babybrowns Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 Hello all, I met a really great guy online. We had our first date a couple of weeks ago, it went really well and I felt really attracted to him. Physically, intellectually, and emotionally attracted- been a while since I met someone I liked so much. Gave me butterflies and he would be the main subject of my thoughts after that first date, I was telling everyone about him. I was pleased that he felt a similar way about me- was texting me all the time, making his interest clear. Sending me funny selfies at work and sharing things with me. I was looking forward to our second date. However on the second date, he looked a bit different in his appearance. He even warned me of this in a jokey way right before the date “by the way, I look awful!”. He had been working nights that week with little sleep, and he came to our date wearing a big pair of glasses that hid almost half his face. I think he is someone that looks a lot better without glasses but ofcourse it’s not my place to say that (unless there’s a way of doing so with cute subtlety??). I appreciated the fact that he still came out despite being so worn out, but it did have a negative impact on my level of physical attraction. However I am still attracted to his personality and intellect. But I do need to feel physical attraction in order to date someone. So there was quite a difference in how I felt about him physically on the first versus the second date, but the fact that I did feel physical attraction on the first date shows it was perhaps a one-off on the second date which might not be there next time? I am wondering whether I should try a 3rd date with him? Thanks for your advice 1 1
ccas93 Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) Wow. Yes give him a third date, you say he's such a great guy in so many ways, but you are seriously wondering if you should give him a third date because he wore glasses you didn't care for, the second time you met him? No wonder dating is so difficult. Jeez. Edited February 23, 2020 by ccas93 2
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) I’d give it a third date, but I’ll warn you, girl. Every time this happened to me it was finished. There just wasn’t enough physical attraction there. Edited February 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2 1
chillii Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 Yeah def give it another go but yeah be ready for a let down too , not to say there will be hopefully he's much better next time butttt, as cookie says. 1
Author babybrowns Posted February 23, 2020 Author Posted February 23, 2020 48 minutes ago, ccas93 said: Wow. Yes give him a third date, you say he's such a great guy in so many ways, but you are seriously wondering if you should give him a third date because he wore glasses you didn't care for, the second time you met him? No wonder dating is so difficult. Jeez. Thanks for your advice. I’ve got nothing at all against wearing glasses, my family and best friends wear glasses full time. But this guy just seems to look a lot better when he opts for contacts rather than glasses, they tend to obscure his face. Physical attraction is important for me at this early courtship stage especially. 1 1
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) 20/20 vision girl checking in. So weird. I don’t think I’ve met a person I thought was cute that I didn’t think was just as cute if not more so with glasses :3 But we like what we like Edited February 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Fletch Lives Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 6 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I’d give it a third date, but I’ll warn you, girl. Every time this happened to me it was finished. There just wasn’t enough physical attraction there. Yup. Real interest goes up not down. The attraction is not there. When it's love, you will know. When you don't know it's a no-go. 1
Gaeta Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 Glasses can be changed it's not like you hate his nose. A good guy that makes you laugh and has the same level of interest isn't that easy to find. You should be careful how you discard people. Also, for all you know maybe he broke his Guci glasses and was stock wearing his old one on your date. 2 1
Gaeta Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 27 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: I get stock all the time! Stuck lol, 1
d0nnivain Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 No don't waste his time. He told you he was exhausted & that he had been working nights. He's a great guy who made a real effort but you are not being appreciative of that. He deserves better. When you start evaluating people based on non superficial criteria that can't be changed rather then rejecting somebody you barely know because he was wearing glasses, you will have an easier time finding somebody. While you are still chasing butterflies & expecting them to be constant, you will be disappointed. 9
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 But...she’s not attracted to him...? I mean really you can’t force that 2
BaileyB Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) OMG, it’s been two dates. Assuming the reason for the glasses was not related to the fact that he is a raging alcoholic and he was totally hungover, go out with the man again. Thw first date, you were about to write off because he wasn’t texting enough. The second date, you are about to write off because you didn’t find him attractive. With the right person, love isn’t this fickle... My guy wears sweatpants and old t-shirts around the house because they are comfortable. I love him - in spite of this... If there is any reason not to date this man, it should be that he lives far from you. Otherwise, give the guy a chance and get to know him a little more... Edited February 23, 2020 by BaileyB 1
Gaeta Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 14 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: But...she’s not attracted to him...? I mean really you can’t force that She was attracted to him on their first date when he didn't wear his glasses. She is letting an accessory come in the way of her attraction. The guy is not wearing these glasses every day, he said he was exhausted. When they establish a relationship she can tell him his glasses are really ugly and he'll change them. It's like dumping a man because you don't like his look in his reading glasses, it's a joke. 6 1
Ellener Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 Physical attraction comes and goes even in the strongest connections. Goodness, I look fabulous some days, others, not so much...sometimes I wonder what happened while I was sleeping! 4 1
FMW Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 I think if seeing him in unattractive glasses is enough to turn you off, then there's definitely not enough attraction there. The guy I'm seeing occasionally wears glasses for certain things and they are kind of dorky frames - but I'm just as attracted to him as ever when he has them on. I guess because I am genuinely attracted to him, I just find them kind of adorable. 2 1
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 10 minutes ago, FMW said: I think if seeing him in unattractive glasses is enough to turn you off, then there's definitely not enough attraction there. The guy I'm seeing occasionally wears glasses for certain things and they are kind of dorky frames - but I'm just as attracted to him as ever when he has them on. I guess because I am genuinely attracted to him, I just find them kind of adorable Exactly !!!’ 1
rjc149 Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 You weren't actually physically attracted to him per se to begin with. That's the only way I can make sense of such a 180, unless he gained 50 lbs between dates or had a major acne breakout or got a really unflattering haircut. Or, unless you're just comically fickle in which case no, don't bother this guy, let him find someone who doesn't find his glasses a massive turn-off and deal breaker. I'm guessing your attraction to him was primarily emotional and intellectual, and you got butterflies from his lovebombing. He was just *barely* cutting it in the looks department, not appealing in its own right but not low enough for immediate dismissal. His frumpy appearance on the 2nd date caused him to fall short of the cutoff. He simply didn't have enough handsome capital to show up to a date looking like sh-t. 2 1
smackie9 Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) Just my opinion but first impressions count. There is no way I would show up for a date looking like crap because I was working long hours, would you? No of course not. He knew he was working like this all week. He had plenty of time to make different arrangements so he could give himself time for a nap to be refreshed, a shower, and a nice change of clothes to be presentable. You were right to be turned off. Not just by his appearance but his lack of effort to look good for the second date. He doesn't cut it. TBH showing up for a date doesn't take real effort. Edited February 23, 2020 by smackie9 2
Fletch Lives Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: TBH showing up for a date doesn't take real effort. - especially for a man.
Author babybrowns Posted February 23, 2020 Author Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) Thank you all for your inputs so far. I was a little wary of starting this thread due to anticipating how shallow it would sound. I really don’t mean for it to come across in such a way. But physical attraction is important to me and even with the mitigating circumstances of him being worn out from the heavy night shifts, which showed effort by itself in him coming out despite being so tired, I just didn’t feel much of the attraction sparks last night. It is worth mentioning here that at the end of the date I did agree to see him again due to the other forms of attraction I have with him which were still present on the second date: personality, intellect etc. I would like to clarify that my feelings on a seemingly small issue exist because it was only the second date. A second encounter should normally help to build the physical attraction up to a level of liking that would not be tarnished by something like glasses. If this guy and I had established this foundation of fondness early on as one does in the courtship stage, who cares if one of us is not putting on a “wear what suits you best!” down the line. But yes it is promising that I did feel a strong sense of physical attraction on the first date. This is why I am willing to give things another go. I just wish I could find a way of cutely saying “you’ve got such nice eyes, it’s a shame to hide them!” Edited February 23, 2020 by babybrowns
chillii Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 He only hid them once, if you end up seeing more of each other you will.
BaileyB Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 Of course, physical attraction is important... But seriously, the dude wore glasses to a date. If that’s enough to make you pass on what otherwise (one other date) has been a guy who has been kind, interesting, funny, and good looking than you are going to have problems with dating. It feels to me like you are playing the game with sweaty palms - you put up with WAY TOO MUCH from the last guy and yet, you are have pretty much decided to cut this guy off without giving him a chance. Physical attraction is relative - go for a hike with the guy on a day when he is well rested and happy, he’s wearing shorts and a nice fitting t-shirt that shows off his tan, give him a pair of sunglasses and you will think he is “the one.” Go out with him again, or not - it matters not to us. But don’t try to tell us that you are going to not explore an opportunity with a man because he wore glasses and you weren’t as attracted to him as you were the first day you met him... because, those of us who have been in a relationship will tell you - what attracts you to the man should be so much more than a pair of glasses and a tired man after a long day of work. As someone said earlier - he still made the effort to see you, and that counted for nothing... 2
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