Am I being foolish?

[Bitdisappointed]

Been with bf for 6 my months so yesterday was our first valentine day. He sees me on weekends only because of work and distance but comes on Friday. First he said he’d come Thursday night but he did show until late Friday afternoon because he made a doctors appointment. Then he said he didn’t want to go out to dinner either last night or tonight and instead I bought dinner and he made it. 
he did buy me a few nice valentines cards and some tulips (he brings me flowers and card every weekend). I bought him a nice card and fairly expensive bracelet. 
he has money like me but I must admit I’m disappointed since this was our first Valentine’s Day. I’m thinking he should have asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner one night this weekend or picked up something for me to make it special. Am I wrong?

Edited February 15, 2020 by Bitdisappointed

[elaine567]

3 minutes ago, Bitdisappointed said:

he made a doctors appointment.

Is he ill?

[Bitdisappointed]

No it was a preop apt for a hip replacement in a month. He can get around ok. Sometimes it flares up but he’s been working full time and goes about his business. 

Edited February 15, 2020 by Bitdisappointed

[Fletch Lives]

Well, women need romance in a relationship to stay in love with a man, and Valentine's day is a special day for some (many?). Some men aren't as romantic as they need to be.

 

[Bitdisappointed]

He typically is very romantic and loving. He still is except I’m just saying he did nothing for the holiday out of whatever he normally does. 

[preraph]

I mean, he at least cooked dinner and he did buy cards and flowers, so I wouldn't be so hard on him.  Now that you did a better gift, maybe next time, he will know more what you want and try harder.  I wouldn't be angry at him.  

[elaine567]

If he s getting a hip replacement then I guess he isn't a young man.
Maybe he was just not feeling too well or just tired after the week's work.

Of course some people have baggage too, perhaps Valentine's Day is a trigger for him, bad memories maybe...

[chillii]

 

Well , with all his running round and travel , work, docs , while you were just home and steady and with apparently plenty of time. Sounds like he went to more than enough effort under the circumstances, why weren't you cooking him a nice romantic dinner and setting up a nice evening instead with everything he had going on.

[FMW]

That was my first thought, that the holiday holds bad memories for him from a past relationship.

But then again, maybe he just genuinely didn't think too much about it, no reflection on how he feels about you.  After all, he did come to see you.  Especially as they get older, men can be preoccupied with a single focus (like the pre-op appointment). 

Plus, a consumer marketing holiday doesn't mean much to a lot of people (including me, a woman).  I prefer to have special celebrations at times when the rest of the world isn't honing in on it!    

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you are over-reacting, yes. 

It could simply be that Valentine's Day isn't that big of a deal to him in general. I'm a woman, but it doesn't mean a lot to me either. My own lack of feelings about the day are in no way a reflection of my feelings for my partner. I've never been the type to go all out and buy pricey gifts and whatnot. 

You have simply discovered that you and he view this day totally differently. It doesn't mean you two also view the relationship itself differently. 

[d0nnivain]

17 hours ago, Bitdisappointed said:

He typically is very romantic and loving. He still is except I’m just saying he did nothing for the holiday out of whatever he normally does. 

The title of your post is Am I Being Foolish?  Based on the above, my answer would be yes.  I get the disappointment because he didn't step up his game but his game was pretty awesome when you stated . . .flowers every weekend.  C'mon.  Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. 

Next time talk about your expectations around holidays in advance.  That should minimize disappointment.  

[Gaeta]

If he needs a hip replacement I imagine you are both  middle aged. Yes I think you are being foolish. Why did you buy him an expensive bracelet? This is not his b'day or Xmas, it's just valentine's day...a commercial holiday may I remind you. Dinner, flowers, chocolate is plenty. Many people don't make a big deal of this V day, maybe he's one of them. You are only dating 6 months, you're still in the get-to-know-each-other. Give him a break. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Seeing each other only on the weekend and having a distance in between you two, he probably isn't very emotionally attached. His actions show that while he may like you, he's not completely sold on this relationship. This is the honeymoon period where he's supposed to be on his best behavior and courting you. 

[Gaeta]

He travels to see her every weekend with flowers and a card. He has plenty of interest in her. Whether he spends big money on her on V day has nothing to do with his level of interest. We're all individuals with bagages especially past middle-age. My bf doesn't do Valentines' Day but he'd lay down in the middle of a highway for me or for my daughters. 

[smackie9]

IMO he has been doing plenty romantically for you and traveling to see you every weekend is above and beyond, especially him working full time, and grunting his way through the pain in his hip. Plus he's probably a little nervous about this surgery, even tho it's a month away that would make anyone not in the mood. Maybe he hates waiting in line ups or dressing up when he's tired from the week. He did make dinner for you, which would be a luxury for me lol.

We get threads like this all the time. It's better to discuss what our expectations are ahead of time rather than sit there and expect or at least have a discussion about plans.