Ruby Slippers Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Yeah, now that I think about it, I'm leaning toward @Cookiesandough's point of view. If you like the person, it's kinda common courtesy to text that you got home after the first date and had a good time. The perfect scenario is the woman texts thank you, had a great time and the man replies with similar in a fairly short time frame. This isn't deal-breaker stuff, just not ideal.
basil67 Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Don't you say "I had a great time" when you're saying goodbye to them? Why does it need to be on text too? (It's a long time since I dated )
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Yeah, don't play games. If you had a nice time, text to say so when you feel you would like to. I do all the time and most of the people I have dated text within 30-min of the ending of a date to express appreciation. Just do it, but keep it simple and light.
rjc149 Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Butthurt at a 2-hour text delay from someone you just met is a red flag. Women will often intentionally delay their responses to men in the initial dating phase to test for emotional strength and screen out the needy, clingy guys. So I don't think 2 hours is unreasonable in the initial courtship. But no more than 2 hours, and if she asks you a direct question, be more timely. I don't think responding with "Good to hear, I had a nice evening too" relatively promptly (within 10-15 minutes) would have hurt you here. She clearly digs you. BUT -- if the tables were turned, and you sent her that snarky text as a guy, your ass would be out. She is clearly anxiously attached, and I'd watch out for controlling/clingy/manipulative behavior if you decide to proceed with her. If you do, learn about attachment styles. Anxiously attached women assume they are about to be abandoned at all times and need lots of affirmation, emotional validation and support. They need a lot from you to be happy and secure in the relationship. Plus, she's going to be raking you over the coals for not being attentive and available enough -- do you want to deal with that?
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) 39 minutes ago, basil67 said: Don't you say "I had a great time" when you're saying goodbye to them? Why does it need to be on text too? (It's a long time since I dated ) Yeah it is a bit weird, but that is the protocol. I think it is because it’s so easy to communicate through text that communication is expected to continue that way right after the date, especially if you’ve both had a good time. You get a lot of “let me know that you got home safe” too. I mean I’m sure there are people who genuinely care, but it’s usually a way to continue communication I’m not saying it’s always expected, though. You can text the following day if you want, as well. But I read the OP as she was the one who texted him first after the date that she was home and had a great time, then he responded two hours later, , then she responded, but maybe I misunderstood. Edited February 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Daisydooks Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 1 hour ago, basil67 said: It's a long time since I dated ) Hahaha Its obvious I mean that with all due respect. I felt like a deer caught in head lights when I started dating again. I was 16 when I started dating my ex. Single again at 28. I had almost no experience anyway to begin with and I still had a Motorola flip phone when I was 16, with $0.25 / per message texts and my phone was free after 9pm and on weekends. It was a rude awakening for me when I started dating again in a world of smart phones and instant replies where people didnt wait until 9 to call ya because it was free. Hahaha 1 1
Noproblem Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I feel like she is problematic Already questioning you for the 2 hours delay lol 1
BaileyB Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 5 hours ago, basil67 said: Don't you say "I had a great time" when you're saying goodbye to them? Why does it need to be on text too? (It's a long time since I dated ) I would often text to say - I had a great time - and then, would usually mention something from the date. Ie. I looked up this... from the movie and it was actually true!! It would then continue the communication for a little while, which felt nice.
Author IntBrowser Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 Well it looks its over folks. Maybe I played a part in it but she appears not to be interested in seeing me again I sent her a text today asking how her day was and she asked the same. Then in the 2nd text I said I saw that the weather is nice for the weekend and how does saturday sound? Her response was......."I think I have to work" So there is my answer.
Andy_K Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 9 hours ago, basil67 said: Don't you say "I had a great time" when you're saying goodbye to them? Why does it need to be on text too? (It's a long time since I dated ) At the end of the date, everyone will be polite and friendly to each other, because the other person is right there. Take anything you hear with a big pinch of salt. When someone then texts after the date to say they had a good time, which they aren't obligated to do, then it actually means they did 2
Baman Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 On 2/17/2020 at 6:12 PM, Andy_K said: Make a witty reply and throw some ideas out for a second date, see what she says. yeah, you could text ''oh i was so horny after our date i dropped into the local strip joint...maybe if we have a second date you could help me in that department?" SCRAP THAT! LOL
K.K. Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 5 hours ago, IntBrowser said: Well it looks its over folks. Her response was......."I think I have to work" So there is my answer. Does she usually pull any weekends at work? Did you try to reschedule?
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 5 hours ago, IntBrowser said: Well it looks its over folks. Maybe I played a part in it but she appears not to be interested in seeing me again I sent her a text today asking how her day was and she asked the same. Then in the 2nd text I said I saw that the weather is nice for the weekend and how does saturday sound? Her response was......."I think I have to work" So there is my answer. If she has to work then that is a valid excuse, what about some other day, did you suggest that? Is that her crying emoji or yours? 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 If interested, she should have suggested an alternate day - but some people are clueless. Did you try for another day? You still can.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 8 hours ago, Andy_K said: At the end of the date, everyone will be polite and friendly to each other, because the other person is right there. Take anything you hear with a big pinch of salt. When someone then texts after the date to say they had a good time, which they aren't obligated to do, then it actually means they did Exactly. In my experience, when the man really likes you, he'll definitely text once he's home after the date to say he had a great time. It kind of cements that communication channel and begins to establish a pattern. 1
rjc149 Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 11 hours ago, IntBrowser said: Well it looks its over folks. Maybe I played a part in it but she appears not to be interested in seeing me again I sent her a text today asking how her day was and she asked the same. Then in the 2nd text I said I saw that the weather is nice for the weekend and how does saturday sound? Her response was......."I think I have to work" So there is my answer. 2 things possible: 1. Sending the non-logistical “how are you” text after the 1st date is needy. It means you want to know where you stand. The next text you should have sent was to set a 2nd date. 2. She sees you as someone who will only trigger her anxiety so she’s cut bait. Either way, you’re out. The next and final text you should send is “ah too bad, well let me know when you’re free.” If she doesn’t respond, that’s it. Unfortunately these electronic devices we are attached to at all times has added this dynamic to dating. So many more ways to kill attraction. 2
skywriter Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I'm thinking about a time in life, where people weren't attached to phones as if it were a body part. It all seems like over thinking to me. Give a person time to get to know you, then you'll know where I'm coming from. For Pete's sake, the dude could've had a call from his mother in that two hour span or a sick stomach and been on the toilet. It just seems so detail oriented. rjc, Thank you!
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 6 minutes ago, skywriter said: I'm thinking about a time in life, where people weren't attached to phones as if it were a body part. It all seems like over thinking to me. Give a person time to get to know you, then you'll know where I'm coming from. For Pete's sake, the dude could've had a call from his mother in that two hour span or a sick stomach and been on the toilet. It just seems so detail oriented. It's the times. Most people these days have their phone within a few feet of them 24/7. Practically, for most people, the cell phone is like a floating body part. So there's an awareness that most people are going to see a text come in in real time or close to it. How quickly they reply to your message does tell you something about how they prioritize you. For example, on the rare occasions when my boss texts me, I answer promptly, usually within 2 minutes. The only times I would deviate would be if I were in the bathroom, bathtub, asleep, or something like that. My boyfriend and I are both busy professionals. But we each make it clear with our communication patterns that the other person is a high priority. 2
skywriter Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 ...and I do relate to this thought Ruby Slippers. This was her first date and she assumed it took him 2 hours to get home instead of saying well how nice of him to say I'm home safe, the focus is a negative. Oh it took two hours. He could've been detained for other reasons and no need to go into all that. Just appreciate that he thought enough to get back. I dunno, a new age I suppose.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I agree with you that it was rude to make a negative comment on his response time after the first date. They barely know each other at this point. 1
Author IntBrowser Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 8 hours ago, K.K. said: Does she usually pull any weekends at work? Did you try to reschedule? she is a nurse so she does sometimes 1
Author IntBrowser Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 1 hour ago, skywriter said: ...and I do relate to this thought Ruby Slippers. This was her first date and she assumed it took him 2 hours to get home instead of saying well how nice of him to say I'm home safe, the focus is a negative. Oh it took two hours. He could've been detained for other reasons and no need to go into all that. Just appreciate that he thought enough to get back. I dunno, a new age I suppose. i didnt see it as negative i saw it as her being shocked it took that long 3
Author IntBrowser Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 8 hours ago, elaine567 said: If she has to work then that is a valid excuse, what about some other day, did you suggest that? Is that her crying emoji or yours? that was her crying emoji
skywriter Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) Well that's good that you did and if it was out of concern that would be a positive. Sounds like maybe you should have a 2nd date if possible. Edited February 18, 2020 by skywriter to add 1
K.K. Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 4 minutes ago, IntBrowser said: she is a nurse so she does sometimes 1 minute ago, IntBrowser said: that was her crying emoji Dude, it’s so not over. Why are you doing that to yourself? Give it a chance! 2
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