Legatus Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 I would say if you're asking yourself this question then your gut is probably right. At times I moved a little bit faster than the logic would suggest but I never had this question in my head as long as it still felt natural. Once the question popped up to my head and I knew that it wasn't a question, it was my mind trying to be heard.. 3
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 Cookiesandough: We are not suggesting he's a serial killer, but might be out to take advantage of her. He's probably harmless but his character is definitely questionable. 2
SJ1975 Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Good for you and hope it works out. If it doesn't, he moves out. My ex moved in with me after one month of dating and we were together for 15 years. Life is short! 1
Versacehottie Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 Well, i was about to say it wasn't too fast and then you lost me at he "moved in"! Ok, let's assume he is not some scam artist or bad person--i think that you are a way out however of his "situation" otherwise all thing considered he probably would have taken things a little slower and same with you. I think you want to move in with a bf when it's about that and only that not for logistical reasons, part of which is exactly what is going on here. Secondly, thinking about the health of the relationship in the long run, there is a greater chance than not that you've just signed up for a pressure cooker situation with a relationship that "could" be good if it had a different pace and different logistics. In other words, you might harm what would be a perfectly fine relationship in the long run just by what you did for a living situation in the short run. I personally think on gender roles if he doesn't solve his own situation then it creates a dynamic that is detrimental to the health of the relationship. That said, I have a couple of friends who moved in this fast with a long term bf and it worked out fine but the situation was reversed: girl moved in with guy who was already in a stable position in life. And like someone suggested maybe you should have it be a temporary stiauton. what happened with one of my friends was a temporary month long stay for a job that they then both decided why stop living together (that couple was together 6 months though at the point that happened). A guy being dependent on you can cause funny things to happen. Think you asking about it here means something in your gut is wondering if not worse. Good luck
Happy Lemming Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 A few years ago, I worked with a woman that married her husband during their first date. At some point during their first date, they drove to Las Vegas and got married. She seemed to enjoy telling the story of her first date/Vegas wedding. When I worked with her, they had just celebrated their Silver (25 years) wedding anniversary. She was a very intelligent woman and was quite happily married. Sometimes things are meant to be and do work out. Best of luck, Cora!!
Happy Lemming Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I was telling my girlfriend about your situation. She told me her sister moved her boyfriend in after dating for one week. 3 years later they got married. Together, they raised 3 wonderful children and just celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary. And now the sister and her husband are enjoying their golden years, as he retired about a year ago. Sometimes things work out. 1
CloudyHead Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 @Cora - How old are you? Allowing a complete stranger to move in with you is scary. Background checks are meaningless if someone has a mental health issue. Anyone can put on a facade during the short period of time you interacted with him. From your posts he is a guy with a hurt foot who is homeless. My perspective comes from being in a relationship with someone who I thought was "the one" who had a serious personality disorder and being a mom who would be incredibly concerned (mixed with a dash of fearfulness) if my daughter made the decision you made. 2
Foxhall Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Hope it works out for you Cora, I think from some of your previous threads, you are someone who likes
Foxhall Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Just now, Foxhall said: Hope it works out for you Cora, I think from some of your previous threads, you are someone who likes their own space, so there could be pitfalls with this once the initial novelty wears off, perhaps one gets tired of being alone too and takes a leap like you have here, go with the flow and see I suppose
balletomane Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Falling for someone fast is not necessarily a problem. Acting on those rapidly developing feelings is likely to be a problem. My current bf and I have been together for four months. We also fell for one another very quickly. I've suspected ever since the second date that this is likely to be the person I marry, but we both know we won't be making any big changes - like moving in together - for quite a while yet. Why would we need to? If my second-date hunch was correct and we're right for one another, he won't be going anywhere fast. We can afford to take it slowly. And if my second-date hunch was wrong and we turn out to be completely wrong for each other in the long term, it's as well not to have become too entangled in terms of shared living space, bills, etc. So my advice would be to enjoy the relationship and embrace the feelings, but not let them guide your decisions at this early stage. 1
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: She told me her sister moved her boyfriend in after dating for one week. 3 years later they got married. This is probably a .001% success rate but it's not the norm. Edited February 18, 2020 by Gaeta
Fletch Lives Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Let me get this straight.............he broke his foot, then lost his income and his home and moved in with the parents, then his parents house was condemned due to fire. But he still has time to date. I've got a Brooklyn bridge I can sell you real cheap! There are bums who date just to find a sucker who will let them live with them. I guess since you already have him moved in, you'll find out whether he's a good guy or a freeloader. I hope you are not being taken advantage of. 4
preraph Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 You need to just keep in mind that it takes a couple of years to see the whole person. Specifically it takes going through bad times together and seeing how each other handles stress and anger and unemployment. And specifically you do not know what a person is really like until they are not getting their way. 1 1
mortensorchid Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 Sweetheart, you did bad with this, truly. You don't know this person and they don't know you. You are in the middle of infatuation right now. Infatuation wears off after about 6-9 months, and when it does you are stuck with that person. And you better like that person. Not love, just like them. And if you don't? You're in trouble, and you're in serious trouble. People do not move in together as bf/gf because they want to live together, they do it for financial reasons. And he's got it made with you at this moment because of his medical situation that caused him to move back home with his parents. When you have to be living day to day after those endorphins have worn off... This will be bad. Need an example? I had a stupid former friend of mine who was ever thrilled by bad boys. She met this guy somewhere and let her move in with him after knowing him for one week. He was a complete loser - been to jail multiple times, never held a job, did nothing with his time otherwise. A week or two later they were engaged to be married and I was blown away she was this foolish. They never married (thank God) but after infatuation wore off it ended in a horror story. Reconsider your situation before you go any further.
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 I broke my right foot like 3 times in my life, I never had to move back with my parents to take care of me! I remember once I broke it on a Friday and Monday morning I was back at work with my pink cast and a bottle of Tylenol. I don't understand moving in with his parents because of a hurt foot. I think he didn't have an apartment, I think he's been living with his parents for a long time and he fed you this story. Also, have you seen this pre-approved mortgage?
Fletch Lives Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 (edited) Quote Infatuation wears off after about 6-9 months, and when it does you are stuck with that person. - not necessarily. Some people stay in infatuated, in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, and deeply in love for years. I'm just sayin. Quote Need an example? I had a stupid former friend of mine who was ever thrilled by bad boys. She met this guy somewhere and let her move in with him after knowing him for one week. He was a complete loser - been to jail multiple times, never held a job, did nothing with his time otherwise. A week or two later they were engaged to be married and I was blown away she was this foolish. They never married (thank God) but after infatuation wore off it ended in a horror story. -Yup, happens all the time. Many people go primarily on attraction - never mind if the person they are attracted to is a good catch or not. Edited February 18, 2020 by Fletch Lives 1
Happy Lemming Posted February 18, 2020 Posted February 18, 2020 1 minute ago, Fletch Lives said: Some people stay in infatuated, in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, and deeply in love for years. I'm just sayin. Yes... my girlfriend's sister and husband still are very much in love. We visited with them when they came to town for an extended vacation. You could tell they were still very much "giddy in love" after 41 years of marriage. Like any couple they have had their ups and downs, but worked through the "downs" and very much enjoyed the "ups". And yes, I'm sure this one week move-in/successful happy marriage is not the norm, but sometimes good things happen to good people. Stars do align and you get rewarded for past good karma. 2
Andy_K Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 Well... it's unwise, and quite extreme in this case. But could work out. I once dated a girl who owned a house but it was vacant while she rented elsewhere (for reasons). A couple months later I needed to move out, and she needed some more money, so I ended up living in her house. Not long after that she had to stop renting and move back into the house, so we ended up living together very quickly. No issues with that, and it was over a year after that before we split (amicably) for other reasons. Easy way to get taken advantage of though. Be very careful! 1
hajk Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 Cora, too many coincidences, really hard to believe his story. Be very careful and protect yourself. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 (edited) Good Lord! Sit down and think about this. If your daughter or best friend came to you with this story, you'd take her by the shoulders and shake her, wouldn't you! You've got some Hallmark movie fairy tale playing in your head about love at first sight. Get a grip. No self-respecting, stable man would ask to move in with a woman he just started dating. If nothing else, hide any prescription drugs you have in the house. Lock down all personal papers and valuable items. Make sure your computer is password protected for start up. Make sure all your passwords are safeguarded and pray that when you go to work in the morning you don't come home to an empty apartment when he and a couple of his buddies clean it out for drug money. And, don't say he doesn't "seem" like the type of guy who would . . . anything. You don't know squat about him. And, he showed you a burnt down house???? Did he show you a driver's license with that address on it? Or a piece of mail addressed to him there? Paleeze! Edited February 20, 2020 by Redhead14 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 Cora, WHOAH there , nellie, WHOAH! My head is spinning! How much damage was there inside the house? I mean, surely, he didn't just drive past a partially burned house and say, 'There it is...' . That could have been anyone's house. Can't say for sure if he's a conman, but smells fishy! I'm sorry, he has a broken foot, but on medical leave? For how long? Where does he work? Has he been paying for things? Did he already pay you partial rent? Is he asking for money? I know he can be in pain, but does a broken foot keep him from doing his job? WAWA WA? WA WA? (imagine the adult's voices in Charlie Brown cartoons)... 1
Gaeta Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 Each time I come to this thread I am thinking of this other thread running at the time with a woman who found out at 4 months dating her bf is an opioid addict. Love at first sight right!! 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 39 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Each time I come to this thread I am thinking of this other thread running at the time with a woman who found out at 4 months dating her bf is an opioid addict. Love at first sight right!! Sometimes it becomes difficult to help when important information is withheld. Denial....or an erroneous and troubling lack of recognition for the obvious?
Els Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 12:26 AM, Gaeta said: Mr. Right is not going to run away because you don't offer him shelter after 2 weeks dating. This. Cora, I know you're an independent adult but reading this worries me. It's not that it's "wrong" (there is no right or wrong between consensual adults as long as nothing illegal is being done), but rather that it could turn really bad really easily. At the moment, you barely know this man - you've said so yourself. What happens if you decide, as people very often do after dating for 2 weeks, that he's not right for you?
Gaeta Posted February 20, 2020 Posted February 20, 2020 13 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Denial....or an erroneous and troubling lack of recognition for the obvious? My bet is on desperation and loneliness. I am also wondering about these people's family unit. Even at 54 if I moved in a man I had known for 2 weeks my adult daughter and entire family would be in an out-roar! They would hammer 'common sense' into me. 1
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