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Never thought I'd be here.


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Posted (edited)
28 minutes ago, Husbandssecret said:

He’s never flat out said it but he’s built this narrative of her that she’s a loving mother but just not as devoted as one would expect I guess

Sorry, I’m being fasicious but I’m sure she has a similar opinion... he is a loving father, just not as faithful as one would expect...

With respect, that’s a huge assumption to make. Surely you have read the posts on this board written by kind and compassionate BS, who have shared that the men they were married to shared a similar kind of very untrue narrative with their OW. Men who want sex with women who are not their wives know just what to say to get it... If he told you anything different, you likely wouldn’t entertain the thought of a sexual relationship, or any other kind of relationship, with the man. 

As a woman, and a mother, I can’t think of a statement (even if it’s just a feeling you get, a narrative he has built) that a man could make that would be more hurtful... to his wife, the mother of his children. 

Edited by BaileyB
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Posted
25 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Sorry, I’m being fasicious but I’m sure she has a similar opinion... he is a loving father, just not as faithful as one would expect...

after everything, why do you expect a man to be faithful?

Posted
1 minute ago, lifeoflies said:

after everything, why do you expect a man to be faithful?

I wouldn’t expect this man to be faithful. I think he’s proven this is not a realistic expectation for him. 
But, it is a requirement in my relationship...

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Posted (edited)

Yeah dude they haven't even filed yet, her photos are still all over the house and he's still spending nearly every night with them anyway.  

You have a lot more fortitude than me - I would feel so weird and bad about being in that house.  You know how family homes all have that certain smell - that's them.  Why can't he just come over to your place?  

I'm still curious as to why he proved he got an apartment for himself but then SHE moved out with the kids?  That doesn't add up at all.  

I'd also urge you to look ahead - his W is NOT going to be pleased to know you never ended your affair and are now spending time in that house.  How many kids does he have?  I think the sh*t storm headed his way his just beginning.  

Edited by Allupinnit
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Posted
36 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Dare I say it, I think I earned his respect by telling him that I would not be strung along indefinitely... But more than that, as disappointed and hurt as I felt by the whole situation, I had my own self respect. And, that is what mattered to me the most. I could deal with losing the man. I was not about to lose my self respect. 

Good for you.  Of course you earned his respect when you found yours.  Men are really a dime a dozen.

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Posted

Have you guys ever wondered if these men aren't sniffing around this site?  i have seen one instance that this might be happening

Posted
5 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I wouldn’t expect this man to be faithful. I think he’s proven this is not a realistic expectation for him. 
But, it is a requirement in my relationship...

I think that the expectation that any man will be faithful defies logic

Posted (edited)
27 minutes ago, lifeoflies said:

I think that the expectation that any man will be faithful defies logic

I disagree. My guy told me early on that he has never cheated on a woman, and he never will. He has given me no reason to doubt, if anything... he wants to spend too much time together. ;) 

Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, but I feel like he is a good bet. My father was the same - completely devoted to my mother from the day they met. 

Edited by BaileyB
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Posted
32 minutes ago, lifeoflies said:

Have you guys ever wondered if these men aren't sniffing around this site?  i have seen one instance that this might be happening

It'd definitely be interesting if they were! What made you think it's already happened?

Posted

I should not have used the word "any".  Good that you have good one.

Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, texasgreeneyes said:

It'd definitely be interesting if they were! What made you think it's already happened?

the guy who moved the stuff in the bathroom.  i may have mis-read her post, in but that's the first time it occurred to me

it would be a stupid move so maybe i'm off base.

....and it would be a stupid move

Edited by lifeoflies
Posted
16 hours ago, lifeoflies said:

Have you guys ever wondered if these men aren't sniffing around this site?  i have seen one instance that this might be happening

Maybe that's for the greater good?

Most guys who are stepping out, as far as I have seen, aren't really bad guys at heart.  A few are, but most don' t seem to really give all that much consideration to the consequences of their choices. Call that wilful blindness or whatever, I don't know. I don't think they set out to hurt anyone, and maybe if they see just how much pain they may be causing, it at least might make them pause for thought.

Of course, I'm likely wrong. Could be they just don't care.

 

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Posted
56 minutes ago, pepperbird said:

A few are, but most don' t seem to really give all that much consideration to the consequences of their choices. Call that wilful blindness or whatever, I don't know. I don't think they set out to hurt anyone

I agree with this but unfortunately it boils down to very immature behaviour on their part. It’s like they’ve never grown up properly. My xmm always said he didn’t mean to hurt me and cause me all this pain but he did. They are like men children and unable to see that actions have consequences. 

 

59 minutes ago, pepperbird said:

maybe if they see just how much pain they may be causing, it at least might make them pause for thought.

Yes, you’d hope that would happen but I think they are so wrapped in their own thoughts and feelings. They seem oblivious to all the heartache they are causing all around them. ‘Poor old me’ ....they want all the sympathy and attention for themselves. Usually they end up with two women running after them, BS and OW. They can’t believe their luck. 

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