'd say:

"Oh, a Matt's date?"

He would then ask what a Matt's date is... and I'd tell him: one where he invites you out, starts eating and drinking alone, and doesn't even offer to pay for s - - t!

If he gets offended, his loss, and you established the right world balance between and man and a woman. If he's embarassed, you win

It's a win win situation!

And I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, because you said he has a daughter, and I don't know his situation. He might be widowed, like in Sleepless in Seattle, or who knows. So I'd won't be so quick to judge a man. Something that would be much more interesting to me is how many of these dates he has.

His daughter is 2 years old and lives with her mom, he only sees her for a weekend every 2 weeks, so he basically lives like a single child free man most of the time. That explains his self-centered behaviour too.

Edited February 26, 2020 by miss2017

[Gaeta]

Miss2017: Good luck in your search! I am sure there are plenty of nicer dates ahead of you. I am looking forward to read about them. There are still many men out there with manners no matter their age, race, and social status. 

[miss2017]

2 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

No matter what anyone says here or what excuses they make for his thoughtless behavior, you DON'T have to accept it.  I met my H online and he would never have done that.  I walked away from lots of men who acted like yours did.  

And I am walking away too from those men hoping to find a different one like your husband. Thank you for telling they exist.