introverted1 Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 7 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: But you can't get down on the guy.......he explained that dating has been rough lately......many people get gun-shy from dating, it happens. Not so much getting down on him as pointing out that he is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. He'd be better off not dating until he can do so with an open attitude. His current MO will just lead to a spiral of negative reinforcement that will only make dating more rough. 1 1
introverted1 Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 11 hours ago, IntBrowser said: Well I plan to call tomorrow evening after work and see if she picks up And if she doesn't? How will you know if she's at work and can't pick up vs ignoring you? At this point, though, she's probably feeling pretty confused/gamed/jaded. I think your only hope would be to say something like: Hey, I think we got off on the wrong foot, and I am to blame for that. I really enjoyed our date and would like to take you out again. Are you free for dinner on [insert day but not today/tomorrow, which will look like she's a backup plan]? You're not going to win her over with these tentative "how was your day" text messages. You may not be able to win her over at all at this point. But if you like her, what do you have to lose by one last sincere try? 1
Miss Spider Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 (edited) On 2/19/2020 at 9:00 AM, IntBrowser said: i will probably call friday as a last attempt and then be done with it I think this is a bad idea. If I did not respond to a guy’s text for days, it would be because I didn’t want to. If he then called me, I’d be a little weirded out. She’s over it. You can wait to see if she answers your text or send one last Hail Mary text with what introverted1 wrote, but I suggest just moving on and learning from this experience. Edited February 21, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
rjc149 Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 On 2/20/2020 at 9:32 PM, IntBrowser said: Well I plan to call tomorrow evening after work and see if she picks up I'm guessing she didn't pick up the phone. We have all been there man. The key is learning the important takeaways. At the beginning, it's your job to pursue, take the initiative, set dates, and making moves on those dates. Each of these progressive steps requires her permission, and she gives permission for you to escalate through signs and signals which you need to be able to read. The most clear and obvious sign that she's giving permission is that she's receptive to you and reciprocating. When she isn't giving you permission to escalate the courtship, then continuing to pursue her is now chasing. Men who chase women are needy and low-value. Women are turned off by men who chase, even if they enjoy the validation and ego-boost of being chased. Declining a date without suggesting any sort of alternative date is her way of denying you permission to escalate further with her. It doesn't matter if you self-sabotaged a Sunday reschedule. "Sorry I have to work Saturday" + no suggested reschedule = this chick wasn't going to meet you on Sunday or any other day no matter what you suggested. You were out. In no way should you continue your pursuit of this girl, not even a Hail Mary. Don't chase this girl. The more you chase, the harder she'll run. Respect yourself. View every date as practice for the big game, the day you meet a girl who truly blows you away. Until then, don't put too much expectation on any one date or girl, and have fun learning and growing even if sometimes, you have to take your lumps and lick your wounds. Getting stung is part of dating. 2
Author IntBrowser Posted February 22, 2020 Author Posted February 22, 2020 10 minutes ago, rjc149 said: I'm guessing she didn't pick up the phone. We have all been there man. The key is learning the important takeaways. At the beginning, it's your job to pursue, take the initiative, set dates, and making moves on those dates. Each of these progressive steps requires her permission, and she gives permission for you to escalate through signs and signals which you need to be able to read. The most clear and obvious sign that she's giving permission is that she's receptive to you and reciprocating. When she isn't giving you permission to escalate the courtship, then continuing to pursue her is now chasing. Men who chase women are needy and low-value. Women are turned off by men who chase, even if they enjoy the validation and ego-boost of being chased. Declining a date without suggesting any sort of alternative date is her way of denying you permission to escalate further with her. It doesn't matter if you self-sabotaged a Sunday reschedule. "Sorry I have to work Saturday" + no suggested reschedule = this chick wasn't going to meet you on Sunday or any other day no matter what you suggested. You were out. In no way should you continue your pursuit of this girl, not even a Hail Mary. Don't chase this girl. The more you chase, the harder she'll run. Respect yourself. View every date as practice for the big game, the day you meet a girl who truly blows you away. Until then, don't put too much expectation on any one date or girl, and have fun learning and growing even if sometimes, you have to take your lumps and lick your wounds. Getting stung is part of dating. No I sent a text today about tomorrow and tomorrow I will call which will be the end. She did say she have to work today so maybe thats why she hasnt responded
Author IntBrowser Posted February 22, 2020 Author Posted February 22, 2020 12 minutes ago, rjc149 said: I'm guessing she didn't pick up the phone. We have all been there man. The key is learning the important takeaways. At the beginning, it's your job to pursue, take the initiative, set dates, and making moves on those dates. Each of these progressive steps requires her permission, and she gives permission for you to escalate through signs and signals which you need to be able to read. The most clear and obvious sign that she's giving permission is that she's receptive to you and reciprocating. When she isn't giving you permission to escalate the courtship, then continuing to pursue her is now chasing. Men who chase women are needy and low-value. Women are turned off by men who chase, even if they enjoy the validation and ego-boost of being chased. Declining a date without suggesting any sort of alternative date is her way of denying you permission to escalate further with her. It doesn't matter if you self-sabotaged a Sunday reschedule. "Sorry I have to work Saturday" + no suggested reschedule = this chick wasn't going to meet you on Sunday or any other day no matter what you suggested. You were out. In no way should you continue your pursuit of this girl, not even a Hail Mary. Don't chase this girl. The more you chase, the harder she'll run. Respect yourself. View every date as practice for the big game, the day you meet a girl who truly blows you away. Until then, don't put too much expectation on any one date or girl, and have fun learning and growing even if sometimes, you have to take your lumps and lick your wounds. Getting stung is part of dating. That's what I said on Monday but most people on here was saying I should have made a plan for sunday in same text. I ,may not know much about dating but I do know that when a woman mentions WORK when discussing her availability its a wrap. Especially it was no follow up with another day
rjc149 Posted February 22, 2020 Posted February 22, 2020 7 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: No I sent a text today about tomorrow and tomorrow I will call which will be the end. She did say she have to work today so maybe thats why she hasnt responded Don't call her tomorrow. If she doesn't respond to your text, which is highly probable, you have your answer. I mean, you already have it, but just in case you need it in all caps and bold print. 3 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: That's what I said on Monday but most people on here was saying I should have made a plan for sunday in same text. I ,may not know much about dating but I do know that when a woman mentions WORK when discussing her availability its a wrap. Especially it was no follow up with another day A lot of posters giving you advice are women, all of whom are genuinely trying to help and mean well, but only few of whom are actually giving good male-intended dating advice. The stock "keep trying/fight for her/don't give up" advice that you'll get from a lot of women is kinda like how they'll tell you they want a sweet, sensitive nice guy but always end up dating jerks and bad boys -- you've noticed that phenomenon I"m sure. The key is to come off as a high-value man. A high-value man is busy, because he is out accomplishing his objectives first and foremost, and he has an active social life. He has abundance and options with women. He's not making himself available to a girl for both Saturday AND Sunday. He's not chasing a girl who blows him off, trying to back her into a corner with multiple scheduling options when she declines one. He's already on to the next girl. If you come off as too available, too eager, like you've got nothing going on and you';re desperate for a date with this girl, she'll see that as low-value and it will turn her off. Neediness kills attraction. Your instinct was 100% correct. When a woman declines an invitation with an excuse and no suggestion of an alternative time, it's a wrap. She's not interested. You're not going to get her interested again by continuing to hit her up and being desperate.
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, IntBrowser said: No I sent a text today about tomorrow and tomorrow I will call which will be the end. She did say she have to work today so maybe thats why she hasnt responded Why would you need to call her if she has yet to answer the last two(?) texts you sent her? Do you think she just didn’t get them? I don’t understand this strategy at all...Bug her until she relents? Edited February 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Author IntBrowser Posted February 23, 2020 Author Posted February 23, 2020 She answered the phone today when I called after not responding to my last 2 text messages??? LOL We talked for about 20 mins and suggested we should get together next weekend and mentioned I will text her during the week. WEIRD. Now that was unexpected lol
Miss Spider Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 Did you nail down a plan, date, and time? If so, awesome. If not , this means nothing
Andy_K Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 (edited) On 2/23/2020 at 6:02 AM, Cookiesandough said: Why would you need to call her if she has yet to answer the last two(?) texts you sent her? Do you think she just didn’t get them? I don’t understand this strategy at all...Bug her until she relents? I'd love to live in a world where being persistent doesn't help, and it's not a path I've ever been inclined to follow, but I've heard far too many stories of girls ending up with guys they initially didn't like by eventually caving in to their dogged relentlessness to dismiss it outright. Edited February 24, 2020 by Andy_K 1
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