Would you try to incorporate the love language from someone's profile on 1st date if you know little about her?

[Miss Spider]

16 hours ago, max3732 said:

So if a guy says "I really like place X, but that might be a little far for you. There's another place closer to you that looks good, but I haven't been there before. Have you tried it?" You would instantly think that he is incompetent and wouldn't want to meet him and see what he has accomplished in life? 

Oh... I would also like to say agree with pink that that is fine. Likely, she just wasn’t interested enough. But it’s best to be as confident and direct as possible and state where you’d like to take them and when , like they said. In the fickle world of dating, you don’t need to put another step between you and closing that date 

Edited February 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[smackie9]

How about this...just be yourself and stop worrying about such drivel.

[max3732]

3 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

 - never. You are best not to touch a woman until you have established chemistry with the first big kiss. And you might want to let her initiate  much of the touching in the beginning. Don't touch a woman until you know she's into you - if she does not like you, it's offensive. (I'm not talking about innocent touches on the shoulder to get her attention when her back is turned, or a hug, that's okay).

That book covers a very narrow part of relationships, so I would not let it lead your relationships decisions. Additionally, did you know that the vast majority of women like affection?

 

What do you mean by affection when you're first getting to know her? 

[max3732]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Some women will find that to be a sign of a man who is indecisive & beta.  As you phrased it you were trying to give her a choice & be accommodating between distance vs not wanting the date ruined because the place was awful since you had no personal experience with it.  You did the gracious thing.  While some women may be put off by that, don't change.  If you had left it solely up to her as in making her pick in a vacuum that would have been wholly wishy-washy & bad.  Asking her to make a choice between two options was just fine.  

If she couldn't have courtesy to get back to you, I'd write her off as rude.  

That's just the kind of guy I am. Whenever I make a decision on something like this I tend to put myself in the other person's shoes and try to be courteous. That's left me alone so I don't know how well that's working out.

Speaking of rude though, I got a text from her this morning saying she was too tired and would like to do it next weekend. My first reaction was to let her know it wasn't ok to leave me in the lurch like this, but with texting and dating I don't know if that's right or if I should even agree to meet her. I only have one other prospect with OLD who I've been having great conversations with but lives pretty far away (I checked all her pictures this time).

Seems like it can't hurt to meet this one since she's close, but I don't want to give off a beta vibe or like she can walk all over me. Don't some women like a guy who will correct them if they are rude?

[elaine567]

52 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Don't some women like a guy who will correct them if they are rude?

Not usually.
She was too tired, she told you and she rescheduled, what was she supposed to do?

[max3732]

5 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Not usually.
She was too tired, she told you and she rescheduled, what was she supposed to do?

She told me the day after we had planned to meet. She should have told me the night before or even an hour beforehand. Why say you can meet someone Saturday afternoon and then ignore them until Sunday?

[Miss Spider]

She blew you off and you think that chewing her out about it is going to make her more interested by your alpha ness.? Oh my: That is some manosphere logic if I’ve ever heard. Imagine the psychology of someone that would work on. What she did was rude, but she didn’t have sufficient interest. If you want to increase it, your best chance would be on the date, and you do not get there by lecturing her on her lack o interest 

Edited February 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[elaine567]

She's not interested.OR she fell asleep Saturday afternoon and slept through till Sunday...
 

[max3732]

16 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

She blew you off and you think that chewing her out about it is going to make her more interested by your alpha ness.? Oh my: That is some manosphere logic if I’ve ever heard. Imagine the psychology of someone that would work on. What she did was rude, but she didn’t have sufficient interest. If you want to increase it, your best chance would be on the date, and you do not get there by lecturing her on her lack o interest 

Obviously I wouldn't chew her out over text. What would you say to her on the date so that she knows I didn't appreciate what she did? 

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

 Don't some women like a guy who will correct them if they are rude?

No.  You are not her parent or her teacher.  Don't correct her or anybody else you are dating.

Women do like self confident men.  You can be confident & gracious.   Here I'd say something like "Thanks for getting back to me even though it was a  tad late.  I'd prefer a more timely response in the future.    If you are open to meeting next week, how about [place] at [time] on [day of week]?" If she says yes, agree to contact her the day before to confirm but say & do nothing else. If she reaches out between then, you can engage but don't initiate.   If she gives you anything other then an enthusiastic yes, I'd say something in closing like "well obviously this isn't working for you.  First you blow me off.  Then you basically imply that I put you to sleep.  Now you are equivocating about meeting.  I'm tired of this.  Best wishes but I no longer  want to be jerked around"  Then be done with her.  

[elaine567]

21 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Obviously I wouldn't chew her out over text. What would you say to her on the date so that she knows I didn't appreciate what she did? 

Personally I would say nothing, but give her enough rope to hang herself and if she does it again you dump her, as she has shown you her true colours.
If you  call her out and she sticks around, she may "behave" for a while but she will likely relapse at some point. People rarely change.
Of course dating is supposed to be fun, few are going to be enamoured by some guy who feels the need to chew her out on a date...

[PinkFlamingo]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

She told me the day after we had planned to meet. She should have told me the night before or even an hour beforehand. Why say you can meet someone Saturday afternoon and then ignore them until Sunday?

That is rude. I would not contact her anymore and also not lecture her. If you like her, you will regret being harsh to her later on. Don't say anything and move on.

[jspice]

You put enough thought into the restaurant choices. It showed you took her into consideration. 
 

She didn’t have the courtesy to even send you a text on Saturday but let you just hang around. You could’ve made other plans. 
 

I wouldn’t give her another chance but if you want to, I’d say it’s not up to you to try to get in touch again. The ball is in her court. 
 

if she doesn’t try to reschedule in a week, I’d write her off. 
And enough of this alpha and beta nonsense. You showed courtesy. That’s not weak. 
Be yourself, whoever that is. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

Obviously I wouldn't chew her out over text. What would you say to her on the date so that she knows I didn't appreciate what she did? 

I'm one of those women who like a man who can pull me up if I do something wrong.  However, it only works if the guy has earned my respect.  You're not at that place yet.  Either reschedule graciously or don't bother with her again.  

Also, it could be because I'm old, but planning where to go is much easier done by voice than messing about over text.  I wonder if you would have had a different outcome if you'd made a phone call to discuss it?   That said, I probably would have responded to your text "give me a call and we can discuss".  Or I would have dialed you to talk about it.

Regarding the restaurant, I would have been fine if you'd said "I've found this nice looking place about half way between us.  Haven't been there, but reviews look good.  Are you up for a giving it a try?"   After all, even if the restaurant turns out badly, how each of you deals with it speaks volumes for each of your characters and can help both of you judge suitability.  

 

[Miss Spider]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

Obviously I wouldn't chew her out over text. What would you say to her on the date so that she knows I didn't appreciate what she did? 

Good. Wouldn’t say it at all. If you choose to give her a second chance for the first date, you should let it go. If you find her behavior to be intolerable, don’t date her. 

[basil67]

What @Cookiesandough said ^

However, if you decide to move on and she asks why, don't hesitate to tell her.

[kendahke]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

My first reaction was to let her know it wasn't ok to leave me in the lurch like this. 

Obviously I wouldn't chew her out over text. What would you say to her on the date so that she knows I didn't appreciate what she did? 

there's not going to be a date. The fact that she let you swing in the breeze should be enough to put her out of your mind forever more.

In the future, you don't say anything. You leave them alone and move on.

 

[kendahke]

On 2/14/2020 at 6:05 PM, max3732 said:

Guess there is a book that talks about love languages and a lot of people believe it. If someone asked me about mine I don't know what I'd say.

It's called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and it has some merit to it.

Light a candle instead of cursing the darkness.  Buy it and read it so you'll know what to say.

[Miss Spider]

You have the most interesting figures of speech, @kendahke. Still remember “unzip the lizard” 

[smackie9]

dating is dating...if it doesn't feel right then it' not. Always have your dance card full and not worry about cancellations it's going to happen whether you find it rude or not. Let it roll of your back and move on.

Edited February 17, 2020 by smackie9

[max3732]

After looking at her text again she said she might be able to meet next weekend. In reading the replies here and giving it some thought I sent her something saying to let me know when she figures out her schedule and I will plan something. I also said that I hope she had a chance to rest up this past weekend. She responded right away that it sounds good and she hopes I enjoyed my weekend too.

So I figure the ball is in her court now and if she wants to meet she can reach out to me

[SumGuy]

I think that is the best way to do it.
I don’t get bent out of shape if people cancel, though last minute is very annoying.  

know too well how despite best intentions and planning life gets too busy.  

Yet it’s on them then to reschedule and certainly wouldn’t wait around or hold open weekends or not date others.   

[d0nnivain]

18 hours ago, kendahke said:

It's called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and it has some merit to it.

Light a candle instead of cursing the darkness.  Buy it and read it so you'll know what to say.

The book may be OK but it has no place in a dating profile. 

 

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

So I figure the ball is in her court now and if she wants to meet she can reach out to me

Max, expect her to not reach out.  Sorry but she doesn't sound like the type to take initiative .  

[kendahke]

On 2/17/2020 at 2:00 PM, d0nnivain said:

The book may be OK but it has no place in a dating profile. 

I didn't say that it did.  I just said the book has some merit.