Lilly Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 The guy that I've been dating for close to two years told me that he did not want a serious relationship with me. He said he just wants us to occasionally date and be friends because he is just so busy with his job and this and that and blah, blah, blah, you know. And he's afraid of being someone's boyfriend. Anyway he doesn't know that I have seen him on a couple of internet dating websites. He has been on them for months, and on one of them he is even searching for married women and couples for sex. His picture (several pics as a matter of fact) are right there for everyone to see including me. Can he really be that stupid. I want to tell him so bad that I know what he's doing and that I have seen him for months, but I just can't figure out how to tell him that I can see him and read his profiles etc. and just tell him what a low life I think he is by trying to lead me on while searching these sites and still talking to me. By the way, we are not having sex. He has a problem saluting the captain if you know what I mean. Anyone have suggestions on how I should tell this guy that I know what he's doing? Because I'm really ready to let him know.
fusangite Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Anyone have suggestions on how I should tell this guy that I know what he's doing? Because I'm really ready to let him know.He may want you to know. After all, he's tried in other ways to make it clear that he doesn't see you as his girlfriend but is just interested in you sexually. Maybe this is the latest way of delivering that message to you. What good do you see as coming from talking to him about this?
gidgit1961 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Seems like a pretty simple answer. Send him a message on one of the sites. Nothing like hitting him right between the eyes to make your point.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 The easiest way to get your point across is to look him straight in the eye and tell him, "You are a huge disrespectful, promiscuous, a**h*** of a loser. And I no longer wish to bless you with my presence. Goodbye, and good riddance." Then walk away, and for God's sake, don't look back. This pig isn't worthy of any more of your time or energy, and certainly has no place anywhere near your heart. I'm sorry you had to find out about him the way you did, especially after giving him so much of your time. I hope you can find the strength to RUN....not walk...RUN away from him, and move on to someone who deserves you. BTW, you can always rate him on manhaters(dot)com or tell your story to the world on ihatemen(dot)com. I'm sure it won't really hurt him, but it might make YOU feel better....as I'm sure you have a lot of anger to release.
lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 make up a profile chat him up ,make a date & dump him .
Pyro Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 The guy that I've been dating for close to two years told me that he did not want a serious relationship with me. He said he just wants us to occasionally date and be friends because he is just so busy with his job and this and that and blah, blah, blah, you know. And he's afraid of being someone's boyfriend. Anyway he doesn't know that I have seen him on a couple of internet dating websites. He has been on them for months, and on one of them he is even searching for married women and couples for sex. His picture (several pics as a matter of fact) are right there for everyone to see including me. Can he really be that stupid. I want to tell him so bad that I know what he's doing and that I have seen him for months, but I just can't figure out how to tell him that I can see him and read his profiles etc. and just tell him what a low life I think he is by trying to lead me on while searching these sites and still talking to me. By the way, we are not having sex. He has a problem saluting the captain if you know what I mean. Anyone have suggestions on how I should tell this guy that I know what he's doing? Because I'm really ready to let him know. Man, this sure hits me in a bad spot. My most recent ex cheated on me with someone that she met online. I can understand what you may be going through. Like others have mentioned, this chump does not deserve another second of your time. Gather up some evidence. Print it out and walk up to him, throw the shyt at him and walk away and don't EVER look back.
Painwraith Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 ohhhh yes cheating online. my last one did that, its bloody hard, I cant figure out if its worse catching them in the act or catching them emailing sweet nothings to the internet friend.... it hurts, but walk away, I should have done the same thing... but didnt. its not worth the aggrivation
RecordProducer Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 The guy that I've been dating for close to two years told me that he did not want a serious relationship with me. He said he just wants us to occasionally date and be friends. And he's afraid of being someone's boyfriend. So HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND (ANYMORE). Regardless of how your relationship developed during these couple of years, at this point he is not your boyfriend. That gives him every right to meet new men, women or couples for love, sex or whatever floats his boat. He only wants to be friends with you and date you occasionally. He couldn't be more explicit than that. You are not together. He doesn't owe you a report of his future sexual plans. It's obvious that he wants to date other people now. Moreover he didn't lie to you about not wanting to be anybody's boyfriend; he is just looking for sex on the web sites! Anyway he doesn't know that I have seen him on a couple of internet dating websites. He has been on them for months. Anyone have suggestions on how I should tell this guy that I know what he's doing? Because I'm really ready to let him know. It doesn't sound like he cares and it seems that he never took your relationship as a relationship. Even months ago, he didn't consider you his girlfriend. You can simply let him know that you know about the sites, but I think you're seeing things solely from your perspective due to the fact that you're hurt. Letting him know about the sites is interefring with his privacy given that he is not your lover. It would be the same as if you let your friends or collegues know about their hidden sexual activitites. My advice: let him go and don't look back. Not all guys want relationships with women. You will only sound clingy and humiliate yourself if you criticize him about being on the sites. He will only get defensive about doing his own thing. I am sorry you're hurting. You'll meet the right guy sooner or later. He is not the right guy for you. By the way, we are not having sex. He has a problem saluting the captain if you know what I mean. Sorry, I don't know what you mean by "problem saluting the captain", but if you're not having sex then why are you upset that he doesn't want to be with you?
sugar-rae Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Dump him completely, but before you do, go and break his computer!
Author Lilly Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Thanks everyone. Yes, it is obvious that he does not want a relationship with me. I am not blind. I understand that. But I never call him. He is always calling me. After we talk a while he just starts telling me all of his problems and frankly I'm sick of hearing them. I don't pressure him in any way. He doesn't have to call me anymore if the doesn't want to. I don't care. I would just like to let him know that I know what he is doing before I leave and tell him not to call me anymore. He is really different now than he was when we were first dating. He just seems to have a lot of problems with his life. His mother told me he has a lot of issues and I believe it now. What I meant about not being able to salute the captain is that he has ED problems. I don't know if he could have sex with anyone. He certainly couldn't with me.
sugar-rae Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 You sound like you have a strong will and a smart head on your shoulders, Lilly. I would just be firm about him not calling you anymore and move on. Find a new fella. What's that song from the 80's, was it Bananarama who sung it? Robert DeNiro's waiting...talking italian... It just stuck in my head!
RecordProducer Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 What I meant about not being able to salute the captain is that he has ED problems. I don't know if he could have sex with anyone. He certainly couldn't with me. You are in love with a guy who has erectile dysfunction?!?! :confused: No wonder he has issues and wants to find married women and couples for sex! So did he state in his profile: "Hi, I have ED problems and am looking for sex"? :lmao:
Author Lilly Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 He did state in his profile "Hi! I'm looking for sex with single women, married or couples." He kinda left out the ED part. However, RecordProducer, I'll be sure to let him know that you said he should state that in his profile though. I never said I was in love with a guy with ED. I don't call him, he calls me. I would just like to let him know that I know what he's doing because he thinks it is such a big secret and he keeps calling me and telling me about his sad life. I'm moving on with my life. I just want to ask him if his life is so sad, why is he looking for sex online and still calling me? He doesn't have to call me. I just want to let him know, that I am not a fool and believing all his sad stories.
RecordProducer Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 He kinda left out the ED part. However, RecordProducer, I'll be sure to let him know that you said he should state that in his profile though. You will stab him straight in the heart if you say that to him. You can tell a man that he is dumb, ugly, evil, boring, whatever... but if you make fun of his penis, you will kill him! I never said I was in love with a guy with ED. I don't call him, he calls me. Good for you! he keeps calling me and telling me about his sad life. I just want to ask him if his life is so sad, why is he looking for sex online and still calling me? His life is sad because he is impotent (or vice versa) and he is looking for sex online precisely because his life is sad and because he is impotent. He is hoping that if the situation is interesting enough that he will not miss next time. Don't rub more salt into his bleeding wounds. You sound kinda young and not quite aware of what a big of a deal impotence is for men. It's an important part of his life that he has lost control over. Nobody would want to be in his shoes. You should feel sorry for him and leave him alone. When he calls you, be short and excuse yourself for not having time for him. Be kind to him, he is just a sad creature. Show some compassion.
lynnered Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Thanks everyone. Yes, it is obvious that he does not want a relationship with me. I am not blind. I understand that. But I never call him. He is always calling me. After we talk a while he just starts telling me all of his problems and frankly I'm sick of hearing them. I don't pressure him in any way. He doesn't have to call me anymore if the doesn't want to. I don't care. I would just like to let him know that I know what he is doing before I leave and tell him not to call me anymore. He is really different now than he was when we were first dating. He just seems to have a lot of problems with his life. His mother told me he has a lot of issues and I believe it now. What I meant about not being able to salute the captain is that he has ED problems. I don't know if he could have sex with anyone. He certainly couldn't with me. do that then tell him how U feel next time he calls ,then be done change Ur tn,make it non published or under a differnt name,ignore emails ,block him on IM. He has alot of problems NOT U! His life ,stop letting his cause chaos in Ur life . Goodluck
Author Lilly Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 You know, RecordProducer, I think you are right. Maybe I should just show some compassion here and let it go and let him keep his little secret. I would never say anything about his penis to hurt him, I was just being a smartass. There are things you can do for ED, but he is such a proud man that he just won't accept the fact that he can't do it on his own. No, we are not young. We are in our mid forties and I just don't see him changing. He's too proud to face his problems even if it could help him have a better life. I won't tell him that I saw him on the websites and I will just move on with my life and let it go. Thanks
sugar-rae Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 I think you know what you're doing, Lilly. Good luck!
kscholze Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 lily, I did that with a g/f and she broke up with me. I assured her it meant nothing, and it didnt. Curiosity i guess. after about a year she called me crying wishing she had givin me the benefit of the doubt because she new I would never have cheated on her take that for what its worth
RecordProducer Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 You know, RecordProducer, I think you are right. Maybe I should just show some compassion here and let it go and let him keep his little secret. There are things you can do for ED, but he is such a proud man that he just won't accept the fact that he can't do it on his own. Glad you decided to not waste your time on him. He doesn't want real help and you've served enough cheese and crackers for his whine. He will be even more frustrated after trying to have casual sex with strangers. He doesn't want to admit that he has a problem. But you definitely don't have one.
Topper Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 R Producer is right. Good Post RP I think your reactions were due to being hurt because the relationship did not go the way you want it to go. I'm sure you were hurt and maybe even questioned your powers as a woman because of his failure to get an erection. ED can be very confusing for both men and their woman. I might be wrong here but it is very rare fora young man to suffer from ED unless there is an underling medical condition. You may want to think about this. He may be gay. He does not want to really face that about himself at this time. His ED might just be that sex with a woman secretly revolts him. He may not even understand that yet. He could be very confused and searching in desperation for an answer to whats is going on. I am guessing here but I do think there could be something to that. His ads said he was open to couples That could be his way of testing the waters. If I were you I would put aside your own hurt feeling and honestly and openly talk to him in a loving way about the internet ads he is posting. If he is gay then he will be a much happier person when he allows himself to be who he really is. By talking to him letting him find his own way you could be the best friend he has ever had.
megabit15 Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 lily, I did that with a g/f and she broke up with me. I assured her it meant nothing, and it didnt. Curiosity i guess. after about a year she called me crying wishing she had givin me the benefit of the doubt because she new I would never have cheated on her take that for what its worth You wrote that you were looking for single women or couples for sex??
SuperMonk Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 The guy that I've been dating for close to two years told me that he did not want a serious relationship with me. He said he just wants us to occasionally date and be friends because he is just so busy with his job and this and that and blah, blah, blah, you know. And he's afraid of being someone's boyfriend. That's all I need to hear, continue to put up with this if you want, or you can look for someone who wants to be in a relationship with you.
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