Cold approaching attractive woman at grocery store anxiety

[Ellener]

4 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said:

it's a given common understanding that if you're in a nice car asking for directions, you are NOT asking for directions.

I would be, I get lost all the time!

Hell there are many days I can't even leave my room with this illness...

I might be mentally ill but I'm not going to be stupid or unhealthy with it 

47 minutes ago, preraph said:

Just don't pull over and ask a woman on the street for directions if she's 20-something or vice may think you're trolling for prostitutes.

And you might well be if @markclemson is true, 'women of loose morals'.

Be of whatever morals you like, just don't get to where it's no longer your 'choice' is my advice.

@markclemson, you do not show up on here typing that, what's that about?

[preraph]

Mark is a realist.

[Interstellar]

2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

I've lived here all my life...Its not anything "about me" as I don't engage women in stores and restaurants, etc, but have witnessed women here that knock the dick in of guys like you for more years than you can imagine......But it's probably fair to say that anywhere in MI doesn't really compare to here...so who knows what happens there?

TFY

Geography definitely  plays a huge role and influences how women act and respond. Having said that, sometimes I’d be surprised by a woman saying hi and being friendly towards me. And it’s usually when I’m least prepared too ie..when I have some facial hair and haven’t shaved, yikes. So now I try and be presentable whenever I go out. And therein lies the beauty of dating, the mystery of not knowing when you might meet that someone. When God or that somebody upstairs who’s always looking out for you decides to align the stars, constellations,  and put the odds in your favor this time. If somebody has to win the lottery it might as well be me.

Edited February 14, 2020 by Interstellar

[SumGuy]

17 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

This made me laugh a bit. He’s hot  = it’s okay. He’s average= ew he’s going to kill me 

And that is how Ted Bundy got a lot of his victims, as he was considered handsome 

[preraph]

Yep. The best con artists are extremely charming. 

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, Ellener said:

And what use is she [scantily-clad 20 something] going to add to your life?

Ooh, I can think of a few things...  

[mark clemson]

1 hour ago, Ellener said:

@markclemson, you do not show up on here typing that, what's that about?

Do @mark then a space then a c...

[2BGoodAgain]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

And that is how Ted Bundy got a lot of his victims, as he was considered handsome 

true true...

but as i always tell my younger male friends... the difference between seduction and a time w/bubba in prison is...whether she likes you or not..

[basil67]

7 hours ago, ChatroomHero said:

Average is still a level of attraction. You are still basing your decision on looks, just saying you prefer the guy that's not too good looking, or not the hot guy but the average guy. What about the below average guy? All I am saying is you are still basing your decision on looks but rebuking a guy that initially bases his approach on your looks. So you are saying you filter out a hot guy but guys are wrong for filtering you in for being hot? hmmm. Seems like a double standard to allow yourself to factor in looks hot vs average and not allow a guy the same lattitude..

I think you missed where I said that I knew a guy who had an obvious facial deformity who I would have dated had I been single.   I also have dated men who are inches shorter than me.   The average guy in the bar who I mentioned....it's the aforementioned smile (shows that he's a friendly guy) and demeanor which attracts me...it's not his looks.   

Suggest you read more carefully before accusing me of double standards. 

[Miss Spider]

10 hours ago, ChatroomHero said:

Well, if a guy is not in a circle swimming with 20-30 single women, his odds are 0 unless he initiates. He will ask the woman out for a date because that is where and how you get to know her. It's fine if you don't want to date that guy. I wonder if when you go out though you dress up and try to be as attractive as you can be. If so, who are you trying to attract, just guys you already know?

What I am getting at is any guy that approaches you and asks you out that you do not know is doing it for one superficial reason or another. If it's a guy that gets to know you over time, I guarantee the reason he "got to know you" is because he was attracted to you. 

Many guys won't leave it to chance that somehow, someway they will meet someone through a friend and form a connection over time with someone that likes them in return. The chances of that happening are probably 1 in 100. The chances of that person they meet being interested in them are probably 1 in 100 as well. Not great odds. So that's why we see women that we are attracted to and say, I want to get to know her. I expect if it was incumbent on you to initiate dates, you might think differently.

Oh okay I see what you mean. What I meant was that while the bolded may be true, I know with almost certainty  a guy who approaches me out of nowhere at the gas pump is doing so for superficial reasons. Yes, the guy at the con who talks to me about games might be. the guy at school who is talking to about coursework might be, the guy at the live music event who is talking about the band we both like, etc. But I don’t know that because there is actually something there for us to form a connection on and what they are leading with is not superficial. That’s all I meant.

Edited February 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[max3732]

28 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh okay I see what you mean. What I meant was that while the bolded may be true, I know with almost certainty  a guy who approaches me out of nowhere at the gas pump is doing so for superficial reasons. Yes, the guy at the con who talks to me about games might be. the guy at school who is talking to about coursework might be, the guy at the live music event who is talking about the band we both like, etc. But I don’t know that because there is actually something there for us to form a connection on and what they are leading with is not superficial. That’s all I meant.

How do you know that for sure? A lot of guys are really interested in cars and maybe he just wants to ask something about the one your driving. Or maybe he likes your shirt or whatever. I struck up a conversation with a woman who was much older that I had no interest in because she almost had the same car as me and I wondered what she thought of hers. 

At the grocery store there are a lot of different food items and sometimes you might actually have a question about something or looking for a recipe. Onetime I bought a pie pumpkin and some other incredients for pumpkin soup and the cashier asked me what I was making and I told her about the soup and she was surprised to find out there are cooking pumpkins.

I find I get into great conversations with people when there is a legitimate reason for the conversation (like cashier, bank teller, receptionist, etc), but of course it's their job to talk to me. In fact I've been having great conversations with this pretty woman at the pro shop, but I can't tell if she's just doing her job or not. To go back to my OP what's really hard for me is to just go up to someone because she's attractive and try to force a conversation. Sounds like there is a lot of division about whether that's appropriate to do or not.

[preraph]

Finding something in common like that is the best way to talk to and meet people. I mean you have to have something in common or it's not going to work anyway. the more people you talk to or managed to make friends with the bigger your circle will be and the time to do that is when you're young because the older you get the harder it gets.

[Miss Spider]

38 minutes ago, max3732 said:

How do you know that for sure? A lot of guys are really interested in cars and maybe he just wants to ask something about the one your driving. Or maybe he likes your shirt or whatever. I struck up a conversation with a woman who was much older that I had no interest in because she almost had the same car as me and I wondered what she thought of hers. 

At the grocery store there are a lot of different food items and sometimes you might actually have a question about something or looking for a recipe. Onetime I bought a pie pumpkin and some other incredients for pumpkin soup and the cashier asked me what I was making and I told her about the soup and she was surprised to find out there are cooking pumpkins.

I find I get into great conversations with people when there is a legitimate reason for the conversation (like cashier, bank teller, receptionist, etc), but of course it's their job to talk to me. In fact I've been having great conversations with this pretty woman at the pro shop, but I can't tell if she's just doing her job or not.  To go back to my OP what's really hard for me is to just go up to someone because she's attractive and try to force a conversation. Sounds like there is a lot of division about whether that's appropriate to do or not.

It’s not hard to tell at all. When a man approaches me at the grocery store and asks me which brand of ketchup I like and then segues into asking me if I like to get coffee, I know with almost certainly why. I also know if they genuinely want a recipe or something. In the rare case that the woman socially inept  enough to figure it out, all the mystery is shattered you ask for her number. It’s forced because you are not actually interested in whatever topic you are reaching for, you are interested in her because you find her cute, and that’s usually why it feels uncomfortable. If you really are interested in this girl at the gas pump’s Honda Civic, Ok cool, but going back to my original response, these are not typically social venues. That doesn’t mean people don’t socialize there, but many people just want to get their business done and leave. Same with employees at the store. They are paid to be polite and friendly to customers. Why not hit on women at places where people are there to socialize? 
Just saying how it makes some people feel uncomfortable and the most likely reason(s) why. Obviously, you still seem set on doing it and that’s fine. Some will be receptive to it and some not. 

Edited February 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[mortensorchid]

I agree that if you are working up your confidence then you should not just chat with women who you think are attractive but others around you.  This will help you feel good about yourself and not be afraid to talk to others about things whether it's work or personal.  I heard somewhere that people used to be able to meet others while grocery shopping, but not anymore.  When Whole Foods started up it kind of brought back this lost "cruising" while grocery shopping.  I have never, though, as far as I know, met someone who actually made or did get a cold approach while grocery shopping.  There is a Whole Foods nearby who has a coffee shop / trivia night thing but I have never frequented it.  

But good for you for trying. 

[thefooloftheyear]

12 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s not hard to tell at all. When a man approaches me at the grocery store and asks me which brand of ketchup I like and then segues into asking me if I like to get coffee, I know with almost certainly why. I also know if they genuinely want a recipe or something. In the rare case that the woman socially inept  enough to figure it out, all the mystery is shattered you ask for her number. It’s forced because you are not actually interested in whatever topic you are reaching for, you are interested in her because you find her cute, and that’s usually why it feels uncomfortable. If you really are interested in this girl at the gas pump’s Honda Civic, Ok cool, but going back to my original response, these are not typically social venues. That doesn’t mean people don’t socialize there, but many people just want to get their business done and leave. Same with employees at the store. They are paid to be polite and friendly to customers. Why not hit on women at places where people are there to socialize? 
Just saying how it makes some people feel uncomfortable and the most likely reason(s) why. Obviously, you still seem set on doing it and that’s fine. Some will be receptive to it and some not. 

No guy on Earth will give a shyt about what ketchup you like...You could have saved  step(s)...

TFY

[Andy_K]

19 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh okay I see what you mean. What I meant was that while the bolded may be true, I know with almost certainty  a guy who approaches me out of nowhere at the gas pump is doing so for superficial reasons. Yes, the guy at the con who talks to me about games might be. the guy at school who is talking to about coursework might be, the guy at the live music event who is talking about the band we both like, etc. But I don’t know that because there is actually something there for us to form a connection on and what they are leading with is not superficial. That’s all I meant.

In both cases you can be almost 100% sure you're being talked to because the guy finds you attractive. The only difference is, the guy at the supermarket has to go in blind, whilst the one at the con already knows something you both have in common so has an easy way to open. Want proof? Ask a really unattractive friend how often guys start conversations with her.

[preraph]

13 minutes ago, Andy_K said:

In both cases you can be almost 100% sure you're being talked to because the guy finds you attractive. The only difference is, the guy at the supermarket has to go in blind, whilst the one at the con already knows something you both have in common so has an easy way to open. Want proof? Ask a really unattractive friend how often guys start conversations with her.

I am 67 and huge fat and I talk to people out in public all the time and men open doors for me and sometimes chat or offer to help me in the grocery store, men and women, to reach something (I'm on a scooter in the grocery store).  Servers are always talking my ear off.  My mechanics talk my ear off, all of them, and one asks me if I'm going to an upcoming car show or auction .  Friendly people talk to other friendly people, whether it's about wanting to boink them or not.  

 

I agree that if you are stunning, then probably most men are talking to you with the hope you will rub some of that off on them, but there are naturally social people out there who are just friendly too, at least where I live in Texas.  I've heard not so much in NY.  I found LA to be very friendly years ago.

[Ami1uwant]

19 hours ago, max3732 said:

How do you know that for sure? A lot of guys are really interested in cars and maybe he just wants to ask something about the one your driving. Or maybe he likes your shirt or whatever. I struck up a conversation with a woman who was much older that I had no interest in because she almost had the same car as me and I wondered what she thought of hers. 

At the grocery store there are a lot of different food items and sometimes you might actually have a question about something or looking for a recipe. Onetime I bought a pie pumpkin and some other incredients for pumpkin soup and the cashier asked me what I was making and I told her about the soup and she was surprised to find out there are cooking pumpkins.

I find I get into great conversations with people when there is a legitimate reason for the conversation (like cashier, bank teller, receptionist, etc), but of course it's their job to talk to me. In fact I've been having great conversations with this pretty woman at the pro shop, but I can't tell if she's just doing her job or not. To go back to my OP what's really hard for me is to just go up to someone because she's attractive and try to force a conversation. Sounds like there is a lot of division about whether that's appropriate to do or not.

The problem I have....teller and cashier are usually social and friendlier personalitiesso it’s hard to read is there something there or is it just her doing her job.  

 

I recalled one one woman I was interested in collegeand she was single we had good chemistry in talking but I observed similarity when we talked with a group of people we all knew.  If I felt me and her was different I’d asked her out but never did.  

 

The key is see how she interacts with others.

 

 

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

20 hours ago, preraph said:

Finding something in common like that is the best way to talk to and meet people. I mean you have to have something in common or it's not going to work anyway. the more people you talk to or managed to make friends with the bigger your circle will be and the time to do that is when you're young because the older you get the harder it gets.

True,..more friends the more likely  to be networked

I don’t know how old you are but it gets harder as you get older and married and kidsthe friends won’t get together as much and friends get married so set up and networking gets harder. If you got married mid 20s and divorce late 30s or early 40s it becomes harder to meet people. They aren’t as fee or as social as early 20s

 

[preraph]

It's true whether you have kids or not.  I don't have kids and it is hard for me because my friends did have kids.  If you have kids, you can at least find a multitude of ways and reasons to network with other parents, play dates, trade off sitting, parties, school things.  They're not always going to have a lot in common with you (so my best friend has said) like your old friends do, but it's good to have friends and maybe over time they will grow on you. 

[Interstellar]

“How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice, hi nice to meet you...what’s your name?“