Author miss2017 Posted February 26, 2020 Author Share Posted February 26, 2020 3 minutes ago, littleblackheart said: Maybe just agree to wait for each other ahead of time, if that matters to you (that's really the only 'issue' here, as far as I can tell). Or tell him you'd rather he had waited so he knows why you're pissed off. You too have agency in this story, you're not just a passive bystander. He texted me saying he had arrived, I texted back saying I will be there in 5 minutes or less, so any person with a minimum of courtesy would have waited. It's common sense. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) Common sense is having zero expectations and making no assumptions of a complete stranger, with respect... Edited February 26, 2020 by littleblackheart 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) It really all boils down to "class" and the manners that come with "class". Being agreeable, being nice, being kind, thinking of others are what manners are all about. Bitter, jaded, and often hurt people get chips on their shoulders and see being nice as a bad thing, they get hung up on power struggles and gender wars and forget that dating is about finding someone nice and being nice back to them. This man had no manners that is the bottom line, he was a slobby guy making no effort to be nice. The OP was looking for a 40yo gentleman, he wasn't it. Edited February 26, 2020 by elaine567 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, miss2017 said: You can't find any post where I said this guy is "worthless and baaaad-baaaaad". You have said a whole lot worse than this: an absolute loser to say the least. He is just too rude. To me it felt like he just didn't give a s***. Edited February 26, 2020 by JTSW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 12 minutes ago, miss2017 said: And I'm glad I'm angry when I am treated less than I deserve. That is called self-esteem. That is called entitled. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 14 minutes ago, JTSW said: That is called entitled. Indeed. Most people would be disappointed if they were not treated like how they think they deserve. Being angry about it screams entitled as you said. Then there's the aspect of self aknowledgement, do we treat others as THEY think they deserve? This is hard because we only have one point of view: ours. This is why communication is key in a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 26, 2020 Author Share Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) 29 minutes ago, SummerDreams said: Indeed. Most people would be disappointed if they were not treated like how they think they deserve. Being angry about it screams entitled as you said. Then there's the aspect of self aknowledgement, do we treat others as THEY think they deserve? This is hard because we only have one point of view: ours. This is why communication is key in a relationship. Actually no. I didn’t get angry because I am entitled but because it reminded me of all the s*** I accepted and tolerated in the past from many guys. So in a way I was angry at myself from the past, not at him. I am moving towards not feeling angry anymore and just feel indifferent but it takes time and inner work. Edited February 26, 2020 by miss2017 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 26, 2020 Author Share Posted February 26, 2020 1 hour ago, littleblackheart said: Common sense is having zero expectations and making no assumptions of a complete stranger, with respect... I have the expectation to be treated with courtesy and manners everywhere I go, because that’s how I treat people too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss2017 Posted February 26, 2020 Author Share Posted February 26, 2020 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: It really all boils down to "class" and the manners that come with "class". Being agreeable, being nice, being kind, thinking of others are what manners are all about. Bitter, jaded, and often hurt people get chips on their shoulders and see being nice as a bad thing, they get hung up on power struggles and gender wars and forget that dating is about finding someone nice and being nice back to them. This man had no manners that is the bottom line, he was a slobby guy making no effort to be nice. The OP was looking for a 40yo gentleman, he wasn't it. Yes that’s the kind of man I am looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 5 minutes ago, miss2017 said: I have the expectation to be treated with courtesy and manners everywhere I go, because that’s how I treat people too. Seems like you just want to sit back, relax, let the guy do all the work from point dot, take no initiative or responsibility at any point, then dump it all on him if it doesn't work out, without having the decency to tell him why. Not classy. This is not showing self-worth or treating people with courtesy or kindness, btw. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 10 minutes ago, miss2017 said: I have the expectation to be treated with courtesy and manners everywhere I go, because that’s how I treat people too. And here we go again. It seems you don't read what we write, you just defend yourself and repeat the same things. Manners is not something universal that everyone should have. For example it's considered polite to want to pay for your friends' food in a tavern for some people but others get offended if you offer to do that. Some people would get offended if they invite you to their house for dinner and you bring them food, even though you did it because youconsider it good manners. And so on. This guy may be saying the same thing about you; "what the hell, I was polite with her, treated her good, we had a good date, we continued talking afterwards and suddenly she deleted me". So no, you don't treat people with the manners THEY want. You didn't do that with this guy anyway. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: he wouldn’t go down by himself and fetch her drink while she waited up there like a princess... She gets there and he accompanies her downstairs while she picks what she wants to drink. This also gives them more opportunity to talk and connect. Then he offers to pay for it. No one spike pel This is not comun. I think some people also dand so much that it looks silly. Mostly i know you go places where they serve you.So you dont need to go get anything. ""Go down with her, take your coffeee,stand there with her, pay for her, grab her coffee, get her chair when she gonna sit, serve her her coffeee..🥺😰🥵🤕😵😱🤯"" Like i just got tired by just typing that.😂 You asking to much, and like its a list of task he have to do. I understand the other points of Ts. But this you saying is to much. I just have to happen that the guy do all those steps you dream of....no one thinking about that sorry👀🤷🏽♀️😂😂😂.At the end its about how he treathed you and make you feel. He missed alot of gentlemen actions, so its clear that extra of go down walk around with her wasnt gonna happen.🙄😂 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Op, while i understand that you like men to be gentlemen, you do seem to have a rather aggressive nature. To have something so trivial get you into such a tizzy is a little passive aggressive. He wasn't the gentleman you wanted him to be. That's that. On to the next. But you became angry and came to a forum to rant about it when it should be just like water off a ducks back. If you have a dating profile then you should include what you expect from a guy on a date. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 2 hours ago, miss2017 said: And I'm glad I'm angry when I am treated less than I deserve. That is called self-esteem. I am glad you are as well Miss. Well, I would replace angry with disappointed perhaps. You DESERVE to be treated LIKE A LADY with respect and COMMON courtesy. Don't ALL ladies deserve that? I honestly think they do. Does that make my views LESS important or ancient? MAYBE Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 Not a good first meet if he`s thinking about himself and not you. Is this a sign post to his selfish behaviour in the future or was he too tight to pay for a coffee and then decided he liked you and thought he`d give it a go? I had a friend who wet out with a date with a man who didn't even offer to buy her a drink. that put her off him and I d say trust your gut instinct. Do what you think its right for you but remember when people first meet they are usually on their best behaviour. It isn't looking good if he over looked you. Its a date. He could of bought you a drink if he had been a gentleman. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 4 hours ago, SummerDreams said: , I mean he is searching for women in OLD, how serious and sane can he be? Yet here you are yourself participating to an online forum, does that mean you are not serious and sane.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Pumaza said: You asking to much You are exaggerating what she wanted. She simply wanted acknowledgment. The scenario should have been she gets there, the guy puts aside his cake and gets up to introduce himself, he apologizes for ordering already, he offers to get her a coffee....she says thank you don't worry i'll go get it. That's the attitude the guy should have shown and OP would have been open to him. Instead this guy screwed it from A to Z. Edited February 26, 2020 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
SummerDreams Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 28 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Yet here you are yourself participating to an online forum, does that mean you are not serious and sane.... Lol I'm not searching for friends or a boyfriend in here. Someone's sensitive about OLD. 😛 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 49 minutes ago, Gaeta said: She simply wanted acknowledgment. That's the claim today. That's not what she put in the thread title, however. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 1 minute ago, sothereiwas said: That's not what she put in the thread title, however. When you'll be on here for a while you'll notice people start their story with something and as it develops it turns into something else. This place is a sounding board where people often will be able to pin point more precisely what bothers them. Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: When you'll be on here for a while you'll notice people start their story with something and as it develops it turns into something else. That happens IRL too, if they see the original story isn't getting the right traction. I suspect the real full story was full of nuance, she did finish the date after all. People here make it sound like the guy must have certainly been a complete clod, without having been there. Was he distracted when she walked up? Was she so close where he noticed her that he assumed she'd just sit immediately? We don't know, and people sometimes remember things differently than they happened if pressed for additional details. Edited February 26, 2020 by sothereiwas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 3 hours ago, miss2017 said: He texted me saying he had arrived, I texted back saying I will be there in 5 minutes or less, so any person with a minimum of courtesy would have waited. It's common sense. Common courtesy would be arriving on time. You didn't. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 If when you arrived he kept eating and didn't stand to greet you, didn't offer to get your coffee and you felt insulted by all of this why didn't you just leave? If you don't put up with this behavior why did you stay and then complain on a forum about him. You could have shown him how you felt about his non action right then and there as you left him sitting there. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: You are exaggerating what she wanted. She simply wanted acknowledgment. The scenario should have been she gets there, the guy puts aside his cake and gets up to introduce himself, he apologizes for ordering already, he offers to get her a coffee....she says thank you don't worry i'll go get it. That's the attitude the guy should have shown and OP would have been open to him. Instead this guy screwed it from A to Z.nono no im not. thats what you think.and its not reality.bye✌🏽 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 What if the rolls were turned around....would there be a 12 page thread about it? 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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