AlexH0910 Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 Hi there! I, 32F, recently started dating someone about 3 weeks ago. We met eachother online back in the summer and like most online stuff it fizzled out. Little over a month ago he finds me on fb and adds me. He shoots me a message and we start talking and make plans to finally meet for drinks that Friday. We had a great time, he makes plans to go out the next night which again was an awesome time! We saw eachother atleast 3 times a week since then and it’s been great! He’s a great guy, and we have an awesome time together. However on the second date he told me how he was leaving in a few weeks to spend a month out of state with his sibling. How he’s definitely interested in me and hopes him leaving doesn’t mess anything up! Which I assure him it won’t, it’s just a month, and that I think it’s awesome he’s able to do that every year. 4 days ago he mentions how he may end up staying 2 months (since he can work from his siblings house). Surprised by the news I bring up what that means for ‘us’. He said it doesn’t change anything, he’ll be back before I know it and I’m silly for thinking he wouldn’t wanna date me when he gets back. That he really likes me but him going there is incredibly important to him! I couldn’t spend the night last night since I had my son, but he wanted me to stop by so he could say good bye. He left this morning, texted me happy Valentine’s Day. Told me he was already a little sad and that he missed me already . He really is a good man, and I don’t want his trip to get in the way of anything. But I can’t pretend like I don’t have anxiety about what might go in while he’s gone. I’ve met a handful of bad apples and as happy as I am to have finally seem to meet a nice one, I can’t help but be bummed a little bit that he’s leaving early on. We’re dating exclusively but too early still for talk of more. Has anyone had experience with something similar?
Watercolors Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 So why did it fizzle out this last summer? He doesn't sound very trustworthy to me. He contacted you out of the blue after rejecting you (I don't know the details). Then you had fun dating each other for the past 3 weeks. Now he suddenly has to go out of state to work for 2 months. Doing what exactly? That's just really suspicious to me. I wouldn't trust him. But that's just me. If I were you, I'd be realistic about this situation. You have no control over what he'll be doing while he's gone. Meanwhile, he has you hooked emotionally, waiting for him while he is gone, doing god knows what with god knows who. Three weeks is way too early to call this a 'relationship.' You two barely know each other. I'd let go of your expectations for this turning into anything substantial. Treat him casually while he's gone. Then, if he comes back and wants to resume things, if you aren't dating another man by this time (and I think you should, frankly, keep going out on dates with other men) and are still attracted to him, take it slow.
CLS63AMG Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 Had similar happen last year, met on an app, dated, then she went away for a month around Christmas (after only dating about a month). We stayed in somewhat regular contact but we were far from a "tight" couple seeing as how early on it was. Then the day before she was to come back I texted her about her trip back and she says "oh I extended the trip by 2ish weeks (means 3)". That was all I needed to know (she obviously had to clear that with her boss but never bothered to tell me) and I ended it. You'll probably be fine if its a strong relationship, mine wasn't.
d0nnivain Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 It's 60 days not 60 months. If you can't sustain a connection for 2 months you had nothing to begin with. Use this time to talk. Technology will help you stay connected. You will be forced to build a stronger foundation not one solely based on physical or proximity. Your past experience with bad apples doesn't make him a bad apple unless you have a broken picker & always date bad guys.
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 When I met my ex-husband (military) he was leaving for 7 months to middle east the following week. We stayed in touch through daily letters, no Internet back then. We were married 15 years. Two months is nothing.
Author AlexH0910 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Posted February 18, 2020 On 2/14/2020 at 7:51 PM, Watercolors said: So why did it fizzle out this last summer? He doesn't sound very trustworthy to me. He contacted you out of the blue after rejecting you (I don't know the details). Then you had fun dating each other for the past 3 weeks. Now he suddenly has to go out of state to work for 2 months. Doing what exactly? That's just really suspicious to me. I wouldn't trust him. But that's just me It just kind of fizzled. I was busy with work and school was starting for my son so we both are to blame. There wasn’t any rejection, looking back at text messages I actually never responded to him. We set a day to meet but I had to cancel for work. So it never happened. He’s not out of town for work. He told me on the second date he was leaving for Florida to visit his sibling and goes ever year. He’s posted pics on fb so it’s visible that he’s with him. He’s texted everyday since he left. Kept me updated on where he was while traveling there, and what he’s been up to since. Sent pictures, told me he’s missed me, etc. I guess my question was if anyone has been in a similar situation to this? Obviously he’s with with family and I don’t wanna be clingy while he’s down there. I personally think it’s awesome he can spend so much time with his family. But maybe advice on how to keep the spark while he’s gone ? Idk... I guess I’m a little worried I’ll be forgotten stupid I know but
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