Cora Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 I feel like I’ve lost my mind with how quickly things are moving along, but it feels right. I have never done anything like this....especially this quickly. Who knows....maybe I have lost my mind. We met online and chatted for about a week before meeting in person. Our first meeting lasted almost 5 hours. Met at a bookstore for coffee which turned into lunch which turned into shopping together at a local mall. Second date was three days later. Met for dinner and a movie. The following weekend he came and stayed the weekend with me. We watched movies, went out to dinner and talked and talked and talked. The weekend after that we spent together as well. We also text and talk over the phone daily. Yesterday, he moved in with me. I know I know....insane! I’m still trying to make sense of what I’ve done. I realize this may crash and burn quickly, but I do enjoy his company a lot and we have so much in common and have a lot of fun together. Yes, he is technically still a stranger I’m getting to know. I guess what I’m asking for is thoughts on the matter? Anyone have experience with things moving this quickly? Did it end in a total disaster?
Silver_star Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 Why did he move in with you? This is not good. This does not seem like a logical decision as it is too rushed. What is the rush? 6
dramallama Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 Why was he able to move in with you so quickly? it would take me time to pack up my affairs and move in with someone.... 4
Saracena Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 Where was he living before? Reason being - folk usually have to give some notice before they vacate current accommodation etc. Also very important, I sincerely hope he's paying rent, contributing his share of bills etc 2
Daisydooks Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Cora said: Yesterday, he moved in with me. I know I know....insane! That escalated quickly. I'd be very concerned. Does he have an apartment somewhere he has given notice for? My fiance and I met and fell very hard, very quickly, but when it came to life altering decisions, they came more slowly. It took a year of proper planning for me to leave my job, and get my business where I needed it to be before ever considering moving and we had been together for 4 years at that stage. Lol. I realize we moved slower than some in this regard but I needed to know I would be stable no matter what happened and wasnt uprooting my life in the city without solid plans. We spoke first about it in November 2017. I moved in in October 2018. Lol. Did he live wih his parents before this? Does he have a job, a car, bills? How old is he? Have you seen his license? Do you even KNOW his last name yet? Lol. My biggest concern is why doesnt he have any responsibilities?!?!?! I guess my concern would be he is a couch surfing bum with no ties to anything, and no place to call home before moving in so quickly. Yes, he IS a stranger. It sounds extreme, but you could have a serial killer living in your home and you would have no idea yet. Prove to me he isnt a serial killer and I may change my mind. Lol. What do you know of this man? Edited February 12, 2020 by Daisydooks 1
Daisydooks Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Cora said: I guess what I’m asking for is thoughts on the matter? Anyone have experience with things moving this quickly? Did it end in a total disaster? I think its insane. Any normal, well rounded grown up/adult will agree it's insane. Absolutely, unequivocally, 100% off your rocker insane. Most people with experience in this will tell you you should have asked this a week ago, so they could tell you not to do it. Yes, it will end in disaster. We will see you here in a few months time posting about how bad a choice this was warning others not to do this because he is a bum who wont leave. Every relationship is AMAZING at the beginning. They don't call it the honeymoon stage for no reason. That doesnt mean you move the guy in! It will be by the grace of God this works and since you've moved him in so quickly, it's even less likely to work now. You should have taken the proper amount of time to get to know one another before this so you could build a relationship and home together. I'm actually scared for you. I don't know why you're not. Edited February 12, 2020 by Daisydooks 1
Author Cora Posted February 12, 2020 Author Posted February 12, 2020 It’s a long story about how and why he moved in. I will update more when I’m not at work. Short answer though is yes I know his last name, place of employment, family’s names etc. And yes he is contributing. No, I’m not saying that makes it right or ok. I will go into as much detail as I can later.
Author Cora Posted February 14, 2020 Author Posted February 14, 2020 Sorry, got busy and forgot to update. I’ll try to make this long story as short as possible. So he recently moved back home with his parents after having to take medical leave from work when he broke his foot. They’ve been helping him out. While he’s been recovering he’s been looking at houses to buy, just got pre approved for a loan etc. However, last month his family’s house caught on fire and was damaged pretty bad and they’ve been staying in a hotel. So he’s kind of moved in with me while his family’s house is being repaired and until he finds his own house. I also figured it would be a good way to save money to have someone else contributing. I realize this sounds like a bogus story, but I’ve seen proof....seen the house etc. Now as far as how long this will last....who knows? I don’t feel like he’s a bad person. I could be totally wrong because I know I don’t really know him at all. I did do a background check on him prior to meeting him for my own peace of mind. Anyway, I know I’m most likely stupid for doing this. I don’t know....it just felt right at the time.
Miss Spider Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 I am going to go against the popular opinion and say there is no such thing and it depends entirely on the people. I know just as many people in good relationships that moved quickly as ones that took it more slowly. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) What do you have in common from your past? I mean from the way you grew up? What core beliefs do you share? Also, you say he was staying in the family home that burned down. Have you met his family? Under what circumstances? Dinner or what? How is he able to contribute if he doesn't work? What are his goals in life? Edited February 14, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease 1
Caauug Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 On 2/13/2020 at 2:38 AM, Cora said: I feel like I’ve lost my mind with how quickly things are moving along, but it feels right. You only live once, if you let this opportunity slip past you it might be Mr.Right gone for good. You have to go with your gut feelings. On 2/13/2020 at 2:38 AM, Cora said: Anyone have experience with things moving this quickly? Did it end in a total disaster? Not that fast but getting close... 15 years together, 10 of them marriage and disaster at the divorce. The end had nothing to do with the beginning.
BaileyB Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 You had me on your side until you decided to let a virtual stranger move into your home. That would scare the crap out of me! Let’s assume the worst - this goes south, how are you going to force this stranger out of your home?
Calmandfocused Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 It’s very coincidental that you just happened to walk into his life when his life was in disaster Op...Hmmm! Was it a coincidence or was it planned all along is the question I’d be asking. Highly convenient timing from his perspective don’t you think? Be very careful Op. I’d love to be optimistic like some other posters but I’m smelling a rat and that rat smells strong. 2
greymatter Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 You should revise your invite to move in with you. Let him know he can stay with you for a week and then he needs to find another solution for where to live. Have some boundaries! If he hadn’t met you, what would he do? Let him do that. I’m sure you’re hoping this will be a magical true love story but it sounds all too familiar as the lead in to a bad situation. Seriously. Stop and think. What would you tell someone else who shared such a story? 7
Hopeful30 Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 On 2/12/2020 at 4:30 PM, Cora said: It’s a long story about how and why he moved in. I will update more when I’m not at work. Short answer though is yes I know his last name, place of employment, family’s names etc. And yes he is contributing. No, I’m not saying that makes it right or ok. I will go into as much detail as I can later. Honestly girl, just go with your instincts. If your gut feels its right, then its right. No amount of overthinking ever surpasses that instinctual feeling that you're going down the right path. The best decisions I have ever made were impulsive, such as moving to a different country within 2 weeks notice. If it feels right, then no one can tell you otherwise. 2
OnlyHonesty Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 You don't know him, therefore you've let a complete strange move in with you. This is the definition of insane. What you are seeing at the moment is the persons mask, your own rose tinted spectacles, mixed infatuation and loneliness. When all of these fantasies have subsided, what you will be left with is a mistake. This all makes me wonder what it is about your life you are trying to run away from. This man is a distraction away from what pain? 1
Miss Spider Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 Doesn’t sound like he’s on the lease or anything. More like she’s letting him stay over there with her while he goes through some stuff. 1
gaius Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 I moved to my wife's city so I could date her 2 weeks after we met in person for the first time. But we had talked online for a couple months prior and I didn't move in with her. I don't think you did anything wrong Cora but you might want to tell him the only way you'll live together with a guy long term is if you're engaged. A lot of men take an easy situation for granted. If it feels as right to him as it does to you that's not a boundary that will phase him. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 (edited) Too many random, bad things have happened to him at a very convenient time. The chance of all this being 100% true is close to zero. There is also such thing as grey areas. Perhaps 10% of his story is true and he has chosen to display that part to you with evidence but hide the rest that he has made up. You have no idea who he is. I know you have been looking for a relationship for years. Men prey on such women - living at your place puts him in excellent position to take advantage of you. Wait till he starts being “short of money, just for this week”. Tell him that you don’t feel comfortable with living together just yet. Tell him to find his own place and see if he stays around. If he is being genuine, you literally have nothing to lose. Edited February 15, 2020 by Eternal Sunshine 2
ElKay Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 This does sound a little too good to be true (as in the circumstances aligning, not the house fire)... So I would be very cautious...
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 Here is another aspect of it. Maybe he's an amazing man and this was meant to be an amazing relationship BUT, like anything too much of something will give you an indigestion. I love chocolate but if I sit there and eat 1 kg of it I bet you I will get sick of it and I will like it less. It's the same with new relationships, this could have been meant to be but him moving in this fast will certainly screw it. His whole story is no reason to move in with a woman he's known for 2 weeks. He's a grown man and if you weren't there he'd be on a friend's couch right now! 1
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 On 2/13/2020 at 10:40 PM, Caauug said: You only live once, if you let this opportunity slip past you it might be Mr.Right gone for good. You have to go with your gut feelings. Mr. Right is not going to run away because you don't offer him shelter after 2 weeks dating. Actually Mr. Right will never have asked a woman he knows for 2 weeks to let him move in. 6
greymatter Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 (edited) You should think about running a background check on him before you go any further. He could easily stay with his parents at the hotel. If there truly was an accidental fire, the insurance company will likely pay for the hotel for all occupants of the house. You say you've seen proof...did he drive you buy a burned house and say that is where they lived? Or do you have more proof than that? I notice you haven't been back to the thread. I hope that you are safe. Edited February 15, 2020 by greymatter 1
Miss Spider Posted February 15, 2020 Posted February 15, 2020 (edited) Is there evidence that this is a common strategy of predators - I mean other than exploiting someone for a place to stay - to move in/stay at the person’s house to harm them? I guess it just seems like the least effective strategy to me and I’m not understanding the danger would be any different than if they were just staying the night. I’d imagine a predator would want to leave as little footprint as possible, not moving their stuff in etc . But then again I don’t know much about it Edited February 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough
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