Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 4 minutes ago, preraph said: By his kids house do you mean spending the night as his ex's? i'm not sure. i wonder sometimes as I don't make him account for his time away from me 1
Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 3 minutes ago, S2B said: There is NO reason he couldn’t give you a gift on Thursday - or have flowers sent to you Friday. the guy lacks effort. You want that? NO I DON'T!!!!! 3
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I would be wondering too. Why did he move an hour away from you? is it closer to where his x and the kids live? 3
Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 1 minute ago, preraph said: I would be wondering too. Why did he move an hour away from you? is it closer to where his x and the kids live? He bought a house for investment and is currently renovating it himself. It's not closer, it's farther, but it's where he can afford to buy 1 minute ago, S2B said: Then it’s time to find a guy who makes effort. theres not one reason to settle. I guess I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was one to think V day is a Hallmark holiday.... But even if he is, I still expected him to think or wonder how I feel about the holiday 3
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Is the house he's renovating closer to where he works?
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Have you two made a verbal commitment to not date other people? I'm guessing not. It seems you have weekends free, so why not start dating other people.
Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) Not necessarily, he got a promotion at work around the same time he was approved for the new house. And with his new position, they send him to work in different locations around the city so his distance to home is dependent on where they send him that day. He was renting previously. Lol, not explicitly a definite clear and dry verbal agreement. Just him telling me I'm his and today me asking for openness on both our parts. With him asking me if I am seeing anyone else. I said no, and I asked him if he was and he said no, I only want you. Edited February 18, 2020 by muchlovetogive
HappySenior Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, muchlovetogive said: Were you living with him at that time? Off and on. We were married still, and trying to reconcile and I was trying to spend the night several nights a week to see how long we could last without issues. Not having much privacy to be alone together and other issues as well put the brakes on me putting much faith in it. Also he was lacking follow through. But what I am saying was that one reason the marriage couldn't work, was that I was never a priority - even before his son was living at home. He would constantly make decisions that affected me and "our" space without so much as a heads up. And if I objected, the criticism and name calling came down pretty hard. I wasn't being valued and I saw that pretty clearly. Promises not kept. I was basically becoming an indentured servant before I left. I made the right decision. Oh and those nights I spent were mostly weekends when not with my seniors group. Edited February 18, 2020 by HappySenior
HappySenior Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) Thinking about that, are you sure he's divorced? Have you seen papers? I've often suspected my ex was seeing someone else while we were separated... "just in case". He didn't like to go without sex for longer than a week and might be prone to making a "back-up" plan. I don't either, for that matter, but I won't sleep with someone I've no feelings for. Edited February 18, 2020 by HappySenior
Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 2 minutes ago, HappySenior said: Thinking about that, are you sure he's divorced? Have you seen papers? I've often suspected my ex was seeing someone else while we were separated... "just in case". He didn't like to go without sex for longer than a week. I'm happy you did what was right for you. He was never married to her, but they did go to court regarding custody.
HappySenior Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Just now, muchlovetogive said: I'm happy you did what was right for you. He was never married to her, but they did go to court regarding custody. Thanks. Me too. Fortunately we had no mutual children. Mine are both grown and don't live around here. (Had a nice two-day visit with one of mine recently!) 1
hippychick3 Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 He is purposely keeping you at an arm's length. It's unclear why (back with his ex, talking to someone else, afraid to commit, losing interest, etc.), but it really does not matter why. The fact that he is treating you this way would be grounds to break up in my world. How can you feel connected to someone who doesn't think enough about you to communicate at all for 2 days? And then not even to share with you what he did for those 2 days. My fiance doesn't have kids of his own but every guy I dated before him who had kids (there were several) kept in touch everyday they had their kids regardless of their ages. They sent pics and updates regularly and we were not even dating that long. That is normal when a man is really into you. 4 2
Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, S2B said: I think you now know you can easily date someone new on (at least) the weekends when he is completely unavailable. him asking you if you’re seeing someone else means he isn’t expecting you to stop dating other men. IF he intended to be exclusive with you - he would have stated that clearly. you are free to date others. I’d go for it. You need someone who doesn’t have all these red flags - someone who can make you a priority and celebrate special occasions. Should I mention to him first that I would start dating again, since I've already told him I'm seeing anyone else? Edited February 18, 2020 by muchlovetogive
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 13 minutes ago, muchlovetogive said: Should I mention to him first that I would start dating again, since I've already told him I'm seeing anyone else? Cut your bridges with him, simply break up the relationship and move on. Why tell him you'll start dating again? what do you hope to accomplish with that? him having a change of heart? nah. Don't monkey branch to the next man, you're a confident and independent women, cut him loose and start new with someone else. 2
Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Cut your bridges with him, simply break up the relationship and move on. Why tell him you'll start dating again? what do you hope to accomplish with that? him having a change of heart? nah. Don't monkey branch to the next man, you're a confident and independent women, cut him loose and start new with someone else. We are meeting to talk today, where I was going to air my grievances to him and let him know how I feel and what my expectations were, as suggested by someone above. This would be our first "argument" in 6 months, so I would like to talk to him before just cutting him off based on his actions or lack of alone. I was planning to get clarity from his side and depending how the conversation goes, either see if he is able to adjust things on his part or break up. I already told him I wasn't feeling hopeful about our conversation because he asked me if I was going to break up with him since I sounded serious and upset with him. Edited February 18, 2020 by muchlovetogive
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 muchlovetogive: Haven't you had this conversation with him twice already? 4
Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 About expecting some contact over the weekend yes. I wanted to talk to him about Valentine's Day plans and what his relationship is like with his ex. But, I guess I see what you're saying. Just drawing the line at, he did it yet again... 1
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I would lead with that it's become apparent to you that he is far more worried about pissing off his ex than he is about pissing you off and that he's keeping you a secret the same as if he was still married and having an affair and that he can't expect any woman to be comfortable with that. 3
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Ok sounds good you address all this so you can tell yourself you've done your best. Let us know how it unfolds. 1
Allupinnit Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 When I met my H he had 50/50 custody of his children and we saw each other all the time. Communication was never an issue. Simply put you don't want the same things. You shouldn't have to nag your man into paying attention to you or acknowledge V-day after dating only 6 months. He's not moving the r'ship forward for whatever reason. That's really all you need to know - is this working for you? My guess is no, and even after telling him you want that connection with him he goes silent on you. My guess is he's married or still with his kids' mom on weekends and they play happy family. There is no good reason whatsoever to have his phone shut off on weekends. Not even for small children. 5
Allupinnit Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Also - what's it like when you text him during the week? Does he respond quickly?
Author muchlovetogive Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 Exactly, I shouldn't have to nag him into caring about these things. Maybe we are incompatible in that way. But when we are together, things are great. In regards to moving the relationship forward, he has told me he wants another baby and we have spoken about moving in together. And yes, during the week, he responds in a reasonable amount of time.
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I don't know how he's going to have a baby and move in together without his ex finding out. But maybe he really is going to try to lead a double life and keep them both going. 2
dramallama Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I'm going to chime in with similar to everyone else - this is odd, you're right to be annoyed. I've been seeing a guy for approaching 6 months, we are exclusive (had a conversation about it), we text daily, call occasionally, and whenever he has his daughter I give him more space for sure so he can focus on her but he's in touch when he wakes, when she naps, when something pops into his head, after her bedtime etc. With teenagers I'd expect your guy to have ample time and headspace to say hello at least daily, especially if he does that through the week. However, if you're having the kind of disagreements that make you cry at this stage - that's really worrying! You should still be in the honeymoon phase! I've had one proper conflict with my guy and he handled it brilliantly, it actually brought us closer together. I've also found I can give him 'feedback' on how his behaviour makes me feel (good and bad) and he listens and adjusts accordingly - that's what you'd hope for, not vagueness and excuses. I think it's time for NEXT! 1
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 27 minutes ago, muchlovetogive said: In regards to moving the relationship forward, he has told me he wants another baby and we have spoken about moving in together. But that's only talk and talk is cheap. How can a man start talking about moving in together at 6 months when you haven't met his kids yet? I think he is feeding you what you want to hear. When children are involved moving in together is a long process. Before starting conversations about moving in together he should be introducing you for short visits and see if you mesh well with the kids, no? Same with wanting another baby. It's air coming out of his mouth. 5
Recommended Posts