kendahke Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 15 minutes ago, ht.lp said: I'm thinking of texting her something a lot less heavy, like a joke or maybe a link to something cool? I just want to open the lines of communication. It doesn't need to be a date right away, but maybe she wants me to persue some more due to my lack of before? Thoughts please? Don't. Not unless you like silence.
SumGuy Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 11:18 AM, preraph said: I want to just add as an aside, before you ask a woman for just coffee, either ask her if she even drinks coffee, or take her to a place that also has soft drinks or juices or smoothies. Me, I don't drink coffee and can't even stand the smell inside a Starbuck's and there's nothing there for me to drink whatsoever. So go to a cafe for "coffee" in case the person doesn't like coffee, and in this case, needs a bite to eat. What! Just kidding, but very good point. I live for coffee but 5pm is yet too late for me to drink it, even decaf. 1
Fletch Lives Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 Wow, is she having a fun time playing with you! It's amazing what some guys will put up with.
Author ht.lp Posted February 24, 2020 Author Posted February 24, 2020 Nobody thinks it's odd she went specifically to my work place? There's the same store not far from mine. She did smile and not just ignore me.
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 She is not interested. You messaged her on the 16th and here we are the 24th, that's 8 days! If she was interested she would have answered that text. You think she would remember where you work, maybe not. When I met men and was not that interested in them everything they told me went in one ear, out the other. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 Just leave it be, OP. Her continued silence - even when she saw you in person - sends a very strong message. It's either, A) She's genuinely not interested, or B) She's a major game-player and it won't be worth the hassle. Don't reach out to her again.
Author ht.lp Posted February 24, 2020 Author Posted February 24, 2020 (edited) Would one last shot be that bad? Just keeping it light, maybe a link to a new song I discovered as she loves music so much? If she doesn't respond to that I will definitely leave it be. Edited February 24, 2020 by ht.lp
ExpatInItaly Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 After she's already ignored you over messaging, and essentially ignored you in person? Yes, it will be annoying. 3
Erik30 Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 I agree with everyone else here... sorry, but this is done. If you keep on calling/texting she'll just end up blocking you. She's ignoring your calls and texts...
Miss Spider Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 (edited) No it’s not odd. She needed some gaming merch and there are 2 stores close by that sell it. One is the one that you work at. She had opportunity to talk to you if she wanted. Sorry I think you are reading into things that aren’t there Edited February 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3
SumGuy Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 15 minutes ago, ht.lp said: Would one last shot be that bad? Just keeping it light, maybe a link to a new song I discovered as she loves music so much? If she doesn't respond to that I will definitely leave it be. Well were you are now is zero contact from her so how could it get less? As to your original questions, getting the impression she did not 100% believe you on the relative being in an accident, hence her poking at the gaming. She may also have a baseline negative view of it. For future reference, talking about being hungry can well be a hint to continue the evening. There are many ways to handle the emergency that show you are not ignoring her. You may take a moment to call someone and see how bad it is, say you need a couple hours and offer to meet later, etc. The thing is not so much that you need to deal with the emergency but how you can plan around it, the planning thought does count for decent people. The call though didn't go well, you got defensive and then accusatory. Personally I wouldn't nuke a potential date over a thank you for a coffee that i may or may not have heard given she is shy. A better way may have be to recognize that she may not believe you 100%, recognize it coming up before the date is odd, and apologize for it cutting your time short because you really were enjoying it and propose a time to continue, a do over, a mulligan. Your not sorry you had an emergency, your sorry it interrupted the good time you were having with her. You also never need to ask if they had a good time, ask them out again and if they say yes you have your answer. Now if you did some activity or went to some place that someone may or may not like you can ask about that so you don;t repeat something that was low on the fun list. 2
elaine567 Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 If she shows up a lot at the store and makes a bee line for you, and is all smiley and chatty, then maybe but otherwise I would leave her alone. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 There is a guy in another ongoing that thread that kept texting and calling a girl until she finally answered. Maybe the same will happen with this girl, and you too can be strung along by a girl with low interest 5
Silver_star Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 She is not interested. It just didnt work, it's no ones fault. There is no point in assigning blame. You two just seem incompatible. Also I had an opinion about the not saying thank you for a coffee bit. Who cares? I agree its always polite to say thank you, but I don't keep track. When I want to treat my friend to a coffee or a date it's my treat...it is nice to hear thank you but does it make them a bad person/date if they don't say it? If they made a habit of it then that would be a concern, but this is a one off. If it was a meal or something more significant than coffee that might be more of a flag, but not a coffee. It could have slipped their mind. It's not really a red flag...its not crazy behavior. . However the fact that you called her out on not saying thank you for your coffee makes you look cheap and petty. If a guy came back to me after a date and said..."Oh by the way I bought you coffee and you did not say thank you" I would not be signing up to go out with him again. 2
Marc878 Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 You don’t ask someone out and then cut it short. Learn from this one and or you’ll just get a repeat 1
rjc149 Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 On 2/15/2020 at 8:53 PM, ht.lp said: she replies "I didn't feel like there was a spark and I thought it was pretty rude that you didn't make much time for me in all honesty" I reply "sorry I didn't expect my family member to have the accident and I thought it was pretty rude you didn't thank me for buying your drink. Let's leave it there then " And leave it there. Don’t reach out to her ever again. She’s made it very clear that she isn’t interested and she’s done. Leave her alone.
strawberryshortstack Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 10 hours ago, ht.lp said: Nobody thinks it's odd she went specifically to my work place? There's the same store not far from mine. She did smile and not just ignore me. the smile was her being polite. It means nothing. Her silence speaks volumes.
rjc149 Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 I've said it before and I'll say it again: coffee dates suck. It's really hard to build sexual tension over coffee. If you don't drink, it is what it is, and it's ultimately a much healthier lifestyle in the long run but it's an obstacle for dating. The time constraint with the hurt relative made you look more and more desperate for her company with every passing minute. If it was something that really concerned you, you should have rescheduled the date. Never put an up-front time constraint on a date, and never make a girl you don't know a priority. The date sounded more like an interview with some small talk. "Where do you work? What do you do/study? What time do you leave work usually? What kind of music do you like? How many siblings do you have? Oh nice, I have a brother too. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. I think more people should have red umbrellas, don't you? Hehe. Yeah." Christ, coffee dates suck. Coffee dates, along with Russian roulette and marriage, are the only games you win by not playing. "Hey, I'm a bit hungry, did you eat yet?" = interested. "I need to get food on my way home.” = "I want this interaction to end” = not interested. Then, the neediness. Needing to know if she liked you. Needing to know if she would see you again at the end of the date. Needing her to respond to you. Hitting her up the next day for no good reason. The double-text "are you okay" when she didn't respond to you. The repeated contact attempts when she doesn't respond. Needing her in your life, needing her approval. You've spent maybe an hour total in this girl's company. This is very unattractive and maybe even stage 5 clinger behavior. Do NOT reach out to her again. Her attraction obviously flat-lined on your date, and you've killed it even more. Every call or text that goes unanswered is not just a forfeiture of your self-respect, but it's possibly alarming her at this point. Back off my brother. Spend some time learning how female attraction works. Desperately chasing and begging for another date is not the way to go.
Daisydooks Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) On 2/16/2020 at 11:18 AM, preraph said: I want to just add as an aside, before you ask a woman for just coffee, either ask her if she even drinks coffee, or take her to a place that also has soft drinks or juices or smoothies. Me, I don't drink coffee and can't even stand the smell inside a Starbuck's and there's nothing there for me to drink whatsoever. So go to a cafe for "coffee" in case the person doesn't like coffee, and in this case, needs a bite to eat. I second this. Coffee is about the most disgusting thing ever. I have tried it. I hate it with a passion. I like tea, but even the tea is terrible at Starbucks. I have never had a drink I liked there and I've tried to enjoy it. I really have. Haha I second the cafe with other drinks and food. The food is super sweet dessert treats, or weird sandwiches Carry on with the actual topic of discussion! Edited February 25, 2020 by Daisydooks 1 1
Fognozzle Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 I have a slightly different take on the whole thing. This girl initially reads as nervous, socially awkward and defensive. She's shy. She's worried about seeming crazy. You can't read her signals as though everything is clear and confident. When she said she didn't think there was a spark, I think she's on the defence. It's entirely possible she DID like you, but worried that you didn't (by your need to leave early and your failure to offer to go eat together). You are taking her comments as cool opinion, when they could easily be defenciveness. You probably killed it with your snarky response to her snarkiness, but she might still be open to the right move. Just don't beg. Try your friendly message idea, advice from others is good but ultimately you have to be yourself and you have nothing to lose. But forget sending her a link, instead tell her that you can't help thinking you fumbled a great opportunity, you really liked her, and you'd like to try one last time or you'll leave her alone forever. Suggest the weeknight and the activity/food. If she's interested at all she'll let you know.
JTSW Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 10:07 AM, ExpatInItaly said: She was put off the moment you told her you'd have to leave early. It sounded like an excuse to her. I agree with this. It was the deal breaker I'm afraid. It seems to me that she forgot you worked at that store, hence why she didn't say anything when she noticed you. You've done all you can but i think you should give up with this one x
Zippy2000 Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 Your answer to your post? Its your fault. For her to say ""I didn't feel like there was a spark and I thought it was pretty rude that you didn't make much time for me in all honesty" You could of replied much better with something like: "Yes, sorry about that but I can make more time for you make and sparks fly next time"! Instead you replied: "sorry I didn't expect my family member to have the accident and I thought it was pretty rude you didn't thank me for buying your drink. Let's leave it there then " You actually tried to justify your own actions through a relatives death and then continued to remark on her character when she didn't thank you for a drink you bought. I would have left that alone due to nerves but you then continues to then terminate your on relation to her by saying "Lets leave it here". Its hard to back track to retrieved what you lost as she may have lost interest by now. Try to have a softer approach or have a sense of humour about it. People will remember you for the good things you do.
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