Up and Down Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I know you probably get these a lot, but I thought I'd share my story anyway and hope that someone has got a bit of advice. I'd known my girlfriend for about 2 years, but we only had been going out in the last 5 months. Unfortunately during this time I began to suffer from clinical depression which occured about 18 months ago. It split my last girlfriend and I up, and I wanted to change. It also didn't help that my girlfriend was studying to be a mental health nurse, so naturally I think she was trying to help too much, like she would help a patient. She eventually stopped loving me and we split up. I've accepted the fact that we're split up and although I am still upset I am trying to move on. However, during our relationship my condition got worse before it got better, which I think she fell out of love with me, although she told herself afterwards that she loved me rather than felt it. So naturally I told her I felt it split us up but I was getting better. Any break up is hard to live with, but when you're clinically depressed it brings out a lot of horrifying and bad behavioural traits. We both want to move on, but I just had to be in contact with her. I obviously did care about what kind of contact we had, but even if it was negative contact, it was still contact. Things are complicated slightly by a certain holiday we booked. I want to go on holiday still but I'm struggling to find a friend to go with, and I do not want to pay back the deposit out of my own money, as that defeats the object of a deposit. I would lose out too if I cancelled. We had so many rows since we broke up about it, and yesterday wasn't a good day for me, I'd upset more than just my ex. But now I don't feel she will ever want to talk to me again. That hurts so much not because of the relationship, but because of thefriendship we had. We were there for each other all the time (well, in conversation rather than in person) but I helped her, and she most definitely helped me so much. It's so sad that that's over now. I'm not expecting her to be friends with me, but the guilt of her hating me after all we shared is very hard to live. I definitely cannot get our relationship back and to be honest I'm prepared to move on, but that I feel I lost her forever as a friend and any kind of contact is very sick to cope with. My depression has definitely destroyed things between us and I am dying to get anything back with her. I'm hoping something will work. If not it will be a waste. If anyone has a couple of tips or just some advice, even if it's coping advice rather than fixing advice I'm all ears. I've been trying to get Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for a while now but unfortunately I moved area whilst on the waiting list so I have to wait longer. Although I want to do it for me it's come too late for our relationship. Would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Recommended Posts