Waffle Man Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Continued from:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t71624/ This is sort of a continuation of another thread I started when I was in the process of breaking up with my now ex-girlfriend. In a nutshell as Sllubberdegullion put it on that previous thread: You started seeing her right after her engagement was broken; In spite of your wishes, she kept in contact with her ex on the sly; After being caught, she lied about it; You broke up with her twice because you couldn't trust her; Now she may want you back. Here’s an update with a question that is driving me mad. She saw her ex-fiancé--while broken up--during NC. I think by the third or fourth day she realized I was gone and she decided that she to really give her ex the chance she’s been itching to give him. They went on a date, he wanted her to move into his new house, accept a new ring and start a new life together. She told me while he talked all she could think about was her life with me while he was making all these offers. That night they got physical—and as she explains it—she started bawling before they actually had sex. She described it in painful detail, which indicates she’s telling the truth (and it wouldn’t change the situation for me even if they did the nasty) so I got the honesty I was after. She continued that they had several discussions over the next few days. At some point she told him that she didn’t love him. She was in love with me and wants a life with me. She knew that she’d lost me, but she came back and explained all of these things to me anyhow—knowing I may laugh in her face. She has even offered to arrange a meeting between the ex and myself so I can see for myself that she is serious about her decision. She would have never agreed to this in the past. It does mean something. Am I out of my mind to even consider taking her back? It’s not like she’s a chronic cheater. She had an issue to work through. To me, I believe she did. But I’m also out of my mind with confusion.
Author Waffle Man Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 At this point, I told her to back off until I contact her. So far so good. No expectations. She told me I was free to do what I want--but she gave me her word that she wanted to wait for me until she heard my final answer: even if it takes months. Seems like a nice gesture?
MassiveAtom Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Look man. you have a pair right? they're just under that which got you into this trouble in the first place. yeah those. Punch yourself right there! and punch HARD! hurts don't it? I know you didn't really rap yourself in the cojones, but WM you are readily setting yourself up for just that sort of behavior. AND you're going to let her do it to you. I can imagine it.... former-Ex, " hi honey, we have to talk" (read: Hey sucker, you ready to get your jewels kicked in, because I'm about to.) WM, "Is something wrong?" (read, "here, lemme drop trou so you can make full contact") F.Ex, " I slept with my ex" (read, THWUMP!) WM, " urwsgh, bu, rh " (read, I'm going to go back to LS and take my lumps, because I know the unconditional support I'll recieve there will help distract me while my testicles descend back down from inside my throat." In a word, Yes, you are making a huge mistake by even considering getting back with her. Respect yourself. FIRST! that's my 2mil.
westernxer Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 MassiveAtom is massively correct. Why would you want to meet with her ex anyway? That's a stupid idea from a massively confused girl. At this point she needs to chill out and recuperate. Going back and forth isn't gonna do either of you justice over the long run. Give her a year to find herself, and give yourself a year as well, mostly to clear your head and date other girls who catch your eye.
crazy_grl Posted October 7, 2005 Posted October 7, 2005 Waffle, yes I think taking her back would be a mistake. Her behavior has been disrespectful and inconsiderate of both you and her other ex. The fact that she even let herself get to that point with him when she wasn't sure of her feelings for either of you indicates that she's emotionally not ready to be in a real relationship. I'm sure it feels wonderful to hear her say how much she loves you and couldn't be with him because of it, but judging by her previous actions, those words are meaningless. She wanted her ex when she had you. Now she wants you when she could have her ex. Once she has you again, do you think she's suddenly going to change? Take her back and you'll just get more of the same lying and deception you had before. She sounds like trouble and heartache to me.
Author Waffle Man Posted October 7, 2005 Author Posted October 7, 2005 You folks are tough. SMACK! Thanx! I needed that. So, is continuing to date her a no-no, you think? I can get other women. I’m not going to wind up pinning away for her. She’s already been dating other men (at least her ex) as far as I’m concerned. So, the cat’s out of the bag. What if I just agreed to a casual relationship with her?
westernxer Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Can you handle a casual relationship? Doesn't sound like it.
Author Waffle Man Posted October 8, 2005 Author Posted October 8, 2005 I could try, right? Maybe she'll be unable to handle it, split--and viola: problem solved, right?
hooghie Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Don't take her back WM! I don't have all of the answers, but I can pretty much guarentee that she will hurt you badly again. As much as you want to think that she's realized she wants to be with you forever and everything will be so great- the more likely thing is that she realized she doesn't want to be with the other guy and she doesn't want to be alone either.
MassiveAtom Posted October 8, 2005 Posted October 8, 2005 Um, I know I've been gone a while, but when did the rules for NC allow for dating? I'm confused... YES!! dating her IS out of the question.
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