stanx30 Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) So I met this woman in my apartment (BAD IDEA) and we hit it off and started sleeping together within a week. We went out and stayed in like a typical relationship; we were together for 5 months. The last 3-4 weeks, our communication wasn't great, and we didn't go out as much. She broke it off via text message saying she doesn't want to be just a casual hookup and after I texted her back how I want to fix things, she said she needed time to think about it and would call me back. She called me the next day saying we're just on different wave lengths blah blah blah..btw she also told me that she suffers from depression What makes this tough is that she told me she loved me via text a few months ago and I was getting real feelings for her. I'm really crazy about her and I am really trying to think of a way to get back with her. Not bragging but I'm not unattractive and if I just wanted sex, I would go on Tinder. I want her to be my gf but she thinks I just want hookups. HELP! From a woman's point of view, is there anyway to save this? Back story: she was dating a guy for 10 years and was engaged and he broke it off and got married to someone else. Edited February 18, 2020 by stanx30
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 You were a rebound. She knows she wants more then what she had with you but she doesn't necessarily want it with you. She just wanted somebody, anybody which is why she gravitated to you so quickly. Her depression is acting up again now & she wants nothing & nobody. She just wants to isolate herself because that is part of depression. If you chase her, it could convince her that you care but it more likely will annoy her & land you on the wrong side of complaint for stalking, harassment or worse. Do say hello & be warm in the hall of your building but don't press 2
Author stanx30 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 so she moved out of the building and we still dated after. THE KICKER she moved LITERALLY the next apartment over. I don't think I'm the rebound because she dated a guy after her engagement failed. Basically what I'm asking for is how do I tell her that I want to go on dates, better communication etc.. like normal couples. I was thinking of writing a letter and sending it after a couple months of no contact
schlumpy Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 The jury is out on whether to confess your feelings to her. You could do that and just say call me if you change your mind but what if the reason she's dumping you is because there is another love interest? You now have set yourself up as the backup plan. If that's OK with you, then shoot that letter off.
Author stanx30 Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 its only been a week since we talked on the phone. I was thinking of letting it breathe for a month or two
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 Do not send her a letter. Nobody ever wants to receive those & they are usually rambling messes. I suppose you could try flowers. 2
Rex12 Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 If you're going to struggle putting your mind at rest, I'd go with what d0nnivain said. Send her some flowers. You'll likely receive a thank you which gives you the option to calmly explain how you're feeling and leaves the ball in her court. If you don't get a positive reaction, you can at least say to yourself you've been a gentleman & expressed yourself. Some may say it's needy but if you don't go overboard, once you've said all there is to say you can slide into NC without any regrets per se. It should make it a little easier for you to move on. 1
preraph Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 On the card with the flowers, write, What can I do to be the boyfriend you want? I don't want to lose you.
Commongoal123 Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 Let it go and move on. She's playing games. She doesn't want just casual hookups.... yet when you show her that you're serious, she turns around and says she needs to think about it. This is a power play on her part, and really immature. Dont let anyone toss you around like that. I guarantee you that if you guys get together in a "relationship" (how was this not the case before, based off what youve shared, is beyond me....) that these f*** with your head power plays will only get more intense and painful for you. It isn't worth it. And on another note.... she isn't a victim of her past 10 year relationship. Make sure you aren't rescuing.
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