2BGoodAgain Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 10 minutes ago, TaintedLuv said: What is wrong with two consenting adults enjoying themselves as long as they’re both being honest about intentions? Problem is one party usually isn’t. We’re all adults here (presumably). I personally don’t want anything casual but I don’t think it’s a big deal if both people are cool with it. that's the key word... it starts off usually seemingly honest... then you start finding things they didn't lie about but not really forthcoming either.
Author TaintedLuv Posted February 10, 2020 Author Posted February 10, 2020 6 minutes ago, 2BGoodAgain said: that's the key word... it starts off usually seemingly honest... then you start finding things they didn't lie about but not really forthcoming either. Oh I totally get it. I’m trying to get better at reading the signs and spotting the red flags quickly but dating has become such a battle. I’m very open and honest and I sometimes foolishly assume other people are being the same when they’re not or have a hidden agenda. I keep moving forward though, even though it gets disheartening at times (or often). 1
2BGoodAgain Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 18 minutes ago, TaintedLuv said: Oh I totally get it. I’m trying to get better at reading the signs and spotting the red flags quickly but dating has become such a battle. I’m very open and honest and I sometimes foolishly assume other people are being the same when they’re not or have a hidden agenda. I keep moving forward though, even though it gets disheartening at times (or often). being honest, doesn't mean you have to be foolish with your personal information. It is NOT rude to take your time in trusting someone with personal details of your life.
Envy123 Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 I used to. It has proven to be unfair for the both of us, though, so I am way pickier nowadays. 1 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 Yes, if she has lots of money, I can invoke attraction. Otherwise, I still could probably invoke attraction, I just don't care to most of the time. So yeah, if a dude cares enough, he can invoke attraction, but that reason to care has to come from somewhere.
Gold Pile Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 On 2/10/2020 at 12:31 PM, GeorgiaPeach1 said: Do you make it clear to these women up front that you only want to "date" them to get between their legs? it is a given that nearly all men are dating with that expectation. 1
rjc149 Posted February 29, 2020 Posted February 29, 2020 All single men will lower their physical standards for easy sex. For most men, a willing and eager woman who isn't overweight or otherwise unaesthetic will suffice for simple sexual release. Depending on his alcohol intake and horniness, even an overweight girl will do for a night if the opportunity falls into his lap. I have seen women as FWB's that I didn't find attractive enough for emotional/romantic investment. With these women, I have done things like take them out to nice restaurants and lounges and go hiking with them etc., because I enjoyed their platonic companionship when not having sex. So in other words I dated them without romantic feelings for them or intention of making them my girlfriend. Finding a woman attractive enough for romance requires a higher level of inherent physical attraction, in addition to personality characteristics. Personality is important, it's not all about looks, but I will not develop romantic feelings for a girl I do not have a high level of physical attraction to. For me, a girl sending unsolicited selfies in expectation of praise and validation is an emotional turn off, even if she is attractive. If she's attractive, I may humor her but I will not emotionally engage. I may take a while to respond or respond lazily with a smiley-face emoji or something to that effect. I dated a woman who kept sending me selfies and memes etc. and would follow-up if she saw I read her text but didn't respond immediately. It became pretty annoying actually. She was pretty, and if she had a different personality I would have dated her romantically, but I hate vapidity and neediness like that. I will not fall for a girl with social media accounts full of glamour or gym selfies no matter how pretty she is. I also think dudes who follow Insta-whores are chumps that you shouldn't be pursuing anyways. Go for guys with character.
mortensorchid Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 Depends what you're looking for. I am guilty of only going out with guys in rock bands in the past. I go for two extremes: pretty boys or Lurch from the Addams Family. Where has it gotten me? Well, it's proven that not very far. I have seen who they ultimately end up with and it's... Well it's not good. Then again I thinka lot of them are/were rebounds to begin with. But I digress... This guy is not interested in you. That's a given by his behaviors. So just move on.
justwhoiam Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 On 2/10/2020 at 9:07 PM, TaintedLuv said: What is wrong with two consenting adults enjoying themselves as long as they’re both being honest about intentions? What is unclear about what GeorgiaPeach1 said? It looks crystal clear to me. Very simple. What I'm seeing is a lot of intelligent women around who would use their wisdom in any aspect of their life but sex, for some reason. Sex ends up being like having a drink, that you can either buy yourself when you feel like, or get for free if someone's willing to offer. It sounds like fun right there and then, but then it gets old pretty soon. You might start complaining that other people also have chips with their drink, better service, and a range a free perks that you'll never have. Or you get offered a drink you dislike, so are you really getting it just because it's free? Do you know the old saying "don't look a gift horse in the mouth"? Well, that's exactly what you're settling for. And when this behavior's adopted by thousands of women, you've ruined the market. That's how it goes. It's the law of supply and demand. You're running it for yourself. You set the bar really low the moment you're up for a hookup. You seem to think that it'll be easy for you to just switch back and forth between hookups and the chance of a real relationship. But the hard truth is that such decision might put you out of a pool and confine you in another. I guess some guys can smell your willingness to sleep around a mile away, and if they are looking for something else, they'll just steer clear. And before anyone thinks this might have to do with gender, I want to reassure them. If I were looking for a guy to be with, I'd try to steer clear from guys who are multidating all week and engaging in hookups. That said, to each their own. Variety is the spice of life, isn't it? 2
Fletch Lives Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 Do you know what's good about marrying an ugly woman? - if she leaves you, who cares?!
SumGuy Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 Going to call BS on the idea that all men lower there standards for sex. I've never lowered my standards for sex, ever, never pursued someone not (highly) attracted to, and never given in to women just because they threw themselves at me (even if found them attractive but they were a friends girlfriends, etc., though tempted). Have I had "ONS"? sure but that was always understood up front, and if anything that was all about physical attraction. It never didn't last because of lack of physical attraction, it was the lack of connection. 1
Miss Spider Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 Not all men, but a lot. The reason why phrases like “I’d hit it” and “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed” exist. 1
SumGuy Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Do you know what's good about marrying an ugly woman? - if she leaves you, who cares?! "...Some fellas like the smiles they wear Some fellas like the legs that's all Some fellas like the style of their hair Want their waist to be small. I don't care if their legs are thin I don't care if their teeth are big I don't care if their hair's a wig Why waste time lookin' at the waistline? First I look at the purse..." "...If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty woman your wife So for my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you..." It seems the sentiment has been expressed before. Edited March 1, 2020 by SumGuy
SumGuy Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said: Not all men, but a lot. The reason why phrases like “I’d hit it” and “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed” exist. Not disputing that, just the statements of absolute extent. Alas, like cheaters think everyone cheats... 1
carhill Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 Yeah, men might bang a woman they're not attracted to if the congestion in their balls is sufficiently large but the thread question was would they date them. That's different.
Miss Spider Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 (edited) Fair enough,.. but the original post content suggests they’re just bangin’ or dating just enough to get there Edited March 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough
SumGuy Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 1 minute ago, carhill said: Yeah, men might bang a woman they're not attracted to if the congestion in their balls is sufficiently large but the thread question was would they date them. That's different. Good point. For me no on both counts. I do believe it happens, for a variety of reasons. Some people just need to be in a relationship/dating not matter how bad it is. They may prioritize things other than looks that make up for it. They could be a bit in denial/guilt/concerned with appearances is why they say they are not really attracted to her.
carhill Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 On 2/10/2020 at 6:25 AM, TaintedLuv said: He finally came out and said while I’m awesome and have a gorgeous face that I need to lose weight if I wanna be his gf and get serious Yet he banged her. Then went silent. It wasn't about dating, it was sex, the physical, the superficial. The illusion of dates was merely the mind-fck. It was successful enough to keep interest and impel the posting of this thread. This man will spawn, if he hasn't already
Miss Spider Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 (edited) I’m a woman, but I’m much more selective with who I would call my bf/gf get serious with than who I just hang out with/casually date both both in physical appearance and compatibility. I feel like people are in general. Once you become bf/gf, the relationship becomes a lot harder to get out of. Generally, they have to do something really wrong for it to be ok to leave. Then you have to cut other people out of your life, so they have to be good enough to substitute for many people in your eyes Then you usually have to spend a lot more time with them than a casual partner. Lastly, the person you call your significant other represents you in a way. You become partners and that person is like an extension of you. So people are more selective about how they look. Though, I need to be clear it’s how attractive they are *to me*, not necessarily conventionallyZ Edited March 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Andy_K Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 It's a situation guys can't win, in some ways. If you're constantly cutting people off straight away people will say you're not giving it enough chance for the attraction to grow, and if you date people you're not quite attracted enough to, you're using them or wasting their time. Generally speaking, guys will put women in one of three categories: 1) No attraction at all. 2) Attractive enough to sleep with under the right circumstances, but not enough for a relationship. This is hookup/FWB/casual dating territory. 3) Genuine attraction. Relationship standard. Some guys will not date anyone unless they're in #3. Some will chase the #2's but be up front about what they're looking for. Others will lie through their teeth in order to get laid. Anyway, the point is - 'not attracted to' is a misleading label. The point is that someone can be attractive enough that you might enjoy sex with them, without being attractive enough that you'd be willing to commit to only them indefinitely. 2 1
simpycurious Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 I couldn't ever date someone that I didn't find attractive. I admit to being particular in terms of physical appearance and how she presents herself. I suppose we all have our type and what does and does not appeal to us. I will say this though even if she checks all the appearance/social boxes but she isn't FUN then it's a no go. 1
central Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 Yes, but only until I realize that I'm not attracted to them for whatever reason (it is definitely not all about appearance). Of course, there are some I don't find attractive at all from the beginning and I don't even start dating them. 1
Realitysux Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 6 minutes ago, simpycurious said: I couldn't ever date someone that I didn't find attractive. I admit to being particular in terms of physical appearance and how she presents herself. I suppose we all have our type and what does and does not appeal to us. I will say this though even if she checks all the appearance/social boxes but she isn't FUN then it's a no go. What would be your advice for someone that didn't check any of the social boxes?
RW M Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 Only speaking from personal experience. No I couldn't. I have in the past and it just made me feel awful, especially as they were into me and I knew I would have to put the brakes on it before she got her hopes too high. That's just me though, each situation is unique though and I guess it depends on the guy. I do think there has to be that 'involuntary' attraction element for anything serious though.
Versacehottie Posted March 1, 2020 Posted March 1, 2020 On 2/10/2020 at 8:30 AM, TaintedLuv said: Perhaps that’s the case. I get hit up all day on IG and via text by men so I know I’m not hideous nor am I overweight. My OLD profile got 2500 likes in three days so I must be somewhat okay looking. It’s just seems like odd behavior on his part. If I can’t picture myself sleeping with someone, we’re not going on a date! I think you are assuming that it's all on general physical based appearance. a) while you can be conventionally pretty in general and thought of as that way by a preponderance of men, people's individual preferences can vary. So in other words, I think you might meet some threshold of what he finds attractive and he knows that you are good to be seen on his arm but you might not be the look that does it for him. I have a lot of beautiful girlfriends and even if you could rank them, that's not always how it plays out on a given night or in a given social situation 'cause people's physical preferences are varied and there is no real rhyme or reason. b) he could have other things besides appearance as part of what he looks for. I think it's limiting to just boil it down to looks when maybe the personality chemistry or something beyond looks isn't there for him. c) he stays in touch for his ego boosts and "to be dating" and for some companionship. I think to a lot of women the second part doesn't really make sense to us but ask your guy friends. You meet a threshold of decent fun but he's not going for it fully. d) whatever is going on in his own life, has his mind not at all open for a relationship so he wasn't in that mindset when he met you and has formed an opinion--either that has nothing to do with you or that your interactions played a part in helping form this opinion. If you say he has a daughter, maybe he is focusing on that or burned from his divorce or last relationship. e) obviously, he is getting some sex and that's good enough for him to keep you around but not truly progressing a relationship with you. So it's a multi layered issue---anyway, bottom line, I don't see any reason why you should put up with a guy who treats you as "less than" and doesn't make you feel great. Cut him loose. Good luck.
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