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Valentines Date


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Posted

So I did what I haven't done for many years hit OLD and found a Valentines date, however it was just for drinks and must say this date did answer many of my questions and further refined what I like.

What quickly became apparent was that she is very intelligent, has a very extrovert personality which I quite like and conversation was good, all 3.5 hours of it! There is a lot to like, a great deal of the things I like she has. At this point I think everyone is waiting for the BUT.

She is petite and the venue was quite dark, walking her to her car afterward I realised how petite she is, she has a pretty face that I must admit.

Anyway we agreed to meet up the following day and this time in the cold light of day I realised that the physical attraction is not quite there for me. However now I have a problem in the sense she really seems to like me in a way I don't quite like her. Yes it was nice to have a second date, sure I could probably get a third date (she is already mentioning it), she is successful, very educated, hugely intellectual but I am seemingly just missing the physical attraction.

Honestly I think someone somewhere is having a big laugh at me.

Posted

That sucks hard. This kind of happened to me a couple weeks ago or so. Met online, talking for a couple weeks(because he hadn’t moved to my city), was super excited because he was somewhat of a good communicator, met in person, wasn’t attracted to him in person . Also his  communication style may have bit different than text. It’s such a let down, because it feels like it always has to be  something, huh? 

Posted

Ah honey, I've been reading your posts over the years and I wish you only good things, but you need to want it for yourself also. The fact that there is always something that prevents you from moving forward with a person is something that  you need to address, perhaps in therapy.

I suffer from the same affliction and have been doing a lot of introspection lately. 

usually; it has something to do with the relationship with our most difficult parent, we keep wanting to recreate it as an adult to try and do it over and fix it in the process. The fact that you cannot get past initial meet ups means that nothing is surfacing. 

Perhaps something to consider....but I;m glad you had a better than usual encounter, take it as an ego boost and a huge positive, work off that energy towards something better, the universe wants it for you

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Posted
On 2/17/2020 at 7:42 AM, ZA Dater said:

She is petite and the venue was quite dark, walking her to her car afterward I realised how petite she is, she has a pretty face that I must admit.

whats the problem then,

surely there can be physical attraction here,

dont doubt yourself or look for an excuse to back out, 

make the most of this opening.

Posted

Yea I didn’t understand that either:.. but maybe ZA is into women more statuesque? I know he mentions Blake Lively before who is 5’10

Posted

My guess this girl is so petite to be verging on the "abnormal".
ZA Dater does not want a woman who will be viewed by others as being "different".
He wants a woman who will bridge the gap between him and society in general.
A clever, extrovert woman that other men will want and be impressed by.
A woman he can show off and a woman to bring him out of his shell.
He does not want to be seen as "the guy with the teeny tiny gf"...
He does not want to stand out, he wants to be seen as normal. 

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Posted
On ‎2‎/‎18‎/‎2020 at 2:11 PM, elaine567 said:

My guess this girl is so petite to be verging on the "abnormal".
ZA Dater does not want a woman who will be viewed by others as being "different".
He wants a woman who will bridge the gap between him and society in general.
A clever, extrovert woman that other men will want and be impressed by.
A woman he can show off and a woman to bring him out of his shell.
He does not want to be seen as "the guy with the teeny tiny gf"...
He does not want to stand out, he wants to be seen as normal. 

Not at all, she is too curvy for me. She does bring out my A game and the conversation was great.

I don't mind standing out, honestly my personality usually means I tend to stand out from the minute I start speaking.

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Posted
On ‎2‎/‎18‎/‎2020 at 2:07 PM, Cookiesandough said:

Yea I didn’t understand that either:.. but maybe ZA is into women more statuesque? I know he mentions Blake Lively before who is 5’10

I think the inherent problem with me is I chase "wow" and there were some wow aspects to her but physical attraction is not there. Having said that I think she might be a good friend, she is very extroverted and smarter than most people I meet so in some respects she told me many guys are put off by a really smart lady. I can well believe that.

One thing I have concluded is perhaps I wont find the wow I am looking for in SA. Its seeming more and more to be the case, I remember the Swedish lady I really liked, the doctor from Colorado, the German lady, there was an allure to all of them, the Swedish lady was probably as good I could imagine. Perhaps this is the problem, this chasing of wow is actually more of a curse than a blessing. I have always since I was young had this inspiration to chase wow in whatever I did, be it saving up for a really book, I could have bought a cheaper book but I wanted the best one.

 

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Posted (edited)

 

She wouldn't be putting me off that's for sure , petite , curvy , smart , sounds perfect. l'll tell you one thing , most women don't really understand why guys aren't into them and my guess is it's nothing to do with smart, there's no shortage of very smart men around.

But anyway , as l've said , you seem to at least get the dates ok, on odds alone you'll have to nail one sooner or later.

Edited by chillii
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Posted
19 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I think the inherent problem with me is I chase "wow.” Perhaps this is the problem, this chasing of wow is actually more of a curse than a blessing.

You are your own worst enemy. You seem destined to spend your life searching for this mysterious unicorn... Someday you will realize that she does not exist - not in SA, or Sweden, or Germany, or wherever...

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Posted
5 hours ago, BaileyB said:

You are your own worst enemy. You seem destined to spend your life searching for this mysterious unicorn... Someday you will realize that she does not exist - not in SA, or Sweden, or Germany, or wherever...

I simply don't find her physically attractive, that's the bottom line here. Whereas at least I am able to get meet ups with attractive foreign people whereas I cannot get any meet ups with local attractive ladies and for the most part the foreign people are far more interesting to me, much broader view of the world than many locals.

Honestly if this lady was more in shape I'd have no issue dating her.

But perhaps I just enjoy the search more than the end result. Could be possible.

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Posted
On 2/21/2020 at 1:33 PM, chillii said:

She wouldn't be putting me off that's for sure , petite , curvy , smart , sounds perfect.

He means "curvy" as in overweight...

Posted

In my vocabulary, petite and overweight are mutually exclusive. 'Curvy' can mean either overweight (most of the time on OLD) or with a distinctly hour-glass figure e.g. Kate Upton. Just sayin'

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Posted
On 2/21/2020 at 2:53 PM, ZA Dater said:

for the most part the foreign people are far more interesting to me, much broader view of the world than many locals.

- Ah, looking for a mail-order bride, are we?! 😛

Posted

 

1 hour ago, Fletch Lives said:

- Ah, looking for a mail-order bride, are we?! 😛

.I guess not.
He said a Swedish, German or American woman...

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Posted
2 hours ago, Erik30 said:

He means "curvy" as in overweight...

Yeah right , the petite threw me , but yeah l figured that later .

Posted (edited)
On 2/22/2020 at 6:53 AM, ZA Dater said:

I simply don't find her physically attractive, that's the bottom line here. Whereas at least I am able to get meet ups with attractive foreign people whereas I cannot get any meet ups with local attractive ladies and for the most part the foreign people are far more interesting to me, much broader view of the world than many locals.

Honestly if this lady was more in shape I'd have no issue dating her.

But perhaps I just enjoy the search more than the end result. Could be possible.

 

l think l suggested 12mths back look for different nationalities because who ever you meet locally never seems to do it. But you can also just lookout for different nationalities that live where you are too. Often they;ll still be their ways deep down so keep an eye out for that too.Date sites often have a nationality filter too , try unticking SA nationality but tick the rest or whichever interests you . Where l am is very multi cultural with people from all over the world.My woman's Portuguese/Russian

l got the same thing as nos with her petite /curvy thing but yeah if the curvy was over weight curvy well , shame.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by chillii
Posted
On 2/21/2020 at 2:53 PM, ZA Dater said:

... for the most part the foreign people are far more interesting to me, much broader view of the world than many locals.

Ain't that the truth, but you are meeting the travelers.   Can guarantee you there are myopic, narrow minded, uninformed and provincial people in Germany and the U.S.   

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Posted
On ‎2‎/‎22‎/‎2020 at 9:17 PM, Erik30 said:

He means "curvy" as in overweight...

Correct. I was trying to be a bit sensitive. The irony with all of this is I get along fairly well with her but there is no physical attraction. I think part of me enjoys chasing the improbable rather than getting the attainable. She is nice person, motivated, intelligent, great personality which means I am actually feeling a bit sad because I don't really want to hurt her, the way I have been rejected has made me sensitive to the feelings of others. I am happy to be her friend which I think might be nice for both of us.

A lot of this is me, I have always liked the challenge of the improbable. There is a yoga instructor I really like, she lives 1000 miles away, isn't really into me like but the idea is very alluring to me, the sheer impracticality of it, the sheer way I would need to win her over.

So yes I'll concede that for the most part my dating woes are 50% self constructed.

Posted
47 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Correct. I was trying to be a bit sensitive. The irony with all of this is I get along fairly well with her but there is no physical attraction. I think part of me enjoys chasing the improbable rather than getting the attainable. She is nice person, motivated, intelligent, great personality which means I am actually feeling a bit sad because I don't really want to hurt her, the way I have been rejected has made me sensitive to the feelings of others. I am happy to be her friend which I think might be nice for both of us.

A lot of this is me, I have always liked the challenge of the improbable. There is a yoga instructor I really like, she lives 1000 miles away, isn't really into me like but the idea is very alluring to me, the sheer impracticality of it, the sheer way I would need to win her over.

So yes I'll concede that for the most part my dating woes are 50% self constructed.

Make it happen ZA...where there is a WILL there is always a WAY

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Posted
2 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

Make it happen ZA...where there is a WILL there is always a WAY

How can he "make it happen"?
The yoga instructor has as much interest in him as he has in this Valentine's day girl. ie none.
Nice friend material but nothing more.

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Posted
9 hours ago, elaine567 said:

How can he "make it happen"?
The yoga instructor has as much interest in him as he has in this Valentine's day girl. ie none.
Nice friend material but nothing more.

Exactly.

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Posted
41 minutes ago, Vespil said:

Honestly if this lady was more in shape she'd have an issue dating you.

 

 

Which is fine....its called choice.

Posted

ZA, you want what you want.  There's no shame in that and like you mentioned it's a CHOICE.

We all have our TYPE

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Posted

There is nothing wrong with wanting to date people you find attractive.  Where you've lost me is how you managed to "miss" the fact that she's too fat for you during a 3.5 hour date during which you walked her to her car AND were able to discern that she has a pretty face.  

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