Yukwide Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Bumped into my ex last week. She was going to ignore me and happily walk past. I deliberately made a point of saying hello to her. She acted like she didn't see said hi and quickly walked on. A few hours later I get a Facebook message from her with something about how she couldn't stop and talk. Previous to this she messaged me about a month ago and (as has happened before) she ignores me and never repsonds again, until I go quiet and she starts liking my fb post or opening my message after leaving it unread for so long. Anyway, she messaged me after seeing me. I said it's fine etc and she's been messaging me ever since. She has however not asked me once how I am. She talks about her and what she's up to. That she getting a new car blah blah. I don't know if this is showing off or trying to rub it in my face. She's asked nothing about my life. She sometimes replied very upbeat and funny, and then the next minute she's cold and takes hours to reply. For example she can message me within minutes for a while, and then (like has happened now) she will completely stop and ignore me. Doing this while posting on her social media and leaving my message on unread? Last night she was almost making fun of me too. I explained about soemthing I was doing in the future and she laughed at it and said she was suprised I haven't already done it. I always respond because I'm not rude, but I'm lost to why she behaves like this? About six months ago I asked her to meet me and try work things out. She wasn't sure and couldn't even give me an answer. I haven't asked again, and I'm fed up of being ignored. I find it pretty rude. Is she trying to play some sort of game? just yesterday she messaged me back asking me a question and has continued to ignore me while still on,one and not even opening my message.
TeddyBundy1993 Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 I m in contact with my ex and her behavior is exactly same as yours ex. In my opinion these women text us out of boredom when they got nothing to do and need company for a while. If its bothering you, block her and dont waste your time and energy on such person only she knows why shes doing it I wanna ask you why have you given her the power to text you when she wants and ignore you when she wants? I hope you know things won't ever be the same again with this girl. Life is too short for playing games and being played on. If you are really fed up block her without giving her any explanation. Move on dude to someone else who respects you or being happy alone. Riding your feelings energy time on this girl is sure shot road to disaster and disappointment 1
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Block her already. You don't have enough self discipline to ignore her so use technology to help you. If you can't see her messages, they can't upset you & you will stop wasting your time worrying about what it all means. She does not want to get together again & She's not even polite enough to inquire about you she's not worth your effort. 2
Author Yukwide Posted February 17, 2020 Author Posted February 17, 2020 Thanks for this. Nice to know I'm not the only one. I keep telling myself she's not interested but I'm afraid I still have a lot of feelings for her and quite frankly can't believe that this girl who was my partner for a long time can be like this. It hurts as I'm sure you know. It's disrespectful and rude though and I need to start forgetting about her. 3 hours ago, TeddyBundy1993 said: I m in contact with my ex and her behavior is exactly same as yours ex. In my opinion these women text us out of boredom when they got nothing to do and need company for a while. If its bothering you, block her and dont waste your time and energy on such person only she knows why shes doing it I wanna ask you why have you given her the power to text you when she wants and ignore you when she wants? I hope you know things won't ever be the same again with this girl. Life is too short for playing games and being played on. If you are really fed up block her without giving her any explanation. Move on dude to someone else who respects you or being happy alone. Riding your feelings energy time on this girl is sure shot road to disaster and disappointment
Author Yukwide Posted February 17, 2020 Author Posted February 17, 2020 Thanks. No she's not asked me once how I am. The last contact was she asked what I was doing on the weekend and she's left me unread yet again. I really did love this girl so it's hard to accept she can behave this way towards me. Even when I bumped into 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: Block her already. You don't have enough self discipline to ignore her so use technology to help you. If you can't see her messages, they can't upset you & you will stop wasting your time worrying about what it all means. She does not want to get together again & She's not even polite enough to inquire about you she's not worth your effort. her she would of quite happily ignored me and pretend not to see me, if I hadn't of said hello.
2BGoodAgain Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 there's being polite and then there's being a doormat. you've given her enough politeness. anything more is just you rationalizing allowing her to contact you via being "polite". if you don't want to be a doormat, then stop her whatever it is she's doing...and move on. otherwise, you are allowing this to happen. good luck! 1
Author Yukwide Posted February 17, 2020 Author Posted February 17, 2020 Thanks. I admit I'm must be like a doormat, I am not like this with anyone else I guess it's because I still like her and give her the benefit of the doubt maybe. I don't know.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 You're an audience for when she's bored, OP. Time to exit the auditorium for good. 1
Author Yukwide Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 @ExpatinItaly that is a good way of putting it. Thanks. i really struggle to understand people who ask me a question and then ignore my response.
schlumpy Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 She doesn't want to talk to you or acknowledge you because she's afraid you will once again approach her about getting back together and she wants to move on. When she finds out you have left her behind then she will once again acknowledge that you exist but until then expect silence. 1
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 You need to understand that women who have broken up with guys and don't want them anymore as a love interest are often perfectly fine having them as just a casual friend as long as they will stay in their Lane and not keep trying to get back together or have sex. they will happily tell you all about their new boyfriends and everything. Guys are not so much like that. Most guys don't keep talking to women unless they're still wanting to have sex with them. Women just aren't that way. She has moved on and she is not coming back. She is holding a boundary but you are confused about the boundary and trying to believe that it means she's still thinking of getting back together. She doesn't hate you. What the maximum she wants is just that you could be civil with each other but she knows not to give you any real encouragement and in her mind she isn't because she is ignoring you part of the time and making it clear she's not interested that way anymore. Since you're holding onto hope, you shouldn't let this go on forever and should just block her and be done with it. She knows you want to get back together and she knows she doesn't. 2
Author Yukwide Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 7 hours ago, schlumpy said: She doesn't want to talk to you or acknowledge you because she's afraid you will once again approach her about getting back together and she wants to move on. When she finds out you have left her behind then she will once again acknowledge that you exist but until then expect silence. Thanks for that. That's fair enough. Even though she contacted me first. I asked once to meet up a few months back She told me she doesn't want to say yes and get my hopes up but say no and regret it. I don't intend on ever asking her again now,
Author Yukwide Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 7 hours ago, preraph said: You need to understand that women who have broken up with guys and don't want them anymore as a love interest are often perfectly fine having them as just a casual friend as long as they will stay in their Lane and not keep trying to get back together or have sex. they will happily tell you all about their new boyfriends and everything. Guys are not so much like that. Most guys don't keep talking to women unless they're still wanting to have sex with them. Women just aren't that way. She has moved on and she is not coming back. She is holding a boundary but you are confused about the boundary and trying to believe that it means she's still thinking of getting back together. She doesn't hate you. What the maximum she wants is just that you could be civil with each other but she knows not to give you any real encouragement and in her mind she isn't because she is ignoring you part of the time and making it clear she's not interested that way anymore. Since you're holding onto hope, you shouldn't let this go on forever and should just block her and be done with it. She knows you want to get back together and she knows she doesn't. You're right I'm confused. I still don't know why she lost interest she couldn't give me an answer. I've had no closure instead I've been shut off and ignored and then recontacated when it seems like she's bored. I loved that girl to bits and I thought she would have had the heart to be honest with me but clearly not. I never bombard her with messages. If she ignores me I don't reply again until she pops up. Like I said above, I asked to meet her once for a coffee to talk. She couldn't even do that. I was with her for years and for her to blatantly ignore me like I don't exist when I saw her in the street was pretty tough.
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I doubt SHE knows why she lost interest. She probably lost attraction, and that is usually not something easily definable, but it is final and no turning back. Why didn't I feel enough attraction to a guy who was my friend for 3 years who was cool and cute to really throw myself into the relationship? I just didn't. It didn't feel right. He was just never the one that I was able to focus on. Attraction can come and go. People can lose it once they realize you're not the ideal love of their life. People can get bored. People who were attracted can feel that fade as they get to know you more or just get used to being around you and lose momentum. There is rarely any "closure." Closure is just you wanting another shot at her, as if if she can't prove why she doesn't love you anymore, then she must return. Doesn't work like that. And you be careful about begging for closure, too, because if forced into a corner, you may get told something you didn't want to hear that she's kind enough not to tell you. 2
Author Yukwide Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 22 hours ago, preraph said: I doubt SHE knows why she lost interest. She probably lost attraction, and that is usually not something easily definable, but it is final and no turning back. Why didn't I feel enough attraction to a guy who was my friend for 3 years who was cool and cute to really throw myself into the relationship? I just didn't. It didn't feel right. He was just never the one that I was able to focus on. Attraction can come and go. People can lose it once they realize you're not the ideal love of their life. People can get bored. People who were attracted can feel that fade as they get to know you more or just get used to being around you and lose momentum. There is rarely any "closure." Closure is just you wanting another shot at her, as if if she can't prove why she doesn't love you anymore, then she must return. Doesn't work like that. And you be careful about begging for closure, too, because if forced into a corner, you may get told something you didn't want to hear that she's kind enough not to tell you. Thanks. I've never begged for closure, when I have told friends and family about the last few months of our relationship, every single one of them have told me that she put all the blame on to me and twisted things to make me look bad giving her a 'reason' to break up. Only now am I starting to see this. I have spent months beating myself for things I did when everyone told me that I was being manipulated into thinking I was a bad person because she wanted out. She never broke up with me, I tried after months to work things out and I always got an excuse as to why she couldn't see me. Looking back I should of cut it off earlier but I was so in love with this girl I just couldn't see it. It seems I was trying my hardest to keep things together while she was planning her way out. I was so mentally drained that when she suggested we can't go on anymore I agreed to go our separate ways. i wish I could just forget about her but I'm struggling. I'm a lot better than I was but I still miss her.
preraph Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 Well sorry you're still missing her. It just sounds like if she had so many things she felt she needed to blame you for, but honestly you just weren't compatible. Sometimes we're more in love with who we hope the person will be than who they really are.
Author Yukwide Posted February 21, 2020 Author Posted February 21, 2020 On 2/19/2020 at 8:11 PM, preraph said: Well sorry you're still missing her. It just sounds like if she had so many things she felt she needed to blame you for, but honestly you just weren't compatible. Sometimes we're more in love with who we hope the person will be than who they really are. Yes I guess so, that's life as they say.im still being ignored which is a bit rubbish but I guess she has her reasons. thanks for the help
preraph Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 Her reason is because she's done. Sorry. Best thing to do is start going out with friends and staying active and not dwell on it. Good luck.
Redhead14 Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 (edited) On 2/17/2020 at 6:43 AM, Yukwide said: Is she trying to play some sort of game? j We have no idea what or why she's doing what she's doing. The question I have is why are you tolerating it???? The problem is you, not her now. If you feel like she's playing a game, don't respond/tolerate. If you do respond/tolerate, you're playing the game too. Pick up your pieces and board and go home (figuratively). Block/delete, forget. Game over, Dude. Edited February 21, 2020 by Redhead14 1
Daisydooks Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 (edited) On 2/17/2020 at 10:31 AM, Yukwide said: she would have quite happily ignored me and pretend not to see me, if I hadn't of said hello. Friend, you need to stop saying hello. Block this girl and if you do run into her ignore her like she happily ignores you. What a sham she is. None of her behaviour is worth examining She has zero respect for you and is playing mind games. She is maybe fishing to see if you still have feelings and is getting a thrill because you still respond. She has the classic signs and symptoms of "I dont want him but dont want anyone else to have him either syndrome." Edited February 21, 2020 by Daisydooks
Rex12 Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 Sorry to say this Yukwide but I agree with everyone, she's done & you shouldn't waste anymore of your time on her. However & this may sound counter intuitive, but if you keep in contact with your ex - it seems like you might attempt to at present - there will be a certain incident which will act as a tipping point were you think enough is enough. You've attempted to get her to meet you; no doubt you will try to again, likely outcomes being a flat no or a blase non-committal response. You'll feel dejected & exasperated but then that will lift and your mind will give you the kick you need to forget this game player. Having said all that, muster up the strength to ignore & move on. She's not worth it; you deserve better. 1
Author Yukwide Posted February 22, 2020 Author Posted February 22, 2020 22 hours ago, Redhead14 said: We have no idea what or why she's doing what she's doing. The question I have is why are you tolerating it???? The problem is you, not her now. If you feel like she's playing a game, don't respond/tolerate. If you do respond/tolerate, you're playing the game too. Pick up your pieces and board and go home (figuratively). Block/delete, forget. Game over, Dude. Thanks. I tolerate because I guess I didn't think she was like this. It's only because I love her. But like you say, by replying I'm playing the game too, although I didn't realise that.
Author Yukwide Posted February 22, 2020 Author Posted February 22, 2020 22 hours ago, Daisydooks said: Friend, you need to stop saying hello. Block this girl and if you do run into her ignore her like she happily ignores you. What a sham she is. None of her behaviour is worth examining She has zero respect for you and is playing mind games. She is maybe fishing to see if you still have feelings and is getting a thrill because you still respond. She has the classic signs and symptoms of "I dont want him but dont want anyone else to have him either syndrome." Thanks or that. Why would someone not want me but not want me to move on? Don't understand the Mentality of that. It's a shame she doesn't have any respect for me, that's bad, I won't acknowledge her now if I see her again, I doubt I will now. Im trying my best to forget about her, I keep busy but she always pops in my head.
Author Yukwide Posted February 22, 2020 Author Posted February 22, 2020 17 hours ago, Rex12 said: Sorry to say this Yukwide but I agree with everyone, she's done & you shouldn't waste anymore of your time on her. However & this may sound counter intuitive, but if you keep in contact with your ex - it seems like you might attempt to at present - there will be a certain incident which will act as a tipping point were you think enough is enough. You've attempted to get her to meet you; no doubt you will try to again, likely outcomes being a flat no or a blase non-committal response. You'll feel dejected & exasperated but then that will lift and your mind will give you the kick you need to forget this game player. Having said all that, muster up the strength to ignore & move on. She's not worth it; you deserve better. Thanks. Well I asked her out for a drink about four months ago, I haven't mentioned it since and I won't again unless she gives me reason too but I think we all know that isn't going to happen somehow. I feel in limbo a bit, I know deep down she doesn't want me and I'm trying to move on but I'm also clinging on somehow for maybe a miracle to happen I guess. It's not and I need to keep telling myself that. just wish she'd have the decency to not ignore someone like she is. It's not very nice
Rex12 Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 We've all been there Yukwide. Try & relax as it will pass. Your heart is playing catch up with your mind. Whilst giving it time and NC is the logical choice, if you're struggling with giving up hope sometimes you need that one last reach out to act as the final nail in the coffin. You'll feel terrible but it flicks the switch in your brain & all of a sudden you see the situation clearly & you start to move on rapidly. Hang in there.
Recommended Posts