Timshel Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 38 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said: Thinking I would reject a woman because she came up to me and said, "Hey, I think you are attractive. My name is Amy" and me responding, "I am at the top of my field and very well respected for my talent and ingenuity on highly technical projects, I am great with kids and animals and I play in multiple sports leagues and I have an amazing sense of humor, good day to you, woman!!!" is just crazy. I certainly will not speak for basil, but I will say that you are a guy that seems to expect a woman to think and act like a guy. When would a woman even say or do that? Why do some men think/expect a woman to even be thinking this way? No, the majority of women, despite the attention seekers that you read online do.not walk about their day checking dudes out...hunting for men like rabid wolves. Why is this idea prevalent among some men, too many, it's as though online dating and some forums/porn have led some men down an disillusioned path. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 On the surface it doesn't seem so terrible, if its not too intrusive...But the main problem I have seen when I witnessed it, was that the guy wasn't reading the obvious signals or even assessing the situation properly....To use the term..."eyes bigger than the stomach" comes to mind... Just cold approaching an attractive woman isn't a very good way to assess a potential mate....First off you have no idea what she likes in a guy and no idea what she's into or not...And this isn't something that only guys do...Women do it as well, just not as often... Just a few weeks ago, while in line at a place to get lunch...There was an attractive woman in the line, head in her cell, and this idiot, starts talking to her about how Ozzy Osbourne has Parkinson's and did she know this and blah, blah...he's obviously trying to schmooze and she isn't even giving eye contact, as she is trying to ignore him...She looked to me like maybe a woman on business from Europe and id doubt she even knew who Ozzy was...or at least wasn't a fan...He keeps on and on... Best bet is if you are going to do this, don't just pick a random place like a supermarket...If you were at....say a Star Wars convention, well at least you know going in that there is probably some common ground... TFY 3
Miss Spider Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, ChatroomHero said: So you're saying any guy you find unattractive in the appearance category, as long as he is nice to you and you have something in common and have a decent conversation, you would date? You've never seen a guy on the street or in a bar and thought, he's hot! I'd love to meet him? You have never panned some dude because you were not attracted to him or found him ugly? Looks and attraction are a major part of a relationship. If a guy approaches you based on being attracted to you, how is that different than if he finds you completely repulsive but sees you're reading a book he liked? Does either define you in your entirety or make him any less superficial? No, either of those reasons are just the thing that made him notice you. Looks matter to everyone and the people that say they don't count in a big way in a relationship are either low on self-confidence or not being honest. Thinking I would reject a woman because she came up to me and said, "Hey, I think you are attractive. My name is Amy" and me responding, "I am at the top of my field and very well respected for my talent and ingenuity on highly technical projects, I am great with kids and animals and I play in multiple sports leagues and I have an amazing sense of humor, good day to you, woman!!!" is just crazy. I'll tell you something...no man that is NOT attracted to you will ever approach you interested in a date without being drunk and horny. So every man you ever talk to that asks you out on a date thinks you are attractive on a level that he is willing to accept and based a major part of his decision to ask you out on his level of attraction to you. I mean, are you saying if you had a decent conversation with a guy and he said, "Basil67, you are as ugly as a hammerhead shark with acne but we have a lot in common. Do you want to go on a date?"...this would flatter you and the guy would win extra points from you for not asking you out based on looks? I understand not basing a relationship merely on looks but not wanting to be approached by someone simply because the only thing he knows about you is what you look like seems a little extreme. Besides, how do you know the guy wants you until you go on the date? When I ask attractive women out, I hold judgment because like most men over 28 or 29, I know the bat sh*t crazy vs hotness ratio. I don't "want" you just because I approached you and asked you out. I am trying to get a date to find out if you are worth "wanting" and one of my prerequisites is that your beauty will at the minimum level to keep me from throwing you out a window 15 years later when you complain the 8 millionth time that I folded the towels wrong. Don’t see what’s so extreme about only wanting to date someone who wants to get to know you as a human being and not just because some physically-attractive-enough body in their vicinity to the point they have to force a conversation about ketchup. That is what it seems like when guys do that, . If you had run ins your whole life with women like Amy, you might learn to appreciate women who didn’t hit on you in such ways. I think that’s how a lot of women feel Edited February 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
basil67 Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 1 hour ago, ChatroomHero said: So you're saying any guy you find unattractive in the appearance category, as long as he is nice to you and you have something in common and have a decent conversation, you would date? You've never seen a guy on the street or in a bar and thought, he's hot! I'd love to meet him? You have never panned some dude because you were not attracted to him or found him ugly? Actually no, I don't really want the hot guy in the bar. I'm more likely to be attracted to his mate who's a bit more average, but animated with a great smile. I also knew a lovely guy who had a facial deformation. Had I been single I would have dated him. 1 hour ago, ChatroomHero said: I'll tell you something...no man that is NOT attracted to you will ever approach you interested in a date without being drunk and horny. So every man you ever talk to that asks you out on a date thinks you are attractive on a level that he is willing to accept and based a major part of his decision to ask you out on his level of attraction to you. I mean, are you saying if you had a decent conversation with a guy and he said, "Basil67, you are as ugly as a hammerhead shark with acne but we have a lot in common. Do you want to go on a date?"...this would flatter you and the guy would win extra points from you for not asking you out based on looks? As for the rest, you need to remember that a lot of women have choice. I've never needed to consider cold approach guys because I've met men through friends, work, parties etc. I'm a friendly type, so I easily initiate conversation, we start talking, get along really well and then go on a date and may have sex. I simply don't need randoms who come up to me. 1
Baman Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 19 hours ago, gaius said: I think Bamans direct approach would be better received than trying to tie up a woman who's busy shopping for minutes on end with worthless small talk to try and get a repoire going. Quick 10-15 second pitch. But if you feel like you're at the dentist and the drill is coming toward you as you get closer and closer to her in the isle then don't bother. If you can't approach her with confidence and good energy don't impose yourself on her time. It's not going to work. Exactly. I didn't bail her up faking interest in cat food or something, I just out and asked a simple honest question. She asked for my number, i didn't ask for hers. I didn't hang around after either. on another note, I got picked up in a way at a local art store. I noticed a woman looking at me a lot when i was i there, I left and a few hours later i needed something i forgot, went back and she had only gone and left her phone number for me with the guy at the counter. Had a nice date or two. life was easier before dating apps 1
gaius Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 It's not just about looks. The moment my wife and I met in person for the first time is still burned in my brain 5 years later. When she walked through the door our eyes met and it was bluntly clear that we had real, in person chemistry. That special kind of connection. Just those few moments of eye contact and I could feel it. I've lost count of the times I've heard women talk about how they met some guy somewhere and they could tell from the first introduction there was something there. It's a feeling and an energy as well. And if you get a whiff of that, wherever you are, it would be extremely dumb to risk passing it up.
ChatroomHero Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 11 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Don’t see what’s so extreme about only wanting to date someone who wants to get to know you as a human being and not just because some physically-attractive-enough body in their vicinity to the point they have to force a conversation about ketchup. That is what it seems like when guys do that, . If you had run ins your whole life with women like Amy, you might learn to appreciate women who didn’t hit on you in such ways. I think that’s how a lot of women feel Who says because a guy finds you attractive he doesn't want to get to know you? What guy wants to get to know you that finds you unattractive? 1
thefooloftheyear Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 I'll stand by my previous comments, but I do want to add the disclaimer that there are some regional aspects that change things...IME Around here, you just don't want to try this...Women are on guard, on game, have no patience and just generally wouldn't be up for this stuff... That being said. I've been to other places, mostly the South(like Texas/ Carolina's, etc), where women in general are just far more friendly and seemingly flirtatious...I cant tell you the amount of times I have traveled these locales and have had strange women refer to me as "babe" or "sweety" etc....They also will gladly kid around with you if you are the type to initiate that discourse...That doesn't guarantee anything though, but at least they aren't so guarded and hung up about it to the extent where they would look at a guy with a "how dare you" type of attitude like they generally do here... TFY 1
ChatroomHero Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 11 hours ago, basil67 said: Actually no, I don't really want the hot guy in the bar. I'm more likely to be attracted to his mate who's a bit more average, but animated with a great smile. I also knew a lovely guy who had a facial deformation. Had I been single I would have dated him. Average is still a level of attraction. You are still basing your decision on looks, just saying you prefer the guy that's not too good looking, or not the hot guy but the average guy. What about the below average guy? All I am saying is you are still basing your decision on looks but rebuking a guy that initially bases his approach on your looks. So you are saying you filter out a hot guy but guys are wrong for filtering you in for being hot? hmmm. Seems like a double standard to allow yourself to factor in looks hot vs average and not allow a guy the same lattitude..
ChatroomHero Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 11 hours ago, Timshel said: I certainly will not speak for basil, but I will say that you are a guy that seems to expect a woman to think and act like a guy. When would a woman even say or do that? Why do some men think/expect a woman to even be thinking this way? No, the majority of women, despite the attention seekers that you read online do.not walk about their day checking dudes out...hunting for men like rabid wolves. Why is this idea prevalent among some men, too many, it's as though online dating and some forums/porn have led some men down an disillusioned path. When would a woman come up to you and say she finds you attractive and introduce herself? 3 of the last 4 women I dated approached me aggressively and showed interest. I didn't know any of them except one and I only met her twice before for a brief time. The 4th I approached and got her number and for various reasons didn't follow up. She texted me out of the blue 3 months later and asked me out to dinner. So I would say probably more than you think. There was another woman a couple of years ago that did the same and I wasn't interested. I was flattered but not interested. I never thought she was a terrible person for approaching me without knowing me because she found me attractive. But I tend to gravitate towards women that are driven and know what they want and ask for it. The women here complaining about a guy being attracted to them and asking them out based on that are off base. I get that they don't know you but then you are saying because a guy doesn't know you well they should never ask you out. Great if it works for you but at the same time I know you do not say yes to every guy you get a long with that asks you out because, Egads! Physical attraction is not there! At least be honest, physical attraction is a major part of dating if not the major part. I guarantee you have guys in your circle that you get along with and are fun to be around but you would never consider dating, so there's that.
thefooloftheyear Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 If a woman approaches a guy off the street, it may not be that wise on her part, but the reality there is that the guy has literally nothing to be concerned over...If a woman is being approached by men on the street(stores, etc) then there are a myriad of concerns for her....Just being friendly or cordial to the wrong guy could lead to a stalker.....or even worse... You really cant compare dynamics, there....Its apples/oranges, really... TFY 6
Miss Spider Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) 30 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said: Who says because a guy finds you attractive he doesn't want to get to know you? What guy wants to get to know you that finds you unattractive? Said that when a guy hits on a woman out of nowhere it appears he is leading with that and it’s unappealing to many women for that reason. I’m sure plenty of guys still like to get to know someone they are not physically attracted to. Friends? Likewise, plenty of guys be physically attracted to someone but not lead with that. They can find genuine commonalities and develop a connection based on that instead of trying to fabricate it over inane stuff in a short period of time because he is physically attracted to her and wants her number before she can leave Edited February 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough
ChatroomHero Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 13 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: I'll stand by my previous comments, but I do want to add the disclaimer that there are some regional aspects that change things...IME Around here, you just don't want to try this...Women are on guard, on game, have no patience and just generally wouldn't be up for this stuff... That being said. I've been to other places, mostly the South(like Texas/ Carolina's, etc), where women in general are just far more friendly and seemingly flirtatious...I cant tell you the amount of times I have traveled these locales and have had strange women refer to me as "babe" or "sweety" etc....They also will gladly kid around with you if you are the type to initiate that discourse...That doesn't guarantee anything though, but at least they aren't so guarded and hung up about it to the extent where they would look at a guy with a "how dare you" type of attitude like they generally do here... TFY I see this in bars and not other places like stores necessarily. Where I work is right next to one of if not the richest cities in Michigan. I go to the upscale grocery store where oranges cost like $20 to buy lunch a lot. I see many women that are wearing clothes and diamonds that probably double my annual salary. They are the type I would expect to get an immediate eye roll and attitude from. I'd say about 40% of the time one of these women comments on what I am buying or makes some comment when we are at the lunch section about the meal I get. I can't tell you how many times over the last 15 years I have recommended a soup to one of these women based on them not being able to choose. I think to sum up a region by saying these are not the type of women to interact is more on you and your perception than on them and not really fair to them. Some of the women I knew in passing I thought were snooty or eye rollers turned out to be the nicest person once I actually engaged with them. If I were you I would start making excuses why something won't work unless you've tried it. You see that all the time with guys...I can't approach women what should I do? And then they have a reason why any answer given won't work...yet they have never honestly tried it, they have just run through a pretend scenario in their mind and determined the women will reject them because XXX. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
ChatroomHero Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: Hmm, Seems like a straw man. Never said anyone said that. Said that when a guy hits on a woman out of nowhere it appears he is leading with that and it’s unappealing to many women for that reason. I’m sure plenty of guys still like to get to know someone they are not physically attracted to. Friends? Likewise, plenty of guys be physically attracted to someone but not lead with that. They can find genuine commonalities and develop a connection based on that instead of trying to fabricate it over inane stuff in a short period of time because he is physically attracted to her and wants her number Well, if a guy is not in a circle swimming with 20-30 single women, his odds are 0 unless he initiates. He will ask the woman out for a date because that is where and how you get to know her. It's fine if you don't want to date that guy. I wonder if when you go out though you dress up and try to be as attractive as you can be. If so, who are you trying to attract, just guys you already know? What I am getting at is any guy that approaches you and asks you out that you do not know is doing it for one superficial reason or another. If it's a guy that gets to know you over time, I guarantee the reason he "got to know you" is because he was attracted to you. Many guys won't leave it to chance that somehow, someway they will meet someone through a friend and form a connection over time with someone that likes them in return. The chances of that happening are probably 1 in 100. The chances of that person they meet being interested in them are probably 1 in 100 as well. Not great odds. So that's why we see women that we are attracted to and say, I want to get to know her. I expect if it was incumbent on you to initiate dates, you might think differently. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 11 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said: I think to sum up a region by saying these are not the type of women to interact is more on you and your perception than on them and not really fair to them. Some of the women I knew in passing I thought were snooty or eye rollers turned out to be the nicest person once I actually engaged with them. If I were you I would start making excuses why something won't work unless you've tried it. You see that all the time with guys...I can't approach women what should I do? And then they have a reason why any answer given won't work...yet they have never honestly tried it, they have just run through a pretend scenario in their mind and determined the women will reject them because XXX. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. I've lived here all my life...Its not anything "about me" as I don't engage women in stores and restaurants, etc, but have witnessed women here that knock the dick in of guys like you for more years than you can imagine......But it's probably fair to say that anywhere in MI doesn't really compare to here...so who knows what happens there? TFY
mark clemson Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 15 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: This made me laugh a bit. He’s hot = it’s okay. He’s average= ew he’s going to kill me Hahaha I can hear the rage of a thousand men, but hey you’re honest about how you feel This might be a good juncture to point out/reiterate that how women feel about being approached can vary quite a bit depending on the "variables" involved (illustrated in the link in the post below). 1
mark clemson Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I realized the other day I cover myself up with my hoodie at the gas pump when others are around because for some reason guys got this memo that that’s a great place to hit on chicks hahah Yes, were-fawn. They are clueless that you are probably busy and preoccupied. BUT you are stuck there for at least a minute or two while you pump gas. SO, they try anyway. Maladaptive strategy IMO, probably being pursued by those who've had little luck, except maybe with a random hook up or two. Bet the PUA gurus are pushing this approach big-time... "She literally can't leave!" Genius... Edited February 14, 2020 by mark clemson 1
preraph Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 It scares me when anyone comes up on me at the gas pump. It's a place you can get carjacked or robbed. The police will tell you to watch for someone who comes up to distract you while someone else gets in the other side of your car and steals your wallet or your car. I get gas at a Kroger gas station and they let people approach you trying to sell products and I complain about it to them constantly and I'm very rude to those people when they come up to me because it scares me. So I'm saying no to the gas pump approach. 2
mark clemson Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 22 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: They tell guys to not approach women on the street in your Toyota , but stop your Ferrari and ask for directions and they'll hop in and personally navigate you there...But that stuff doesn't matter... 20 hours ago, Ellener said: mature women ( like me! ) don't do that TFY. Where did you meet women who do? Probably very often true, Ellener. To be fair, if I'm cruising around in my Ferrari pretending to need directions (in the day of waize and google maps), I'm not asking mature women. I'm seeking that scantily dressed, easily impressed 20-something with loose morals who's looking for a good time and/or a rich guy to have it with. You can find them almost anywhere if you keep an eye out, although they tend to cluster around universities, or nightclub/bar districts and other "fun zones'. 3 1
preraph Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 When and where I grew up, cruising in muscle cars were our social media. So no one's going to have to approach me if they're in a cool car because I'll be swarming on the car but that doesn't mean I'm trying to hit on the driver necessarily although they've already scored a couple of points for having good taste, especially if it's a classic car. 1
SumGuy Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) 18 hours ago, max3732 said: If there was a woman with a cool car I'd like to strike up a conversation with her about it. If I did that would it be wrong to ask for her number afterwards? If the conversation went really well and she dropped any hints about liking to talk more say you’d like to talk to her more sometime then give her your first and last name and number. Really good if you have a business card. This way she can check you out to make sure you’re not some rando and she is not giving out any of her personal information. Edited February 14, 2020 by SumGuy 1
Ellener Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 20 minutes ago, mark clemson said: To be fair, if I'm cruising around in my Ferrari pretending to need directions (in the day of waize and google maps), I'm not asking mature women. I'm seeking that scantily dressed, easily impressed 20-something with loose morals who's looking for a good time and/or a rich guy to have it with. And what use is she going to add to your life?! Fantasy? Sell your Ferrari, give the money to the homeless, then trade your good self up on the woman front! ( halo slipping...) 1
2BGoodAgain Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Probably very often true, Ellener. To be fair, if I'm cruising around in my Ferrari pretending to need directions (in the day of waize and google maps), I'm not asking mature women. I'm seeking that scantily dressed, easily impressed 20-something with loose morals who's looking for a good time and/or a rich guy to have it with. You can find them almost anywhere if you keep an eye out, although they tend to cluster around universities, or nightclub/bar districts and other "fun zones'. it's a given common understanding that if you're in a nice car asking for directions, you are NOT asking for directions. how do i know this?? yeah, i gave directions to a girl in a very hot car, several times...before one of my buddies told me... dude, she's not looking for directions... Edited February 14, 2020 by 2BGoodAgain
preraph Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 Just don't pull over and ask a woman on the street for directions if she's 20-something or vice may think you're trolling for prostitutes.
2BGoodAgain Posted February 14, 2020 Posted February 14, 2020 21 minutes ago, preraph said: Just don't pull over and ask a woman on the street for directions if she's 20-something or vice may think you're trolling for prostitutes. noted (jotting down notes)....
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