Miss Spider Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, stillafool said: Then she should be happy because she is deathly afraid of getting pregnant and doesn't want to use birth control. They seem like a perfect match to me. I think she wanted to give him BJs and handjobs though? Like “fool around” Everything but PIV. I agree with you though. Not seeing the problem for OP. direct quotes from her other thread: “When i asked him do you want me to touch you, he looked at me like i was nuts and said oh I wouldn't ask you to do that, Acting like I'm his friend or co-worker. He said he would feel bad if he got off and I didn't. “ ”However, still makes me wonder when would he have asked about sex, if I wasn't talking about him moving too slow, it's not like he brought up sex on his own.” “ Yeah more I read about OP doesn’t seem like the only one struggling with stuff here Edited February 25, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Els Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 13 hours ago, Spring1234 said: Thank you everyone for all your replies, advice and insight, greatly appreciate it! I honestly am not scared of sex, we lay together naked, do everything already. I would do it if pregnancy wasn't a possibility. I just have no money, live with my parents and he doesn't have much money either. I just could never take on being a mother anytime soon. It would be horrible if I got pregnant, I'm not saying my bf wouldn't be there, however he lives an hour away and he didn't say he would marry me if I got pregnant, just said he would be there, pay for an abortion however I don't really believe in that, When you say you don't believe in that, do you mean you don't believe he'll pay for it, or you don't believe in getting an abortion? But yes, personally if I literally did not even have enough money to get an abortion, I would not have intercourse. I can understand it not being worth the risk in your situation - I guess the question that naturally follows is, why are finances this tight for both of you at your age? Do you both work?
stillafool Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: I think she wanted to give him BJs and handjobs though? Like “fool around” Everything but PIV. I agree with you though. Not seeing the problem for OP. What good does it do to get all worked up for nothing if she doesn't want to go on birth control? Why offer up blowjobs and handjobs? If he says he wouldn't ask her to do that then she should be happy the way they are. 1
SumGuy Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 @OP: Is anal on the table for either of you? It's not my thing, but it seems to be for many. No chance of pregnancy. 1
Author Spring1234 Posted February 26, 2020 Author Posted February 26, 2020 Thanks again for your replies. I just don't believe in getting an abortion, I believe he would pay for it though. I don't want to do anal. I just don't know what to do, just getting on birth control is a big decision and you have to take it everyday, right? Here's a question, if I chose to hold off with sex do you think it's deal breaking? We love each other and it would just be sad to break up over something like this. We both have trouble finding people to date. He didn't date for 5 years before me and I had a tough time too.
Author Spring1234 Posted February 26, 2020 Author Posted February 26, 2020 12 hours ago, Elswyth said: When you say you don't believe in that, do you mean you don't believe he'll pay for it, or you don't believe in getting an abortion? But yes, personally if I literally did not even have enough money to get an abortion, I would not have intercourse. I can understand it not being worth the risk in your situation - I guess the question that naturally follows is, why are finances this tight for both of you at your age? Do you both work? We do work, but we both live with our parents and have enough money for ourselves just not for a baby.
JTSW Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 2 hours ago, Spring1234 said: if I chose to hold off with sex do you think it's deal breaking? Very possibly. It's been over a year already. The fact that he's content with this tells me that he's getting something somewhere.
Miss Spider Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Spring1234 said: Thanks again for your replies. I just don't believe in getting an abortion, I believe he would pay for it though. I don't want to do anal. I just don't know what to do, just getting on birth control is a big decision and you have to take it everyday, right? Here's a question, if I chose to hold off with sex do you think it's deal breaking? We love each other and it would just be sad to break up over something like this. We both have trouble finding people to date. He didn't date for 5 years before me and I had a tough time too. Depends. Has he been insistent on sex/ pressuring you for it? Has it seemed he’s been getting inpatient? Because in your last thread you said he didn’t even seem interested in sex with you so if that hasn’t changed why would it be a deal breaker? 1
basil67 Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 21 hours ago, stillafool said: Of course you would have problems in the bedroom with your fear of getting pregnant. Why do you even want to go there if you're afraid you'll get pregnant? These aren't the kind of problems she wrote about.
Gaeta Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) You are 30 years old, you are not financially independent, and I am not hearing you are doing anything to get out of that situation. Maybe you need your parents, maybe you will always need your parents to get by in life, if so, then you are not in a situation to have children, maybe to ever have children. You should still be able to love and be loved, you should get your tubes tied and enjoy your relationship, this one, and the other ones to come. Edited February 26, 2020 by Gaeta
stillafool Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 5 hours ago, basil67 said: These aren't the kind of problems she wrote about. Really? It's in the title of the thread.
SumGuy Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, Spring1234 said: Here's a question, if I chose to hold off with sex do you think it's deal breaking? We love each other and it would just be sad to break up over something like this. We both have trouble finding people to date. He didn't date for 5 years before me and I had a tough time too. That's a question for him. Men are not all the same. I would say that leaving it indefinite without a plan is not good though. I also believe you need to get some information on birth control. You seem to know very little about it actually and going off of hearsay and anecdotes. There are legitimate websites if you can't talk to a doctor, many more choices than decades ago. My anecdotes of the women I've dated on birth control is they often said they would be on it even if not having sex as it reduced or eliminated cramps and just made things better. I guess another question is do you and he ever want to have kids? If so, maybe start planning now and how you are going to get there. If not, he could get a vasectomy and they'll do a test to make sure he is shooting blanks, which he can repeat. You could also combine that with condoms and/or birth control. Edited February 26, 2020 by SumGuy
d0nnivain Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 10 hours ago, Spring1234 said: I just don't know what to do, just getting on birth control is a big decision and you have to take it everyday, right? Here's a question, if I chose to hold off with sex do you think it's deal breaking? Some BC you take daily. Others you can get shots or implants. Some barrier methods you use at the time. It varies. Talk to a DOCTOR about the various options. It doesn't matter whether it would be a deal breaker for any of us. It only matters how your BF feels. If he is telling you that he will walk if you don't have sex with him, I'd think long & hard what you want to do next. I would also make efforts to become more financially self sufficient if that is possible. 1
rjc149 Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 On 2/26/2020 at 1:22 AM, Spring1234 said: Here's a question, if I chose to hold off with sex do you think it's deal breaking? We love each other and it would just be sad to break up over something like this. It's not really a trivial matter, OP. Sexual intercourse is an essential aspect of adult romantic partnerships. I think the question you need to ask yourself is *why* you are choosing to hold off on sex. Not whether it's a deal-breaker for your boyfriend. For heterosexual adult men, yes, no sex after a year of committed dating with their girlfriend is a deal-breaker. If it's not a deal-breaker for your BF, I would consider that a red flag -- is it actually a exclusive and monogamous relationship? Is he actually heterosexual? Are his testes producing androgen and testosterone at healthy levels? Something is probably going on behind his curtains that you aren't privy to.
Author Spring1234 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Posted April 29, 2020 We tried to have sex, but it didn't work. It hurt too bad to go in all the way, only the head went in. He is able to fit two fingers in too. We used a condom and moisturizing spermicide. I can't go to the gynecologist until who knows when because of the virus. What should we do?
Author Spring1234 Posted April 29, 2020 Author Posted April 29, 2020 What I meant by who knows when is because I am not sure when my doc will be taking new appointments and there's a waitlist
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Spring1234 said: We tried to have sex, but it didn't work. It hurt too bad to go in all the way, only the head went in. He is able to fit two fingers in too. We used a condom and moisturizing spermicide. I can't go to the gynecologist until who knows when because of the virus. What should we do? This could be you tense and very uncomfortable about him entering you. You have had a lot of anxiety over this. This may sound a little crazy, but have you considered trying to use a dildo or penis-like or shaped object (safe sex toy) and lubricate it to use on yourself? Two fingers is not the same as a fully erect penis. If you experiment on yourself, you may be able to relax more and find out if it indeed is a physical issue or just psychological. Just a thought.
preraph Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 It's simple. If you don't get on birth control you're going to get pregnant. There are lots of different types of birth control now. Please just go to a gynecologist who does not specialize in obstetrics and who keeps up with hormone therapy. you can call and talk to his nurse and just ask her to let you know because you don't want someone who is just an OB because they tend to just spend all their time burping babies and not much time doing the fine points of birth control. Read up on all the different types. I have been on hormones for 50 years. Don't believe people who say it's real dangerous. It's like any other pill you would take as far as they all have possible side effect but that does not mean that there is a high likelihood you will get them. Be safe and plan your pregnancies and do not rely on men to keep you from getting pregnant!
JTSW Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 7 hours ago, Spring1234 said: We tried to have sex, but it didn't work. It hurt too bad to go in all the way, only the head went in. He is able to fit two fingers in too. We used a condom and moisturizing spermicide. I can't go to the gynecologist until who knows when because of the virus. What should we do? This isnt a gynecologist thing. It's a mentality thing. Your muscles are tensing up which stop him going any further. As Gr8fuln2020 suggested, experiment with a sex toy and itll help you get use to the feel of something inside.
Miss Spider Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 (edited) Basically, you might want to try a therapist, Opie. This is above our pay grade Edited April 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough
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