First date went well, but.

[Sm12345]

We went for a coffee date and walked around a really hip neighbourhood. Conversation flow was good. At the end of the date I said I’d like to see her again and she said the same. I went to give her a good night kiss and she stopped me saying “I normally would, when a date goes this well.. But I’m going on a trip next week. I’m sure you’re perfectly healthy, but I don’t want to take any chances..” 

Thoughts?

[preraph]

I think that's exactly all it was. It's this virus that everyone's real afraid of. I have never heard someone use that as an excuse to not kiss someone. So this would be a first if that's what it is. I guess though that she's out of town next week, so maybe you should just call or text her and say do you want to go out when you come back from the trip and find out when that will be. Now if she is vague or anything, then that's probably bad news. But hopefully she'll just say yes and give you a time after she's been home a couple of days to get settled again. Good luck.

[Blind-Sided]

Hard to say.  I travel for work... and my kids always drag crap home from school.  I generally start blowing kisses a few days out from any trip I go on.   BUT... since this was a first date... just don't know.  I guess I would test the waters, and send a message tomorrow morning... or even later tonight just saying you had a good time.  If she doesn't have any interest... she probably won't respond.

[Sm12345]

I sent her a text an hour later making light of it “Hey x! I had a lot of fun tonight.. Shame I’m so contagious right now, would’ve been really nice to end our date with a good night kiss. perhaps next time :)”

No response

[Blind-Sided]

well.........

Since the kiss was a hot spot of the night... I would have left it alone. Problem is, since you two really don't know each other... reading a txt the wrong way could be the deathblow to someone on the fence if they liked you or not.  I personally read the comment about being "Contagious" as a jab/joke.  But she could have seen that as mocking her.

Anyway... since she didn't respond... that, unfortunately, is your answer.

[Fletch Lives]

I remember a date I went on when I had a cold. I told my date that I had a cold. At the end of the date she said something similar, she did not want to kiss me because I had a cold. It was convenient, because I was not attracted to her.

I don't care what the excuse is, if she does not kiss you, chances are high you won't have a relationship with her. 

Edited February 16, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[Miss Spider]

Most likely everything is fine 

Edited February 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Gaeta]

14 hours ago, Sm12345 said:

I sent her a text an hour later making light of it “Hey x! I had a lot of fun tonight.. Shame I’m so contagious right now, would’ve been really nice to end our date with a good night kiss. perhaps next time :)”

No response

Your text was passive aggressive. 

When something isn't broken don't try to fix it. She gave you the reasons for no kiss, you should have acted like a gentleman and accept it and don't get back on it. 

Edited February 16, 2020 by Gaeta

[rjc149]

17 hours ago, Sm12345 said:

I sent her a text an hour later making light of it “Hey x! I had a lot of fun tonight.. Shame I’m so contagious right now, would’ve been really nice to end our date with a good night kiss. perhaps next time :)”

No response

Needy text. As in, you need to know where you stand with her, and you need her to respond and acknowledge you, because you're not okay with her turning the kiss down. 

As a man, there is never any reason to send follow-up texts to someone you just went on a 1st or 2nd date with. Again, it's needy. Needy texts are sent by needy men, and neediness is men is typically more unattractive to women than a hairy beer gut and bad breath. If she sends a follow-up text "I had a nice time" then respond in kind "me too" but you need to let the attraction grow in the space. Texting her for non-logistical purposes between the first few dates of the courtship will kill her attraction. 

Telling her you'd like to see her again at the end of a date is also very needy. The fact that she said it back to you means nothing. Women usually want to avoid any sort of confrontation with a man displaying needy behavior on a date. If she upsets a needy man, she could get hurt or killed. 

Don't go on coffee dates or "go for a walk" dates. Very poor settings for any sort of physical contact, sexual tension and seduction, which is what you're going for on a date. 

You can try hitting her up when she returns from her trip, but if she turned down a kiss (sounds like her reason was an excuse) and she's not responding to your texts, I'd say next.

[Foxhall]

If you had wooed her a bit more she might have been prepared to take a few "chances" rather than holding back,

she enjoyed the date but is not quite feeling it yet,

might just take her another date or two, hang in there

[IntBrowser]

11 hours ago, rjc149 said:

Needy text. As in, you need to know where you stand with her, and you need her to respond and acknowledge you, because you're not okay with her turning the kiss down. 

As a man, there is never any reason to send follow-up texts to someone you just went on a 1st or 2nd date with. Again, it's needy. Needy texts are sent by needy men, and neediness is men is typically more unattractive to women than a hairy beer gut and bad breath. If she sends a follow-up text "I had a nice time" then respond in kind "me too" but you need to let the attraction grow in the space. Texting her for non-logistical purposes between the first few dates of the courtship will kill her attraction. 

Telling her you'd like to see her again at the end of a date is also very needy. The fact that she said it back to you means nothing. Women usually want to avoid any sort of confrontation with a man displaying needy behavior on a date. If she upsets a needy man, she could get hurt or killed. 

Don't go on coffee dates or "go for a walk" dates. Very poor settings for any sort of physical contact, sexual tension and seduction, which is what you're going for on a date. 

You can try hitting her up when she returns from her trip, but if she turned down a kiss (sounds like her reason was an excuse) and she's not responding to your texts, I'd say next.

 

what type of date should be planned that creates the right setting?

[Andy_K]

15 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Your text was passive aggressive. 

When something isn't broken don't try to fix it. She gave you the reasons for no kiss, you should have acted like a gentleman and accept it and don't get back on it. 

^This.

I cringed a bit reading your text. I know you're trying to make a joke about it, but it just makes you look hurt and passive aggressive. Best to change the subject. If you're going to mention the date, talk about the best bit, not the worst.

[dramallama]

2 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 

what type of date should be planned that creates the right setting?

I wouldn't pay *too* much heed to one opinion.

One of my favourite early dates with my guy was the one where we spent the afternoon driving around looking at mansions and sharing daydreams and future goals.

Coffee is a safe first meeting and if it progresses to walking around talking, great. I had a first date like that with someone, we saw each other 4 or 5 times so wasn't exactly offputting.

In terms of creating a setting though - it's things like where are you seated (find a cosy corner away from distractions like windows), what is the seating (find a sofa and sit next to each other, face to face if there's a table puts a barrier in between you, if no table feels like an interview /therapy session), is it a nice place generally - pretty or scenic or whatever.

[Zippy2000]

On ‎2‎/‎16‎/‎2020 at 1:29 AM, Sm12345 said:

I sent her a text an hour later making light of it “Hey x! I had a lot of fun tonight.. Shame I’m so contagious right now, would’ve been really nice to end our date with a good night kiss. perhaps next time :)”

No response

Maybe have left out "Perhaps, next time" as that's such an open question.  Also the word "contagious" in itself can put someone off.  I would have just said you had fun and you would like to do the same again and how about next week?

I won`t analyse this too much.  She wasn't attracted enough to give you a kiss I don't think she`ll be in a hurry to respond in a text.

 

[Fletch Lives]

Lol, his text does not matter.........she's done with him anyway.

[rjc149]

8 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

 

what type of date should be planned that creates the right setting?

In the evening on a weekend or at least on Thursday, in a venue that serves alcohol and food. Don’t get drunk, but having a drink or two gets the conversation and laughter flowing. It primes the interaction for you to take some risks and be a little more daring than you would in Starbucks or at a museum or whatever.

Sharing food and drink is a bonding activity that spans the eons of humanity. There’s really no need to get creative. Women will typically advocate first dates be over coffee or walks in the park in daylight, because they obviously have inherent safety concerns meeting strangers and these are very low-risk dates. But low risk is low reward. As the man, you plan the dates, and you want sexual tension and seduction to ensure future dates and even a relationship to result. I’ve never been on a coffee date that ended with a kiss. It’s just not congruent for that. Or maybe my game isn’t tight enough. Anyway I don’t waste time on women who are scared to meet at a bar.

[kendahke]

On 2/15/2020 at 8:29 PM, Sm12345 said:

I sent her a text an hour later making light of it “Hey x! I had a lot of fun tonight.. Shame I’m so contagious right now, would’ve been really nice to end our date with a good night kiss. perhaps next time :)”

No response

that was passive aggressive, not funny or light.

You sounded butthurt that you couldn't kiss her.

[stillafool]

You shouldn't have texted her at all but went out and kissed someone else. She's done.

[manfrombelow2]

On 2/16/2020 at 8:17 AM, Sm12345 said:

We went for a coffee date and walked around a really hip neighbourhood. Conversation flow was good. At the end of the date I said I’d like to see her again and she said the same. I went to give her a good night kiss and she stopped me saying “I normally would, when a date goes this well.. But I’m going on a trip next week. I’m sure you’re perfectly healthy, but I don’t want to take any chances..” 

Thoughts?

1. What do you mean by "Conversation flow was good"? The golden ratio in communication between a male and a female on the 1st date is always 20/80, in which the guys speaks at the maximum of 20% of the conversation while the woman does at least 80% upward. Because a guy who talks too much is not sexy at all. 

2. You NEVER, I repeat NEVER, ask the woman out again right on the 1st date because that should be her idea, not yours. Asking her out again in the 1st date is a needy and clingy move by the guy which will lower his value in the woman's eyes.

3. So she declined your kiss, which is a very very very bad sign. That communicated she's not sexually and romantically interested in you. And that's not her fault, but rather yours. It doesn't matter what excuse she used to stop you from kissing her, what matters is she DID STOP you from kissing her. And a woman who doesn't let me kiss her on the 1st date will not get a second date offer from me because I can't keep investing my resources (time, energy, money... ) onto someone who is clearly not sexually interested in me, even if that's my fault and not hers.

To sum it up: You blew this up yourself. If I were you, I'd forget about her and start dating other women.

Edited March 10, 2020 by thaygiaogiang

[manfrombelow2]

On 2/16/2020 at 8:29 AM, Sm12345 said:

I sent her a text an hour later making light of it “Hey x! I had a lot of fun tonight.. Shame I’m so contagious right now, would’ve been really nice to end our date with a good night kiss. perhaps next time :)”

No response

What do you mean by "making light of it"? Why? Is trying to kiss a crime? HELL NO. You are not interested in being her buddy or girl-friend, so your effort to kiss her is totally normal. Then why did you try to apologize? That's needy and weak behaviour which will get punished by the female.

You gave her a date. You paid for the food (I assume). You gave her a chance to have fun and hang out with you. So she should be the one to initiate saying sth like "I had a lot of fun tonight", NOT YOU.

No wonder you got no response. Because this is over.  You failed the tests given by this woman. Her interest level in you is too low for her to even give you a polite text back. My advice is to delete her number and move on.

[basil67]

13 minutes ago, thaygiaogiang said:

1. What do you mean by "Conversation flow was good"? The golden ratio in communication between a male and a female on the 1st date is always 20/80, in which the guys speaks at the maximum of 20% of the conversation while the woman does at least 80% upward. Because a guy who talks too much is not sexy at all. 

 

Daughter went on a date like that recently and she complained that she had to do most of the talking.  He didn't get a second date.    A guy who doesn't hold up an adequate amount of conversation....or worse, leaves her with that sinking feeling that she was talking too much is also not sexy.   

[manfrombelow2]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Daughter went on a date like that recently and she complained that she had to do most of the talking.  He didn't get a second date.    A guy who doesn't hold up an adequate amount of conversation....or worse, leaves her with that sinking feeling that she was talking too much is also not sexy.   

I said 20%, not ZERO %.

[basil67]

I didn’t suggest he was silent. The issue was that she didn’t like having to do a substantial percentage of the conversation. She wants a guy who’s warm and chatty and who can hold up a conversation equally

Edited March 10, 2020 by basil67

[manfrombelow2]

15 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I didn’t suggest he was silent. The issue was that she didn’t like having to do a substantial percentage of the conversation. She wants a guy who’s warm and chatty and who can hold up a conversation equally

I am convinced in your daughter's case, the poor guy did not know how to make questions and did not know how to make the conversation "flow" towards her, aka he's bad at communicating as man - hence her disgust for him.

When I say guys should do maximum 20% of the conversation, this already subtly included these:

1- Ocassionally, the guy MUST open his mouth, not being silent all the time like a creepy zombie.

2- He has to know how to trigger the woman to engage in a conversation that she contributes at least 80% of the work by giving out the right questions, and making the right comments/remarks during the conversation.

Neither you or me were at your daughter's date so we can never see the true details. But no matter what, women hate guys who are talkative. That's the basis for everything else to be built on.

Edited March 10, 2020 by thaygiaogiang

[basil67]

While a man shouldn’t dominate a conversation, I’ve yet to meet a woman who complained that he was too funny, too interesting or that they found too many things in common to share stories about.  All of these discoveries require strong speaking skills on the part of the man.  
edit to add: I can see your strategy working if he’s got no personality or no connection and needs to disguise that.  

Edited March 10, 2020 by basil67