TaintedLuv Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 A few weeks back, I had posted a thread about a guy that I wasn’t sure was interested in me. We continued to see each other but not much has changed. His social media was private so I requested to follow him on IG so I could get a better idea of who he was (or portraying to be) since he was confusing me. There was nothing juicy but the times he’d stop texting me during a convo, he’s posted some random pix which I find silly since he’s “too busy” to respond but can post a dumb picture? I also scrolled through who he follows and most of the pages are women and more specifically the typical IG model/fitness chick- ALOT of them. He also never followed me back which I thought was odd. This weekend I attended a black tie event and sent him a picture of me all dressed up in my gown and I didn’t get any compliments from him at all. So now I’m feeling like maybe this guy isn’t attracted to me at all? We’ve hooked up a few times but I’ve heard men are willing to drop their standards for sex. In general, I’ve dated a lot and I always get “you’re so gorgeous, beautiful, etc” so the fact that he never says any of that makes me wonder. This happened to me once before in a different way where I was dating someone for about a month and I had this same feeling. He finally came out and said while I’m awesome and have a gorgeous face that I need to lose weight if I wanna be his gf and get serious. Mind you, I’m not even remotely big. Again, why would a guy bother in the first place? He obviously knows what I look like after dating for a month. I don’t get it... 1
Ellener Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 6 minutes ago, TaintedLuv said: This happened to me once before in a different way where I was dating someone for about a month and I had this same feeling. He finally came out and said while I’m awesome and have a gorgeous face that I need to lose weight if I wanna be his gf and get serious. Mind you, I’m not even remotely big. Huh? Don't be 'hooking up' or having sex with men like this and 'rewarding' such obnoxious behaviour, that's my thoughts. 7 minutes ago, TaintedLuv said: This weekend I attended a black tie event and sent him a picture of me all dressed up in my gown and I didn’t get any compliments from him at all. So now I’m feeling like maybe this guy isn’t attracted to me at all? We’ve hooked up a few times but I’ve heard men are willing to drop their standards for sex. It's you who is dropping your standards. And making you feel unattractive too! Are those heart nooses in your profile picture by the way? 8 1
stillafool Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 He's clearly just not interested in going further. Stop following him and stop trying to get his attention. Go out with men who pursue you not the other way around. 5
Author TaintedLuv Posted February 10, 2020 Author Posted February 10, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ellener said: Huh? Don't be 'hooking up' or having sex with men like this and 'rewarding' such obnoxious behaviour, that's my thoughts. It's you who is dropping your standards. And making you feel unattractive too! Are those heart nooses in your profile picture by the way? The guy that told me to lose weight got cut right then and there. Who the hell is he? He was all bent cause I ate pizza and ice cream in ONE day. I guess he had been keeping track of what I ate? Weird. Just because I’m not a gym rat/size zero doesn’t make me undesirable. He actually debated with me for a few days how he wants this work and if I could just listen to him. I’m good bro. I don’t need someone like that. Current guy, I think I need to come to terms with “he’s not into me” regardless of how he treats me when we’re together. And yes, that’s a heart noose because love kills. 1 1
Tamfana Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 Sure, they do. Just read all of the posts about men being dissatisfied with their wives or GF's physical appearance. Ellener's right, don't put up with this. I'm guessing that if you go passive, stop contacting him first, this will fade away except for the occasional "wanna hook up?" message. 8
Author TaintedLuv Posted February 10, 2020 Author Posted February 10, 2020 1 minute ago, stillafool said: He's clearly just not interested in going further. Stop following him and stop trying to get his attention. Go out with men who pursue you not the other way around. I wasn’t trying to get his attention. I simply wanted to see what type of person he was. I unfollowed him as soon as I saw he was ignoring me to post nonsense. We’ve still been seeing each other once a week. Thursday night, he asked me to come to his daughters basketball game on Saturday so presumably I would’ve met her and asked me to hang out Sunday as well. Weird. I’m more so curious about whether or not men date women that aren’t their type and why.
Author TaintedLuv Posted February 10, 2020 Author Posted February 10, 2020 3 minutes ago, Tamfana said: Sure, they do. Just read all of the posts about men being dissatisfied with their wives or GF's physical appearance. Ellener's right, don't put up with this. I'm guessing that if you go passive, stop contacting him first, this will fade away except for the occasional "wanna hook up?" message. But if this is what I look like now then why would a man bother in the first place ? It’s not like I magically put on twenty pounds and let myself go. Lol
stillafool Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 7 minutes ago, TaintedLuv said: I’m more so curious about whether or not men date women that aren’t their type and why. Yes they do. They do it for sex. 2
sothereiwas Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 5 minutes ago, TaintedLuv said: But if this is what I look like now then why would a man bother in the first place ? You seem to have it figured out, but to be clear, he obviously 'finds you attractive' if you're having sex. Plainly put, there are people you date, and assuming one is of the mind to maybe marry, people you might marry. They are not completely the same set of people. 1
Ellener Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 14 minutes ago, TaintedLuv said: The guy that told me to lose weight got cut right then and there. Who the hell is he? He was all bent cause I ate pizza and ice cream in ONE day. I guess he had been keeping track of what I ate? Weird. Just because I’m not a gym rat/size zero doesn’t make me undesirable. He actually debated with me for a few days how he wants this work and if I could just listen to him. I’m good bro. I don’t need someone like that. Current guy, I think I need to come to terms with “he’s not into me” regardless of how he treats me when we’re together. And yes, that’s a heart noose because love kills. Keep on trucking....you are fine! 1
Tamfana Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 (edited) Most importantly, it doesn't really matter why someone isn't attracted to you. It could be any number of things and it doesn't mean that other people don't find you attractive. Make sure you have a good relationship with someone before getting sexually or emotionally involved, especially if these are strangers you're meeting on the internet. It's different if you meet people in your social circle because you have more information about the person, from interacting and from the people who know him. The old fashioned way. Edited February 10, 2020 by Tamfana 4
Ellener Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 14 minutes ago, Tamfana said: Make sure you have a good relationship with someone before getting sexually or emotionally involved, especially if these are strangers you're meeting on the internet. It's different if you meet people in your social circle because you have more information about the person, from interacting and from the people who know him. The old fashioned way. Exactly. People 'posture' on the internet, takes a little time to unravel who they are if they have been less than open. But you are fine, there's absolutely nothing unattractive physically about you clearly. TELL YOURSELF THAT and examine that, if you need to work on something with a counsellor or something because somehow some way some guys can mess with you... 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 Men: do you date women you're not attracted to? No. 3
alphamale Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 I've gone out with some women I wasn't attracted to but it usually didn't last more than 3 or 4 dates. some were just for sex, I suppose 2
mark clemson Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 (edited) I'm not dating, but when I was, no not really. I will note that I'm not (and have never been) particularly fussy in terms of conventional beauty ideals. But if I genuinely don't like a woman's looks, then I won't date her. Possibly a ONS in a borderline case, but it'd remain that. It sounds like possibly you have hit a couple of guys on the dating scene who are not good with women or have psychological issues and then use a "you're overweight" excuse to bail in order to hide their ineptness and/or insecurities. Edited February 10, 2020 by mark clemson 2 1
nospam99 Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 No, I don't date women I'm not attracted to. Nor do I approach (IRL) or contact (OLD) women I'm not attracted to, both actions being prior to dating. Since what is attractive to me is, to a large (PUN DAMAGE) extent, tied to weight, I almost always filter out women who don't have a chin and a waist. 1 1
Author TaintedLuv Posted February 10, 2020 Author Posted February 10, 2020 (edited) 45 minutes ago, mark clemson said: I'm not dating, but when I was, no not really. I will note that I'm not (and have never been) particularly fussy in terms of conventional beauty ideals. But if I genuinely don't like a woman's looks, then I won't date her. Possibly a ONS in a borderline case, but it'd remain that. It sounds like possibly you have hit a couple of guys on the dating scene who are not good with women or have psychological issues and then use a "you're overweight" excuse to bail in order to hide their ineptness and/or insecurities. Perhaps that’s the case. I get hit up all day on IG and via text by men so I know I’m not hideous nor am I overweight. My OLD profile got 2500 likes in three days so I must be somewhat okay looking. It’s just seems like odd behavior on his part. If I can’t picture myself sleeping with someone, we’re not going on a date! Edited February 10, 2020 by TaintedLuv 1
ccas93 Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 He sounds like a D head who isn't worth your time or your thought. For whatever reason he doesn't appreciate you, and you've gotten that appreciation before, so why try to get it from someone that sounds so immature? You should be glad he's not attracted to you. If he was, you might be in a sticky situation. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 He might find you attractive but just doesn't want to take it any further. He could also be put off by unsolicited selfies, which often make it seem like you're fishing for compliments - hence no reply to your pic of you all dressed up. An interested guy would likely have taken the bait and complimented you, but a lukewarm one could potentially find that a little desperate. I was having a chat my (male) cousin about this very thing, as a woman he was casually dating was given to sending him random selfies and clearly looking for praise. Given that they're both in their 40s, he said he found it a bit juvenile and attention-seeking, but conceded that if he were really into her, he'd have played along more enthusiastically. This guy's interest level just isn't there, and it might not be related to the way you look, specifically. 4
Gold Pile Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 Yes, I sometimes date women just for sex. Sometimes I date out of boredom. Sometimes I date with the motive of gaining business contacts. Sometimes date out of friendship. And sometimes is indeed because of strong attraction. 1
Author TaintedLuv Posted February 10, 2020 Author Posted February 10, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: He might find you attractive but just doesn't want to take it any further. He could also be put off by unsolicited selfies, which often make it seem like you're fishing for compliments - hence no reply to your pic of you all dressed up. An interested guy would likely have taken the bait and complimented you, but a lukewarm one could potentially find that a little desperate. I was having a chat my (male) cousin about this very thing, as a woman he was casually dating was given to sending him random selfies and clearly looking for praise. Given that they're both in their 40s, he said he found it a bit juvenile and attention-seeking, but conceded that if he were really into her, he'd have played along more enthusiastically. This guy's interest level just isn't there, and it might not be related to the way you look, specifically. I’m not obsessed with taking pix of myself or fishing for compliments. In the past month, I’ve sent exactly three. I don’t think that’s an excessive amount. Given two of them were this weekend at an event where 1. he’d never see me that dressed up ever and 2. I took a selfie with a $5M Bugatti behind me when HE asked me if I had attended said auto show. The only other I’ve sent was a sexy-ish selfie captioned with I was thinking of him which was weeks ago. Idk. Either way, clearly the interest isn’t there once he’s not there in person with me. I just wasn’t sure if he was attracted to me based on that and therefore what’s the point when he’s asking me to meet his daughter and it’s “babe this and that in person”. Edited February 10, 2020 by TaintedLuv
alphamale Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 4 minutes ago, Gold Pile said: Yes, I sometimes date women just for sex. Sometimes I date out of boredom. Sometimes I date with the motive of gaining business contacts. Sometimes date out of friendship. And sometimes is indeed because of strong attraction. indeed GP....one of my friends had a kid sister that he wanted me to take out. She was sort of homely and not my type but I went out with her 3 times and there was zero chemistry on my side. I basically went out with her to appease my buddy 1 1
Silver_star Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 With all that you have said about this guy it makes me 100% sure his interest level is not where it should be. He may think you are nice, and even be attracted to you, but he is kind of "meh" about it, which doesn't say anything about you or your attractiveness..it's about him not being ready to take it more seriously. It's sex and attention, but not feelings. Take it for what it is and hook up when you feel like it (caution on this note because this will likely make you more emotionally attached), but I would not be getting emotionally involved or invested in this one. It's probably better to unfollow him and move along. 2
carhill Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 Nope. Never have. However, I've had female friends I wasn't attracted to. We didn't date or have sex. Some men are skirt chasers and some men do poorly alone so are consistently seeking companionship. The more of a draw any female is to them, the more likely they'll socialize with someone they're not individually attracted to. Her being female is attractive enough. There's a subset of these for which female draw is important but doesn't rule them and they otherwise make good relationship prospects. That's what I'd be looking for. With strangers it takes a bit of time since humans generally spin things to benefit themselves and learn young how to influence people, the smart ones do anyway. Due diligence, take your time, entertain the attentions of many men. The most compatible rise to the top. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 37 minutes ago, Gold Pile said: Yes, I sometimes date women just for sex. Sometimes I date out of boredom. Sometimes I date with the motive of gaining business contacts. Sometimes date out of friendship. And sometimes is indeed because of strong attraction. Do you make it clear to these women up front that you only want to "date" them to get between their legs?
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