RecentChange Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 Eh, I am an extrovert. I chat up random strangers in the grocery store all the time. And I have been hit on, and even cold approached - one time a guy walked up to me in the yogurt isle, said I was cute, and wanted to know if he could get my number. I have not creeped out, nor offended, etc. I get it, it's tough out th re for guys. The guy who asked for my number seemed like he had worked up all the courage he had to do that. I told him that I was flattered but married. Other guys usually just try to start a conversation, and then lead it to "what are you doing later" or "could I talk to you again" - I let them down with the not single line. Not all women are creeped out by a guy trying to get their attention. 2
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 I knew a few who worked as stock boys....they had a code they would use/say over the PA if a hot chick was in the store and her location lol. Guys just never quit. 2 1
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 2 minutes ago, RecentChange said: Eh, I am an extrovert. I chat up random strangers in the grocery store all the time. And I have been hit on, and even cold approached - one time a guy walked up to me in the yogurt isle, said I was cute, and wanted to know if he could get my number. I have not creeped out, nor offended, etc. I get it, it's tough out th re for guys. The guy who asked for my number seemed like he had worked up all the courage he had to do that. I told him that I was flattered but married. Other guys usually just try to start a conversation, and then lead it to "what are you doing later" or "could I talk to you again" - I let them down with the not single line. Not all women are creeped out by a guy trying to get their attention. I think it comes with age...being older, I usually commend them on their bravery for taking a chance after I break the news to them I'm married. 2
mark clemson Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 So, OP - how about you "flip the script" in order to get more of those social cues mentioned above from women. You don't want a woman thinking "I'm busy shopping, who's this guy pestering me". You want a woman thinking "ooh, he's cute, wish he would talk to me" or similar and then you do. To that end, make yourself as attractive as possible. Haircut, grooming, nice clothes, etc. Also work on your body language (including posture) and gait (the way you walk). You want to give off energy and confidence, essentially saying "I'm a go-getter/stud" non-verbally. It's easier said than done, but work on it over time. Try to be 1% improved every day. There are some threads on how to do this if you search. In part, your nervousness stems from lack of confidence. This is perfectly natural and many if not most people (women too) have this, or at least had it at one point in their lives. If you can improve yourself (appearance, body language, social skills, and general success in life) to the point where the woman are chasing you, you will eventually realize you've changed the game. Then you will probably begin to develop more confidence. Instead of seeing an attractive woman and wondering whether/how to approach, you will go about your business naturally, but in "open/friendly mode". Every so often a woman will start giving off "I think you're cute" cues (eye contact, smiling, starting a spontaneous conversation, etc). YOU will have the option - whether to play along or simply let it pass. You will almost certainly find conversation flows more naturally when you do have a conversation. To wrap up/seal the deal, consider saying "You know, you seem really nice, would you like to have coffee some time?" or similar. If she's really single and likes your social skills (along with the rest of the package you present) there's a decent chance she'll agree. (Sometimes taken women flirt for "validation" but don't have any serious intent - take it in stride when that happens). All of the above is easier said than done, but it is doable for many men. Once it's obvious you're "a catch" women tend to start gravitating towards you of their own accord. (Not all women, just a percent.) Makes these things much easier and also you may wind up with the option to date (and eventually choose between) many available women.
ChatroomHero Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 52 minutes ago, basil67 said: The grocery store approaches I've had have all been by guys who were clueless or creepy. Yeah, you have to make the comment and let it stand on it's own. I have never gotten a bad reaction but you have to read the room and see if any follow up conversation is warranted. Like I'll say it and it might get a little smile and, "I know, me too!" and she turns away and it ends there. Other times I get a little more engaging reply that can keep the convo going. It all comes down to reading the response and not just saying something that gets just any kind of response and you think that means automatic interest in continuing. To me it's like being anywhere else and saying "hi". Pretty much everyone will say "hi" back and it doesn't mean you have an in, that's when you'd get creepy if that's your MO. If she is interested you'll get a little more than a "hi" in return and you just have to pick up n it properly. 5
preraph Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 In a grocery store, if you did talk about what to cook, you could ask them to send a recipe. 1
Ellener Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 44 minutes ago, smackie9 said: I have been cold approached in the grocery store a few times...I didn't like it. I think I wrote about this before, this guy came up to me in a supermarket, asked for my number which I gave him and we talked on the phone. He seemed 'normal' enough but I wasn't interested in casual sex, so then he started to send me explicit text messages to 'convince' me or something. He was a huge guy, fitness trainer, and I would not have felt safe alone with him by this point. Finally I told him, enough, I will send the next message to everyone on my phone. I asked my doctor about it later and he said 'it's inappropriate to approach someone in the grocery store.' Funnily enough I found it refreshing that the guy was up front, except he really wasn't. He just wanted sex and didn't even know how to go about that appropriately... 2
Silver_star Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 A lot of women are going to have different experiences. Meeting women at a grocery store and meeting eyes happens, but please don't follow around women you find attractive with the intention of complimenting them, and getting their phone number. Join a club or a find a way to interact with people with similar interests and try to find an actual connection, not a forced one. At least OLD gives women a way of looking into a guy before responding to messages or seemingly innocent compliments before being totally stalked. This past November I was approached in a grocery store by a guy, that was not bad looking...and he complimented my outfit in a polite way, but in an obvious way that he was complimenting my body, which i thought was bold and gave him points for compliments. I gave him my number. HUGE mistake. The guy was a total creep. He asked for nudes the second I got home from the grocery store and sent crazy unsolicited pics, and called over and over again even after I told him I was not interested in him, and I blocked his number, he would leave messages saying that I owed him a date because I gave him my number so I must have thought he was attractive. He was a crazy person...and I am sure he is the exception to the men out there trolling supermarkets for women, some may be well intended, but you never know once the rejection hits who they will become. Please just go online dating. Women feel safer there because they can get a chance to ask you questions and field out the crazies before sharing their number or meeting up. I will never give my number to a stranger in the store again no matter what he looks like, or allow an OLD to know where I live before I know them more. 1
Ellener Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Silver_star said: HUGE mistake. The guy was a total creep. He asked for nudes the second I got home from the grocery store and sent crazy unsolicited pics, and called over and over again even after I told him I was not interested in him, and I blocked his number, he would leave messages saying that I owed him a date because I gave him my number so I must have thought he was attractive. That was similar to my experience. I do trust my instincts mostly but a lot of times men hitting on women just aren't clued up about how much risk we might be in if we are alone as a woman with a strange man. That said, I've been in many situations in life and the only man who ever physically hurt me was married to me. 1 hour ago, Silver_star said: you never know once the rejection hits who they will become. Exactly. I found out the guy who approached me and sent all the obnoxious texts was the friend of a friend I had a brief relationship with before and whilst it's nice to be validated for sexual performance ( ! ) I told that friend, what the hell are you trying to do, pimp me out?! And then he confessed he was already married. Nice... Dear oh dear. 1
mark clemson Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 2 hours ago, Silver_star said: He was a crazy person...and I am sure he is the exception to the men out there trolling supermarkets for women, some may be well intended, but you never know once the rejection hits who they will become. I would guess a few of these guys "burn the turf" for other men, and women have bad experiences and then feel much less safe or interested if another guy approaches them. I.e. they've learn (overgeneralize) from a bad experience like this that men who do this are bad news. Kind of like a small percentage of drivers make freeway driving seem (and actually be) much less safe than it otherwise would be. Just 2% of drivers or whatever, but they make a big difference in terms of negative perceptions. Would you say that's correct? 3
basil67 Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 Aren't all the guys who do cold approaches trolling for women? All that stuff about how it's a numbers game sounds very much like trolling. 1 2
preraph Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 6 hours ago, K.K. said: The best is when you’re going to get a cart and you’re trying to find one that the wheel isn’t all gimped up on and you’ll commiserate with just about anybody because you have that thing in common of the carts sucking and you’re searching for the needle in a haystack together. So you pick one and laugh and go on your way and then all the way through the store you’re meeting your cart buddy in the aisles and giggling and asking if their carts holding up ok and high-five’ing. K.K. I wonder if you and I are creeping out some of the feinter hearted! Nah. Because like you said, later you pass them and they're friendly. That reminded me of a good shopping cart story. Once about every 10 years, I used to get weak-kneed over a cowboy type. One worked in the warehouse where I was a buyer for awhile. He rigged up a shopping cart in the warehouse for me to take inventory on. It was hilarious. He said give him some baling wire and clippers and he can make me anything my little heart desires. He ended up tying the boards onto the basket with rope. It slipped once, and he said, “If we can’t tie it down, we’ll choke it into submission.” After that, we had spontaneous bouts of singing Patsy Cline to each other. I love a guy who can rig something up and sing Patsy Cline, I'm not gonna lie.
The Outlaw Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 But sometimes striking up a random, friendly conversation with a total stranger CAN make their day (it has mine several times over) and there's nothing wrong with trying even if you don't get anywhere with them. Move onto the next one. And the next. Eventually someone will want to banter with you. 5
kendahke Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 6 hours ago, Pleasant-Sage said: There's nothing weird about inquiring what type of perfume she's wearing as a conversation starter. If she's wearing it that heavy, it's quite possible she's doing so to attract men anyways. No, that's not the reason. It could be she thinks it's not as strong as it's coming across... or that day, she has a stuffy nose and couldn't smell how strong it was. A direct gaze is an unmistakable sign that a woman is interested. I can remember last year when going to a business appointment, a man complimented me on my outfit and I thanked him for the kind words. Thing is, he didn't then try to ask for my number---had he done that, I'd think he was a creep. But the compliment on its own, for me, wasn't creepy. I've also had a gentleman compliment me on the Amber oil I was wearing that day and also thanked him for the compliment and told him where he could order some. He didn't ask for my number, either, which was fine because I wouldn't have given a stranger my number. I wasn't wearing it to attract anyone--I just love the smell of Amber oil. It really depends upon the woman, her mood at that moment and how you approach and how quickly you retreat if she's not there for it. It's nice you think so and a thank you from her is suffice, but that doesn't translate into her being obligated to giving you her number. 1
kendahke Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, The Outlaw said: But sometimes striking up a random, friendly conversation with a total stranger CAN make their day it did for me today... and MAN! was he foine!!!!! He mentioned he parked in the same garage as my job everyday because it's cheaper than other garages, so hopefully I will run into his foine self again. 3 2
preraph Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 ^ That's true. There was a guy selling Direct TV at Sam's one day and we somehow got to talking and talked for I bet 30 minutes. He was a young veteran. He gave me his number if I ever wanted to talk. That was in the last few months. Years before, there was a young guy selling phones there and same thing happened and he told me all about his horrible abuse at the hands of his mother. I don't think he ever had told anyone before. She actually used to choke him and stuff. We got talking about it because she lived near where I grew up, I think. Anyway, I talked and talked to him trying to make him feel better and give him some advice. I got the feeling he'd never talked to anyone about it. I sure hope he got some help. I gave him my number, but don't think he ever called. 1
preraph Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, kendahke said: it did for me today... and MAN! was he foine!!!!! He mentioned he parked in the same garage as my job everyday because it's cheaper than other garages, so hopefully I will run into his foine self again. Reel him in, Kendahke!! Start carrying a bag of cookies or something and if you see him, tell him you don't guess you'd be a very good parking neighbor if you didn't offer him one. 1 1
K.K. Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 15 minutes ago, preraph said: K.K. I wonder if you and I are creeping out some of the feinter hearted! Nah. Because like you said, later you pass them and they're very friendly! Yea, it’s almost like a bonding thing. You may never see this person again, but for that half hour, they’re your friend. It feels good and it makes them feel good. Sure some are more receptive than others though. I’m pretty good at reading who would rather be left alone thankfully lol. 8 minutes ago, The Outlaw said: But sometimes striking up a random, friendly conversation with a total stranger CAN make their day (it has mine several times over) and there's nothing wrong with trying even if you don't get anywhere with them. Move onto the next one. And the next. Eventually someone will want to banter with you. It’s true. I think every one just wants to know that they matter. I genuinely care about what they have to say and i like them to know that not everyone in the world is unfriendly just in case they think that they are. It works the other way around too. For some reason, an unfriendly rude cashier can seriously get me on a tangent wondering what I did or said or didn’t say to cause them to be that way to me. But it’s not me. It’s them. And I have to remember that. They might have issues they’re dealing with. I know I’ll stand in a line a mile long to get the sweet cashier that tells me about her late husband or her puppy and calls me ‘honey’ and always seems so glad to see me, rather than to go to an empty line of a scowling face meanie. 4
kendahke Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 9 minutes ago, preraph said: Reel him in, Kendahke!! Start carrying a bag of cookies or something and if you see him, tell him you don't guess you'd be a very good parking neighbor if you didn't offer him one. Yaaaaaaaass!!! Good idea!! 1
mark clemson Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 17 minutes ago, kendahke said: it did for me today... and MAN! was he foine!!!!! He mentioned he parked in the same garage as my job everyday because it's cheaper than other garages, so hopefully I will run into his foine self again. See OP - this is how you want the women in your environment to be thinking of you... 1 1
preraph Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, K.K. said: It works the other way around too. For some reason, an unfriendly rude cashier can seriously get me on a tangent wondering what I did or said or didn’t say to cause them to be that way to me. But it’s not me. It’s them. Oh, that happened to me a couple of months ago at Sephora. This girl had been working there a while because I recognized her. I have trouble staying on my feet, some days worse than others, so I asked her to help me find a color lip gloss and she brought some that were too dark so had to send her back, but I mean, that's what she's paid for. Anyway, the second bunch she just laid there and left. And on my way to the register, I told her, I found one. And she said, real nastily, FINALLY. What a little jerk. I was in there recently and she didn't act that way at the register, but I bet she would if she had to help again. 1
preraph Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 I'm always striking up conversations with cute guys I meet in these situations in retail or restaurants and wishing I had a young female friend to fix them up with.
The Outlaw Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 10 minutes ago, K.K. said: Yea, it’s almost like a bonding thing. You may never see this person again, but for that half hour, they’re your friend. It feels good and it makes them feel good. Sure some are more receptive than others though. I’m pretty good at reading who would rather be left alone thankfully lol. It’s true. I think every one just wants to know that they matter. I genuinely care about what they have to say and i like them to know that not everyone in the world is unfriendly just in case they think that they are. It works the other way around too. For some reason, an unfriendly rude cashier can seriously get me on a tangent wondering what I did or said or didn’t say to cause them to be that way to me. But it’s not me. It’s them. And I have to remember that. They might have issues they’re dealing with. I know I’ll stand in a line a mile long to get the sweet cashier that tells me about her late husband or her puppy and calls me ‘honey’ and always seems so glad to see me, rather than to go to an empty line of a scowling face meanie. I had an older lady approach me in a grocery store in mid August last year that just struck up a conversation with me. And everything she said was what I needed to hear. IRL, I have to warm up to people because I just don't trust easily or at all. But again, sometimes striking up a conversation with a random stranger will do so much more than make their day. 3
Pleasant-Sage Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 1 hour ago, mark clemson said: I would guess a few of these guys "burn the turf" for other men, and women have bad experiences and then feel much less safe or interested if another guy approaches them. I.e. they've learn (overgeneralize) from a bad experience like this that men who do this are bad news. Kind of like a small percentage of drivers make freeway driving seem (and actually be) much less safe than it otherwise would be. Just 2% of drivers or whatever, but they make a big difference in terms of negative perceptions. Would you say that's correct? Perhaps it's not overgeneralization as much as it is a lot of women just enjoy playing games and fantasizing about being desired before hand. 1
Recommended Posts