How do I slow down my boyfriend to get married?

[Alonefornow400]

My boyfriend and I have been dating 6 months. Over the last 3 months he keeps telling me he wants to marry me without waiting much longer. He says what are we waiting for at our ages. He is 68 and I’m 62. I get that but I think that even though we love each other we need more time even though we only see each other on weekend due to the 2 hour drive.  
I suggested last night that maybe we can live together first starting this fall and if all goes well marry about 6 to 8 months later. He said he wouldn't sell his home and business to move here unless we are married. 
also my daughter is getting engaged in April and probably married next May so I don’t think it’s right for me to be getting married in the next year until she is. I’m a widow. 
how do I slow him down without losing him? I know the commute isn’t great but I don’t see another option yet. 

[Fletch Lives]

Yeah, six months is too soon. I recommend waiting 19 to 24 months. That way you get enough time to know the person pretty well.

So tell him that. You could also get engaged if you want. Just don't tie the knot until 19 months. You can always change your mind going forward, you have that right.

[d0nnivain]

Assure him that he doesn't have to sell his house.  He can rent it out or use it as an AirB&B.   Perhaps you can get engaged but plan a long engagement Do explain about your daughter's wedding & not wanting to upstage her.  

[Daisydooks]

14 hours ago, Alonefornow400 said:

how do I slow him down without losing him? I know the commute isn’t great but I don’t see another option yet. 

Ask him. Nothing like having tough talks now to get the communication ball rolling. Tell him flat out how you're feeling. Tell him its too much, too soon, and you're not willing to move things along as quickly as he is.

Set that boundary. Dont make a compromise you're not comfortable with. If he ends it because you have boundaries, good. You're better off without him. Why would he want to rush you into a spot youre not completely comfy in? 

 My mom is 67 and also a widow. I miss my dad terribly, but I genuinely want her happy. I am excited for when she is ready to date. I would be a bit thrown off if she met someone and married him within a year of knowing him and would definitely be concerned, regardless of my own pending wedding 

I'd advise her of the same thing though. At 67, if some man was rushing to move in with her and marry her, I'd be very wary of him. I dont even understand marriage at that age to be honest. I wouldnt get married again, and I'd think my own mom would be insane to get married again, especially to a man she sees on weekends and has only ever met a maximum of 24 times in 6 months. You dont know this man whatsoever yet as he is on his best behaviour at the moment. 6 months is still honeymoon stage. Wait until you know one another better at least.     

I dont understand the rush whatsoever at your ages perhaps? What the heck is the reason behind getting married at 62 and 68 anyway? Lol. Just live happily together and be together and vow to spend forever together. I am getting married in June and very much value marriage, but I think if I was twice my age, it would be for the darn birds.

 I just wouldnt see myself doing this at 62-68, so forgo my advice if you want. I'm 35 and we want to have a family. He took years to propose because of my beliefs and not wanting to wed unless there were talks of children involved. There was no reason to get married when we knew we werent going anywhere anyway and had no plans for children for a majority of our dating life together. We also had physical distance between us that made living apart hard, but we moved in together under the premise we would be together for all of our days. I wasnt moving in to move out. Lol. I was moving in because I valued our life together and wanted to experience that life daily with him. Marriage changes none of that for me. 

Then he proposed 1.5 months later last Christmas, after we had spoken more deeply about having a family. 

I just dont understand the construct of marriage without kids when you can vow to be together forever without marriage. (If you're happy and not going anywhere, marriage is not necessary, in my mind. I know people differ on this.) With kids involved, it changes things a bit for me. 

Edited February 17, 2020 by Daisydooks

[2BGoodAgain]

two things... what daisy said makes sense...

but the 2nd thing... why do YOU want to take it slower? It doesn't seem like loving or getting to know him is really the issue here... 

you seem to want to slow it down in a major way, as in, you don't want to get married.. just a thought, i'd thought mebbe you could ask yourself that..

[Gaeta]

His insistance in getting married so soon is fishy. At 6 months you know nothing of him especially you are only with him on weekends. You need to spend way more time together to get to know the real him. I wouldn't take his pressure, listen..at 62 don't let anyone tell you what you should to.