Sevenmack Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Four months ago, I met this gal at a mixer and we seemed to hit it off. I got her phone number and she later e-mailed me to go out. The first couple of go-rounds actually went well. The third date seemed to have gone well too. Or seemed to. Until I escorted her to her car and was about to lay a kiss on her. Instead we both paused; I was thinking that I should take more time with this. Apparently she thought the same as well and told me as much the next day. That was fine since I was seeing other people. But over the next month, she seemed just plain wishy-washy. After a dinner date, we spent an hour hugging each other and going back and forth about whether we should kiss and the direction of the 'relationship' (if one can call it that). She said she had to think about it; I told her to do whatever she needed to do. A day later, The Girl sent me an e-mail stating that "we are on different paths" and all she wanted was friendship. Since that wasn't what I wanted, I didn't e-mail her back. When she called, we agreed to go out again on another date. That date was another Kabuki dance: We spent the hour hugging, hand holding and discussing where this thing was going. She said there were 'complications' in her life that made her want to step back; she never elaborated on them, of course. I told her that I'm not one of her male friends; I want more and expect it. She then said she had to make another decision; I just shrugged and figured nothing more would come of it. When she called a few days later, I decided to not answer the call for a week. When I called back, she said she wanted another date. So we arranged it. The morning of the date, I got an e-mail from her cancelling the date because "my ex-boyfriend approached me last night and i don't know what i'm going to do." After all of this, I e-mailed her back and told her to not call or e-mail me until she worked out her issues. A month later, she sent an e-mail in which she basically wanted to start things up again. Being not too happy with the last go-round -- and figuring that she probably running back to me after things with her ex didn't work out -- I simply ignored the e-mail and moved on. Three weeks later at a mixer, I was chatting up this one girl when The Girl came in and greeted her. As it turned out, they were friends. Oh boy. I tried avoiding her that night, but she finally cornered me. We went back and forth on this; she trying to convince me that we should be friends while I told her that I want more than that. After 20 minutes of all that, she finally went to a table with her friends while I left the bar. Yesterday I got another e-mail from her asking me if "I can call you to pursue friendship." At this point, I've pretty much moved on; as cool as she is, she's also not worth the time. Yet she doesn't seem to have gotten the point; I don't need a female friend, I want someone with whom I can develop a real relationship (not marriage and all that yet). I'm just wondering what other people are thinking.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I don't need a female friend, I want someone with whom I can develop a real relationship Just tell her that, and say your goodbyes.
slubberdegullion Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 She's probably trying to manipulate you and lock you in the dreaded "friend zone," whereby you're good enough to listen to her complaints and support her in whatever decisions she makes but not good enough for sex and commitment. You have enough fortitude to keep your distance. Good on ya. LB, as usual, has it exactly right. Move on.
elijahBailey Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I would've been long gone after the 2nd day when she said "we are on different paths"
dcsmom97 Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I read something yesterday that really got me thinking about my own situation and I think it certainly applies to this one as well. I think it was LB who said it...something to the effect of being a stepping stone. Sounds like she wants to have someone to go out with, hug up with etc. - JUST IN THE MEANTIME, until something else better comes along. I'm with EJ. You should have dismissed her once you guys wound up "on different paths"!
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Reading this is torture. Well, he's proof that men aren't always short, sweet and to the point. OK, you email her back, say, "NO friendship. Relationship, yes. If you aren't sure of what you want right now, that's fine, but in the meantime, I ain't going to put in a big effort so I can end up just being a 'friend' to you." End of story. You don't owe her any explanations after that. Good luck!
westernxer Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Well, he's proof that men aren't always short, sweet and to the point. Ha! I didn't mean the length... it's written well enough to sustain my interest. I'm referring to the repeated episodes with her. Enough is enough! Time for the Kabuki to commit sepuku, but even that's too formal. Just dump her and move on.
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