Jeho96 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 I am trying to figure this guy out. He's a friend of a friend and we've known each other in passing if you would. Had conversations about this and that. Anyway I noticed a bit of a trend and that there's times he'll avoid eye contact. It isn't something I've done as let's say we're all outside doing whatever. He'll be fine the first time or second conversation, eye contact but then won't and sometimes his avoiding behavior is quite obvious. I would question him but at the same time am not sure if seeing things as they say.
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Maybe he's not interested, or is annoyed or he's bored at your conversation. I know when my bf starts going on and on about something I am not interested about I don't look at him in the eyes. He caught on to that a while ago lol 2
stillafool Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Are you saying when you are talking to him he will not hold eye contact?
stillafool Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Maybe he's not interested, or is annoyed or he's bored at your conversation. I know when my bf starts going on and on about something I am not interested about I don't look at him in the eyes. He caught on to that a while ago lol Yeah, I do this too. LOL 1
Author Jeho96 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 I could agree if it was an ongoing conversation but it isn't. At a bbq Let's say conversation one, eye contact, is at eleven. Conversation two, eye contact, is at noon. Conversation three, no eye contact, is a bit later. They're not boring, said in passing, conversations and usually too short to become gods will she just shut up lol.
Gaeta Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Is he of the same culture as you? I once dated a man that would never look at me straight in the eyes. I made a comment and he said in his culture it was a disrespect to look straight in the eyes of someone and it was deserving of a slap from your parent if you dared try.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 I'd quit initiating conversation and let him initiate if he's up for chatting. He's either bored, annoyed, has social anxiety to a degree or lacks social skills. 1
Author Jeho96 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 13 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: I'd quit initiating conversation and let him initiate if he's up for chatting. He's either bored, annoyed, has social anxiety to a degree or lacks social skills. We both initiate chats, I never said just me as the initiator.
Author Jeho96 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 23 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Is he of the same culture as you? I once dated a man that would never look at me straight in the eyes. I made a comment and he said in his culture it was a disrespect to look straight in the eyes of someone and it was deserving of a slap from your parent if you dared try. That's the thing, he is. I've been told by others that I've a "piercing" gaze (someone told me I'd get into "trouble" around here cause of it) and I wonder if I am making him nervous without intent.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 3 minutes ago, Jeho96 said: We both initiate chats, I never said just me as the initiator. I never said that, either. 1
stillafool Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 59 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Is he of the same culture as you? I once dated a man that would never look at me straight in the eyes. I made a comment and he said in his culture it was a disrespect to look straight in the eyes of someone and it was deserving of a slap from your parent if you dared try. I'm from the south and some men think that looking a woman in the eye too long while talking is inappropriate unless you're trying to show interest.
stillafool Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 36 minutes ago, Jeho96 said: That's the thing, he is. I've been told by others that I've a "piercing" gaze (someone told me I'd get into "trouble" around here cause of it) and I wonder if I am making him nervous without intent. That would make anyone nervous. It's one thing to look but to gaze with piercing eyes can create anxiety. I would avoid eye contact too.
Miss Spider Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) Maybe because too much eye contact can make people uncomfortable Edited February 11, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
basil67 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) I have rubbish eye contact and so does my daughter. I hold gaze for small amounts of time but frequently find myself looking in other directions while having discussion. And don't ask me to do eye contact during sex . But I'm not bored, annoyed, I don't have a social skill disorder and no anxiety. Don't make the mistake of thinking that a person's eye gaze is necessarily a reflection of them or their feelings. If he's bored with you, you'll see it through his general lack of interest in conversations If he's annoyed, he will be snippy with you. If he's anxious, you'll see it through his nervousness or anxiety If he's got poor social skills, it will be obvious in many ways other than eye contact. And I would guess that he could no sooner improve his eye contact than you could lessen the intensity of your own. Edited February 11, 2020 by basil67
Author Jeho96 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) As Basil said there's other cues to him being bored or annoyed. I know when he's bored or annoyed... and he's not at these times. I could blame my own gaze but he holds eye contact other times. But the thing is, is he can maintain eye contact for one or two conversations. Past that it wanes Someone told me he drinks (never seen it or signs of it) and am wondering if he's avoiding to stop from giving himself "away" (interest) if you would. Edited February 11, 2020 by Jeho96
basil67 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) I can also do it for a bit. There's no meaning behind it except that I have rubbish eye contact and it's a lot of effort to maintain something resembling 'normal'. Edited February 11, 2020 by basil67 1
preraph Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Does he ever initiate the conversations with you? If not, he's sending a message he's not interested. I mean, if it's you going up first time, second time, by the third time, he knows he's being chased and is pulling away. If he started the conversations, that's another matter.
chillii Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 First thing comes to mind , are you keen on him ? Seems as you've started a thread about him and obviously spent a lot of time thinking about him , would usually mean yeah , you are, even if you don't admit it. Soooo, l'm thinking he knows that , it can often be pretty obvious far more than you think your showing , for instance your noticing he won't keep eye contact , so you must spend a lot of time looking to check. He'd feel that and probably knows your keen so l'd say he's looking away because he's not keen back , not in that way anyway. l hate it when a woman keeps looking but she's not my type or for whatever l' wasn't interested. Feel like saying no lady l'm not interested so get that idea outa your head right now. l have no interest in eye contact bs with a woman l'm not interested in and l'm not playing the stupid game. 1
Author Jeho96 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: Does he ever initiate the conversations with you? If not, he's sending a message he's not interested. I mean, if it's you going up first time, second time, by the third time, he knows he's being chased and is pulling away. If he started the conversations, that's another matter. As said to GeorgiaPeach we ***both*** initiate conversations.
Author Jeho96 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 18 minutes ago, chillii said: First thing comes to mind , are you keen on him ? Seems as you've started a thread about him and obviously spent a lot of time thinking about him , would usually mean yeah , you are, even if you don't admit it. Soooo, l'm thinking he knows that , it can often be pretty obvious far more than you think your showing , for instance your noticing he won't keep eye contact , so you must spend a lot of time looking to check. He'd feel that and probably knows your keen so l'd say he's looking away because he's not keen back , not in that way anyway. l hate it when a woman keeps looking but she's not my type or for whatever l' wasn't interested. Feel like saying no lady l'm not interested so get that idea outa your head right now. l have no interest in eye contact bs with a woman l'm not interested in and l'm not playing the stupid game. Hardly obvious about noticing he can't maintain eye contact. And you wanna know what I hate guys who think too highly of themselves. I'm not keen, I find his behavior odd.
basil67 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 24 minutes ago, chillii said: for instance your noticing he won't keep eye contact , so you must spend a lot of time looking to check. When with someone who's got poor eye contact, it's very obvious. No "looking to check" required.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Jeho96 said: As said to GeorgiaPeach we ***both*** initiate conversations. You're coming across as a little aggressive in some of your responses. Maybe that's why he avoids eye contact with you.
Author Jeho96 Posted February 12, 2020 Author Posted February 12, 2020 40 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: You're coming across as a little aggressive in some of your responses. Maybe that's why he avoids eye contact with you. ROFL. I'm hardly being aggressive, darlin'. Being aggressive would be saying I don't appreciate repeating what I say to people too lazy to read. And no I'm far from aggressive towards him.
K.K. Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 Same reason you avoid eye contact when the boss is looking around the room for someone to work overtime. Cause you ain want noooooo parts of it. If they don’t see the whites of your eyes, you’re not even there! Or.. maybe the guy you’re talking about is just .. nervous.... or something. That’s plausible. Maybe you’re really pretty.
chillii Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 8 hours ago, Jeho96 said: Hardly obvious about noticing he can't maintain eye contact. And you wanna know what I hate guys who think too highly of themselves. I'm not keen, I find his behavior odd. You mightn't think so. lf your talking about me no l don't and if him then no l don't think it's in that way , but l have found that it pays to be careful of that stuff. Anyway , 2nd thought yeah , maybe he's shy , nervous .
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