Rant-guy showed me how little respect he has for me.

[enchanted771]

I.I have been seeing this guy off and on for a year. He invited me to a family birthday party, so I dropped my son off to his dad early. I go to my friends house with my bag, as he told me last week that he wants me to go to church with him. I get there and he’s already drinking..red flag. We leave 2 hours later, and as we leave he asks (while highly intoxicated) if I have the key to my house, because I may be going back to my house after. He seemed to think going to a party with me and dumping me off home so he could hang out with his boys was ok. Told me it was “guy time” so he pretty much just wanted to ditch me and for me to be understanding and ok like this is normal behavior! I told him while In an Uber, that if he does this I won’t forgive him or talk to him ever again, and he says then be mad and you don’t have to talk me. And at the same time told me he respects and cares about me. If he did, he wouldn’t be ditching me for a bunch of guys to get drunk and high with and from what I learned they do more hard core stuff too...I ended up staying at the party and hanging with some girls there, even though he kept telling me 45 minutes later that he’s putting me in a cab and I need to go..the girl there told him I’m staying there and hanging out with her. Which he didn’t seem to like, so he was being controlling, but now I know he didn’t want me to stay because he was afraid of what family members and friends would say to me..and they said plenty-recovering alcoholic, how I need to leave him because him ditching me shows he doesn’t care. He left, and do you think he checked to see if I was on? Nope. He has a real drinking problem so his focus is on alcohol and his party friends. And at 45 years old, his lifestyle of drinking and partying will never change. It’s who he is..so next 

[Gaeta]

Yes a big NEXT.

Next time don't wait a full year to dump someone that has no respect for you. 

[Wanderlust2018]

Next indeed. How rude, disrespectful and childish! 

I had a sort of similar situation over a year ago with a woman I was dating. I’d known her for many years, never a sign of alcoholism, or erratic behavior. She’s my +1 at a work (where I’m also the boss) party and proceeds to get really drunk. But wait...there’s more! I then observed her (as did others) getting the phone number of one of my male employees! When I calmly walked over and said “it’s time for us to go” she caused a huge scene, became belligerent, erratic and very argumentative. Suffice to say, I’ve never been so embarrassed in my entire life, that aside from it placing me in a very compromising situation with the one staff member. That was the immediate end of her. You seriously can’t make this stuff up!

[preraph]

Well, it was a gift.  You now know you can walk out with no guilty conscience and it happened before he completely ruined your life. 

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, enchanted771 said:

I have been seeing this guy off and on for a year.

I get there and he’s already drinking..red flag. 

family members and friends said plenty-recovering alcoholic, how I need to leave him

He has a real drinking problem

Are you saying this is the first time all of these red flags appeared in one year's time?

The first time his alcoholism manifested itself, I'd have been out of there.

Edited February 23, 2020 by kendahke

[Gr8fuln2020]

2 hours ago, enchanted771 said:

I.I have been seeing this guy off and on for a year. He invited me to a family birthday party, so I dropped my son off to his dad early. I go to my friends house with my bag, as he told me last week that he wants me to go to church with him. I get there and he’s already drinking..red flag. We leave 2 hours later, and as we leave he asks (while highly intoxicated) if I have the key to my house, because I may be going back to my house after. He seemed to think going to a party with me and dumping me off home so he could hang out with his boys was ok. Told me it was “guy time” so he pretty much just wanted to ditch me and for me to be understanding and ok like this is normal behavior! I told him while In an Uber, that if he does this I won’t forgive him or talk to him ever again, and he says then be mad and you don’t have to talk me. And at the same time told me he respects and cares about me. If he did, he wouldn’t be ditching me for a bunch of guys to get drunk and high with and from what I learned they do more hard core stuff too...I ended up staying at the party and hanging with some girls there, even though he kept telling me 45 minutes later that he’s putting me in a cab and I need to go..the girl there told him I’m staying there and hanging out with her. Which he didn’t seem to like, so he was being controlling, but now I know he didn’t want me to stay because he was afraid of what family members and friends would say to me..and they said plenty-recovering alcoholic, how I need to leave him because him ditching me shows he doesn’t care. He left, and do you think he checked to see if I was on? Nope. He has a real drinking problem so his focus is on alcohol and his party friends. And at 45 years old, his lifestyle of drinking and partying will never change. It’s who he is..so next 

You discovered all of this from a single party? Not during the on and off over a year? Go to church with him? Alcoholic, drug user, controlling...this solitary act of disrespect would have been the least of your worries. As soon as I find out someone is involved in excessive drinking or drug use, IT IS OVER. Nothing will redeem that person in my eyes. Good riddance, right?

[smackie9]

Never ignore the first red flag...you wasted a whole year of your life on this chump.

[enchanted771]

On 2/23/2020 at 1:27 PM, smackie9 said:

Never ignore the first red flag...you wasted a whole year of your life on this chump.

I know..he tried to apologize yesterday with lame videos and I didn’t accept his apology. So today, he says I’m moving on with myself and life. This is what he has always done, when he can’t get his way or is in denial..I am getting my things after work then I’m blocking him 

[Redhead14]

On 2/23/2020 at 9:58 AM, enchanted771 said:

I.I have been seeing this guy off and on for a year.

He has a real drinking problem

I don't understand why your writing all this when you've made the two statements above.  On and off for a year would be cause alone to ditch him, let alone having a drinking problem.  The fact is that alcoholics are extremely selfish people.  Their #1 priority is alcohol and themselves . . .  Say goodbye to this guy and never look back.  Block, delete, forget.  Don't entertain any more contact from or with him.  He will play games with you.  Tell him "Game over, Dude".

[enchanted771]

10 minutes ago, Redhead14 said:

I don't understand why your writing all this when you've made the two statements above.  On and off for a year would be cause alone to ditch him, let alone having a drinking problem.  The fact is that alcoholics are extremely selfish people.  Their #1 priority is alcohol and themselves . . .  Say goodbye to this guy and never look back.  Block, delete, forget.  Don't entertain any more contact from or with him.  He will play games with you.  Tell him "Game over, Dude".

Just venting..guess I can’t understand how one person can be so selfish and uncaring. As long as things go his way, he will be your friend.

[littleblackheart]

36 minutes ago, enchanted771 said:

I know..he tried to apologize yesterday with lame videos and I didn’t accept his apology. So today, he says I’m moving on with myself and life. This is what he has always done, when he can’t get his way or is in denial..I am getting my things after work then I’m blocking him 

Good for you. This sounds a little dysfunctional, tbf.

 

Maybe magnanimously accept his apology, but move on nevertheless; sometimes you just need that final straw.

 

Maybe ask a friend to go with you to gather you stuff for moral support?

[enchanted771]

1 hour ago, littleblackheart said:

Good for you. This sounds a little dysfunctional, tbf.

 

Maybe magnanimously accept his apology, but move on nevertheless; sometimes you just need that final straw.

 

Maybe ask a friend to go with you to gather you stuff for moral support?

He’s a chump. Now he says he doesn’t know if he will be home today, but will give to me tomorrow...he can’t spare 2 min? I feel like he’s playing games 

[littleblackheart]

Then get your stuff tomorrow, no big deal. Ask for a specific time and be there (with a friend or family member, if you can).

 

Don't gift him any drama, that's what he wants.

 

All you want is your stuff back, at this point.

[stillafool]

39 minutes ago, enchanted771 said:

He’s a chump. Now he says he doesn’t know if he will be home today, but will give to me tomorrow...he can’t spare 2 min? I feel like he’s playing games 

If it was me he could have whatever I left there.  That's why I never left anything over.

[kendahke]

3 hours ago, enchanted771 said:

.guess I can’t understand how one person can be so selfish and uncaring.

You're not an alcoholic, that's why.

[enchanted771]

1 hour ago, kendahke said:

You're not an alcoholic, that's why.

Your right..he got all weird when I told him after the previous events I won’t be drinking for a while. Not one drop. Guess it’s boring that I don’t need alcohol to have fun 

[major_merrick]

Pretty fundamental incompatibility.  He loves alcohol, you don't want to be around it.  Probably could have figured this out before a year was invested, but better now than after getting married.  At least you didn't stick around to try to "change" him, because that never works.