No Plans on Having Kids but Got Pregnant While in Uni

[Callypso]

I’m 31 years old and have been married for 5 years now. I’m a first year student in uni. I and my husband had no plans on having kids. We agreed that we’re going to be okay even with no kids. We’re planning on travelling after I graduate and enjoy our lives as a couple without having to worry about the responsibilities of being parents. I dream of becoming successful in my future profession and my husband dreams of retiring and just do non too physical home-based jobs at the age of 50.
 

Today, I found out I accidentally got pregnant. We were very careful so I don’t know what happened exactly. Now, I am so worried, scared, confused, and many other feelings I can’t explain. I want to finish my degree and pursue my dreams and help my husband achieve our goals and dreams as a couple. But there is no way I’m aborting this child or give it up for adoption. I don’t know what to do. My husband will always support me with whatever my decision I will make. Even though we agreed on not having kids, he said many times that it’s always up to me. But I know I will have to live with the consequences of the decisions I will come up with. I may not be able to do what I want to do. And our future  will be completely different from what I’ve envisioned it to be.

I’m stressing out and I just can’t think anymore. I’m wondering if anyone in here has been in the same situation. Please, any advice is welcome. Thank you.

Edited February 13, 2020 by Callypso

[Pleasant-Sage]

I'm so glad you're not willing to get an abortion but I'd like to know why adoption is not an option since you don't want kids?

Personally, I think this life detour will actually present itself as a blessing to you someday. It will cost you a lot of money, time, and effort but there's nothing more valuable to me than my kids. They are the only reason I'm still here today.

 

[Els]

Did you just not PLAN to have kids, or are you and/or your husband actually against having kids? There's a very big difference between the two.

Quote

But there is no way I’m aborting this child or give it up for adoption.

At the end of the day, it really just depends on what your reasons are, and how strongly you feel about them. If you both might want to be parents but there are just logistical issues like traveling and retirement plans, then keeping it is the best route for you, you'll work the logistics out. On the other hand, if both of you DON'T want to be parents, ever, then putting a child in the situation of being unwanted by his parents would be a very irresponsible thing to do. But based on your post, that doesn't sound like the way your thoughts are going.

[Blind-Sided]

Assuming your husband is the father... then you need to start with talking with him.  You two made a choice on how your life will progress... but with this pregnancy, that will significantly change how your lives will go.  As far as being stressed... just stop.  You had sex, and you know what the potential outcome is. You are married... and the stress will be gone once you talk together about it. Who knows... he may have said he didn't want kids because he felt you didn't want them.  Maybe he really wants kids, and he will be very happy about it.

Edited February 13, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[chillii]

Count your blessings , your very lucky. You can still finish uni one way or another and you can both still do your dreams one way or another too , people with kids still do all kinds of things , well if you both still wanted too and he can come with you guys all over the place for another 4 or 5yrs yet before starting school.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Since neither one of you wanted kids, why didn't one or both of you get sterilized?

[Pumaza]

having sex and say i ddnt want to get prag is like standing in the rain and hope you dont get sick.

if you both ddnt want kids there were many options to protect yourselves. so many pills also even sterilize as more extreme matter.

just see it as a blessing that had to happen.and enjoy it. your life is not over.its a new chapter and you can travel later on when the baby is older.

and your trips will be more thoughtful and colorful with fun kids activitys also.

once you give birth and see that cuttie pie in your arms, your heart will melt and you may make a few more.

just accept and enjoy what is going on now.

[HoneySnaps]

As you seem quite against having kids - and seem to be already envisioning your life as in a way ruined cause of this child - I don't understand why you wouldn't consider abortion or adoption. A few friends of mine were "mistakes" & you can see how being dubbed a "mistake" by their own parents has screwed them up one way or another. 

Either way, as both of you were so against/indifferent to kids aside from the obvious in birth control (the pill, condoms, etc.) then he should have gotten a vasectomy. It's reversible if you changed your minds in the future. 

Edited February 26, 2020 by HoneySnaps

[lonelyplanetmoon]

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 20 and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  Completely changed me as a person.  I grew so much.  I excelled in my career because I became a mom and matured as a person.  Before I had my kids, I did not like kids that much and was uncomfortable around them etc.  Nothing changes you more than holding that little creature in your arms.