magicallydelicious Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 For those who are dating, do you date multiple people at once? If so, how long do you feel it’s appropriate to do this? For those who are now in a relationship, what was your experience? When did you know it was time to focus on one person?
Fletch Lives Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Quote For those who are dating, do you date multiple people at once? Milti-dating or circular dating is acceptable. Also keep in mind that some people know what they are looking for and when they find their match, a few dates transforms into a relationship rather quickly. Finally, with online dating available today, I wonder if milti-dating is even necessary? If a date does not work out, just go back online. Quote If so, how long do you feel it’s appropriate to do this? I would say until you kiss, or start kissing somebody regularly. So probably not very long. I've done it for up to a few weeks. Personally, if it's not getting serious after a month or so, I call it quits or make them a friend. Many people do it much longer. I have a lady friend who does it for years. She does it because she's dating guys she's attracted to, but not relationship material, or a match. She does it because these types of guys are all she has to work with so she settles. I'm trying to do some gentle counseling with her, but I stop short of telling her to drop guys - I don't think that's right. I can only give people the facts. What they do with the information is their business. Quote When did you know it was time to focus on one person? - You will know. When you don't know after a few dates, it's probably not a match.
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, magicallydelicious said: For those who are dating, do you date multiple people at once? If so, how long do you feel it’s appropriate to do this? For those who are now in a relationship, what was your experience? When did you know it was time to focus on one person? 1. Yes 2. For as long as I want 3. It didn’t change anything 4. When I started to like them enough to where I wanted to focus on them and we became a couple Edited February 17, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
BaileyB Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 I have never dated multiple people at the same time. Nor would I want to date someone who is dating multiple people at the same time. And, there is no way on this earth that I would be sexually intimate with anyone who was dating/having sex with multiple people at the same time. Old fashioned, I know. 7
Blind-Sided Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 In my younger years... I would have said no way!. But that was basically because I would really chase the girl I wanted to be with. So, I didn't want my efforts going the wrong way. But, In my new situation in life... I've kind of changed my stance on this. I guess the reason why is... I've changed my definition of what a date was. Before... a date was someone I was really interested in. Now... a "Date" is just the girl I'm out with. And I think that's because I realize that I'm not mentally ready to find the next "Mrs. Right" yet. So, there is actively 3 women I'm talking with, and 2 more on the outside edge. (introductions at an event, but nothing more) But... if one of these girls started to peak my interest, and we got physical in any way... then I would stop dating the others. I guess the way I see it is... right now, these three are friends, and I'm not guilty going out with a friend. But, maybe something more will come out of it. And if it does... that's where the other's will know that They are just friends. (is that bad that I have to friend zone someone? )
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 When I was dating I could have 1-2-3 first date on a same week. My personal moral rule was if I wanted to see someone for a 3rd time then I needed to end the pursuit with the others. 4
Author magicallydelicious Posted February 17, 2020 Author Posted February 17, 2020 39 minutes ago, Gaeta said: When I was dating I could have 1-2-3 first date on a same week. My personal moral rule was if I wanted to see someone for a 3rd time then I needed to end the pursuit with the others. I like this. In the past I’d really only dated one person at a time and I’ve realized it hasn’t been ending favorably, so I’ve switched the dating multiple people the same way you do, but it’s newer to me and I don’t want to let things go for too long with more than one person. I think 3 is fair. I definitely wouldn’t want to be physically involved with multiple people. 2
Author magicallydelicious Posted February 17, 2020 Author Posted February 17, 2020 57 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: In my younger years... I would have said no way!. But that was basically because I would really chase the girl I wanted to be with. So, I didn't want my efforts going the wrong way. But, In my new situation in life... I've kind of changed my stance on this. I guess the reason why is... I've changed my definition of what a date was. Before... a date was someone I was really interested in. Now... a "Date" is just the girl I'm out with. And I think that's because I realize that I'm not mentally ready to find the next "Mrs. Right" yet. So, there is actively 3 women I'm talking with, and 2 more on the outside edge. (introductions at an event, but nothing more) But... if one of these girls started to peak my interest, and we got physical in any way... then I would stop dating the others. I guess the way I see it is... right now, these three are friends, and I'm not guilty going out with a friend. But, maybe something more will come out of it. And if it does... that's where the other's will know that They are just friends. (is that bad that I have to friend zone someone? ) I think that’s all fair. Eventually I would assume your goal is to find one person when you’re ready, but I feel as long as you’re honest about what your intentions are, they go into it knowing that you aren’t looking to rush into something and can leave if they aren’t ok with the terms. 2
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 I would not and could not, personally. I always developed "crushes" and would obsess over one guy at a time. Never really "dated" at all. 2
Ambereyes Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 lol threads like this pop up once every month
Blind-Sided Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 3 hours ago, magicallydelicious said: I think that’s all fair. Eventually I would assume your goal is to find one person when you’re ready, but I feel as long as you’re honest about what your intentions are, they go into it knowing that you aren’t looking to rush into something and can leave if they aren’t ok with the terms. Right. I am honest with the girls. Maybe that's not a good thing either. Not the "being Honest" part... but if they are ready to move forward... and I'm not... I may lose out. But in my case... the one girl is very young, and I don't think that would be good for long term... but it's a great ego booster. (20 years younger) The other girl (who I kind of like) is about 10 years younger, and also out of a marriage, and I don't think she is ready for anything other than what we are doing. (enjoying each other's company) The third girl is exactly my age, and has adult kids... and me having younger kids doesn't bother her. I think she is the only one of the three who is looking to move forward quickly.
balletomane Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 No. I've had four relationships. Three of those were with men I'd known for a while beforehand, so we never even dated as such - we just moved from being friends to being in a relationship. My fourth and current boyfriend is someone I met on OLD. He's also the only person I met on OLD. I'd planned to give it a few dates and then move on if we hadn't clicked, but the thought of multi-dating never appealed. That decision was part logistical (I'm in a very hectic job and I don't have time to date multiple people) and part awareness that it's easier for me to get to know someone if I'm focusing wholly on them.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Online Dating conditions you to be with multiple people, its unavoidable really. Even if you don't date multiple people, i'm going to assume you are lying, its incredibly common these days.
Miss Spider Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) Yes when people tell me they aren’t dating others I often take it with a grain of salt, but tbh I don’t really care? Why do I care if you are seeing others or not, we aren’t in a relationship. It’s not going to make me quit seeing others if that’s your delusion Edited February 18, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 1
Interstellar Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) It would be nice to meet somebody and the stars align, and everything falls into place, hah. But what are the odds of that happening? less than one percent. And nowadays accdg. to psychologists it’s also not efficient to put all your eggs in one basket because you don’t want a case of oneitis, lol. Edited February 18, 2020 by Interstellar 1 1
Baman Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I could never do it try as i might. I once met two great gals a week apart and I just chose one and dropped the other. It broke my brain to feel like i was 'two timing'. I could never even contemplate cheating on a girlfriend, I would just break up, have a break and jump back into the search. Now days I can see other women as many or as often as i like with my wife's permission (and she can do the same) but It generally is months apart if I do. 5 months at the moment. sometimes just knowing you have the freedom to date many is enough. 1
girlinNYC Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Multiple dating is fairly commonplace nowadays. Only when you find the person you click with, you naturally get tunnel vision on that person and voilà - relationship. 1
JTSW Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 I've never dated multiple people. For those i know who have, it's never ended well.
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 I could have several 1st & 2nd dates. By the time I wanted to go on a 3rd or 4th date with someone I was usually only dating them by then, no longer actively looking etc. That didn't mean we were exclusive. We were on my side but it wasn't mutual until we both talked about it & agreed. I usually waited about a month for that conversation. 2
Hopeful30 Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 Define `dating`? For me, dating is going on dates (movies, restaurants, etc.) In which case, yes, I've dated multiple people. However, when things start to get sexual (kissing, fondling, etc.), that means I am progressing towards a more serious 'dating' scenario, in which case I begin to 'filter out' any men that don't fit the description of making me aroused (in other words, I've made progress with some guys, so I eliminate the others). When things are leading to SEX, then I decide on ONE guy and try things out with him. Sleeping around is gross, in my personal opinion. This is why I asked about your definition of dating. For some people, having casual sex is part of dating. For me, it's only part of relationships (trying it out with a guy). So dating multiple guys when it's basic, yes, I've done that. Kissed multiple guys? Once or twice. But sex? Only with one man at a time. 2
Miss Spider Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 My parents are from the 70s and they did not become ‘exclusive’ until they got engaged. They did not stop seeing others even after they were intimate. Not saying this is the way to be, just that they’ve been the happiest marriage I’ve ever seen and loyal and devoted only to each other for 35 years.... 1
Daisydooks Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 I am a one at a time kind of girl. I don't have the capacity mentally to manage more than that at a time. One man is plenty enough. I know I have given my full attention to someone to find out if there was anything of substance there without clouding my mind with 2 or 3 (or more) other men. From my experience when people do this, someone always gets hurt somehow too, and I am not out to hurt anyone 2 1
Andy_K Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Daisydooks said: From my experience when people do this, someone always gets hurt somehow too, and I am not out to hurt anyone This is a lot of the reason for me too... sometimes you just KNOW the person you're dating has set their hopes on this going somewhere, whether you've talked about it or not. And the older I get, the less I feel I can ignore that, especially if sex is involved. There seems to me to just be something fundamentally different in the way things feel when you're dating someone who's not seeing others as opposed to someone who is, and it's a much more natural feeling. Even if they haven't told you if they are or not at that point. Something more genuine and open, I can't quite put my finger on it, but you know it when it's there. Or maybe that's the difference? Those who don't pick up the difference prefer to multi-date, because why not? And those who do prefer one at a time. Edited February 21, 2020 by Andy_K 2
spiritedaway2003 Posted February 21, 2020 Posted February 21, 2020 No. I also only have the mental capacity to date one person at a time. If that person isn’t the right for me (and you’d know if there is potential within a couple of dates), I’d end things before moving on. 1
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