Much less physical attraction on 2nd date- to pursue?

[rjc149]

39 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

But yes it is promising that I did feel a strong sense of physical attraction on the first date. 

Women can be sexually attracted to men they don't find all that physically appealing, likewise, they can find a guy really good looking without having any sexual or romantic interest in him. 

So I'm wondering -- did you think this guy looked hot on on the 1st date? Or was the connection and spark on the 1st date, and the interplay of your personalities, attracting you to him? And when he showed up puffy-faced and droopy-eyed with unflattering glasses, his lack of physical appeal stood out more conspicuously?

Edited February 23, 2020 by rjc149

[OnlyHonesty]

That's all it took? You might as well just go home and forget all about dating...

[Miss Spider]

I don’t get the point of shaming her. The alternative is to date someone you don’t desire. What is the point of that? Just be friends. 
 

Also, could it be his choice of frames, OP? This sounds more superficial, but it’s actually not. You can often tell a lot about a person that goes beyond the physical by the way they dress. If they were trendier maybe that would make a difference 

[SumGuy]

I think you’re in trouble, what can you possibly do?  Oh wait, takes the glasses off! 

Seriously though, what were you attracted to the first time the clothes or what’s in them?

I’d be honest with him if you see him again, he needs to know what he is getting into.  

[Miss Spider]

I don’t care what the guy in them looks like, if he’s wearing white sunglasses, oakleys or sports sunglasses ( unless he is engaging in a sport ), I am out 

Edited February 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Gaeta]

11 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I don’t care what the guy in them looks like, if he’s wearing white sunglasses, oakleys or sports sunglasses ( unless he is engaging in a sport ), I am out 

I always said I will never EVER date a man with a mustache, I hate them so bad! guess who grew a mustache a couple of months after we started dating! Now I think he's sexy with his mustache.

Edited February 24, 2020 by Gaeta

[Fletch Lives]

On 2/23/2020 at 1:42 AM, Cookiesandough said:

I’d give it a third date, but I’ll warn you, girl. Every time this happened to me it was finished. There just wasn’t enough physical attraction there. 

 - This is worth quoting again.

Let me put it this way: When a woman is on the fence about a guy......like op.........where one day she loves him, one day she does not.......that means there is no attraction. 

real attraction is consistent, or rises.

So all a third date would do is waste time (and the guys' money?). This is the way attraction works. 

[Miss Spider]

wrong thread 

Edited February 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Fletch Lives]

It's never the wrong thread for you!

[babybrowns]

20 hours ago, rjc149 said:

Women can be sexually attracted to men they don't find all that physically appealing, likewise, they can find a guy really good looking without having any sexual or romantic interest in him. 

So I'm wondering -- did you think this guy looked hot on on the 1st date? Or was the connection and spark on the 1st date, and the interplay of your personalities, attracting you to him? And when he showed up puffy-faced and droopy-eyed with unflattering glasses, his lack of physical appeal stood out more conspicuously?

This is very helpful, yes it was an all-round spark on the first date, but I definitely did feel physically attracted to him. I'm someone that doesn't get butterflies, especially to the level that I did, if I'm not physically attracted to someone, I've always been like that for 30 years. I do believe it was the lack of effort on the appearance front that put me off, his clothes weren't too smart either. On his online dating profile there are so many pictures with him looking hot, no glasses and wearing a nice shirt, taken at friends' parties and so forth.

 

18 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I don’t get the point of shaming her. The alternative is to date someone you don’t desire. What is the point of that? Just be friends. 
 

Also, could it be his choice of frames, OP? This sounds more superficial, but it’s actually not. You can often tell a lot about a person that goes beyond the physical by the way they dress. If they were trendier maybe that would make a difference 

Yes I think that it is this as well; he turned up looking a bit dorky and I was left thinking 'where was the handsome guy that gave me butterflies last time?'. He even warned me about it in advance, texting me "I warn you, I look horrendous!" 

 

2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

 - This is worth quoting again.

Let me put it this way: When a woman is on the fence about a guy......like op.........where one day she loves him, one day she does not.......that means there is no attraction. 

real attraction is consistent, or rises.

So all a third date would do is waste time (and the guys' money?). This is the way attraction works. 

 

It might be worth mentioning that this is long-distance dating. We live 3 hours apart. I travelled all the way to his part of the country for this second date, I booked a hotel and everything. For our first date he came to see me for an evening (drove back at night), I booked a nice restaurant and I paid for his dinner. He treated me to dinner this time which was nice.

But due to the long distance aspect I am really on the fence about whether to meet with him again. The intense attraction I felt on the first date dropped down by 50% on the second, but it couldn't have come from nowhere that first time. I am willing to give it one more shot just as to not have any regrets. He offered to come to my town again but since he's more keen and hopeful than me, I'll go up to his neck of the woods again as to not waste any of his efforts and hopes.

Edited February 24, 2020 by babybrowns

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, babybrowns said:

Yes I think that it is this as well; he turned up looking a bit dorky and I was left thinking 'where was the handsome guy that gave me butterflies last time?'. He even warned me about it in advance, texting me "I warn you, I look horrendous!" 

? How is this any different than a man judging a woman by how she looks in the morning without make up and messed up hair?   Or if she fails to wear sexy clothes?  

[babybrowns]

1 minute ago, SumGuy said:

? How is this any different than a man judging a woman by how she looks in the morning without make up and messed up hair?   Or if she fails to wear sexy clothes?  

The difference is that, a woman wouldn’t turn up like that to a second date. 

[SumGuy]

14 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

The difference is that, a woman wouldn’t turn up like that to a second date. 

Sure in the hair and make up, but what about the sexy clothes?

isnt being judged on lack of sexy clothes being judged for not meeting the male gaze?

[Miss Spider]

There are dudes that put 0 thought into what they wear. Like with glasses, it’s not hard to pick a pair that fit your face/identity. But some guys don’t care anything about that and just wear anything. . A woman may not care either or may even be attracted to that. But for the same reasons, a woman may be more attracted to a guy who wears something more coordinated to show he has some creativity or is fashion forward or whatever.

Edited February 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[BrennaR]

Ah, the good old glasses. Some faces just don't look good in glasses. I wear glasses part time (mostly contacts) and there is literally just one pair that I bought that actually look good on me and it took me weeks to pick it out. And they were in mens section. Could this be as easy as a new pair of glasses? Or was there more?

[anotherfool]

Just have another beer! 

[babybrowns]

7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

There are dudes that put 0 thought into what they wear. Like with glasses, it’s not hard to pick a pair that fit your face/identity. But some guys don’t care anything about that and just wear anything. . A woman may not care either or may even be attracted to that. But for the same reasons, a woman may be more attracted to a guy who wears something more coordinated to show he has some creativity or is fashion forward or whatever.

Yes I agree. The thing is that this guy does put in this ‘how do I look’ effort for special occasions as I see from his pictures, where he looks handsome. But for some reason he doesn’t see dates as being that demanding of good appearance. He’s also looking to settle down quite quickly it seems. Perhaps next time when I see him I’ll feel some of that giddiness again which was so apparent on date #1.

[Fletch Lives]

So you are going to go see him again. It's a waste of time. But please keep us updated.

[stillafool]

On 2/23/2020 at 10:11 AM, FMW said:

I think if seeing him in unattractive glasses is enough to turn you off, then there's definitely not enough attraction there. 

I agree.  Glasses cannot hide good looks.  They can actually make a good looking person look hotter.

[Hopeful30]

I would go on a third date. We all have our bad days. Of course we look our best in the beginning, but be mindful of whether this really was "one off" incident, or if he was pretending to look like someone else when really he doesn't look like that at all.

[SumGuy]

On 2/25/2020 at 2:18 AM, babybrowns said:

Yes I agree. The thing is that this guy does put in this ‘how do I look’ effort for special occasions as I see from his pictures, where he looks handsome. But for some reason he doesn’t see dates as being that demanding of good appearance. He’s also looking to settle down quite quickly it seems. Perhaps next time when I see him I’ll feel some of that giddiness again which was so apparent on date #1.

Your messing with him if you're not honest about how important his dress is to you, how his last look turned you off.  

He's going to think you're chill with his dumpy side if you want to see him after seeing him having a really bad hair day, so to speak.   

[Kaarek]

I don't want to sound mean but are you going out shopping? It's quite disheartening how many people now days look for "Qualities" and the "Right" one although they don't even ask themselves "am I the right one?".

Although I respect your preferences and needs, as the guy wrote on the first page, do this guy a favor and tell him you're not interested. 

You're focusing so much on what you "expect" from the guy while ignoring the real deal which was him hanging out with you although he was worn out. You will have a hard time finding an "ideal" partner if all you're focusing on is his appearance and what he's wearing. Best Regards

[Noproblem]

Not everyday guys and girls look good. Some day I look beautiful, other days I look ugly. You should expect that of all people and give them a chance..
but if you lost interest, I guess it is better just to move on!

 

Edited February 28, 2020 by Noproblem