Went on a first date and the guy seemed interested, but my friends said it came off like I wasn't. Input appreciated.

[BrittanyEliza]

I recently went on a date with a guy I met on Bumble. I’m from a city about an hour away and was staying at a friend’s house in the city he lives in. I took a Lyft to the restaurant and met him there. He asked for my phone number before the date was over (we kept all communication on the app before we met). He opened doors for me, dropped me off at my friend’s house, we made out for about 10 minutes, and then he texted me literally two minutes after he dropped me off to make sure I got inside okay (he watched me go in my friend’s house, so he knew I got in okay). He also texted me the next night to make sure I made it back to my city okay. Before he dropped me off, he did ask me the next time I’d be in his city, but I said I didn’t know (because I don’t). No plans of a second date were made, and I’m guessing that’s because of the hour difference between us. I do like him, though. Does it sound like he’s interested to you guys? Should I text him next time I’m there? 

I’m only 24 and I’ve been in a LTR for a few years and I haven’t dated much. I know how rare it is to come back from a first date actually liking someone. The main reason I ask this is because one of my friends told me I made it seem like I wasn’t interested because I told him I didn’t know when I would be back to his city. She said that was essentially him putting the ball in my court - is this true? That really wasn’t the case - I truly don’t know when I’ll be back. Basically, I’m not good at dating haha. Thanks for your input!

Edited February 20, 2020 by BrittanyEliza
Spelling error

[smackie9]

COMMUNICATE!! Should have told him you really enjoyed the date and look forward to seeing him again. Then say, that you will be CALLING him very soon to set up another date. When you say that, it sounds positive, rather that just saying "I don't know" It's in all how you say it, can change the tone.

Nothing wrong with a little text here and there to have him know you are still interested. maybe ask him a few questions about where to go next, or what kind of food he likes or just simple chit chat asking him how he is doing.

Edited February 20, 2020 by smackie9

[Gaeta]

You don't want this to turn into you visiting only when you're in his town. Contact him, say you'd like to spend time with him again and offer an activity sonewhere in middle.

1 hour drive is nothing. I do that every morning to go to work.

Yes your reply to him came across as semi interested. Always offer another date and time. You 2 can easily date 1 h apart

Edited February 20, 2020 by Gaeta

[Miss Spider]

He asked when you’d be be back in his city then presumably dropped it so my impression of that is he only sees it worth a second date if you come to him/his city. But if you want to see him again in spite of this, tell him the next time you’re in town.

Edited February 20, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

I’d agree she should have given an alternative if he asked her to meet again, but he did not 

[snowboy91]

5 hours ago, BrittanyEliza said:

The main reason I ask this is because one of my friends told me I made it seem like I wasn’t interested because I told him I didn’t know when I would be back to his city. 

I'd agree with your friend - that to me sounds like you're not all that interested. But if that statement is legitimate, you can still show your interest in other ways, like keeping in consistent contact and making concrete plans to actually go and see him again. 

1 hour is a fair distance but is easily overcome with a little effort.

[d0nnivain]

While many of us commute an hour each way for work, some city dwellers like you seem to think that across town is too much of an effort.  So first do you really see the distance as insurmountable.  If you do, just end this.  If you understand that 1 hour is nothing, reach out to the guy & you ask him on a date where you two meet some place in the middle.  You have to do this because at this point you dropped the ball & left him with the impression that you are not interested so now you have to fix it.  

[introverted1]

16 hours ago, BrittanyEliza said:

Before he dropped me off, he did ask me the next time I’d be in his city, but I said I didn’t know (because I don’t).

It sounds like he is interested, but only if you will be coming to his city.  Otherwise, when you said you didn't know when you'd be back he should have offered the alternate to either come to your city or meet in the middle (which can be logistically limiting, especially for any sort of physical escalation, although this is probably not crucial on Date #2).

[kendahke]

You can say you don't know, but also that you'd really like to go out with him again and offered to come up with an idea that's mutually convenient for both of you to get to.

Do you have a car?

[Lotsgoingon]

I can't really tell on this one--either way.

He asked you when you were coming back to town. Well ... sounds interested ... but ... also sounds noncommittal ... He didn't say, "How can we see each other again soon?"

And you ... first of all, there is nothing wrong is you're not interested. Yeah, you're talking a bit flat here--doesn't sound like you all that interested. Are you really disappointed that he didn't follow up? Again, I can't really tell.

Let's assume you are interested ... Yeah, you could have thrown a hint like ... "I'm not sure when I'm scheduled to return. But you're only an hour away, so I can return if there is reason to do so."

But my gut says he should have followed up and been more aggressive. So I'm thinking he might not be that interested. He shouldn't have asked, "when will you be in town again?" That's a wimpy question--too cautious. If he wanted to see you again, he should have said that: "I had a great time. I want to see you again." 

 

 

[basil67]

On 2/21/2020 at 11:48 PM, d0nnivain said:

While many of us commute an hour each way for work, some city dwellers like you seem to think that across town is too much of an effort.  

True that.  An hour of open road vs an hour of traffic jams, aggressive drivers and road rage make a huge difference.   With the former, it's a relaxing journey, whereas the latter leaves one feeling like they need a stiff drink upon arrival.  

[BrittanyEliza]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I can't really tell on this one--either way.

He asked you when you were coming back to town. Well ... sounds interested ... but ... also sounds noncommittal ... He didn't say, "How can we see each other again soon?"

And you ... first of all, there is nothing wrong is you're not interested. Yeah, you're talking a bit flat here--doesn't sound like you all that interested. Are you really disappointed that he didn't follow up? Again, I can't really tell.

Let's assume you are interested ... Yeah, you could have thrown a hint like ... "I'm not sure when I'm scheduled to return. But you're only an hour away, so I can return if there is reason to do so."

But my gut says he should have followed up and been more aggressive. So I'm thinking he might not be that interested. He shouldn't have asked, "when will you be in town again?" That's a wimpy question--too cautious. If he wanted to see you again, he should have said that: "I had a great time. I want to see you again." 

 

 

While we didn’t plan a second date, I guess the reason I thought there was at least some interest was because he texted me a day after the date to make sure I got back to my city okay. We had the conversation about when I would be coming back in his car as he was dropping me back off at my friend’s house. I just figured that if he truly wasn’t interested, he would have stopped all communication as he was dropping me off. But, you are probably right. It definitely was noncommittal. Like I said, I’m new to dating and trying to figure things out! I appreciate your response. 

[Gaeta]

14 hours ago, BrittanyEliza said:

 But, you are probably right. It definitely was noncommittal. Like I said, I’m new to dating and trying to figure things out! I appreciate your response. 

Don't interprete it like that. You unconsciously made a mistake by not offering an alternative date so he is also allowed a mistake, right! You were not aware what you said came across as luckywarm, so maybe he also didn't realize what he said came across as non commital. 

Offer him a date in the middle that's all, in life you've got to take risks if you want rewards.