ReluctantRomeo Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Unfortunately they're also easy to control/not a challenge and therefore not attractive... You don't know Aimée yet...
millefiori Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Awww... gullible girls are so cuuuuute! Unfortunately they're also easy to control/not a challenge and therefore not attractive... Believe it- I read it on the Internet... Aha, interesting theory.
JS17 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Awww... gullible girls are so cuuuuute! Unfortunately they're also easy to control/not a challenge and therefore not attractive... Believe it- I read it on the Internet... You should believe everything you read on the Internet. It's all true.
millefiori Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 You should believe everything you read on the Internet. It's all true. :lmao:
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Only three good things ever came out of England laddie buck- South Carolina, Georgia and Duran Duran... In that order! You forgot Arkansas, Bubba
Firehawk Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 You should believe everything you read on the Internet. It's all true. http://theufostore.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=VCI-9201&Store_Code=T
basscatcher Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 THIS blows my mind! A MISTAKE ALMOST ALL WOMEN MAKE WITH MEN... AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT... I'm guessing you read this online or from a book. Could you please tell us where you found this information. I believe many of us are interested in reading and learning more.
RecordProducer Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I don't care who he is and where he got the ideas from! I learned something valuable that helps me not make anymore mistakes. I completely understood the point and it's not about faking your relationship by hiding your feelings. It's about controlling your negative emotions and communicating them with your partner in a constructive, result-yielding, mature and civilized way. We all know that nagging and arguing kill the love. Alpha, you know I love your posts. You have no competition in my heart!
Firehawk Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 It's about controlling your negative emotions and communicating them with your partner in a constructive, result-yielding, mature and civilized way. We all know that nagging and arguing kill the love. Yes, nagging and arguing are definite relationship slayers... What specificially do you do to communicate your emotions in a constructive way?
basscatcher Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 It's about controlling your negative emotions and communicating them with your partner in a constructive, result-yielding, mature and civilized way. We all know that nagging and arguing kill the love. Alpha, you know I love your posts. You have no competition in my heart! I agree with you RP. I recognized things in this post as well that will do me good. Ditto on Alpha posts. I enjoy reading what he has to say as well. I know someone who thinks similar to him and I wish I could understand him more.
Nur Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 So then NUR, telling people to eat well, get regular exercise and see their doctor regularly is bad "blanket" advice? Hehe. I guess if you get really general about it... But that guy was being WAY too case-specific.
RecordProducer Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Yes, nagging and arguing are definite relationship slayers... What specificially do you do to communicate your emotions in a constructive way? You count to ten, think of your emotions, take a deep breath, and discuss them with your partner. There are probably tomes of books on this topic and I am not an expert, but I will say this: many things that make women angry are not even legitimate. Let's take an example from women's anger when men tell them they should lose weight. I've been there. My BF told me I should lose a few lbs and I got hurt. Why? He wasn't rude, he was right. I did need to lose weight. So I lost 15 lbs. No matter how gently men present this problem, women get hurt. Now imagine that the situation was reverse and the woman wanted her man to shave his beard. Also let's assume he has a bad smell and doesn't use a deodorant. So she tells him: "Darling, I liked you better without beard and I think you should use deodorant, because as every adult in this world, you sweat. I sweat too so I am using it." An average man would most likely not get offended regardless of whether he would listen to her or not. But imagine that he gives her the "So are you saying that I am ugly and stinky?!?!?!? :mad: " crap. That's what women do to men. Another problem is when women nag about their partners talking to their ex's. Also been there until I realized that he is with me because he loves me and his ex's are no threat for me whatsoever. They are the ones I should be LEAST jealous of. We got into unnecessary fights about things that should've never bothered me. Another issue is when women assume that if men (don't) say/do certain things - they don't love them. Also been there and made mistakes. And finally, the worst thing is the ambiance of anger itself as if giving him a hard enough time will somehow create the Pavolv's reflex in his mind to not mess with us next time.
Outcast Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 It's disappointing that folks whose opinions I generally enjoy seem not to have read this brilliant piece of advice. You found the one bit about 'women being a challenge' and read it as though it was a post by a well-known LS misogynist. This is an entirely different thing. Reread this part because it is CRITICAL: Most strong emotions are TRIGGERED. Something happens that "pushes a button" inside of you and BAM!... the emotion happens before you even have a chance to think about it. But the fact is that these "triggers" have a structure to them. There are all kinds of little things that happen during that "trigger". One of the biggest insights that I've had about these "triggers" is that they're usually caused by making something that happens MEAN something negative. In other words, it's not the actual situation itself that "pulls the trigger" or "pushes the button"... it's what you think it MEANS. For instance, let's say that you've met a great guy, went on a few amazing dates, and then he wasn't as quick to call you and make plans as he was at the very start. You wait a day or two, and he doesn't even call. What do you usually think? "Maybe he doesn't like me. Maybe he has a another woman. Maybe he's trying to avoid me. Maybe he's withdrawing like those other guys did in the past." In other words, we make the fact that he didn't call back MEAN all these different things. Another HUGE insight I've had in this area is that women allow their imaginations to take over and imagine the WORST possible outcomes. Then they get nervous about that outcome happening and FREAK OUT. The point is that most of us (men and women) use our minds to imagine the WORST possible outcomes for dating and relationship situations... and it pushes all the wrong buttons, and gets us all nervous and upset... which, of course, makes us screw everything up. When it comes to men, it's important that you lose the need to make everything MEAN something... and STOP imagining the worst. I suggest that be changed to be 'when it comes to human beings, it's important'...etc. People cause themselves no end of grief by always imagining the worst of someone else. I see in on LS ALL THE TIME. *Not* doing that is not 'game-playing', it's learning to think logically and not, as he suggests, allowing your worst fears to overcome you and overtake your brain until you act in a way to drive them off.
megabit15 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I'm guessing you read this online or from a book. Could you please tell us where you found this information. I believe many of us are interested in reading and learning more. Here is a link where you can purchase and download the book: http://www.catchhimandkeephim.com/ebook/index.asp?source=bmain
jaye Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 women, i don't know maybe not all them but most of my x's have dumped the S*** out of me cus i was honest to the point and straight through. told them everything about me cus i didn't wanna cheat. one of my x g/f when i told her i was bi she had a problem with nevermind the women she slept with, she goes but thats diffrent i am a woman. i mean what the **** is this oh and she tells me having sex b4 marrage is bad in bibal it says. but she had no problem with ana| and well jesus did not made a comment about that. i just can't understand women. maybe one day i will. maybe its just me.
jaye Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 THIS blows my mind! A MISTAKE ALMOST ALL WOMEN MAKE WITH MEN... AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT... Most men don't even talk through their feelings or fears with their BEST FRIENDS. Men prefer to confront, challenge, ignore or break through fear in some kind of masculine way. Anything but observe or share fear. It's not part of their make-up. I would like to add something to make it perfect Over Confidence My friend. Thats right i took a woman out and we're at a bar and said before i go ahead and spend some money would i get laid or what? she got up and slapped me. I learned my lesson. and so thought 5% of men make this mistake should know.
lindya Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I think there are some fair points in the excerpt that the OP quoted. I'm just slightly turned off by the "Eureka!" tone the author adopts - though I can see that writing in an "I have discovered the holy grail" tone may result in higher sales of his books. It seems to me that he is simply talking about emotional intelligence, and I prefer Daniel Coleman's more modest and even-toned exploration of that. I think it's a synopsis of what we talk about all the time on Loveshack - ie managing your emotions instead of allowing them to manage you. Many men don't like talking about emotions, but isn't necessarily something I'd see as a strength worth emulating. People who don't talk about their emotions still, by and large, have them. Walk into any prison, and you can meet any number of men who get into trouble because they have no control over their emotions...though I'm sure many of them would reject the term "emotional outburst" because it doesn't sound macho enough. I definitely don't think effective management of emotions should be categorised as "women's problems". I think humans in general can benefit from having a better understanding of what they feel, why they feel it...and how they can prevent those feelings from causing unnecessary disruption and conflict in their lives.
slubberdegullion Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 ...I think humans in general can benefit from having a better understanding of what they feel, why they feel it...and how they can prevent those feelings from causing unnecessary disruption and conflict in their lives. The wisdom in this statement is profound. Thanks, lindya!
lindya Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 The wisdom in this statement is profound. Thanks, lindya! Shucks...is nothing. Just Lindya spin on what everyone else is already saying. Or are you taking a naughty little dig at me?
slubberdegullion Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Or are you taking a naughty little dig at me? No, not a dig at all. It was meant in all sincerity. Really. Oh. Wait a sec. I think I've just been played. I respect irony. Well done!
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 You found the one bit about 'women being a challenge' and read it as though it was a post by a well-known LS misogynist. This is an entirely different thing. Reread this part because it is CRITICAL: Well, to be fair, it was a long post and I didn't read all of it carefully I agree that good emotional management is attractive - for guys as well as girls. But the tone of the article seemed to be that you can't expect unconditional love from a guy, so don't burden him with any of your negative feelings, ever. Whereas I think that the optimum is an emotionally mature, self-controlled girl, who nevertheless shares her true feelings, good and bad. And like Lindya, I didn't like the Eureka tone.
lindya Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 I respect irony. Well done! Yes, I have to make a difficult phone call at some point this morning to my new best friend. No coffee. Calm and poised is today's mantra.
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Yes, I have to make a difficult phone call at some point this morning to my new best friend. What gives?
lindya Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 What gives? Going OT. See business & professional relationships thread.
Author freckles3131 Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 I'm guessing you read this online or from a book. Could you please tell us where you found this information. I believe many of us are interested in reading and learning more. Hi, It is from the author of "Catch Him and Keep Him" I haven't read the book, but he sends me these emails for free. Every one that I have read has been immensly helpful. I read this and was blown away by the "over-emotional" part and the "stop thinking everything MEANS something".........us women do JUST that and make problems for ourselves by always assuming the worse and thinking "what did that mean?' When in the end it usually doesn't end up "meaning" anything other than something simple and not the negative imaginings we usually come up with and make ourselves sick from.......how many times I have "thought something meant something, analyzed it to death....got overly emotional over it and in the end it was nothing and had to go through all that crapola for nothing...I just think he is right.....simmer down, think positive thoughts, give the person the benefit of the doubt, don't make yourself sick over things.....
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