ZA Dater Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 Ok so against my better judgement I went along with what was in effect a blind date, however I had met her before. Decided this time to do a simple coffee and see how things went in terms of trying to connect. I went along with a new hairstyle and a more formal outfit as opposed to what I normally wear. She is 27, degree, works with kids, works a few different jobs. Here I have to say, she was nice enough, the conversation was a bit truncated in that it did not really flow, no real common interests and she is a bit shy but again I suppose she is nice enough. Most of the problem here was actually just me and what I like and what I have been exposed to. Look, she would be a very nice girlfriend for a nice enough guy, she doesn't party or drink much apparently but I just didn't feel any real need to see her again. She didn't really bring out the best in me and as much as I tried I was fairly uninterested after the date. This is always the thing though, some people make me want to be better and others simply well they don't. I sit there and talk but with it must be said, not a great deal of enthusiasm. I don't know I think I just need a break from this, assess what I really want, what matters more to me, look at the sort of person I can realistically attract, look at what I can do better, reflect on what went wrong when I did meet people I like. Mostly though I need to think if I really actually want a girlfriend at all, do my ideas match up to reality because more and more I don't really mind doing things on my own, maybe part of me is just accepting what is. I do wish however I'd never met some of the models, the really dynamic people and the supremely confident people because so far with some exceptions they are the only ones who really interest me enough to make me want to be better. I think they call this caviar taste with bread money.;) 1
smackie9 Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 (edited) (Canadian version) champagne taste on beer wages. Edited February 13, 2020 by smackie9
Miss Spider Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 Champagne taste on a Pepsi cola budget. I imagine not feeling attraction/chemistry happens a lot on blind dates. Don’t be too discouraged by that. Maybe take a break and try to see if you can become a more dynamic/confident person to attract who you like? At least you find people who can keep your attention. I never meet such people and I’m starting to think I’ve never met one in my life? I understand how you feel in a way.
Author ZA Dater Posted February 14, 2020 Author Posted February 14, 2020 9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Champagne taste on a Pepsi cola budget. I imagine not feeling attraction/chemistry happens a lot on blind dates. Don’t be too discouraged by that. Maybe take a break and try to see if you can become a more dynamic/confident person to attract who you like? At least you find people who can keep your attention. I never meet such people and I’m starting to think I’ve never met one in my life? I understand how you feel in a way. The problem I have really is that I am dynamic, I am always busy on multiple projects across quite a diverse number of industries, dating wise I simply don't have the confidence because the spectre of rejection is never far away. I think keeping attention is one of the hardest things to find mostly I just divert into what works well for me in work life to try and keep the conversation going on some sort of very impersonal high level which never really works but works well enough to avoid the awkward silence. My problem really is I can sometimes be really great on a date (well I think at least, the outcomes suggest not lol) but other times like this I have frankly lost interest fairly early on. In some respects I think I enjoy the challenge more than the not getting the result, I went out with someone last year who honestly would have been perfect, there was lots of common ground, she wasn't a party girl, she was smart, had a great job, she was attractive to me but not a model but despite me actually bringing out my A game it was still not enough so when I go on blind dates like this I don't put a lot of expectation into them because I know the chances of having the boxes ticked are very slim. 1
basil67 Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 Good on you for a new haircut and getting dressed up a bit. I'm glad you're questioning whether or not your want a girlfriend. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to recall you saying that you didn't see the point of having friends. Thing is, friendship is a lot of what having a partner is about. It's a best friend who you live with. Yes, I know there's sex and cuddles too, but the friendship part is so important. I do wonder where a woman would fit in your life. And for what it's worth, my husband and I were set up. They aren't all doomed to failure. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted February 14, 2020 Author Posted February 14, 2020 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: Good on you for a new haircut and getting dressed up a bit. I'm glad you're questioning whether or not your want a girlfriend. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I seem to recall you saying that you didn't see the point of having friends. Thing is, friendship is a lot of what having a partner is about. It's a best friend who you live with. Yes, I know there's sex and cuddles too, but the friendship part is so important. I do wonder where a woman would fit in your life. And for what it's worth, my husband and I were set up. They aren't all doomed to failure. I am asking myself what benefits there would be for me. I wouldn't mind friends however I fully recognise I don't fit in so finding any would be next to impossible and I have tried to find friends. When I go on dates the vital thing for me is to see if I like to spend time with the person, it sounds so stupid to type but for me that probably the most important thing, do I want to spend lots of time with them and to be honest the answer is usually NO. I suppose in a way I am like the kid who wants to go on the waterslide, expect I am too young to do so, so I look at the slide and wonder what it would be like, only to go down the slide and realise its actually not as good as I thought it might be. Which is why when it comes to dating I try and look for the absolute "best" I can, "best" being the person I want to spend time with, the person I find attractive, the person I can connect intellectually well with, the person with whom the conversation flows and the person I can really take an interest in. That's really what I look for, all those things. Which is why even if I found this in a friend zone I would probably be getting around 80% of what I want which is lot better than currently getting 0% of what I want. Whether I actually deserve any of those things is another point on its own. It just seems to me I put SO much effort into finding dates, new pictures, new looks, throw positivity and no matter what I do the type of people are always the same, the matches are the same and the level of interest is the same. The problem is I am just not finding them, a LOT of my jadedness comes from that, I am angry with myself for not being better to actually be liked by those I do/did like, angry because even the good dates really went nowhere. Of all the days to be angry at myself today is the day I am most angry. Maybe just time to accept it for what it is. A challenge I cant win at. T
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