Wanderlust2018 Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 21 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I have been told that I am REAL MAN! I have used OLD. Therefore, I am a REAL MAN who uses OLD....and gets dates. Yup, real men also use OLD. Seriously, I just don't see what the fuss is regarding the use of OLD as just another means to an end...OLD has given more people more options which is both a good and bad things. My mom knows, my brother and sister knows, all the people I've met (and haven't met) OLD knows, some of my co-workers know and use, shoot, my kids have known...eh. This. I have a great life and career, am in the top 5% of income earners in the U.S., am an investor in a side international business, in shape, attractive (I hear I’m the “hottest dad” at my kids school lol)...oh and I’m 6’2” in bare feet and also primarily use OLD to meet women. I don’t see it as a bad thing and actually, as an efficient way to pre screen a potential love interest. I too don’t hide the fact that I’m on there. I’ve had it lead to in person introductions from women I know who saw me on an OLD dating site, and offered to set me up with a friend or relative of theirs. 3 2
Wanderlust2018 Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 (edited) That scene from Naked Gun just made my morning! Edited February 22, 2020 by Wanderlust2018 Content
thefooloftheyear Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: Well done. you "shamed" him off the dating app. I just mentioned the story....I wasn't busting on him or anything...I guess I shouldn't have said anything, but if it was as mainstreamed as people are making it out to be then he shouldn't have felt bad about it, no?? Then it does speak volumes that he felt ashamed of it, and dropped off the app...It can't be only me that feels this way... I dunno...don't guys get women coming on to them in their daily activities.? Or don't they have friends of friends or business contacts that find out or know they are single that swoop in? I cant relate to your declarations that options disappear...thats not what I have seen or experienced.. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this venue.,...My only point here is that it shouldn't be discounted that a LOT of men don't find this the type of thing they want the world to know about...So they deliberately wont bother...Conversely, I don't think women find it as shameful, so you wind up with a lopsided mix of more quality women than men...Just a theory, anyway.. TFY Edited February 22, 2020 by thefooloftheyear
SumGuy Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: I just mentioned the story....I wasn't busting on him or anything...I guess I shouldn't have said anything, but if it was as mainstreamed as people are making it out to be then he shouldn't have felt bad about it, no?? Then it does speak volumes that he felt ashamed of it, and dropped off the app...It can't be only me that feels this way...... TFY Well it does speak volumes about the group you run with. All I can say is have lived and traveled coast to coast in the US, West, and Mid-West, haven;t though brought this up with those I know in the South. While there may be many complaints about OLD, embarrassment to be on it as a man is not one of them. I also don't get a man caring what other men think, it's kind of backwards in what I was taught about real men. Part of it being not letting others define your manhood, and standing by who you are. Seems kind of weak in the knees and certainly not "alpha" to let other men's opinions determine how you live your dating life. How do you define successful man? I assume by income, position of authority? (Not my definition but I'll go with it) Yes when I was up in the 1% income group and an executive women did come up to me at work and flirty. Work is the last place on earth any successful man with half a brain is going to look for romance. Granted, it happens a lot but also a lot careers are stopped dead by it, seen partners forced out, executives "reassigned" etc. The other major avenue, when traveling, at conferences, etc, invariably all long distance, who needs that. Then there are customers, clients and vendors, es opportunities but that's even worse than fellow employees. Then their are singles venues and social circles. The former not really a lot of successful mens' cup of tea, and the later has it's own issues and is usually a very small number of eligible women. In fact, OLD has much to recommend it for the successful man. These days I'm in the top 2% and semi-retired so maybe I no longer qualify as "successful," and still run in those circles and OLD is not considered here no there on one's masculinity. Now how much you can bench or dead lift, yah there's some bravado that goes on there 2
thefooloftheyear Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Well it does speak volumes about the group you run with. All I can say is have lived and traveled coast to coast in the US, West, and Mid-West, haven;t though brought this up with those I know in the South. While there may be many complaints about OLD, embarrassment to be on it as a man is not one of them. I also don't get a man caring what other men think, it's kind of backwards in what I was taught about real men. Part of it being not letting others define your manhood, and standing by who you are. Seems kind of weak in the knees and certainly not "alpha" to let other men's opinions determine how you live your dating life. How do you define successful man? I assume by income, position of authority? (Not my definition but I'll go with it) Yes when I was up in the 1% income group and an executive women did come up to me at work and flirty. Work is the last place on earth any successful man with half a brain is going to look for romance. Granted, it happens a lot but also a lot careers are stopped dead by it, seen partners forced out, executives "reassigned" etc. The other major avenue, when traveling, at conferences, etc, invariably all long distance, who needs that. Then there are customers, clients and vendors, es opportunities but that's even worse than fellow employees. Then their are singles venues and social circles. The former not really a lot of successful mens' cup of tea, and the later has it's own issues and is usually a very small number of eligible women. In fact, OLD has much to recommend it for the successful man. These days I'm in the top 2% and semi-retired so maybe I no longer qualify as "successful," and still run in those circles and OLD is not considered here no there on one's masculinity. Now how much you can bench or dead lift, yah there's some bravado that goes on there Who cares? So its not an embarrassment for you and yours, and for other's it is....Nothing more to make of it...some guys like watching their woman get nailed by another guy and other guys wouldn't dare consider it....Doesn't make it right or wrong, just people are different.... People make it sound like good women are the lost Dodo bird or something....They are friggin everywhere....every place I go, there are seemingly good women...The bank, the gym, the doctors office...anywhere...Sure not all are available, but its not like they are something that doesn't exist...If I can see/experience it without even trying, then surely someone else could.. I could easily understand why someone wouldn't want to plaster their mug on one of these sites.... I know if I were a woman struggling with OLD I would certainly consider this aspect....for sure....otherwise they can keep moaning and groaning about how shytty it is...No skin off me... TFY Edited February 22, 2020 by thefooloftheyear 1
Ellener Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 8 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: It really does get frustrating at times when people refuse to believe that an entire world exists outside of the one they are living in... Ain't that the truth I couldn't work out the match.com website for a bit, the trick seems to be don't bother with the 'matches' they send; but I have met two really good men through it so far and I haven't been doing it long. It's a bit ambitious trying for 6 different dates in a week though in my opinion, too much to process for me anyway. I'd get them mixed up thinking about it at the end of the week! Good luck though @Hopeful30 1
SumGuy Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 @TFY No right or wrong about it, just your experience is so counter to mine that think it's worth mentioning...especially if some woman thinks that "successful" men are not on line. Now it may well depend on the app, no one I know who is successful uses free apps. I go on about examples just as a way to not make my statements mere conclusions or characterizations.
Miss Spider Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Wanderlust2018 said: This. I have a great life and career, am in the top 5% of income earners in the U.S., am an investor in a side international business, in shape, attractive (I hear I’m the “hottest dad” at my kids school lol)...oh and I’m 6’2” in bare feet and also primarily use OLD to meet women. I don’t see it as a bad thing and actually, as an efficient way to pre screen a potential love interest. I too don’t hide the fact that I’m on there. I’ve had it lead to in person introductions from women I know who saw me on an OLD dating site, and offered to set me up with a friend or relative of theirs. Disclaimer: I think it’s wonderful it works for you and you’re enjoying it. Just wanted to comment on a point you made, not your experience. I’m a woman in her late 20s who meets men IRL and OLD. I mainly date men 30s and 40s. There have been many men in my social circle and also men who initially approached in person at a bar or something, who I then saw and matched online. I’ve met financially successful, sweet, tall and handsome men who wanted relationships online. They would be perfect partners for the right woman. It’s just I trouble finding a personality I connect with and can hold my interest, but the problems lies with me and is not exclusive to the men I meet online. With that being said, there are issues I see that are exclusive to men online. In my experience/circle, the desirable(good looking, ambitious, stable, confident) men I know that have had enough going on in their life, even if they were introverted, that they didn’t need it at all. Whether school, work, friends, or other ways, they met women ‘organically’. Then again, how I define ‘desirable’ is different to what some would. I generally like introverted men, but not men who can’t even talk to women or complete hermits. You meet a ton of people just through hobby. For example, last fall/summer before I became a bit of a shut in thanks to school, l would go listen to live music often. I met men each night I went out. There’s literally 0 way you could be involved in this and not meet someone. Another example would be my philosophy discussion group. It’s much smaller, but there are single men and women. Just going and out and about life, I have had a lot of opportunities to talk to men and vice versa..A guy on a bike struck up a convo as we passed when I was walking my dog in an isolated park on a bike trail. It’s not like we live on different planets, though it can seem that way. Which leads me to my point of this post. While the ‘screening’ thing has some validity( you can see bits and pieces of a personality and what they claim their interests are or if they are single or their height and body shape, in so far as that’s true), there are a lot of things you cannot screen for on OLD that you can in person. For example, what they really look like with all the angles and filters gone, what their personality is really like( not just their account of it in a paragraph, that intangible vibe that attracts us to someone, the way they carry themselves, their real height (cough). So I wish people would stop acting like OLD is objectively so much easier. If it was for you, you lucked out. You’re putting yourself in a situation where you’re going on forced dates with a virtual stranger in a quest for love/sex. There is something... sad.. about that to me. Countless stories on here of bad dates from there that could have been avoided if they met in person. A few weeks ago, I was talking to guy who was very witty and clever in writing. When we met, he was nothing like that. He even admitted that text gives you time to think about stuff. At least he was honest. Again, I have no dog in this fight. I don’t connect romantically with men online or off and I meet people both ways. Just stating my perspective. Edited February 22, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
CloudyHead Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 I just joined OLD. Last time I was on it was 4 years ago. It's depressing. I'm in a rural area (closest Wal-Mart is a 40 minute drive and that's because it's 30 miles away - not due to traffic). I'm embarrassed to be on OLD but I don't see other options for me - 51 year old female whose well-known in my area due to my work and because of my work I have personal knowledge of 3 out of the 10 men I see on OLD, men who cannot spell or like to hunt/fish or spend weekends getting drunk. I do value common sense over book sense and I think life experiences are just as important as advanced degrees. I tried to engage in conversations with a few men who initiated contact but the conversations quickly die as they fail to keep the conversations flowing - except for the guy who said he is a "humanitarian officer and I work with the United Nation currently in Isreal" and asked me "what is your Discipline". I am waiting for him to ask me to send him money . . . . 1
Wanderlust2018 Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 39 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Disclaimer: I think it’s wonderful it works for you and you’re enjoying it. Just wanted to comment on a point you made, not your experience. I’m a woman in her late 20s who meets men IRL and OLD. I mainly date men 30s and 40s. There have been many men in my social circle and also men who initially approached in person at a bar or something, who I then saw and matched online. I’ve met financially successful, sweet, tall and handsome men who wanted relationships online. They would be perfect partners for the right woman. It’s just I trouble finding a personality I connect with and can hold my interest, but the problems lies with me and is not exclusive to the men I meet online. With that being said, there are issues I see that are exclusive to men online. In my experience/circle, the desirable(good looking, ambitious, stable, confident) men I know that have had enough going on in their life, even if they were introverted, that they didn’t need it at all. Whether school, work, friends, or other ways, they met women ‘organically’. Then again, how I define ‘desirable’ is different to what some would. I generally like introverted men, but not men who can’t even talk to women or complete hermits. You meet a ton of people just through hobby. For example, last fall/summer before I became a bit of a shut in thanks to school, l would go listen to live music often. I met men each night I went out. There’s literally 0 way you could be involved in this and not meet someone. Another example would be my philosophy discussion group. It’s much smaller, but there are single men and women. Just going and out and about life, I have had a lot of opportunities to talk to men and vice versa..A guy on a bike struck up a convo as we passed when I was walking my dog in an isolated park on a bike trail. It’s not like we live on different planets, though it can seem that way. Which leads me to my point of this post. While the ‘screening’ thing has some validity( you can see bits and pieces of a personality and what they claim their interests are or if they are single or their height and body shape, in so far as that’s true), there are a lot of things you cannot screen for on OLD that you can in person. For example, what they really look like with all the angles and filters gone, what their personality is really like( not just their account of it in a paragraph, that intangible vibe that attracts us to someone, the way they carry themselves, their real height (cough). So I wish people would stop acting like OLD is objectively so much easier. If it was for you, you lucked out. You’re putting yourself in a situation where you’re going on forced dates with a virtual stranger in a quest for love/sex. There is something... sad.. about that to me. Countless stories on here of bad dates from there that could have been avoided if they met in person. A few weeks ago, I was talking to guy who was very witty and clever in writing. When we met, he was nothing like that. He even admitted that text gives you time to think about stuff. At least he was honest. Again, I have no dog in this fight. I don’t connect romantically with men online or off and I meet people both ways. Just stating my perspective. @Cookiesandough Valid points. Dare I say however, that we’re all on here reading, seeking and/or contributing relationship advice to complete strangers, whom we’ve never met, in a virtual world... Perhaps it’s a bit of entertainment for some, but juxtapose that with the premise of OLD, and the commentary here, which seem highly ironic to me...just saying... 1 1
littleblackheart Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) On 2/21/2020 at 4:28 PM, Wanderlust2018 said: I can tell you that that vibe and energy is very palpable, to some of us men, and is a major turn off. Not commenting on the attitude of the OP (may well just have been venting, rather than being jaded), but I wholeheartedly agree with the 'vibe' thing. I personally can't do OLD because I don't have the social skills to detect any sort of 'vibe' in writing or in a photo (I need to see body language in the flesh, and even then it's hit and miss, so I don't date) but obviously some people can, so there is no reason why OLD can't work for them. That's even something to look for in friendship - a little something that makes you want to get to know someone better. OLD isn't for everyone (which is fine), but this doesn't mean it doesn't work at all. Edited February 23, 2020 by littleblackheart 1
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) It can and does work for some. Plenty of happy couples that prove it. Edited February 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
rightondude Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 OLD worked for me. I've met who I think is the love of my life on OLD. I met the worst person I've ever known in my life (which I discovered after marrying her) after meeting IRL. I met a woman IRL who's (unbeknownst to me) ex (?) broke in and tried to stab me. Guess I choose better online. 1 1 2
BrennaR Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 I've dated and been in relationships for the last 20 years and I can say with confidence it absolutely does not matter where you meet them. But if I sum it up, my IRLs remained friendships, there was always that family/ friends/ work connection, but my OLDs kind of drifted away/ run in different circles. Which makes sense and maybe you were never meant to meet OLDs in the first place. I felt that all in all there was more respect in IRLs. But there are good ones out there on OLD as well. 3
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 24, 2020 Author Posted February 24, 2020 On 2/21/2020 at 6:12 PM, Gr8fuln2020 said: Agreed. I also thought it odd that ALL of them lied (1) and then so dramatically(2). What are the odds that ALL 6 would do that? Part of me thinks the OP may be exaggerating and that they simply did not meet her height requirements and this could have been based on the addition of heels, so...maybe they weren't all lying about their height???? Eh, don't know. Anyway, I only online date. No time and risky to just go up to a stranger and ask if they are married or taken. I also don't frequent places where single women just hang out. So, OLD it is and it has served me well over the years. BUT, like any other mode of dating, find "the one" has been the problem. Other than the first two guys, I don't think the remainder were lying about their height. Simply they don't know how tall they are, and assume 6 feet. I was measured by my doctor not too long ago, I'm 5"10, so when I meet a man who argues he is 6 feet but he is shorter than me, I feel cheated. On 2/22/2020 at 7:53 AM, thefooloftheyear said: Anyway, having 6 dates a week is kinda silly if you ask me...How could you possibly try to process each encounter and see how it could potentially work...I suppose if each guy was just physically repulsive..eh...I dunno...I wish you well in your search... What is there to integrate? This ain't no ayahuasca experience 1
Trail Blazer Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 OLD can be painful at times, but on balance I have found it to be fantastic. I'd like to think that I'm nothing you've described, either. And, on the flipside, I've found all the girls I've chosen to meet, to be as authentic as their profile suggested. It comes down to selectivity. The majority of guy may be like that. The majority of women I see are also ones I skip on by. However, the ones I have dated, I've only had one "dud." There is quality to be found on OLD, just like IRL. People on dating sites are real people, just looking for an easier pathway to connect with like-minded people. That has been my general experience. Of the three dating apps I used, Bumble was by far my preferred. I found the most beautiful and genuine women to be on Bumble. I had the most flings on POF, while Tinder I found to be the most fickle and frustration-inducing of the lot. Keep at it. The key is to have low expectations, high vigilance and a lot of patience. Don't take anything to heart, and stay positive if things araren't working out as quick as you'd like. Remember, it's always going to be unsuccessful until you succeed. So, stick at it for a bit and try to have some fun along the way. If anything, you'll connect with a lot of interesting people. 1
Mimolicious Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 On 2/24/2020 at 4:11 PM, Hopeful30 said: Other than the first two guys, I don't think the remainder were lying about their height. Simply they don't know how tall they are, and assume 6 feet. I was measured by my doctor not too long ago, I'm 5"10, so when I meet a man who argues he is 6 feet but he is shorter than me, I feel cheated. What is there to integrate? This ain't no ayahuasca experience what you know about "ayahuasca'?
BluEyeL Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 (edited) It worked for me, I met my H 6 years ago on OLD. I was 42. While I agree it's mostly awful, the best feature is that you can meet people who you'd otherwise have no chance of meeting. I would have never met my H. Also, I was meeting zero men in real life. I did try meetups and I did meet some people that way. Most definitely is very very rare for it to be good within one week. Most first dates aren't a match. It took me 1 year and a half of dating online to finally meet my husband. You have to know what you're doing and yes, it is unpleasant and I never ever want to go through that again. But I'd do it again if I had to. Except if anything happens this time I plan to just stay alone. I'd be too old. Edited February 26, 2020 by BluEyeL 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted February 26, 2020 Author Posted February 26, 2020 13 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: OLD can be painful at times, but on balance I have found it to be fantastic. I'd like to think that I'm nothing you've described, either. And, on the flipside, I've found all the girls I've chosen to meet, to be as authentic as their profile suggested. It comes down to selectivity. The majority of guy may be like that. The majority of women I see are also ones I skip on by. However, the ones I have dated, I've only had one "dud." There is quality to be found on OLD, just like IRL. People on dating sites are real people, just looking for an easier pathway to connect with like-minded people. That has been my general experience. Of the three dating apps I used, Bumble was by far my preferred. I found the most beautiful and genuine women to be on Bumble. I had the most flings on POF, while Tinder I found to be the most fickle and frustration-inducing of the lot. Keep at it. The key is to have low expectations, high vigilance and a lot of patience. Don't take anything to heart, and stay positive if things araren't working out as quick as you'd like. Remember, it's always going to be unsuccessful until you succeed. So, stick at it for a bit and try to have some fun along the way. If anything, you'll connect with a lot of interesting people. Thank you for this 11 hours ago, Mimolicious said: what you know about "ayahuasca'? I've worked with the medicine many times.
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