Sister is OW with child

[RecordProducer]

d'Arthez, what is it with you that you always quote a zillion different sentences and get people into arguments with yourself? Do you want to turn every single thread into attention spirally revolving around your statements? I haven't seen anyone on LS doing this all the time. People do it here and there, they quote each other once or twice and that's about it.

 

Regarding the BC pills, my point was: when a man and woman f*ck they should BOTH be aware of the possibility that a baby might pop 9 months later. My main point though was that men have less control over getting pregnant and keeping/aborting the pregnancy. The woman may forget to take a pill one day (and the security is ruined) so only a condom plus no-ejaculation more or less guarantee that pregnancy won't happen.

 

Any man who has unprotected sex and ejaculates in the woman in theory risks to get the her pregnant. Giving her money for abortion is cruel unless she states she wants to have an abortion!

[d'Arthez]

Saying you are on birth control while in fact you are not is not misleading the man ? Is it not taking advantage of the man, who may reasonably assume that if a woman states she is on birthcontrol (and actually listens to a woman, which seems again to some women a concept that is beyond all that is imagined possible, apparently), that she is in fact on birth control?

Should all women be considered liars, no matter what the circumstances are? Perhaps that is why some women have difficulty forming friendships with other women ...

 

I think not. That would be insane.

 

Of course both should be aware of the risks if they proceed to f*ck; but why blame the man in this case? He has been led on, obviously. What is so hard to understand about that? Two clues: women who are on birth control run less risk of getting pregnant. A woman who is lying about being on birth control is being highly dishonest with her partner(s).

 

All in all SIS has created a terrible mess for herself, those around her, for MM and his wife. And I have not the impression that SIS is a woman who actually wants to improve her lot, and learn from the mistakes she made. Instead, it seems that she prefers to be a burden to as many people as possible, and does not mind neglecting her child(ren).

 

You can disagree with me there, so be it.

[Catillion]

Didn't mean to get people upset, I've read through most of the replys so my sister is 29 years old, I love her, I did support her with her first C there was no judgement, it was no love lost because it was her first baby and i firgured people make mistakes, did i mention that we know the family, Sis and I been in there home before the W was always nice not saying we were friends their neighbors though.

I don't want her to give my neices up, i was just angry i love them, she's not thinking of them I have them more then she do, i hate the fact that she being, cruel, and stupid i feel that her attention is more on him and his marriage then her kids.

The rest of my family my mom don't judge her, they really don't speak about it I do, I do have issues about her, I let her know that i love her and that i will help with the kids, and if she wrong I'm going to tell her that she is,i'm not going to sugarcoat it for her, she need to focus on her kids,

i love my neices very much I'm not trying to make there mother unhappy, she deserves the truth from me, it's not okay, using her kids not okay, she's unhappy so what, she's not doing the best she can if all her focus is on him, she's not thinking, so what if she does get him, he never wanted the C what type of father would he be, being forced to be around a C he doesn't want, why can't she stop thinking about him i wish she just focus on her kids that way, that's all it's a lot more to write it all would be a book, BTW the first kid dad, is not there also,

[newbby]

Should all women be considered liars, no matter what the circumstances are?

you bring up a great point d'arthez. should all men also be considered liars?

having had experience myself with a married man, i can tell you first hand that to get the affair rolling and to keep it going they tell outrageous lies.

in fact he must have done for cats sister to think there was any chance that he would want to be with her and the baby.

 

catillion, i am sure you are trying to help your sister, and i am sure you love her. what i am suggesting is not to help her, but, to stop judging her. you dont know how she feels, you have not been in her shoes, and i doubt very much that you have the children more than she does.

you cant know how somebody feels having never been in their shoes, but you can learn to not judge them.

she does need to accept this situation, she obviously is having a hard time with the rejection and with the fact that she was used. there are many many other women who are not in such difficult circumstances as your sister who have a hard time handling it too. having just had a baby and hormones going all over, and the life adjustments and exhaustion that come with that, i should imagine she is finding it even more difficult.

if you read some ow stories, you will understand that these women are extremely mislead by the mm, and alot of them are very angry afterwards. some of them tell the wives etc, some of them get the mm fired from his job etc. they all have a difficult time. from the outside many people think its so obvious. you arent alone in thinking that. there are older women than you who think that too. for some reason this relationship is very difficult to deal with, it causes ow to feel terrible about herself more than anything, and if the ow is already in an emotional state that she cannot see clearly then she takes revenge somehow on the mm and also even on the w.

what your sister needs, is to forgive herself. what she needs is to love herself, then she will stop being angry at this mm and she will be able to move on. did you say she goes to counselling?

[Catillion]

Sorry it took so long to reply to this, just got a new computer every thing's the same with sis, I know my views are hard, I have not walked in my sister's shoes nor would I want to, the MM probably did lead her on, I just don't see how she knew about his whole situation she had a choice,as did he, I do have my nieces more than she do, her youngest everyone thinks is mine, that's how much I have them and it's cool, I love them, she is dating though

and by me being younger even I would never put myself through an ordeal like this, I have read threw some posts all I have to say is do your homework ladies, if your sleeping with a guy no where he lives, his parents, his friends, everything before you raise that skirt, In a way my sister has helped me though, i would never go through an OW situation, not knocking those who do,

and about praising single mothers there are some who deserve praise and there are some who don't, and to know that there are so many OW, we as women have the control, like in my sis case when it's all said and done she is the one stuck with kids,(well me in this case)

[Catillion]

I won't invade anymore just giving an update, just checked in to see what's up that's all

Blessing for all

[newbby]

why dont you just refuse to have the kids then? or does it make you feel superior? or if as you say you like having them, stop complaining then.

[d'Arthez]

How much of a choice does Catillion have? That is open for debate - and just because she can refuse does not mean that:

1. refusing is easy (emotional pressure)

2. it would not have repercussions on the relationship with her sister, and / or other family members.

 

It does not mean, that if she takes responsibility for the kids for some time, that it is without inconvenience either. If live were that simple...

 

And if I read things correctly, Catillion even takes more responsibility for the children than their own 29-year old mother. She (her sister) is the female parent of the two - now it is time for her to become a mother of and for the children.

[newbby]

And if I read things correctly' date=' Catillion even takes more responsibility for the children than their own 29-year old mother. She (her sister) is the female parent of the two - now it is time for her to become a mother of and for the children.[/quote']

says catillion

[seachange]

says catillion

 

 

but newbby - it's also possible she's telling the truth, isn't it?

[newbby]

considering she has carried on the entire post using one b!tch after another on her sister, i highly doubt it. she even began siding with the mm, nothing she has said shows any awareness or understanding at all. i think alot of young silly girls look at any mother and say that they dont do anything, it happens all the time (alot of men do too, but thats another argument). besides, her own mother says that she doesnt understand how difficult things are for her sister, and i should think she knows who is actually looking after them.

[d'Arthez]

Should we assume OW are faking hurt, pain and anger with their MM when they do not leave? I hope not. Or that OW are idiots for not considering the position of the BW? I hope not.

So why should Catillion, who is also a victim of this, act as if she knew everything, and with the detachment, OW (who also do not see things clearly, because they are emotionally highly involved in the situation) cannot display either?

 

In general, and this is not aimed at anyone:

You cannot expect of a fool, to act like an enlightened person.

You cannot expect from anyone, who is emotionally involved to act as if (s)he were detached.

 

Things may be hard, but if you consistently behave in such a way as to make things hard on yourself (as her sister did), it is not fair to say that Catillion is irresponsible in this. The two kiddos are not hers. Not made by her.

[seachange]

I think that unless the sister comes on here and explains herself, guessing at her motivations is all just speculation. She could indeed have been desperately looking for escape into the arms of a responsible father, as newbby said, or she could indeed have made a calculated grab to entrap a new man to take care of her. I do understand what you're saying, newbby, and I think that it's true that if you offer physical support but no emotional support you may be doing more harm than good - but I just don't see how we can really know anything like the truth from this limited information.

 

All we know is her sister's opinion on the matter - who, as d'Arthez pointed out, is also emotionally involved. I'm sure she's frustrated by what she sees as a repeated mistake; but whether that has pushed her into unfair self-righteousness about her sister's intentions and character is just impossible to say.

[newbby]

yes, this is what i was saying. it is catillions opinion. maybe it is the truth as catillion sees it.

[Catillion]

I know I said that I wouldn't post here, after reading, well here goes

why dont you just refuse to have the kids then? or does it make you feel superior? or if as you say you like having them, stop complaining then.

They are my neices, If they're sitting there hungry, because there mother was out and won't get up, I'm going to cook them something to eat, what should I do let them starve, untill she feels like getting up, can't do that, well I could but won't it's easier said than done

[whichwayisup]

Exactly! They are your nieces and you are going to DO all means necessary to make sure that they are fed, clothed and taken care of - Even if that means your sis is an absent mom. I'd do ANYTHING for my nieces, they are my family. I love them like my own!

 

maybe it is the truth as catillion sees it.

 

Newbby, I don't understand why you think Catillion is making all this up? It is HER truth, her spin on the situation. She has that right and has a right to come here and b!tch about anything she pleases. That is what venting on a Forum board is for. Remember, there are 3 sides to the truth! Her side, the sis's side and the actual situation. Even an innocent bystander will put their spin on it.

 

C, your sis needs help. Her priorities are out of whack. All I can say is she is lucky to have you looking after her kids. Those kids should be NUMBER ONE.

[Catillion]

says catillion

well that's true but why lie to a bunch of strangers, nothing to prove, I guess I came here wondering well trying to understand what's her deal(sis) why would she put herself and her kids through grief not too much, i feel that the time she waste on what may have been, could have been or other nonsense she should focus more on what's really important,

considering she has carried on the entire post using one b!tch after another on her sister, i highly doubt it. she even began siding with the mm, nothing she has said shows any awareness or understanding at all. i think alot of young silly girls look at any mother and say that they dont do anything, it happens all the time (alot of men do too, but thats another argument).

I'm siding with her kids, just letting the situation be known, to explain that she knew how he felt from the begining, just letting you know his and her character there both two peas in a pod, and about understanding what's to understand really , I understand that she an idiot that's wasting her time, and missing out on bigger things by chasing smaller things, and what does being young has to do with anything, I rather be young then stupid, and we don't look at any mother if your a good mother it shows

[Catillion]

yes, this is what i was saying. it is catillions opinion. maybe it is the truth as catillion sees it.

What other truth could it possibly be, btw sis is never here, well she do have to bath and change clothes

I do understand what you're saying, newbby, and I think that it's true that if you offer physical support but no emotional support you may be doing more harm than good - but I just don't see how we can really know anything like the truth from this limited information.

I do know that I'm harsh to my sister, I've been working on that, I will never understand her, we grew up happy so I don't know, I have talked to her I don't know what to else to say ,

 

and I apologize if this offended you this is about my outlook on my situation not yours so personally this is not, many blessing to all

[seachange]

Cat, I don't think you've offended anyone, please continue to post. What WWIU said is totally true:

 

Remember, there are 3 sides to the truth! Her side, the sis's side and the actual situation. Even an innocent bystander will put their spin on it.

 

and your feelings on the situation are totally valid too. And yes, this forum is a place to come and vent.

[newbby]

What other truth could it possibly be

 

in response to why do i think youre lying, "maybe it is the TRUTH as catillion sees it."

of course you're allowed to vent, you dont even have to listen to me at all.

i accept the possibility i may be completely wrong.

IF i am correct though and you like to play the martyr game and have everybody think of your sister as a big f*** up, even if only SUBCONCIOUSLY then it is good that i am not playing into your game.

can you just answer me this?

you and your sister and nieces all live with your mother, right? then surely your mother would see that you are the sole carer of your nieces right? what does she say about it?

[Catillion]

IF i am correct though and you like to play the martyr game and have everybody think of your sister as a big f*** up, even if only SUBCONCIOUSLY then it is good that i am not playing into your game.

can you just answer me this?

you and your sister and nieces all live with your mother, right? then surely your mother would see that you are the sole carer of your nieces right? what does she say about it?

*This is an MB so me having everyone think my sister is a mess really doesn't matter, does it.

*My Mother think that she is her daughter, and she loves her if I messed up she wouldn't down me either I just don't though, and since she is my sister it is expected of me to help out regardless, that stick together no matter what crap, and because of being so easy, i think that she'll never see the light and continue to go down, because of us, and yes i know you think it's easy to say no, refuse to help it's not what would you, if it was your sis

[newbby]

*This is an MB so me having everyone think my sister is a mess really doesn't matter, does it.

*My Mother think that she is her daughter, and she loves her if I messed up she wouldn't down me either I just don't though, and since she is my sister it is expected of me to help out regardless, that stick together no matter what crap, and because of being so easy, i think that she'll never see the light and continue to go down, because of us, and yes i know you think it's easy to say no, refuse to help it's not what would you, if it was your sis

 

but there is a difference between "helping out" and "caring for them more than she does", which is it?

[Catillion]

Newby I have read some of your posts, so I can see why it is hard for you to believe, Just like this whole forum is hard to believe, and really depressing and interesting to know so many women are in the same boat as my sis, around here it is common,(area) my sister likes to hang out go out and party a lot I don't, whether i help out or care for them, I do both more than she does and I know that this isn't the first time that you have heard of a woman who throw her kids off on someone else, or who neglects there kids, and why does this bother you so do my story remind you or someone or something

[newbby]

i just wonder why your mother hasnt noticed that she is neglecting her kids. yeah it reminds me of alot of people i know with kids, who's families dont support them emotionally an do a few things for them and complain about it, say they are bad mothers etc, when they are not.

so, why hasnt your mother noticed?

[Catillion]

I though I answered you, she has but she's her daughter whats that turn the other cheek, has a blind eye, and I'm done supporting her emotionally,not my job, she's and adult, first time ok second time, her kids are a different story, the thing is she needs to get her stuff together an then guess what, it wouldn't be a need to complain or do a few things because she'll be taking care of her kids herself, and yes I have told her this to her face so this isn't back talk,and i also told her to come to this site i told her it thousands of women just like you, OW situation, maybe you can learn something, so maybe she'll check it out, and you'll get to write with her yourself, to all the others besides duh head, happy turkey day,