blnz Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 I'm 29(f) and I met a 28(m). We did the whole match on on social media thing. We had been talking over 2 weeks and more and more the connection between us had been growing to be point we where we could actually see ourselves together, and this is before even seeing each other physically.. (obviously exchanged photos and that sort of thing). He had been upfront and honest with me about personal issues he had been dealing with which is why he had moved back closer to a town near me, away from the city. We were open and honest about about how connected we felt to each other to the point we admitted feeling genuine feelings for one another. We finally met up and now I have never been the one to believe in 'love at first sight' or anything but when I saw him for the first time I instantly felt comfortable.. to the point I have never felt that connection with anyone else in this sort of meet up situation before. It was like we just clicked? I can't even really explain it but that's how intense it felt. We spent the night together and that is when things started going pear-shaped. By all means our night together was perfect, physically I have never connected to someone before like i did with him, and likewise same for him. But then it got to the point he got really bad anxiety and admitted he was now scared because he wasn't expecting us to meet up and it feel so 'easy' I guess.. or for him to feel the intense emotional feelings and connection he did with me.. and believe me I was scared too (still am) - I was expecting some sort of awkwardness to like ease us into to getting to know one another but it was like intense level 10 connection-ness which again I haven't had with someone before initially (not even people who later became to be partners). He needed some space which i understood .. those kind of feelings you need to process on your own - I needed to do the same. We messaged after I left and both admitted that we could see ourselves happy with one another and we were falling hard for each other, and he even said it petrified him as he didn't know what we had would feel so strong and that our night together felt so real. He then admitted to me he made a 3 month promise to himself and his family to focus on his own mental health, sort out his anxiety and get try get back on a path to feel good about himself again and work on a list of goals etc - he hadn't planned on meeting me or anything like that - and now its at the point his mental capacity cant handle it.. so now he has asked for the 3 months to sort himself out like he promised and then once that is over to see me again.. we did agree to still talk but he now can't cope with that and wants complete space from me. He told me that he already is having a hard enough time getting me out of his head and when he talks to me now it takes him back to square one and he can't focus on himself ... Basically I don't know what to do .. do I wait? I am scared that i won't feel this way about someone again.. he already means so much to me and I would do anything to support him no matter how hard it is for me. I know he has been completely genuine/honest and upfront with me .. and he said if he wanted an out of any sort he wouldn't do it this way he would be straight up with me, and if he feels better within himself earlier then the 3 months he would let me know straight away and want to see me.. I'm just really scared.. Is this over before its begun .. or do I try my hardest to wait out the 3 months and work on this time to work on myself personally as well - he did also say this could be beneficial to both of us to make sure we are 100% invested in each other and both in the right head space.. Any advice or opinions are welcome..
Interstellar Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 So he made a promise to himself to focus on his mental health and he wants “complete space” from you? Jesus, I thought only women utter the word “space.” It’s like he’s throwing you the male version of womanese. Wait out the three months and continue dating him.
NuevoYorko Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Move on, don't waste any more time thinking about this. If he wants to call you after 3 months and ask you out, then you can decide whether to to or not. No use waiting around. Does not sound promising.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Do not wait for him, no. You two both put the cart way before the horse, and you are seeing now why that was an unwise approach. You don't know this guy. I know it feels exciting when someone seems really into you, but you two had barely any foundation on which to place those high expectations. Two weeks of talking and one night of sex is nowhere near enough to truly know a person and decide you want to be with them. He might be in touch after 3 months, but I would not hold my breath. He might already be taken or dating other women for all you know. And even if he's not, there are serious red flags when a man requests space immediately after being intimate with you. Not good.
chillii Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) Yep , as usual straight into the sack usually finishes things off with one excuse or another for the disappearing act and nope you don't know him in the slightest . But eh if you wanna wait wait no one else around will match what you think you have with him , next time that happens will be years away soooo, it's only 3mths who cares, maybe he'll come good, maybe he's legit. But l wouldn't get my hopes up . Edited February 11, 2020 by chillii
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 You got played and dumped sorry to say. Forget about all the "connection", it wan't real, it was total bs designed to get you into bed. Once he had you "Sorry babe I need space..." 1 hour ago, blnz said: He needed some space which i understood .. those kind of feelings you need to process on your own Why would, you "understand", it is complete and utter nonsense. Yes, he may hit you up in 3 months, but I guess rinse and repeat... Players come in all guises... He spent 2 weeks persuading you to sleep with him, then he bailed... Now the "connection" is so strong, he can't even talk to you... smh. Forget him.
Caauug Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 2 hours ago, blnz said: I'm 29(f) and I met a 28(m). We did the whole match on on social media thing. You are both young..... What are each of your long term goals in life? Maybe marry the love of your life, start a family (2.5 kids), buy a house with a white picket fence, one dog and two cats? I know I am looking way too far down the road of life than where you are now. It is only 3 months, IF he turns out to be "The one", you will likely make him wait more than 3 months while you heal. "Easy come, easy go"? If you feel he is nothing special and has little to offer you, let him go. If you valve who he is and what he has to offer, 3 months is short in the bigger picture.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 This was a pump and dump. Why didn't he ask for the space before sex?
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