Author IntBrowser Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 19 minutes ago, K.K. said: Well.... yea but did you text her yet? No I have not. Been trying to get my mind off of it and watch sports this evening,. What type of text should I send her?
K.K. Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 (edited) Just ask her how she is. Then see if she’s working Sunday and if she says no, tell her you’re coming to take her out. Time’s slipping away. You’ve already given up on this haven’t you Edited February 19, 2020 by K.K.
rjc149 Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 Common knowledge that if you invite a girl on a date, and she declines without offering a reschedule or, in this case, even a "some other time?" she isn't interested and you shouldn't be chasing her. I think it's pretty clear you're at this point with this girl. A good text is "let me know what your schedule looks like next weekend" and if she never hits you up, her interest level is too low for you keep her contact info in your phone. Delete, next. What you DO NOT want to do, if you want to take the slim chance at salvaging this and getting her interest level back up, is keep to asking her out on dates. The ball is in her court. If she wants to see you again, it's up to her to make that happen now. Learn the difference between pursuing and chasing. Follow any advice on here to keep inviting her out and suggesting reschedules when she hasn't offered any, now you're chasing, and that's going to trigger her instinctive flight response to get the hell away from the needy low-value guy. Be wary of females advising you on chasing your romantic prospects. All women like being chased. It makes them feel good. It doesn't mean they will like the guy who chases them. 1
K.K. Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 I don’t agree with that at all. She had to work Saturday. He’s the one that shut her down for Sunday with no rescheduling. Why should she have to try to make a date when he basically blew her off? 2
Author IntBrowser Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 Ok Im about to send her a text 1
rjc149 Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 33 minutes ago, K.K. said: I don’t agree with that at all. She had to work Saturday. He’s the one that shut her down for Sunday with no rescheduling. Why should she have to try to make a date when he basically blew her off? She didn't suggest a reschedule for Sunday. He did. Underhandedly. Of course Sunday is a poor day to be planning romantic outings. It's very needy to for a man to suggest a reschedule for the *next day* when the initial suggestion is declined "ooh howabout Sunday then? Monday? No? Howabout Tuesday then? Name any day of the week! Please please please your Highness, go out with me!" She's blowing him off. A guy with sh-t going on in his life doesn't chase a girl like this. OP, I hope your text was something along these lines: "Hehe ah too bad you have to work Saturday. No worries, let me know what your schedule looks like next weekend, I know a great tapas bar" or something like that. And that's it. If she hits you next weekend, then game on. If not, NEXT.
Miss Spider Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 (edited) She lost interest because you are acting really weird and unnatural. Guys that are indifferent/confident and guys that are playing games/insecure anxious are like night and day. One is attractive to a subset of women and one is almost universally unattractive. You’re giving the impression of the latter because you are . You’re shooting yourself in the foot. Find yourself and be yourself. Even if you come up with the perfect text to regain her interest, LS isn’t going to be there to hold your hand through every interaction you have with her from here on out, so it’s a waste of time. Edited February 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3
K.K. Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 4 minutes ago, rjc149 said: She didn't suggest a reschedule for Sunday. He did. Underhandedly. Of course Sunday is a poor day to be planning romantic outings. It's very needy to for a man to suggest a reschedule for the *next day* when the initial suggestion is declined "ooh howabout Sunday then? Monday? No? Howabout Tuesday then? Name any day of the week! Please please please your Highness, go out with me!" She's blowing him off. A guy with sh-t going on in his life doesn't chase a girl like this. OP, I hope your text was something along these lines: "Hehe ah too bad you have to work Saturday. No worries, let me know what your schedule looks like next weekend, I know a great tapas bar" or something like that. And that's it. If she hits you next weekend, then game on. If not, NEXT. Did you even read the thread? He gave her no chance to reschedule anything because he had already shut down any idea of Sunday. Why should she be groveling for a date? She’s “ your highness “ huh? Bitter much? Don’t take your crappy experiences and color his view with hatred for women or what women think -like you know -because you wouldn’t know since you’re a man. 3
rjc149 Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 Just now, K.K. said: Did you even read the thread? He gave her no chance to reschedule anything because he had already shut down any idea of Sunday. Why should she be groveling for a date? She’s “ your highness “ huh? Bitter much? Don’t take your crappy experiences and color his view with hatred for women or what women think -like you know -because you wouldn’t know since you’re a man. Whoa lol easy there. I didn't mean any offense to you. I think this guy's problem here is that he's being needy and coming off as low value. That's what I'm trying to get him to see. Yes, I read the thread. She did not offer an alternative date. As in, "sorry I have to work Saturday, but howabout Sunday?" She indicated zero interest in another outing with him. None. Nada. She's not interested. You may, of course, suggest that he continue his pursuit of her in the face of fairly obvious signs of disinterest. You're entitled to your view of the matter.
K.K. Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 (edited) No. He sent her a text saying what he had planned wasn’t going to work Sunday. What was she supposed to say after that? I mean the guy is obviously struggling. There’s no need to be mean or unkind to him. Just my opinion. Yes I do agree he needs to be more assertive and confident. But still... Edited February 19, 2020 by K.K.
rjc149 Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 Just now, K.K. said: No. He sent her a text saying what he had planned wasn’t going to work Sunday. What was she supposed to say after that? I mean the guy is obviously struggling. There’s no need to be mean or unkind to him. Just my opinion. ...which does not constitute the suggestion of an alternate date *from her.* There's only one conclusion here and it's very obvious. I'm not being mean or unkind. A little tough love goes a long way. You may express your opinions freely of course, this is a forum but I believe following your advice to keep after her won't do him any favors.
Author IntBrowser Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 2 hours ago, K.K. said: Keep it light. Easy breezy. kept it light and no response as I expected. I said 8 hours ago when someone mentions work it's over. Just a text asking how her day was and made reference to something she asked me in the car with a laughing emjoi. Which makes me wonder why she was so concerned about me getting home safe if she didnt plan on seeing me again.
Daisydooks Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 8 hours ago, IntBrowser said: the saturday thing involved going to NYC You know there is another Saturday in like 11 days, right? There are like 52 Saturdays EVERY year, at that! Haha Why are you being so rigid with her? Maybe if you just went with the flow and stopped being so rigid about every detail like making sure you wait 2 hours to message her, calling it quits or assuming it's done because she cant go to NYC with you THIS EXACT Saturday, saying "well since MY plan doesnt work on a Sunday, screw it altogether and we are done!" Its over the top. And since she actually has no idea what you're thinking, where we do, maybe we have an inside view of this and can help. You realize just how rigid and tight assed that sounds right? Lol Relax a bit, my friend. I'm with KK here all the way. Go with the flow a bit more. Maybe I'm confused by your logic as I am a woman and dont understand. It's possible I am off my game here...... but provided you stop messing around and shutting her down/out at every turn, 11 days from now you could easily go to NYC. Provided you stop stepping on your own toes before then, next Saturday could work. Lol What's so bad about that? Ask her to meet up Sunday for something light and fun you could do in the afternoon, and once that date goes well, see what she is up to on a different Saturday provided she isnt working.
Author IntBrowser Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 20 minutes ago, Daisydooks said: You know there is another Saturday in like 11 days, right? There are like 52 Saturdays EVERY year, at that! Haha Why are you being so rigid with her? Maybe if you just went with the flow and stopped being so rigid about every detail like making sure you wait 2 hours to message her, calling it quits or assuming it's done because she cant go to NYC with you THIS EXACT Saturday, saying "well since MY plan doesnt work on a Sunday, screw it altogether and we are done!" Its over the top. And since she actually has no idea what you're thinking, where we do, maybe we have an inside view of this and can help. You realize just how rigid and tight assed that sounds right? Lol Relax a bit, my friend. I'm with KK here all the way. Go with the flow a bit more. Maybe I'm confused by your logic as I am a woman and dont understand. It's possible I am off my game here...... but provided you stop messing around and shutting her down/out at every turn, 11 days from now you could easily go to NYC. Provided you stop stepping on your own toes before then, next Saturday could work. Lol What's so bad about that? Ask her to meet up Sunday for something light and fun you could do in the afternoon, and once that date goes well, see what she is up to on a different Saturday provided she isnt working. looks like she is done with responding. like i said earlier, once i heard work and no suggestion of another day that was it. Why not just block me and not send me anything after the date?
Daisydooks Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: looks like she is done with responding. like i said earlier, once i heard work and no suggestion of another day that was it. Why not just block me and not send me anything after the date? Lol. She cant do Saturday. You shot down Sunday because you cant do NYC specifically. There are other things you could have suggested Sunday instead of shutting it down. You dont seem interested so she isnt pursuing you You're right. Why would she respond after that performance? 1
Miss Spider Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, IntBrowser said: looks like she is done with responding. like i said earlier, once i heard work and no suggestion of another day that was it. Why not just block me and not send me anything after the date? She lost interest because you left her hanging for 2 hrs after she messaged you after the date. Like I said, I think I’d do the same. The only thing I wouldn’t do would be what people saw her as her “snarky” response. But that would be simply Bc I wouldn’t care enough to. When you ask someone out on a date and they are busy but interested, they usually follow up with an alternative. For example, like rjc said, she would have initially suggested something else like, “ I’m working Saturday but I’m free Sunday” or “I’m working saturday what other day works for you?” Usually a shut down with no alternative suggestion is soft rejection. It may seem extreme, but in the world of dating, esp if you met this girl online where she has a ton of other viable options at her disposal, people can be fickle. Next time, don’t play games and excuse yourself if you must leave someone hanging after a date. That’s just manners. Good luck Edited February 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Miss Spider Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 (edited) Oh and just to clarify: I don’t believe that 2 hr response was the first time she saw games either. I believe it was just the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’, if you will. Your “Sunday doesn’t work for what I have planned” seems like more games of the like. Odd and vague, trying to save face , instead of just asking her what would work for her Sorry if this is coming off harsh. Just trying to help by calling it how it appears Edited February 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough 4
introverted1 Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, IntBrowser said: kept it light and no response as I expected. I said 8 hours ago when someone mentions work it's over. Just a text asking how her day was and made reference to something she asked me in the car with a laughing emjoi. Which makes me wonder why she was so concerned about me getting home safe if she didnt plan on seeing me again. I disagree. I think she was initially VERY interested but you have confused the hell out of this woman and she has decided she doesn't want to play your game. She sends you an enthusiastic text after the date, which you willfully ignore for 2 hours. Then, when she comments about it, you don't apologise or even offer any enthusiasm yourself. Next, you say you're going to call her for a second date, which would have been the smart thing to do since you can much more easily gauge reaction on a call than in text, but no, you decide to do the second date in text. You ask about Saturday and she replies that she has to work and adds a crying emoji. Now, it's possible she was displaying disinterest because she didn't immediately offer up another day but it's also possibly (and more likely, imo) that she was expecting the conversation to continue and that you'd either offer a different day or she'd have an opportunity to do so. But that didn't happen because you immediately shut down the date and her by saying that your plan wouldn't work on Sunday. So my guess is that by the time you reached again, and did so with general chit chat rather than a direct ask for a date, she has concluded that you are not actually interested in dating but are just trying to keep her "warm" in case your primary interest(s) fall through. And she has decided that she doesn't want to deal with someone who plays so many games. Sorry, OP, but my take is that you shot yourself in the foot pretty much every step of the way. I'm not sure what rule book you are following but it's not working. Edited February 19, 2020 by introverted1 5
Author IntBrowser Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 36 minutes ago, introverted1 said: I disagree. I think she was initially VERY interested but you have confused the hell out of this woman and she has decided she doesn't want to play your game. She sends you an enthusiastic text after the date, which you willfully ignore for 2 hours. Then, when she comments about it, you don't apologise or even offer any enthusiasm yourself. Next, you say you're going to call her for a second date, which would have been the smart thing to do since you can much more easily gauge reaction on a call than in text, but no, you decide to do the second date in text. You ask about Saturday and she replies that she has to work and adds a crying emoji. Now, it's possible she was displaying disinterest because she didn't immediately offer up another day but it's also possibly (and more likely, imo) that she was expecting the conversation to continue and that you'd either offer a different day or she'd have an opportunity to do so. But that didn't happen because you immediately shut down the date and her by saying that your plan wouldn't work on Sunday. So my guess is that by the time you reached again, and did so with general chit chat rather than a direct ask for a date, she has concluded that you are not actually interested in dating but are just trying to keep her "warm" in case your primary interest(s) fall through. And she has decided that she doesn't want to deal with someone who plays so many games. Sorry, OP, but my take is that you shot yourself in the foot pretty much every step of the way. I'm not sure what rule book you are following but it's not working. i will probably call friday as a last attempt and then be done with it
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 1 hour ago, introverted1 said: I disagree. I think she was initially VERY interested but you have confused the hell out of this woman and she has decided she doesn't want to play your game. She sends you an enthusiastic text after the date, which you willfully ignore for 2 hours. Then, when she comments about it, you don't apologise or even offer any enthusiasm yourself. Next, you say you're going to call her for a second date, which would have been the smart thing to do since you can much more easily gauge reaction on a call than in text, but no, you decide to do the second date in text. You ask about Saturday and she replies that she has to work and adds a crying emoji. Now, it's possible she was displaying disinterest because she didn't immediately offer up another day but it's also possibly (and more likely, imo) that she was expecting the conversation to continue and that you'd either offer a different day or she'd have an opportunity to do so. But that didn't happen because you immediately shut down the date and her by saying that your plan wouldn't work on Sunday. So my guess is that by the time you reached again, and did so with general chit chat rather than a direct ask for a date, she has concluded that you are not actually interested in dating but are just trying to keep her "warm" in case your primary interest(s) fall through. And she has decided that she doesn't want to deal with someone who plays so many games. Sorry, OP, but my take is that you shot yourself in the foot pretty much every step of the way. I'm not sure what rule book you are following but it's not working. ^^^All of this Why Friday? Procrastination... 1
Author IntBrowser Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: ^^^All of this Why Friday? Procrastination... well for starters she hasnt responded to my last text. so im still giving her time. 95% chance friday will probably be my last contact
balletomane Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 On 2/19/2020 at 1:13 AM, IntBrowser said: As soon as I heard work I immediately felt like I was getting the brush off. The top 3 excuses a woman uses to not to go out with a guy is normally work, family, or sick.. The reason why people use those as excuses is because they actually are common everyday situations. Exotic excuses would sound less genuine. She told you she's a nurse. This information, combined with her enthusiastic text after the first date, should have let you know that she was likely to be telling the truth. People don't stop getting sick and being hospitalised at the weekend, and nurses do have to work shifts. The logical thing to reply would have been, "No worries. Let me know a day this week that works with your shift pattern. I'm free on XYZ days. I'm looking forward to seeing you again." Instead of being straightforward with her, you're reading lack of interest into her texts, acting very rigidly (your text about Sunday would have come across as a brush-off to me), and playing games by waiting set amounts of time to contact her. I think you're right that you won't get a positive response on Friday, but this isn't because she was never interested, it's because she is seeing you as unenthusiastic, rigid, and possibly game-playing. I think that would be offputting to most people. If you really want to see someone again, say it, and make seeing them your focus, not a trip you've planned without their input. If this had worked out, you would have had plenty of opportunities to go to NYC. You only have limited opportunities to get to know a new prospective partner. 6
Author IntBrowser Posted February 21, 2020 Author Posted February 21, 2020 18 hours ago, balletomane said: The reason why people use those as excuses is because they actually are common everyday situations. Exotic excuses would sound less genuine. She told you she's a nurse. This information, combined with her enthusiastic text after the first date, should have let you know that she was likely to be telling the truth. People don't stop getting sick and being hospitalised at the weekend, and nurses do have to work shifts. The logical thing to reply would have been, "No worries. Let me know a day this week that works with your shift pattern. I'm free on XYZ days. I'm looking forward to seeing you again." Instead of being straightforward with her, you're reading lack of interest into her texts, acting very rigidly (your text about Sunday would have come across as a brush-off to me), and playing games by waiting set amounts of time to contact her. I think you're right that you won't get a positive response on Friday, but this isn't because she was never interested, it's because she is seeing you as unenthusiastic, rigid, and possibly game-playing. I think that would be offputting to most people. If you really want to see someone again, say it, and make seeing them your focus, not a trip you've planned without their input. If this had worked out, you would have had plenty of opportunities to go to NYC. You only have limited opportunities to get to know a new prospective partner. Well I plan to call tomorrow evening after work and see if she picks up
Fletch Lives Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 Well, I'm usually pretty wound up after a first date whether I liked the woman or not so the text replies would be very quick or as soon as I returned home. So yeah, that should have been a red flag to her. I think he turned her off there. But you can't get down on the guy.......he explained that dating has been rough lately......many people get gun-shy from dating, it happens. And honestly, we don't know if she was truly interested in seeing him again or not. Maybe he'll be in better spirits when he meets the next woman.
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