EAM19 Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 me and my first ex had a bad breakup 10 months ago, i was heartbroken, he was an a**h*** about the whole thing.We have a lot of the same friends so have had a few run ins since, been civil but I tend to just avoid at all costs.Wants us to talk/be friends when we see watch other and I've asked not to, gets drunk and talks to me etc A month ago i was at work (i've been there 4 years and everyone knows i work there) and he brought a girl on a date there, knowing i work there and he never goes to where i work unless we're all as a group. I told him it was inappropriate, he then blocked me on social media. This was Weird because i had removed him from everything after we broke up, and he is private on everything, so there is no way I would see his posts and in all honesty I wasn't looking anyway (got over the stalking faze quite quickly because it gave me bad anxiety so just deleted him from everything a month into the breakup) but i just left it. This past weekend (im not on private on Instagram anymore, but he still doesn't follow me),i had noticed he had viewed EVERYTHING on my instagram story, and unblocked me on everything. Just made me feel weird knowing he has searched for me and viewed everything, after 10 months. If he was so desperate to see everything his friend who I also know lives with him and he could've just used his phone. Trying not to think too much about it, can't really talk to friends about it because they know him and i don't want to make anything awkward or embarrass him. Is it normal that i feel a bit odd about it, don't really know why he would think it's appropriate to do that. Going to block him if it happens again because i've been doing so well recently and enjoying myself after a really difficult time and don't want anything ruining it. Anything to do with him seems to trigger a sense of worthlessness that I have worked so hard on. Feel like I can't catch a break. Like I have boundaries for myself that he doesn't seem to understand or take the hint Would NEVER want to go back there. Definitely definitely over him, I think he just triggers feelings about the situation and how it made me feel. I've been interested in other people, and them in me and really having fun right now in my life and this has thrown me 1
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 It was rude of him to take his date to the place where you work. Being friends post break up only means not causing a scene when you see each other. You seem to be doing a good job there. Very classy on your part. When he's drunk he;s probably looking for forgiveness for hurting you or a hook up. Just steer clear as you have been doing. Go back on private to keep him out of your life. 2
Author EAM19 Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 54 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It was rude of him to take his date to the place where you work. Being friends post break up only means not causing a scene when you see each other. You seem to be doing a good job there. Very classy on your part. When he's drunk he;s probably looking for forgiveness for hurting you or a hook up. Just steer clear as you have been doing. Go back on private to keep him out of your life. Thank you so much. Definitely going to block him. He knows I would see it and I don't have the time to entertain it or him at all. The Korean things he does the less I want to ever be friends with him
spiderowl Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 It sounds as though in some way it’s not ‘over’ for him. Is there any reason you can think of why that might be the case? Bringing his girlfriend to where you work was provocative of him and insulting to both of you. I’m not getting a good impression of your ex! i think you are feeling weird about it because he is deliberately invading your life. Maybe he’s got the impression you are genuinely moving on and that means he is losing any emotional control he ever had. I feel this is a way of to try to regain that control - if he ever had it. You are being dignified and doing all the right things. Hopefully he will just satisfy his curiosity and leave you alone. Don’t be surprised if he pops up again though and tries to get back into your life. I don’t know how you would feel about that?
preraph Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 Well since he wasn't able to make it look like he had a good life on his social media because you weren't looking at it, that's why he had to drag some poor girl into where you work trying to make you feel bad. He's just trying to show off and be a jerk. He's just trying to rub your face in it and he wouldn't be doing that if he was happy. do not give him any opportunity to look at your social media or to contact you and just block him right now every way and stop thinking about him because he's only going to use it as some way to get to you in some way or other or some way to make fun of you or some way to try to make you jealous or some way to show up where you're at. You're over him and he's still being stupid, so just cut it all out. There is absolutely no reason to try to pretend to be friends with him. 1
Author EAM19 Posted February 20, 2020 Author Posted February 20, 2020 12 hours ago, spiderowl said: It sounds as though in some way it’s not ‘over’ for him. Is there any reason you can think of why that might be the case? Bringing his girlfriend to where you work was provocative of him and insulting to both of you. I’m not getting a good impression of your ex! i think you are feeling weird about it because he is deliberately invading your life. Maybe he’s got the impression you are genuinely moving on and that means he is losing any emotional control he ever had. I feel this is a way of to try to regain that control - if he ever had it. You are being dignified and doing all the right things. Hopefully he will just satisfy his curiosity and leave you alone. Don’t be surprised if he pops up again though and tries to get back into your life. I don’t know how you would feel about that? Definitely wasn't a girlfriend, was just a tinder date. He ahd seen me a few weeks before with a friend of mine (we'd gotten drunk and kissed on a night out) and just having fun, and he had tried to dance with me a bit because mutual friends were there so everyone was all around each other (the boy I kissed did jot know him at all, and my ex had made comments earlier in the night to him "my ex doesn even say hi to me"). I think he is just so scared of looking like the bad guy that he is desperate for us to be friendly so there isn't someone who doesn't like him. But the date thing was rude, there is a tow of 5 bars around the corner that he could've gone to. Luckily I was leaving as he came in and I messaged him that it was inappropriate. I just feel so happy at the minute and have been really good at protecting myself and something happens that triggers a sense of worthlessness I felt from it
Author EAM19 Posted February 20, 2020 Author Posted February 20, 2020 12 hours ago, preraph said: Well since he wasn't able to make it look like he had a good life on his social media because you weren't looking at it, that's why he had to drag some poor girl into where you work trying to make you feel bad. He's just trying to show off and be a jerk. He's just trying to rub your face in it and he wouldn't be doing that if he was happy. do not give him any opportunity to look at your social media or to contact you and just block him right now every way and stop thinking about him because he's only going to use it as some way to get to you in some way or other or some way to make fun of you or some way to try to make you jealous or some way to show up where you're at. You're over him and he's still being stupid, so just cut it all out. There is absolutely no reason to try to pretend to be friends with him. Thanks. We had seen each other a few times whilst home from uni (only a few good places to go in our small town) but I just avoided and had fun. Maybe he saw me getting attention from guys, maybe just saw me having a good time. Or I genuinely think he's just that stupid 1
zeyta Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 14 hours ago, preraph said: There is absolutely no reason to try to pretend to be friends with him. THIS^^^^^^ 2 hours ago, EAM19 said: I think he is just so scared of looking like the bad guy that he is desperate for us to be friendly AND THIS^^ I also had a bad breakup and was pretty much destroyed after he broke up with me. I then blocked eveything I could possible think of and he still thought that we should be friends and tried to contact me several times, as a way to ease his own guilt. I guess some people just don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions and they want to find a way to go through life with an easy mind and no regrets over hurting other people's feelings. Just block him, don't engage in mind games and live your own life as best as you can.
Author EAM19 Posted February 20, 2020 Author Posted February 20, 2020 57 minutes ago, zeyta said: THIS^^^^^^ AND THIS^^ I also had a bad breakup and was pretty much destroyed after he broke up with me. I then blocked eveything I could possible think of and he still thought that we should be friends and tried to contact me several times, as a way to ease his own guilt. I guess some people just don't want to deal with the consequences of their actions and they want to find a way to go through life with an easy mind and no regrets over hurting other people's feelings. Just block him, don't engage in mind games and live your own life as best as you can. I understand that he felt guilty. But he also never gave me a real apology. Never spoke to me about how I felt. Just ended it then when I asked to talk about what happened like 2 days later he was so cowardly about it. Just not my type of person to be honest. Can blame him for wanting to be friends with me though
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