thefooloftheyear Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 (edited) Ive often witnessed guys do this in stores and what not and tbh it makes my skin crawl just observing it....Never once did I happen to see the woman being receptive to it...I don't think too many guys do this..At least guys that have options.. TFY Edited February 13, 2020 by thefooloftheyear 2
Author max3732 Posted February 13, 2020 Author Posted February 13, 2020 8 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: - exactly. Just talk to her like a friend. If you can make a joke, so much the better. "Another day here at Wally World. It's what I live for!" At the end of the conversation, just ask for her phone number. Don't overthink it. It's just really hard for me to think of something to say unless an obvious opportunity presents itself. I've struck up conversations with random people, but talking to someone I'm actually interested in is much more difficult. I think it's not only the fact that I find her attractive, but that I'm going to try and get her number that makes it tough. Maybe I should just focus on the conversation and just let her go if I can't figure out about the number. When I have struck up a conversation it's because of some obvious factor, like this one lady was wearing a T-shirt with a place I had just visited so I asked her about it. Or while I was waiting at the Deli I asked someone the cold cuts she was buying. Another time (not at the grocery store) I asked someone about what she liked at the place and got this long explanation and I would have asked her out but her friend came up and it scared me away. Normally at the store though I see someone attractive and she just walks past me and is there putting things in her cart. Unless I try and stalk her to get behind her in the checkout line it's tough to initiate a conversation. I can't go up and compliment her on her choice of ketchup or something like that. I had tried an exercise class and everyone says to not try and talk to women there. I also did a yoga class and photography class and people say the same thing. With OLD I haven't had any luck. 1
Author max3732 Posted February 13, 2020 Author Posted February 13, 2020 5 hours ago, mark clemson said: So, OP - how about you "flip the script" in order to get more of those social cues mentioned above from women. You don't want a woman thinking "I'm busy shopping, who's this guy pestering me". You want a woman thinking "ooh, he's cute, wish he would talk to me" or similar and then you do. To that end, make yourself as attractive as possible. Haircut, grooming, nice clothes, etc. Also work on your body language (including posture) and gait (the way you walk). You want to give off energy and confidence, essentially saying "I'm a go-getter/stud" non-verbally. It's easier said than done, but work on it over time. Try to be 1% improved every day. There are some threads on how to do this if you search. In part, your nervousness stems from lack of confidence. This is perfectly natural and many if not most people (women too) have this, or at least had it at one point in their lives. If you can improve yourself (appearance, body language, social skills, and general success in life) to the point where the woman are chasing you, you will eventually realize you've changed the game. Then you will probably begin to develop more confidence. Instead of seeing an attractive woman and wondering whether/how to approach, you will go about your business naturally, but in "open/friendly mode". Every so often a woman will start giving off "I think you're cute" cues (eye contact, smiling, starting a spontaneous conversation, etc). YOU will have the option - whether to play along or simply let it pass. You will almost certainly find conversation flows more naturally when you do have a conversation. To wrap up/seal the deal, consider saying "You know, you seem really nice, would you like to have coffee some time?" or similar. If she's really single and likes your social skills (along with the rest of the package you present) there's a decent chance she'll agree. (Sometimes taken women flirt for "validation" but don't have any serious intent - take it in stride when that happens). All of the above is easier said than done, but it is doable for many men. Once it's obvious you're "a catch" women tend to start gravitating towards you of their own accord. (Not all women, just a percent.) Makes these things much easier and also you may wind up with the option to date (and eventually choose between) many available women. It would great to have an attractive woman actually come up to me! Fortunately I'm in fairly good shape (although I have put on a few pounds recently), just got a haircut and usually wear pretty nice clothes and take good care of myself. I don't know about my body language, posture or gait. When I see someone attractive I still get so nervous that I probably don't have the most confident body language. The other day with that woman at the store I wanted to talk to her so badly but like I said I just froze. 1
Ami1uwant Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 11 hours ago, max3732 said: I've tried talking to random strangers and can do that, but trying to talk to someone I find attractive is a whole other ball game. Everyone always says to practice with people you're not interested in, but that hasn't worked for me. Yesterday I saw someone who was really attractive and she even had things in her cart I was thinking I could talk to her about. Then I went up and as I got closer my mind just went blank and I felt like someone knocked the wind out of my sails. So I just walked past her and pretended to be looking at something on the shelf, but I just couldn't figure out what to say and even if I did start a conversation what's the closing line? I think that's the part that trips me up that I don't have with random people I'm not interested in. What about "I've enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your number so we can meet up again" or something like that? I know ehat yyou are going through. I’ve like this too. My other problem is I’m not good at small talk or a smooth talker agoid friend of mi e has the ability to walk up to agal and easily get her number. He’s good looking but a good talker. when I’m met women usually something starts a conversation..not me coming up and hitting on her. start up a conversation like..” how is that you grabbed off the shelf, is that good? “ just have a small conversation and leave it at that. Then try to return to the store around the same time and find her again and just say hello. Se e if a conversation goes anywhere. Then use judgement on asking her out if there is conversation flow. If there isn’t much don’t push it. Maybe it comes another time. 1
CAPSLOCK CROOK Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 There are certain dating apps that you can use that have a 'Bumped Into' feature, where if you are both within an immediate location, the app will go off and tell you, "You've bumped into ---!" You can also set your search range to under 1 KM, then search nearest proximity to you, when you are in a store and see who is closest to you; rather than sending a message to this person, you can then approach them off the basis of them being on whatever dating app you are using "Hi, this might be a little weird, but I noticed you were on --- and decided to come talk to you instead of sending a message, I hope that is ok." If you plan on doing this, make sure your profile is reflecting whatever approach you are choosing to make. I can't remember if Tinder has the bumped into feature, its been so long since I have used it, but I know the app Badoo/Blender has it and most dating apps have a search by proximity anyways.
chillii Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 (edited) After divorce when l hadn't shopped for 21yrs , l hated it , untillllll, l realized it was better than a bar or a date site. But nope l never ever just walked upto someone like that , to me that'd be creeper material, even though l'd had some dangling around me , but women do that , next minute she's married , so l'd just wait and see and look for a rings too haha. Got talking to a few but never asked any numbers though bc none really hit the spot. There was this cashier though and l'd see her all round the place, she knew l liked her but l just observed for awhile then got her at the cashier one day and she was pretty stand offish so l thought ok l gotcha and left it. 3 yrs later and l'm all loved up now , l get her there again, first time in years , and she was very very happy to see me too soooo, maybe she'd split with an ex or something but alas , it was too late. Edited February 13, 2020 by chillii 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 3 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: Ive often witnessed guys do this in stores and what not and tbh it makes my skin crawl just observing it....Never once did I happen to see the woman being receptive to it...I don't think too many guys do this..At least guys that have options.. TFY, is Agree. Literally the ONLY time I've appreciated it was when a man complimented me in the frozen foods section and then just kept walking. I did not feel like I "owed" him anything (other than a thank you) or that he was going to put me on the spot. The danger, though, for a woman, in accepting a compliment, is what if the guy is creepy and takes that as a sign she's interested and she isn't? And if she ignores the man, how is she perceived? There's no good way to go about this unless the woman is first giving YOU attention, in my opinion! 3 1
gaius Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 13 hours ago, max3732 said: Yesterday I saw someone who was really attractive and she even had things in her cart I was thinking I could talk to her about. Then I went up and as I got closer my mind just went blank and I felt like someone knocked the wind out of my sails. So I just walked past her and pretended to be looking at something on the shelf, but I just couldn't figure out what to say and even if I did start a conversation what's the closing line? That's your body telling you that this isn't the person for you. You should listen. When you come across the right one it really won't be that difficult to open your mouth and say something. 4
Ellener Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 5 hours ago, K.K. said: I know I’ll stand in a line a mile long to get the sweet cashier that tells me about her late husband or her puppy and calls me ‘honey’ and always seems so glad to see me, rather than to go to an empty line of a scowling face meanie. yes, it's a wonder why some miserable people work in service industries! But the local supermarket here when I was first ill with anxiety disorder I spent hours there as did a lot of other people affected by the flood. I used to talk to this guy for hours, he told me his life story. All the people know me by name there and have been so kind to me, I'll always try and pay it forward... 2
Ellener Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 4 hours ago, max3732 said: I can't go up and compliment her on her choice of ketchup or something like that. A lady came up to me the other day gave me a hug and said 'you recommended this cheese! I buy it every week now!' Merlot belvitano. Surprising what random connections we make... 5 1
Baman Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 18 hours ago, max3732 said: I've tried talking to random strangers and can do that, but trying to talk to someone I find attractive is a whole other ball game. Everyone always says to practice with people you're not interested in, but that hasn't worked for me. Yesterday I saw someone who was really attractive and she even had things in her cart I was thinking I could talk to her about. Then I went up and as I got closer my mind just went blank and I felt like someone knocked the wind out of my sails. So I just walked past her and pretended to be looking at something on the shelf, but I just couldn't figure out what to say and even if I did start a conversation what's the closing line? I think that's the part that trips me up that I don't have with random people I'm not interested in. What about "I've enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your number so we can meet up again" or something like that? I had a girlfriend for a year or so that I picked up in the cat food isle... After spotting her i just knew I had to ask her out. So i just pushed my trolley down the isle, stopped and said ''Excuse me, um, I am finding you very mesmerizing so I would like to ask if you would be up for a coffee sometime'' She said ''are you some kind of wierdo"? I said ''Not that I am aware of, I'd just like to know you more'' she said ''oh, give me your number and I'll think about it'' An hour later she texted, we set a date had coffee and dated for a year... SO, what is there to lose? She can only say yes or no. No and you are no worse off than before, Yes and your'e a winner. 2
gaius Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 I think Bamans direct approach would be better received than trying to tie up a woman who's busy shopping for minutes on end with worthless small talk to try and get a repoire going. Quick 10-15 second pitch. But if you feel like you're at the dentist and the drill is coming toward you as you get closer and closer to her in the isle then don't bother. If you can't approach her with confidence and good energy don't impose yourself on her time. It's not going to work. 2
kendahke Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 12 hours ago, max3732 said: I can't go up and compliment her on her choice of ketchup or something like that. No, but you can ask her if she knows if that brand makes a sugar free version; that you're trying to cut out sugar to be healthier---but you can't have a cart full of sugary products because then it'd be a disingenuous question.
mark clemson Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 13 hours ago, max3732 said: I don't know about my body language, posture or gait. When I see someone attractive I still get so nervous that I probably don't have the most confident body language. Sounds like you know what you need to work on. Acting, my boy! 3
thefooloftheyear Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 11 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Agree. Literally the ONLY time I've appreciated it was when a man complimented me in the frozen foods section and then just kept walking. I did not feel like I "owed" him anything (other than a thank you) or that he was going to put me on the spot. The danger, though, for a woman, in accepting a compliment, is what if the guy is creepy and takes that as a sign she's interested and she isn't? And if she ignores the man, how is she perceived? There's no good way to go about this unless the woman is first giving YOU attention, in my opinion! What did he say? The melons look nice today? TFY
nospam99 Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 I'm seeing a lot of joking in the responses on this topic. But ... I recall on other topics that posters have thrown in a 'same old' suggestion of the form that guys 'should' make 'cold approaches' in places like the library and .... GROCERY STORE. I think it's fair to generalize this topic by saying that in most cases (unless of course the guy is so hot that the girl is wishing he would cold approach) that the cold approach will be received as creepy and undesirable. So I'd love to see no more suggestions to cold approach ... for the vast majority of 'average' guys it is received by the woman as creepy (for reference, read the female responses on this topic). 2
Ellener Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: Sounds like you know what you need to work on. Acting, my boy! I say this all the time, I'm just a good actress! 1
Ellener Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 6 minutes ago, nospam99 said: I'd love to see no more suggestions to cold approach ... for the vast majority of 'average' guys it is received by the woman as creepy (for reference, read the female responses on this topic). Honey it's not the approach that gets creepy, it's the follow up. I love a man who reaches out to me, is brave, takes a chance, asks openly etc. It's very attractive. Just not so much if they are subsequently obnoxious which for most of us women seems to be they then demand sex and it doesn't feel safe or appropriate.
thefooloftheyear Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, nospam99 said: I'm seeing a lot of joking in the responses on this topic. But ... I recall on other topics that posters have thrown in a 'same old' suggestion of the form that guys 'should' make 'cold approaches' in places like the library and .... GROCERY STORE. I think it's fair to generalize this topic by saying that in most cases (unless of course the guy is so hot that the girl is wishing he would cold approach) that the cold approach will be received as creepy and undesirable. So I'd love to see no more suggestions to cold approach ... for the vast majority of 'average' guys it is received by the woman as creepy (for reference, read the female responses on this topic). NS... If you haven't figured it out yet, (and this isn't just here, but IRL), the advice women give to men on these topics is usually marginally helpful and many times ridiculously terrible... They tell guys one thing and do the complete opposite in real life...You know.."where are all the nice men?"....while they cant keep their eyes off the bad ass outlaw biker or the arrogant macho cop.. Or I am sure perhaps you may have had a woman try to set you up with one of their ugly friends that they have to believe you would never like or want to be with,? Like why would they do that/? They tell guys to not approach women on the street in your Toyota , but stop your Ferrari and ask for directions and they'll hop in and personally navigate you there...But that stuff doesn't matter... Sometimes I believe they actually get a rise out of sending struggling guys on wild goose chases and such,,,,There cant be any other explanation... I could go on, and this isn't a blanket condemnation by someone with an axe to grind, because I don't have one...just something i've observed over the years... TFY Edited February 13, 2020 by thefooloftheyear
ChatroomHero Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 16 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: Ive often witnessed guys do this in stores and what not and tbh it makes my skin crawl just observing it....Never once did I happen to see the woman being receptive to it...I don't think too many guys do this..At least guys that have options.. TFY It has to be fairly organic, forcing it is cringe-worthy. I do find that women and people in general are pretty receptive in lines at a store. Everyone is standing 3 feet from a stranger, forced by the situation. People seem at ease when you break the ice and say something with a smile when they are in lines at the grocery store. I won't look in carts to make comments about what they are buying but if I see her holding taco shells, tacos usually sound awesome so I am not lying when I say, "Oh damn. I should have got tacos instead!". If she is receptive it turns into something where she says, "yeah mine are the best, I use cilantro and .....". To me if you are running numbers and being a creep, you won;t get far. But for a low risk cold approach super market lines are good. Or if you are picking items from the same shelf there are easy cold opens like, "Are those any good?". So for someone like op that struggles with cold opens, there is not a lot of risk of any real "rejection" to the open. 1
gaius Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 I don't think most of the women in this thread would be upset if while shopping they had a guy come up to them, make good eye contact with good energy, and said something like "there's just something about you that makes me want to get to know you better, I'm not going to hold you up but here's my number, send me yours and I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime". Then moved on. You're not putting the woman on the spot or diverting her from her true purpose. There's no pressure. It's just a quick direct to the point audition. And quite frankly that 10 seconds is all the time most women need to decide if their interest might be peaked or not. 1
Timshel Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 (edited) Yeaaah....no. I'm not rude but I have never been receptive for a date to a man in the grocery store, or at the gas pump or any occasion that I am on an errand. It's not creepy but nope. Not the time or place. Edited February 13, 2020 by Timshel 1
Ellener Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said: hey tell guys to not approach women on the street in your Toyota , but stop your Ferrari and ask for directions and they'll hop in and personally navigate you there... mature women ( like me! ) don't do that TFY. Where did you meet women who do? 1 1
basil67 Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: They tell guys to not approach women on the street in your Toyota , but stop your Ferrari and ask for directions and they'll hop in and personally navigate you there...But that stuff doesn't matter... Haha, I look at a guy in a Ferrari and wonder what he's compensating for. If he's also driving aggressively/zipping in and out of lanes, I'll think he's a wanker. Gimme a Toyota driver any day. Edited February 13, 2020 by basil67 1
basil67 Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 2 hours ago, gaius said: I don't think most of the women in this thread would be upset if while shopping they had a guy come up to them, make good eye contact with good energy, and said something like "there's just something about you that makes me want to get to know you better, I'm not going to hold you up but here's my number, send me yours and I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime". Then moved on. Ooooh just did a little vom in my mouth. I would much more likely to be up for it if we'd had a a good conversation and I felt at ease with him. 2 1
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